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(as if we were waiting) we bloom until we ache

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“I’m going to pass out.”

Changkyun, Hoseok’s best man, just laughs, quite little chuckles as he smooths down the crinkles on Hoseok’s white, crisp shirt. He fixes the crooked bowtie that Hoseok tried to hastily put on but his fingers trembled way too much to do it properly.

Changkyun is smiling the whole time as he looks Hoseok all over, eyes him up and down, his front, his sides, his back. Changkyun has to admit that hHoseok looks incredible, the black suit fitting his body shape perfectly and hugging his arms and shoulders and thighs in all the right places. There is a little bunch of babybreath tucked in the right breast pocket of his suit.

His lover’s, his fiancé’s favourite flowers.

His fiancé.

Hoseok is about to marry his best friend of eleven years, eternal love of total eight years and it all feels like a beautiful dream he doesn’t want to end.

He is nervous, he is trembling with nerves and fear that something will go wrong, that he will trip on his way to the altar, that Hyungwon might change his mind and decide that he doesn’t want to get marry yet, and Changkyun can tell. He gives Hoseok soft, reassuring smile and thumbs at his cheek.

“You’ll do great, don’t doubt yourself. There is nothing to worry about, everything will turn the way you both want,” Changkyun keeps his voice quiet, warm and so welcoming, like a mother speaking to her child on their first day of school.

Except, this is not school. Hoseok is about to get married. And it’s scarier than he thought it would be.

“I have never seen two people loving each other so much the way you love Hyungwon and he loves you. He’s eternally yours, Hoseok, and today is just the beginning. So enjoy it and stop sulking,” Changkyun continues and as to prove his point, he pinches Hoseok’s cheek gently, making the nervous soon-to-be-husband smile softly, albeit it’s still dripping with nervosity and fear of something unknown.

Hoseok knows Changkyun has a point. He always does. That’s why he chose him to be his best man. Hoseok knows he can always trust him and always come to him if he needs any advice. Hoseok will always be thankful for having a friend so great like Changkyun.

“I haven’t seen him since this morning, I’m scared,” Hoseok admits the thoughts that has been eating him alive since the second he woke up at seven am and hasn’t found his Hyungwon in bed next to him.

It was so strange, waking up without someone that keeps you warm even during the coldest nights. He got ready alone, had breakfast by himself, their apartment suddenly so empty and shallow without Hyungwon’s sun-like presence.

“He’s with Kihyun, you don’t have to worry. Kihyunnie will take care of him, I promise.”

The way Changkyun’s deep brown eyes soften and twinkle at the mention of Kihyun’s name and the way his lips stretch into lovesick smile fills Hoseok’s chest with familiar warmth. He gives Changkyun a pat on the shoulder and thanks him again, for being a great friend and for being the best of best men.

“How are things between you and your Kihyun, by the way?” Hoseok leans against the counter in the small, cramped bathroom they’re currently occupying.

If Changkyun had a pair of small puppy ears, they’d instantly perk up.

“He’s incredible. So incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever been so in love with someone,” Changkyun sighs, wide smile upon his lips, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling.
Hoseok just smiles, like he knows and understands because he, as well, doesn’t think he’s ever loved someone so much like he loves Hyungwon.

If Hoseok was nervous standing in that bathroom, than nothing compares to standing at that altar, waiting for the love of his life to walk through that door.

Hoseok’s heart is seconds away from giving out, his fingers tremble so much it feels like they are going to fall off, his palms sweat so much he could start collecting the drops of sweat, his mouth feels like Sahara dessert and his brain feels like it’s made out of cotton.

The suit feels too tight, it feels suffocating and like he is trapped and needs to be set free. He knows he will be as soon as Hyungwon says yes. Hopefully says yes.
Hoseok doesn’t look at the crowd of people being seated at their respective places, his and Hyungwon’s family in the front row onn the right side and all of their friends on the left.

Minhyuk shoots him wide smile that could outshine the sun itself, gives him a thumbs up and little finger heart. It’s supposed to make Hoseok relaxed but it gives him even more anxious.

As soon as the wedding music starts playing, all the hosts are rightfully seated and the officiant is there as well, Hoseok truly feels like his legs are going to give out. His knees feel like they’re made out of jelly and he can’t stop rubbing his sweating and trembling hands together.

Hoseok waits another few seconds before the door to the ceremony room open and Hoseok’s breath gets knocked out of his lungs.

Hyungwon looks beautiful.

Absolutely, more than beautiful.

His hair are swept in almost messy manner, curled and styled into stylish bed hair, in black suit with white shirt with tiny flowers on it, his lips full and the colours of roses, his eyes so gentle and so sparkling and so damn alive. His steps are airy and precise, like he practiced before and he probably did. A same bunch of babybreath is tucked into the pocket of his jacket. His arm is linked with his mother’s who looks just as beautiful as Hyungwon.

And Hoseok really didn’t plan this but his eyes start to water, tears threating to spill over his lashline, his hand automatically coming up to wipe the tears away.

But the closer Hyungwon gets, the more Hoseok notices how ethereal he looks, how absolutely stunning he looks, the more his eyes start to tear up. Hoseok notices that someone tucked small piece of babybreath behind his ear and Hoseok is about to start sobbing.

He wipes at his eyes again, even though the tears return again and seem to stain his cheeks again. Hyungwon’s mom gives him a soft smile, her eyes saying more than her lips could.

Thank you for making him the happiest and proudest man there is. Take care of him, cherish him, never stop loving him.

Hoseok gives her smile back.

I’ll cherish and love him till the end of times.

Hyungwon stands in front of him, his hands reaching out to take Hoseok’s trembling ones. He takes Hyungwon’s hands into his and thumbs at the back of his hand gently, feeling the soft skin and light bumps and small scratches.

The officiant’s opening speech is a blur.

Hoseok can’t take his eyes off Hyungwon who’s smiling bashfully, almost shyly, his cheeks the colour of cherries and his eyes the loveliest colour of autumn. Hoseok’s eyes are still tearing up every once in a while, his heart beating in his chest at lightning speed.

He can tell Hyungwon is nervous as well, by the way his hands shake against Hoseok’s fingertips who wants to reach over and calm his beautiful lover down.

Hoseok only comes to his senses when he hears the word ‘vows’. He can feel everyone’s stare on him, Hyungwon’s lovely eyes on his and he knows his voice is going to tremble.
He clears his voice quietly, before he grips Hyungwon’s hands tighter.

“Chae Hyungwon, my precious love and my treasure, I’m here to promise you that I will always cherish you, to always put you before me, to hold you during nights and mornings, to kiss you every chance I get,” Hoseok’s lips turn into soft smile, Hyungwon’s thumb gently drawing circles into Hoseok’s hand.

“I promise you to be your loving husband, to always stay by your side, through thick or thin, through health or sickness. I can not promise you sunshine and happiness but I can promise you to always be there to guide you through the darkness and to always be the home you can return to. If I could steal a star for you, I’d give you the whole sky but all I have is all I am and all my love and I hope it is enough. You are so beautiful right now, you always are, and I promise to tell you everyday. You are my best friend, my lover, my soulmate, you know me like no one else does. You always find me and show me way back to you whenever I get lost. You are my guide, my other half and my one and only love.”

Hoseok voice trembles through his whole speech. He takes a second to take his eyes off Hyungwon to look at the crowd and he can see his mother, grandmother and aunties with tissues clutched in their hands, dabbing at their teary eyes carefully so not to ruin their make-up.

Kihyun is holding Changkyun’s hand tightly and Hoseok wonders if they’ll ever be in their position.

Hoseok blinks away the tears that seemed to gather in the corners of his eyes and turns his eyes back to Hyungwon again.
His eyes are dripping with love and adoration and Hoseok heart misses a beat.

“Shin Hoseok,” Hyungwon’s voice is soft and gentle, like first flowers blooming as soon as spring comes around, it’s honey-like, saccharine and lavender and it’s Hoseok’s favourite sound.

“The man of my dreams and the only one I love. I promise you here to be the best man I can be, to keep you safe and to put my heart into your hands. I promise to love every piece of you, to admire your perfections and to cherish your flaws. I promise to make my life forever yours and I promise to build all my dreams and wishes around you. I promise to make home for you even if we happen to have nothing and I promise to give you all I can. I promise to always surround you with happiness and love. From now on, I will always be there to catch you if you fall and to make myself a better man for you. I promise to grow old with you, I promise to take care of you at your worst. When you’re not around me, I am nothing. But when you’re with me, around me, I am more than myself. There is no one I would want to marry more than you, there is no one I could love more than you. You are the stars in my universe and I vow to be the moon to your sun.”

Hyungwon’s voice doesn’t tremble a bit but his eyes are like glass, watery and shiny. He is looking at Hoseok like he is the only thing in his universe, like he is the eighth wonder of the world. Hoseok hopes his eyes say the same.

As soon as Hoseok slips the thin golden ring on Hyungwon’s ring finger, as soon as they both say their I do’s and as soon as the officiant pronounces them as lawfully wedded husband and husband, something inside Hoseok’s breaks. He stumbles into Hyungwon’s embrace, his body solid and ready to welcome him.

The scent of flowers fills Hoseok’s mind and it’s opiating, like the perfect kind of drug.
Hyungwon’s laughs, gentle and loving, but there are tears in his eyes too, his cheeks wet and flushed.

Hoseok kisses him breathless, presses his lips against his in bruising but gentle kiss, sealing his words finally. It’s awkward, kissing his now husband in front of all the people while they’re both trying not to start sobbing. Hoseok doesn’t know where to put his hands, if to hold Hyungwon’s face or his waist or his hands.

Hoseok laughs, gently taking Hyungwon’s cheeks in his palms.

“I fucking adore you, Shin Hyungwon.”

Hoseok can’t wait to spend his forever with someone so ethereal as his husband.