Tony looked at the couple in front of him. Guilt and pain sitting heavy in his belly. There were a million things that he wanted to say. There was so much forgiveness that he wanted to beg for, but his heart screamed at him that he didn’t deserve it.
“I won’t ask forgiveness,” he offered softly. “I don’t deserve it.”
Running a hand through his hair, he looked out the windows in the loft at the lights of Pittsburg shining beyond the glass. “I know you won’t believe me, but I meant everything I said about us. I never lied about that. I would never lie about that.”
Turning his head back, he saw the brunette glaring at him angrily, and knew that he’d never forgive him. The 32-yr. old Brian Kinney had been hurt too much and too often by the world as a whole to understand. Next to him the 20-yr. old blond, Justin Taylor, stood watching Tony with his lip between his teeth.
In this, he’d take Brian’s side, and that was the way it should be. Despite being around 12 years their junior, the boy at times had years of intelligence and maturity on either of them. He was beautiful and talented and so much everything that Tony never imagined that he’d fall in love with. It had happened though, and Tony was pretty sure his heart would never recover from the loss of these two amazing men.
Sighing, he crossed to the breakfast bar and placed a piece of paper and his keys to the loft on the top. “If you ever need me, my contact information is on there. I left Agent Fornell’s phone numbers instead of mine because I don’t know where my life is going from here. Don’t let the world tear you apart. It needs the two of you together to survive, I think.”
Looking back at the couple one last time, Tony turned and headed out the heavy door. Pulling it shut behind him, he hurried down the stairs to the FBI agent waiting at the bottom.
“You ok, DiNozzo?” Tobias Fornell asked. For once the man didn't mangle his name. The Pittsburg PD Undercover Officer wondered if the pain he was feeling was that evident on his face.
"I don't think so," Tony admitted softly, running a hand through his slicked back hair. "Is that job offer still on the table?"
"It is," Fornell assured quickly. Over the course of the case, he'd come to realize how talented this man was at what he did, and wanted him on his team, badly.
"And, if I said I never wanted to do undercover again?"
Tobias shrugged. "Never is a long time, but I can promise you that I want you for more than your ability to be someone else. I know that it doesn't help now, Tony, but if it was meant to be, you’ll get another shot at those two you’re leaving behind."
Tony took a painful breath as his eyes lifted upwards to the windows that he knew were Brian's loft. "God, I hope so."
"Tony!" He heard a familiar voice call and was surprised to see Justin running toward him. Stepping away from Fornell, Tony was just barely able to brace himself as the younger man threw himself at him. Automatically, he wrapped his arms around the shaking body and rested his cheek against the blond hair closing his eyes.
"I don't want you to go," Justin admitted whispering. The pain evident in his voice.
"I wish I didn't have to," Tony admitted softly tightening his grip on the young artist. "Even if there was some chance that Brian would forgive me, which we both know there isn't, neither of you would be safe."
"The Don was perfectly clear," Tony pointed out. "The only way that you and Brian stay alive is if I leave. The only way his people testify against Stockwell and send that prick and his partner to jail is if I leave. You need me though, and I'll come back no matter what."
"I'm not mad," Justin swore. "Hurt and confused some, but I'll get over it. Brian will too once he has time to get over his Drama Queen flair up. I just... I don't want you to leave thinking I hate you. Here, take this."
When the younger man pulled back, Tony realized he was carrying a roll of paper. Carefully he opened it, and his breath caught at the drawing that showed the three of them entwined together on Brian's bed. He couldn't imagine how long it must have taken Justin considering how quickly his hand cramped thanks to the bashing at his Sr. Prom back in High School.
"Jus," He breathed but stopped as the emotion clogged his throat.
"So you don't forget us," the blond said, and Tony pulled him back into his arms.
"I never will," Tony promised. "I swear. I swear that I never will. I love you, Sunshine, and Brian, too. Don't be too hard on him, and remember all the things I told you. Take care of him and yourself."
"We gotta go, DiNozzo," Fornell called, and Tony could hear the reluctance in the man's voice. "We're running out of time to get you out of town."
Before Tony could comment, the younger man's mouth was covering his as they shared one last earth shattering kiss. Involuntarily, Tony's hands moved up the man's back as one hand clenched his jacket and the other clenched his hair.
Too soon, he pulled away and stepped back walking backward to the door to the building. "I love you too, Tony. Someday we'll get you back. I won't give up hope."
Tony watched until the younger man vanished into the building. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he turned his head toward his soon to be boss who was watching him quietly.
"Come on, DiNozzo. Let's get you out of this town."
Turning, the two men got into the Fed's car and headed back to the station. Tony had a resignation to hand in, and another life to leave behind him. This time though he was leaving his heart behind with the memories.