Leonard McCoy was goddamn exhausted! Another fucking Saturday night and the crew had yet again dragged him out to a bar. There had been a time his grumbling and downright menacing vocabulary had caused everyone to keep their distance from him but these days everyone ignored his vulgar protests and simply dragged him along anyway. You’d think that spending endless of times together confined in a space ship would make them want to stay as far away as possible from each other once off the ship – but no. They were dead set on spending all their time together. “It’s what makes us work well as a team, McCoy! Just change your clothes and meet us downstairs!”
Leo sipped the drink in front of him, head pounding from the loud music around him and the alcohol in his blood. If he was wise he’d drink anything else than the sorry excuse of whisky in front of him, but that would mean he would have to suffer this agony with a clearer mind. At least the alcohol kept a pleasant buzz in his head that dulled everything around him.
If someone’d told him ten years ago that he’d be travelling around the universe in a space ship, with a crew he’d come to think as his family, flying under a Captain he cared for more than he should – he’d laugh and have the person committed to an asylum! Ten years ago he’d been suffering from aviaphobia, he’d been dating his now ex-wife and they’d talked about marriage and family and having half a dozen children running around the house they were going to build in Georgia. At that time he’d been happy and content with his life.
Sulu was drunkenly leaning on Leo, complaining about something or other – he really hadn’t the energy to stay focused on the conversation, or care for that matter. He was almost sure it had something to do with the new changes done to the Enterprise. He glanced to his right where Nyota and Spock were leaning close to each other, whispering amongst themselves intimately. He nearly felt melancholy wash over him as he looked at the couple conversing in hushed tones. He missed the companionship he once had with his wife. Don’t go there, Leo! With a shake of his head Leo shoved the thought off his head. He didn’t want to think about his ex-wife, not now, not ever. That woman had caused too much heartache and enough damage to last a life time or two.
“Bones! Bones!” He heard someone shout out just before a firm body collided with his back. “Bones! I have someone I’d like you to meet!” Leo felt a hot breath of air on his cheek as a body leaned over him and strong arms wrapped around his upper body. Leo tried to contain the shudder that went through him. The person rudely invading his personal space and causing his brain to think incredibly inappropriate thoughts was none other than James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise and the cause for all the heartache he was currently feeling and the few grey hairs he had on his head.
“I’m not interested, Jim!” He grunted out and tried to shrug off the arms around him and place some much needed space between them. The smell of Jim’s cologne was going straight to his head and his dick was perking up with being so close to the person he’d secretly loved for years now. Instead of managing to escape, Leo was spun around to face the slightly drunk Captain. Jim was leaning towards Leo with his palms on his shoulders and an easy smile on his lips. The smile reached his eyes making them wrinkle in a fucking adorable way that for some reason made Leo want to punch him, or kiss him, or punch him and kiss him, preferably against the wall, where he could grind–. Leo nearly groaned out loud at the thought. Drunk-Leo wasn’t that good in keeping his thoughts about his friend simply platonic.
“Come on Bones! I need my wingman!” Jim pleaded and turned on the Kirk-charm on him. Leo really ought to know by now that there was no way of refusing Jim Kirk when he wanted something.
“You don’t need a wingman! You are well enough capable in getting anyone to your bed without any aid from me.” Leo told with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look. He thought he managed to keep in the growl of jealousy out of his voice but he couldn’t stop his blood from boiling from the thought of Jim with someone else. “Besides I’d most likely end up ruining your chances.” He continued and tried to shove himself back around towards the table and to his drink. There was no way he’d enjoy watching Jim trying to get laid. Though he had a slight masochist streak in him, this wasn’t the kind of torture he enjoyed.
“I want you there anyhow. Come on Bones, stop being a grumpy old man and join us!” Jim taunted knowing well enough how he would react. Leo downed the rest of the whisky in the glass and slammed it against the table aggressively.
“Fine! But I’m not happy about this.” He announced pointing his finger at Jim before getting up with slightly unsteady feet. Damn, he’d had way too much to drink already. He really ought not to drink anymore but goddamn it, he was going to. Leo’s coordination wasn’t working that well and Jim placed a steadying hand on his arm.
“Remind me again, the last time you were happy was somewhere around 2007?” Jim asked with a smirk thrown towards his friend.
"2013 and I hated every second of it." Leo grumbled with an acid glance towards the Captain "Your jokes are old as hell."
"You would know." Jim laughed before trailing his hand to Leo's palm and pulling him towards the booth with the two females Jim had previously been talking to.
"Shut up Jim!" Leo grumbled out and tried not to dwell too much on how he loved holding hands with Jim and the look of adoration on Jim’s face as he glanced over his shoulder at Leo.
~ * ~
Leo woke up the next day in his bed with a pounding headache. It felt like someone was hacking the inside of his skull with an ice pick. “Fucking hell!” He groaned out – or at least tried to. He was sure the sounds coming from his mouth sounded more like garbled mumbo jumbo than actual words. His tongue was stuck on the roof of his mouth and tried as he might, he couldn’t produce any saliva to loosen it. Leo tried to roll over to his back but his motion was stopped by a body behind him. He turned back to his front and pushed his face harder to the pillow to try to muffle the groan coming out of his mouth.
He had taken some floozy back with him! Now he had to deal with some rosy eyed little girl first thing in the morning. Why the hell hadn’t they gone to her place? At least then he could try to sneak out before having to deal with pleasantries and act like he still remembered her name and what happened last night! Or how good it was and how they’d surely meet up again!
Leo was inching away from the warm body on his right, trying not to disturb the sleeper and escape, when a hand was slung over his shoulder. He nearly yelped as the arm landed on him with a thud. Wait a minute! The hand on his back was too hairy and big to be a woman’s hand. His eyebrows flew to his hairline before tightening together in confusion. He’d taken home a man!? He hadn’t done that in years! He’d bedded men a few times before and after his wife but not once after joining the Starfleet and meeting Jim.
He shifted uncomfortably at the thought and almost let out a breath of relief. He was still wearing his clothes so that must mean that nothing too graphic happened last night. He’d had a few affairs and one night stands with women over the years but nothing too serious and he’d steered clear of affairs with men simply because of Jim. He’d had this silly idea that if he couldn’t be with Jim, he didn’t want to be with any man.
While still deep in his thoughts he failed to notice the person in his bed was no longer sleeping. “Morning Bones!” A sleep doused voice chirped form behind him and the arm covering him lifted off. A voice and a nickname Leo recognized immediately. What the HELL!?
“Jim?” Leo managed to voice out from the pillow and spun around way too fast for his hungover head and stomach and nearly fell off the bed. “Why are you in my bed?” He asked once his stomach and head calmed down. Please don’t be completely naked under there! Leo could see Jim was without a shirt and he really hoped he had some boxers on or something.
“Would you believe me if I said we had steaming hot and downright dirty sex last night?” Jim asked with an amused grin on his face but still keeping his eyes closed. Now that would be something Leo would definitely want to remember! But he was sure that Drunk-Leo wouldn’t do that, no matter how drunk he was. Sex with Jim should be special and not some drunken fumbling after way too many drinks and lowered inhibitions.
“No.” Leonard stated flatly with a blank stare making Jim laugh and peer at him with his bluer than blue eyes, looking way too good first thing in the morning. He tried not to ogle at the naked upper torso peeking from under the white covers. All he could see was a muscled arm and shoulder but the sight of those body parts without a shirt covering them up was almost making Leo’s saliva glands operational again.
“You were actually so drunk that I couldn’t just leave you unsupervised.” Jim continued closing his eyes again and shifted around to find a comfortable position again, shuffling himself fully under the cover with only his head peeking from under it.
“Thanks.” Leo said before sitting up and trying to get the spinning to stop in his head. “I –“
“Yeah, yeah, you are ever so grateful.” Jim tried to mimic Leo’s Southern drawl but not quite getting there. “Now shut the fuck up and let me sleep.” He continued and waved him off. Leo felt a small smile reaching his lips at Jim’s words. He allowed one long glance at the man sleeping in his bed as he braced himself for getting up. The brown hair on Jim’s head was darker on the roots and lighter in the longer parts on the top of his head. The lines on his forehead and around his eyes were smoothed down with the relaxation of sleep and the bushy eyebrows were almost too much for his face. The Cupid’s bow on Jim’s upper lip was the single most sensual thing he had seen in a lifetime and the kissable lips –. Cut it out, now! Leo told himself as his midsection realized the direction his thoughts were going.
Leo made the mistake of barrelling himself off the bed and the liquid content rolled around uncomfortably in his stomach. For years he had managed to squelch his desires and cravings towards his Captain and dammit this was not the time to let up! The coldness of the shower managed to tone down his body’s reactions to Jim but his mind was still reeling. The first time he had met Jim Kirk he’d been mesmerized by the blue of his eyes. Of course he had been a little bit drunk and a whole lot of scared, so everything else was kind of a blur. He faintly remembered some vomiting might have had something to do with the first meeting. At least that’s what Jim keeps telling him. “Man, you should’ve seen it! You couldn’t even call it vomiting, it was freaking liquid missile! The crew were trying their best to keep their supper down and you were there spewing a weeks’ worth of whisky all over the place! It was hilarious man! I pity the cleaning crew that had to clean up after you!”
During the years in the Academy he had grown close to Jim and found a true friend in him. Jim was an arrogant son of a bitch then (not that he wasn’t anymore), brash and selfish but still there was something more in him. Behind all that arrogance Jim was essentially scared. He’d admitted it himself once when they’d been drinking too much and the talking had turned to their families. Leo had talked about his father who he hadn’t been able to save and the gruelling choice he’d had to make in respecting his father’s last wish.
“He died peacefully that night and his parting words were ‘thank you’ before his heart stopped beating. As he slipped away, the permanent pain fixed on his face smoothed down. I never really understood the amount of pain he was in but right at that moment I saw it.” Leo wiped the tear from the corner of his eye before clearing his throat. “The cure was funnily enough found a month later.” A sad, bitter laugh escaped his mouth. Leo took a swig form the bottle of beer he’d been nursing in his lap.
Jim had listened to him quietly, face set in a grim expression. When Leo had finished, tears clouding his vision, Jim didn’t offer any empty words or his pity. He’d just shuffled a bit closer and placed his palm on Leo’s knee. Leo was almost embarrassed to admit that he’d broken down right there and then. Between tears Leo confessed to Jim that not too long after his father’s funeral Jocelyn had shown her true colours. They started arguing all the time, Jocelyn couldn’t deal with Leo grieving and not giving all of his attention to her. When he’d caught her cheating they’d had a huge fight and in the heat of that fight Jocelyn told the only reason she married him was for his family’s money.
Jim had let Leo talk, all the while sitting next to him and with a warm palm on his knee. Once Jim realized Leo had said all he was going to say, Jim had finally opened up about his life at the farm in Iowa and how he was so freaking scared to trust anyone.
Leo would be lying if he said that his heart didn’t break just a little bit while listening to Jim talking about the verbal abuse his stepdad had dealt and his brother and mother leaving him. Leo’s mind painted a picture of a young Jim, abandoned and abused by those who were supposed to take care of him. But through all that Leo saw independency shine through and the ability to care about his fellow people even though not many had cared about him. Leo was amazed to realize that while Jim didn’t have all his shit together, he was more put together than most people who’d had it easier than Jim.
That night had been the most gruesome night in his life (well, not the most, but right up there in top 5) but it had also been purifying. Leo hadn’t talked about any of it, at any point. He didn’t have anyone to talk. Most of his childhood friends were off with their own families around the universe, his only living blood relative was dead by his own hand and the wife he’d promised to love ‘til his dying day was a lying cheating bitch. And the thought of paying someone to hear him whining about his problems never really sat well with him.
He was also sure that Jim hadn’t talked about his past with anyone either. Jim told that when his brother Sam ran away, he’d disappeared completely, not a trace of him was found. Winona had been off-world at the time and didn’t even bother coming back to Earth when Jim had commed her. She’d let Frank deal with the problem and Frank didn’t give a damn about Sam. Jim had been furious. He’d gone to the police himself but the police didn’t take him seriously without a parent present. The final straw had been when Frank had ordered Jim to wash the ’65 Chevrolet convertible his father had owned because Frank was going to sell it. “I was like fuck this shit! Whothe fuck is Frank and how dare he think he had any right selling that car! He didn’t deserve it! So I stole it. I was actually going to hide the car from himbut when the officer found me I decided to drive it off a cliff. There was no way I was going to let Frank get his hands on it again!” Things had gone from bad to worse after that. Winona had tried to get him to therapy but with her being off-world most of the time, Frank had no plans on keeping up with the appointments. Jim started losing friends and doing worse and worse in school. He told that he actually spent a lot of time studying but going to school was boring and the teachers were stupid. He did extremely well in aptitude tests but he had no idea what to do with his life. He was in trouble most of the time and when Christopher Pike had found him in the bar Jim had been nearly at the rock bottom. He’d decided to clear off from Iowa but he had no direction of where to go. Pike had given him a direction and essentially a purpose.
During the three years in the Academy everyone had been talking about the new flagship Enterprise. Jim had been adamant that they’d end up on it. “Come on, Bones! They’d be idiots not to give us a position in the Enterprise!” Leo had his doubts about them both getting there. Of course Jim would get there, if he’d just get his head out of his arse and started respecting the rules and regulations of the Starfleet. Leo had never had that much belief in his talent. Of course he knew he was a damn good physician but there were always people with more knowledge and more talent. He knew he was above average in his profession but nothing extraordinary like Jim was.
And when the day came and the distress call from Vulcan came through and everyone available had been sent to a rescue mission. Much to Leo’s surprise he’d been posted to U.S.S. Enterprise and Jim hadn’t made it because he cheated on the Kobayashi Maru (fucking arrogant shit! Of course he had to have a compelling need to win everything!), he had had to do something. The look on Jim’s face as he’d shook his hand, telling him to be safe had almost broken his heart and he’d acted on the first thought in his head. He couldn’t leave him behind and face everything the black had to offer without his friend by his side. Without the one man who’d made it possible for him to be almost happy and excited with the idea of going to space.
At that time he’d only felt friendship, a really deep friendship, towards Jim but all had changed when Khan Noonien Singh came along and Jim had been stupid enough to jump in to the radioactive reactor chamber and get himself killed! Fucking idiot!
When Jim had been brought to the Sickbay in a body bag, it had felt like his world had ended, like a part of him had died along with Jim. The memory of Jim lying there, dead, made Leonard weak in the knees every time and he was amazed he hadn’t crumbled on the spot – then or now. It had felt even worse than the time he’d watched his father die. With his dad he had been grieving the inevitable death for months and when the time came he’d felt sad but there was also relief present. At least now his father was without pain and at peace. With Jim it had been sudden, like a punch to the gut that stole all the oxygen from his lungs.
While staring at Jim’s dead body, Leo came to the realization that at some point he had fallen in love with the man he had called his Captain. God help him! The thought overwhelmed him and he had to take a seat before he collapsed on his feet. The thought of the importance of Jim in his life hit him like a ton of bricks. Losing a friend was horrible enough but losing someone you were in love with was earth-shattering, devastating. For a minute Leo had felt like he might just honestly pass out.
After Jocelyn Leo had really thought there would be no way in hell he’d ever let himself fall in love again. He’d truly loved Joce but she’d thrown his heart right back at his face but not before spitting on it, stomping it to the ground and setting it on fire for good measure. He had been sure that his heart would be smarter than that. But somehow Jim had wormed himself in and set a permanent residence inside it.
Luckily the Tribble he'd injected with Khan's blood revived just at the right moment and he was able to bring Jim back. He’d vowed to himself that when he woke up, he would tell Jim about his feelings before it was too late. But once that had happened, Leo had gotten scared. What if Jim rejected him and no longer wanted to have him in his life? He couldn’t lose him, not again. The mere possibility of losing Jim hurt too much. So he chose to stay quiet and have Jim in his life as a friend and nothing more. “Who’d ever want to love someone like you, a drunken doctor from the south?” Joce’s parting words to him repeated in Leo’s head each and every time he thought about confessing to Jim.
A sad laugh escaped his lips as he turned off the shower and dried his skin. For years he’d kept his feelings to himself and hid them in the darkest corners of his mind. He’d been lying to Jim for too long, there was no good way out of the situation he was in, he was in too deep. He’d just have to suck it up and get on with his life. The trouble was that no one else compared to Captain James Tiberius Kirk. If he had been less of a coward he would’ve confessed his feelings to the man already.
At one point he toyed with the idea of transferring to another ship. The first time the thought came to him was when Jim had woken up after being out cold for two weeks. He’d been taking Jim’s vitals as he woke up and everything seemed normal. Then Spock came to Jim’s line of vision and the small smile Jim gave to Spock as he thanked him for saving his life nearly killed Leo with jealousy. If he hadn’t known about Spock and Nyota being happily together, he might’ve – He didn’t know what he’d done. The mere idea that Jim might find someone to share his life with and that person not being him overwhelmed Leo. There was no way he could watch that and the only way Leo thought he could live with himself was by not being near Jim.
After everything that happened with Khan, he became a celebrity in the medical circles. He was a good physician, his talents were known but after Khan his reputation went through the roof! He'd gotten good offers here and there but when push came to shove, he couldn't leave the Enterprise and its’ crew. He couldn't leave Jim. My God he was pathetic!
He wrapped the towel around his hips after drying up and brushing his teeth and carefully walked out of the bathroom to find Jim still sleeping soundly. Jim was embracing Leo’s pillow in his sleep and he couldn’t help but to smile fondly at the sight. He really wished he could just saunter up to the bed and give the man a kiss before removing the pillow and placing himself into the arms that had been clutching the pillow. With a sigh he walked to his closet and changed to clean clothes before going to the kitchen to make some breakfast and get some coffee into his system. Maybe with the help of caffeine he might be able to think about something else that Jim effing Kirk.
As the coffee was brewing and the pan heating Leonard leaned on the counter with his elbows and dropped his head to his open palms. He was so screwed. So fucking screwed.
“What’s weighing down your brain, Bones?” Jim asked while casually leaning on the door frame. His hair was sticking to each and every direction and the only thing covering him was his boxers. Leo allowed only a brief glance at the man before turning back around.
“A god-awful hangover.” He answered grumpily before going to his medicine cabinet to get a hypo for the headache he was suffering – he couldn’t blame it all on alcohol. After jabbing himself on the neck, rather forcefully, he shook the hypo at Jim’s direction.
“Nah, I’m fine. I could use a shower though.”
“There are towels in the bathroom.” Leo told and Jim disappeared in to the room. Leo tried hard not to think about Jim undressing in there and showering and the water droplets cascading over his hard muscles –.
“Damn it! Stop it man!” He muttered to himself while pushing around the eggs angrily. Now was not the time to unravel at the seams. He’d kept his feelings under wraps for this long and one night of sleeping next to the man would not be the end of it. You can do this! It’s not as if this was even the first time they’d slept side by side. There were times when after a party it had been more convenient to share a bed than drunkenly trying to find a way to his room. And of course there were the times Leo had indulged himself and climbed to the biobed next to Jim while he was recovering from being revived. He’d tried to be sneaky about it but somehow Jim knew he was there.
It was 0400 and Leo quietly crawled off the biobed where he’d lain himself after his shift. It was still four hours to the start of his next shift but the commotion outside Jim’s room had woken him up. He was praying that Jim wouldn’t wake up at the sounds coming from the hall. He’d been doing this way too often and people were starting to notice their CMO was spending all his off time by their Captain’s bed. None of them said anything but he could feel their questioning glances at his back.
Few times too many he’d been caught in Jim’s bed by nurse Chaplain. He tried to act as though it was standard operating procedure for the Chief Medical Officer to sleep next to the near comatose Captain. Nurse Chaplain was kind enough to play along.
Leo was just leaning down to pull his shoes back on when an exasperated huff escaped Jim’s lips. “Would you cut that out and get back on the bed? I’m tired.”
“Jim?” Leo gulped, fearing the worst.
“No, the Duke of England.” Jim rolled his eyes at Leo. “Get back in here. I sleep better when you sneak in.”
“You knew I was here?” Leo’s mouth was impossibly dry as he stared at his friend lifting the blanket and inviting him back under the covers.
“I’m not a complete idiot, you know.”
“Just act like one on occasion.” Leo grumbled out before toeing the shoe off and climbing on the bed. The biobed’s really weren’t made for two grown ass men, but Leo had always managed to squeeze in next to Jim. He always tried to just sleep next to him, barely touching him but somehow during the night his hand always found its way to Jim’s chest, right on his heart. It was as if he was unconsciously reassuring himself that Jim’s heart was actually still beating.
Jim was lying on his back and Leo tried to get comfortable on his side while keeping a healthy distance from Jim on the narrow bed. After minutes of trying to get comfortable Jim sighed and reached out for Leo’s hand and pulled Leo half on top of him and placed the hand on his chest, over his heart.
“Just sleep, Bones.”
Leo couldn’t believe what Jim had done that night. Jim changed after being revived. He grew into the huge Captains boots he was given a year before. He took his job seriously, he became more like a leader who was aware of the responsibility he had for his crew. It wasn’t as if he was a bad leader before but he’d made daring decisions, putting everyone in his care at jeopardy. Before Leo had had some doubts about Jim’s abilities as a Captain but after Khan he was convinced the Starfleet had made the right call.
Leo was amazed to find Jim being more open and trusting after everything. It was like he’d realized that he now had people in his life who cared about him and people he could trust – just like they trusted him, their Captain. Their relationship changed also. Leo was pleasantly surprised to see this new thoughtful side of Jim and he started to hope that maybe Jim felt the something more than friendship towards him.
Leo pulled a set of plates and cups and such to the counter and toasted some bread. Once he had the breakfast ready Jim appeared from the bathroom with only a towel on, hanging impossibly low on his hips, almost defying gravity and tempting fate. ShitFuckingHELL! Leonard, just breathe and look anywhere above the neckline! He gulped trying to ignore the near nakedness of the other man and sat down on the barstool in front of the counter. He took a tentative sip from the cup in front of him. Jim sat down on his left and Leo got a whiff of the scent of his soap mixed with the smell of Jim himself. The smell went straight from his nose down to his groin and he shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit! Shit!
“Head feeling better?” Jim asked after a few minutes of silent, comfortable eating. Finally the constant swirl of thoughts had calmed down in Leonard's head.
“Yeah, I no longer feel like something the cat threw up.” He grunted out. “How come you’re in a better shape than I am?”
“’Cause I’m younger.” Jim teased with a smirk and Leo huffed out a breath.
“Damn it kid! I’m not that old!” Jim’s only response was a hearty laugh and Leo found a smile pulling at his lips. Stupid infant!
“So…” Jim started out and absentmindedly scratched the back of his neck. “You can’t possibly remember much about last night. Am I right?” My God! What did I do?
Leo furrowed his brows and tried to remember anything past the two rounds of shots but nothing came to mind. “I just remember going to the booth and ordering shots. After that it’s blank.” He finally answered. “What, did something significant happen that I should be aware of?” Leo continued and glanced at Jim staring at the cabinets in front of him deep in thought. Say no, say no! Please dear God, say no!
“No, nothing of the sort.” He told but the tone of his voice made Leo turn to face him fully.
“Jim, what did I do?” He queried but Jim stayed quiet. “Must I remind you I’m a doctor not a fucking mind reader? What did I do? Dance on the tables? Do my best impression of Spock? Proposition some floozy in an alcohol induced enamour?” Leo demanded and tried to pierce Jim with his look. He could feel his right eyebrow rising with each moment Jim refused to answer. My God! What if he’d said something about his feelings to Jim?
“None of the above. Nothing unusual happened last night other than you drinking more than your weight in whisky and shots.” Jim answered with a chuckle after a few moments. “And for the record, your best impression of Spock is horrendous!”
“Good. I think.” Leo said unsurely “Now hold on a minute! I’ll have you know that Nyota said my impression was the best she’d seen!” Jim’s chuckle turned into a full blown laugh. He really loved Jim’s laugh, it made his heart warm. He was definitely screwed.
I was feeling generous and decided not to keep you waiting much longer. Here's the second chapter for you to enjoy!
A couple of hours later Jim left Bones’ apartment. Once the door closed behind Jim, his smile fell and his mind was filled with questions and not nearly enough answers. He was surprised he’d kept it together for the whole morning. Well done, Jim! You've managed to be an adult for a few hours at least! A Bones-y kind of voice murmured from the back of his head.
Last night had been a strange one to say the least. Everything had started out as usual. The gang had met up in a quiet bar at the beginning of the evening, drank a few drinks and talked happily, yada, yada, yada. When the night progressed they’d relocated to a nightclub. He had picked up a few interesting women and gotten Bones to participate in the flirting – albeit a bit grumpily (of course that was a default setting on Bones).
After that everything had gone a bit wonky. More like Twilight Zone! Bones had gotten moodier and moodier as the night was turning more towards the morning. And as he got moody, he drank more and the more he drank the moodier he got. It was a vicious cycle, and definitely not a pretty sight. In the end he had apologised to the women and decided to take Bones back home and sleep it off.
They stumbled inside the apartment and Jim tried to hold Bones upright with one hand while the other punched in the code to get the door open. Bones stumbled and Jim had to hold him up with both hands so he wouldn’t fall to the floor face first.
“Mmmm… You smell nice.” Bones nuzzled to his neck and let out a noise that almost sounded like a cat purring.
“I always forget what an affectionate drunk you are.” Jim laughed out and led Bones towards the bedroom. Once inside Bones tripped on the carpet and Jim had to lift him up. It was not quite as easy as it sounded because Bones was laughing uncontrollably. Something that rarely happened. Jim kind of liked when Bones was drunk. He was more open and he laughed more easily.
Finally he managed to pull both of them up to their feet but with Bones’ lack of balance he managed to lean on Jim too hard, causing them to tumble on the bed. Jim groaned as Bones’ elbow struck his stomach. The man was surprisingly heavy on top of him.
“You are such a good man, Jim.” Bones stated going from hilarious to serious in the speed of light and rested his head on top of Jim’s chest, as if to listen to his heart beating. “You care so much for the people around you.” Bones’ speech was starting to slur more and Jim suspected he might fall asleep any second. Jim could feel the back of his neck burning at the words and tried to wiggle himself free from under the drunken Doctor.
“You know that I love you, right Jim?” Bones slurred and his eyes fell closed.
“Of course I know, and I love you too Bones.” Jim laughed and patted Bones’ back. He was so going to relentlessly remind Bones of this moment tomorrow. He’s going to dig himself in to a hole and die! It’s going to be so fucking hilarious!
“I’m so in love with you it hurts.” Bones mumbled out.
“What?” Jim could swear his heart stopped for a second. He must’ve heard wrong! Bones gave a loud snore in reply from next to him. Well, shit!
Jim’s brain froze. It simply stopped working. Never in his life had his brain stopped working but Bones’ words had done that. Bones was in love with him? Bones LOVED him. Bones loved HIM? It was just too much for his brain to process and it was all he could think about – over and over again. He never knew. He’d never even thought that Bones was in anyway interested in men. He’d been married to a woman. He always chatted up women. Not once in their years together had he seriously commented appraisingly on another man’s physique – as a joke yes, but never seriously. And he was in love with him? What the hell was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to act? What happened now? Shit he was fucked!
If this had been anyone else confessing that Jim would’ve just gone to Bones for advice. He counted on so much on his advice. Of course not all of it was useful but still he handled things better when he got to hash it out with his friend. Shit! Could they be friends after this? What if Bones didn’t want to be near him when he rejected him? He couldn’t think about that. Wait! Am I going to reject him?
Huh! His brain froze again. Fucking useless brain! How was he going to deal with this situation if his brain kept freezing out on him?
Jim suddenly realized he’s stayed on the bed, lying next to the knocked out doctor for long enough and started to move away. Bones’ hand shot out and gripped his arm tightly.
“Don’t go Darlin’. Stay.” Bones opened his eyes and Jim swore he looked like Puss in Boots character pleading in the classical animation movie of the same name. Jim would probably deny it until the day he died but the way Bones said “Darling” really had an effect on him. Bones fell asleep again once he noticed Jim wasn’t moving away from him anymore. He was again snoring softly with a hand grasping the front of Jim’s shirt, right over his heart. Suddenly Jim didn’t want to leave. He could feel the tiredness seeping into him as he lay next to the doctor and the soft noises coming from the man next to him lulled him to sleep in no time. He was feeling too damn at ease with the good doctor next to him, snoring quietly in his sleep.
Jim headed absentmindedly towards his own apartment two floors up with his brain trying to make sense of the situation he was in.
Jim couldn’t deny Bones’ physical appeal. He’d noticed it the first time he laid eyes on him on the shuttle: the stubble on his face, windswept dark hair and the amazingly brown eyes but what really got him was the accent. Fuck that Southern drawl was HOT as Hell!
That had been a start of a beautiful friendship. And it had always been friendship for Jim. He’d never contemplated on their relationship being anything other than friendship. It wasn’t the fact that he was somehow opposed to men as lovers as a thought but he’d just never really taken it into serious consideration. He’d always preferred women in that sense.
Bones had always been there, like a rock keeping Jim grounded because let’s face it, he could be a bit of a dreamer and he had a tendency to leap in to the unknown before thinking. At the moment all he wanted to do is run, run until he had nothing left and his brain would be too tired to mull over the fact that his best friend had said he loved him last night!
Shit, fuck, God dammit! What am I going to do?
~ * ~
Ignore it. I'll ignore the shit out of it! That's what he was going to do! It was Monday evening and finally, after trying NOT to think about Bones saying he was in love with him, he decided to ignore it. Bones had acted normally on Sunday morning and dammit to hell, he was going to do the same! If he was good at anything, it was ignoring his personal problems.
As a Captain he was responsible for so many lives and he took that job seriously but when he had a problem that was wholly personal, he neglected it until he was hit in the face with it repeatedly and couldn't brush it off anymore! Well, he ignored it if it had any sort of negative aspect in it. Not many people would believe how good Jim Kirk was at ignoring stuff when he wanted to!
He’d always been brash with his decisions, acting before thinking and that’s the way he liked it. He didn’t like thinking about these things – the matters of the heart. He didn’t want to think about his feelings. A long time ago he’d decided that feelings were overrated and putting your heart on the line only caused it to break. And the heartache and agony wasn’t worth it.
He’d loved his mother growing up. Worshiped her even, being the wife of a hero and a respected Ambassador of the Federation. It had taken him years to forgive her for abandoning him and his brother for her work. Truth be told, he still hadn’t fully forgiven her. The time he was abandoned on Uncle Frank’s (that’s what he wanted to be called but Jim knew he wasn’t a relative, well not before Winona married him) farm was the unhappiest he’d been in his life. Frank was a mean son of a bitch and the reason his brother had ran away the minute he had a chance. Not that he could really blame Sam for leaving. He would’ve done it too if he didn’t believe their mom would someday come back and take them with her. He’d been a naïve little kid then. Sam was wiser – he’d known Winona wouldn’t take them with her. He’d tried to get Jim to come with him, run away with him but he’d refused. He couldn’t abandon his mom, she needed him.
Jim wanted to hit his head to the side of the building. It was of no use to think about these things. What good would it do to keep thinking of the past?
"Ready?" Suddenly Bones was there, dressed in his usual sweats and with a nod from Jim they were off. This was normal, working his body to the brink of exhaustion. Monday evenings were almost always preserved to Bones and exercising. Usually they worked out at the gym in the Enterprise but now they had open air and scenery worth looking at while running.
The soft thumping of feet on pavement and heavy breathing soothed Jim's nerves instantly. The active parts of his brain shut off and all he could think was what the exercise was doing to him. The way his heart drummed in his chest, the way his lungs expanded and deflated, the way his muscles pumped and took him farther and farther away.
"Jim! Jim! Stop! Damn it, Jim!" Bones puffed on his right and before waiting for Jim to react, stopped running and was doubled over breathing heavily. "What's up with you today, kid?" He asked between breaths as Jim came back to him.
"What? Why?" Jim asked while still jogging in place, trying to keep his muscles warm.
"We've been running for an hour at an insanely fast pace and what’s even more amazing is that you've actually managed to stay quiet for the whole hour!" Bones exclaimed and damn his eyebrow lifted to heights Jim hadn't seen in a while. He hadn't even realized that they'd been running that long. “Are you sick or something?” Bones asked, reaching out with his hand towards Jim. He swatted the nearing hand away with a roll of eyes. Sometimes Bones worried too much.
"I just have a lot on my mind." Jim told and gave up on the jogging in place and started stretching instead.
"Just stuff." Jim said vaguely and tried to ignore the eyebrow on Bones' face rising even higher. How the fuck was that even possible? Bones continued to stare Jim down and into submission with his raised eyebrow and Jim found it hard to resist the onslaught of eyebrow power.
"All these Captain-y stuff and what I need to do before we're cleared for take-off."
"Hmph." Bones replied and gave a look which clearly stated he didn't buy a word of it but he was going to ignore the lie and let Jim off the hook because he was just that good of a friend. Jim slowly let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding in.
~ * ~
Something was clearly bothering the kid. It wasn't weird for him to keep things in but he usually did talk to Leo about his troubles, well at least that’s what he’d been doing more and more recently. He decided to let it go for now. Jim usually opened up after a while – or sometimes after a really long time. The kid could really keep things bottled up. At least he’d stopped running away from his problems and starting bar brawls to vent out his emotions.
"You hungry?" Leo asked after a minute or so of almost uncomfortable silence and stretching. "I've got steaks and there’s beer in the fridge." He continued and suddenly for no reason whatsoever Leo felt nervous, like immensely nervous. As in the way he felt before he was forced to beam down to some godawful planet. Cut it out, man! It's only Jim, you've eaten together countless of times! But somehow this felt weird.
Jim opened his mouth and looked like he changed his mind mid-through thought. "Sure. Let me just shower first."
They got on the elevator and again the oppressive awkward silence engulfed them and Leo was somewhat relieved to finally get off at his floor. Jim mumbled out something before the doors closed and Leo guessed had something to do with seeing him later.
Leo headed straight to the kitchen and pulled out the vodka he’d bought a few days earlier. It probably wasn’t a good idea to drink a few shots after an hour of running and sweating. Heck, he knew it wasn’t a good idea and he did it anyway. He was a doctor and in this moment the adverse effects of drinking hard liquor after exercising were less than the – oh hell, who was he kidding! He was an adult and if he needed a goddamn drink, he damn sure was going to drink.
After the soothing effect of alcohol he headed for a soothing shower. Leo felt like he needed a lot of calming things today. He felt positively freaked out by the way Jim had been acting. He still had one way of soothing his nerves and it would seem like he had to take that last lifeline of calming the fuck down.
Leo went to the shower and once he had washed the sweat and dirt off him, he ran his hands on his body going straight to places he knew would get his blood pumping downwards. He tried in vain not to think about Jim as he caressed, scratched, pulled and pushed his body closer to the edge. His brain was painting a different outcome to the previous Sunday spent with Jim. He imagined Jim, in the throes of passion kissing him, pushing him against the counter, their groins rubbing together. Leo spun them around and pushed Jim against the counter before ripping the towel off of him and sinking to his knees in front of the Captain. The heat pooling in his groin was almost reaching supernova levels as he pumped his cock almost aggressively. Leo pushed his fingers to his mouth and imagined taking Jim’s erect and leaking penis in his mouth - his brain froze and everything went white as he came hard against the tiles with a groan.
He didn’t know how he ended up on his knees, pumping his hips on his fist as he worked through the orgasm. Once his breathing and heart rate calmed down he rose to his feet with shaky legs and turned off the shower. The muscles in his thigs were almost twitching as Leo dried off and put on some clothes.
Once out of the shower Leo felt finally blissfully relaxed from the exercising, alcohol and masturbating. His brain had finally quieted down.
Leo had just finished putting the steaks to the grill on his balcony when Jim let himself in. Jim headed straight to the fridge before noticing the vodka and the glass Leo had used before hopping in the shower. Jim helped himself to a shot and Leo went to the cupboard to fetch another glass.
“Pour me one too while you’re at it.” Jim complied without a word. “And hi, nice to see you. Good of you to join me this evening.” He continued sarcastically. Something was clearly off with Jim because he was usually the one talking almost constantly.
“Hello, nice to see you too. Thank you for having me.” Jim muttered out before getting two beers from the fridge. He opened both and handed the other to Leo. Jim went unusually quiet again and Leo was starting to get extremely worried. He was even contemplating whisking out the tricorder to see if there was something medically wrong with Jim.
“You told me you were in love with me on Saturday night.” Leo spluttered out the mouthful of beer he was about to swallow.
“I did WHAT?” He could feel his eyes bulging out of its sockets as he wiped the beer off his chin and chest. He did what? Jim looked too calm when Leo’s insides were twisting around in a rollercoaster. How the hell was Jim so calm?
“You told me you love me.” Jim said again with a calm and steady voice, staring at the wall in front of him.
“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!” Leo’s hand shot to his neck, combing through the short hair and he poured another shot of vodka. He knew had done something stupid that night. He just fucking knew it. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” He spat out before drowning yet another shot of vodka. How many had he had so far?
“You can say that again.” Jim said without even a hint of emotion on his voice or face.
“Thanks. Shit.” Leonard was seriously contemplating if he could drown one more shot or if that would be too much. He’d lost count of how many he’d drank by now but the alcohol wasn’t doing anything to soothe his nerves.
“So it’s true then?” Jim asked with almost passive look on his face. Jim was never passive. He was always bursting with emotion, even when he was trying to remain diplomatic.
Leo almost opened his mouth to say ‘no’ but then stopped. If he said no, his relationship with Jim probably wouldn’t be the same anymore. Leo knew of his past, how he had trouble trusting people and if he lied to Jim now and happened to be convincing enough, he just knew he couldn’t act the same way around Jim anymore. And if somehow Jim found out he’d been lying? Leo didn’t even want to think about the consequences. He ran a hand through his hair and headed for the chair. He had to be seated for this otherwise he’d probably fall flat on his face.
“Yeah.” He answered truthfully and he was conflicted whether to glance at Jim or avoid all eye contact. “It’s true.” He decided on the avoidance and almost toppled over the counter. The edge of the counter was pressing uncomfortably to his ribcage as Leo cradled his head inside his arms.
“How long?” Jim asked and Leonard could sense him sitting down next to him. Leo lifter his head and righted his back before leaning his elbows on the counter and placing his head on his palms.
“Ah, shit kid. I don’t know.” Before he had a chance to continue he heard Jim huff out in disbelief. “I mean I realized it after all the shit with Khan but it must have happened before that.” Leo continued. He almost beat himself in the way he whispered Khan’s name but who could blame him. Jim rarely spoke about him and when he did it was always when drunk and about him killing Pike. Pike’s death had hit Jim hard. Jim always talked about Pike as a sort of a father figure. Christopher Pike was the first person who really thought Jim was good for something and that he was someone to believe in.
“Well, okay then.” Jim said and it actually sounded like he was okay. Leo had to take a peek and Jim did look like his old self. Now that he looked like his normal relaxed self, it was more obvious Jim had been tight as a violin string the minute he’d walked in the door.
“Okay?” Leo was starting to feel the beginning of a headache in his skull. This conversation was making his brain pulse inside his skull and Jim was confusing the shit out of him.
“Yeah.” Leo felt like he was in a dream or something because all of this was not making a lick of sense. “I think our steaks might be burning.” Jim continued and Leo had a hard time processing the words. Once he grasped the idea of it he scrambled to his feet and towards the balcony. Luckily the steaks weren’t burned, just slightly overcooked.
“D’you want me to do something to these potatoes and carrots?” Jim asked from next to the boiling pot. At some point he had gotten up and was poking the pot with a fork with a curious look on his face.
“If they’re done then just pour out the water.” Leo said feeling kind of tired all of a sudden. The day had really done a number on him. “What do you mean ‘okay’?” He knew Jim took things at face value but it seemed like this just couldn’t be over and done with quite so easily. He knew Jim was adaptable but no one could bounce back from a love confession this easily.
“Just that. I don’t know what else to say at this point.” Jim shrugged and glanced at Leo under his eyebrows.
“You’re not outraged, appalled, freaked out? Anything?” He had to make sure. The whole situation wasn’t making any sense whatsoever.
“I was freaked out at first but now, not so much.” Jim shrugged again as he dished out the potatoes and carrots from the pot. Leo felt like running his hands through his hair. Jim’s reactions were confusing the hell out of him.
“I don’t know, man.” Jim told while shaking his head. For a second he almost looked as confused as Leo felt.
“What d’you wanna do now?” Leo wanted to curse at the way he sounded asking that question. He sounded way too timid to be a grown ass man conversing with his best friend – who he’d confessed having feelings for. Okay, maybe feeling a bit timid wasn’t out of the question with this conversation.
“Just continue as we were, at least for now. I don’t want to say anything I might regret later on. I care too much about this friendship and you to do that.” Jim said simply and offered a small smile to Leo. Funnily though it offered none of the comfort it used to do.
“Well ain’t that cute. Jim Kirk acting all grown up for once.” Leo reverted back to his sarcasm now that some sort of stability had been gathered. He’d been feeling way out of character since Jim told about his confession.
“Shut up old man or I’ll throw this fork at you!” Jim told with a pointed look. He tried so hard to look threatening but his eyes were shining with amusement.
“Just keep on dishing, infant man, I’m hungry!” Leo grumbled and sipped his drink as he tried not to smile. Maybe they could get past this and manage to still be friends after his stupid confession.
I decided to fasten up my posting schedule because I had a burst of creative energy last night and this story has come to an end! It just needs minor tweaks here and there. The whole story will be posted within this week.
As it turned out, they couldn’t manage to keep their friendship normal. Leo tried very hard to act like himself around Jim but Jim was treating him like he would break from even looking at him. He refrained from touching him at any point and Jim was even more impossible to get to do a physical these days. Leo wanted to punch the man but that probably couldn’t end well for him.
“He is infuriating!” Leo said while pacing around his room. They were back in space after their two months of forced shore leave because of the reparations the Enterprise needed and Leonard was frustrated as shit. He missed Jim – the old Jim. This had been just the situation he’d been afraid of when he’d thought about confessing his feelings.
“So you keep telling me.” Spock said drily from the chair. He was looking at the pacing doctor with a raised eyebrow. “Seven times a week and ten times a day.”
“Damn it, pointy-eared hobgoblin, I need to complain to someone!” Leo declared and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t complain that often.” He continued under his breath and the look he received from Spock made him question his statement. So maybe he complained a lot, so what? He was losing his best friend because he’d been stupid enough to get drunk and spill his beans to the man!
“Shall I send Nyota here then?” Spock said and got up from the chair.
“No! She’d only make lovey-dovey rosy-eyed glances at me and talk about how great it would be if we could go to a double date!” Leonard shouted out, ending the sentence with a poorly executed imitation of Nyota’s voice and saw a hint of a smile pull at the corners of Spock’s lips. It was such a miniscule motion that people who didn’t know him would’ve missed it. “Don’t you dare laugh at me!”
“I would do no such thing, Doctor.” Spock stated while standing stiffly with his hands behind his back. After everything that happened in Altamid, they’d gotten more comfortable around each other. Leonard had come to even like the Vulcan and all his logic-ness. As strange as it seemed to Leo, he also kind of trusted Spock.
“I think you should seriously consider moving on. You are only doing yourself harm this way.” Spock told Leo let out a sigh. They’d talked about this a few times already. “It’s the most logical course of action.”
“I know.” Leonard murmured and ran his fingers through his hair. He should move on but it was so goddamn hard. It was obvious that Jim didn’t want anything more than just friendship with Leo and had a hard time saying it. Maybe if he found a way to move on, thigs would get back to normal between him and Jim. He missed his friend. “Believe me, I know.”
~ * ~
Leonard was sitting in his office at Sickbay, writing reports and scheduling check-ups for the crew. He, honest to God, hated this part of his profession.
“Doctor McCoy?” Christine Chapel peered behind the door after knocking. “We have a situation.” She continued after Leo motioned her to come in.
“What kind?” Leo asked while saving his reports and getting up and stretching his back. His muscles were aching after only a few hours of sitting down in front of the desk.
“Patient refusing care.” Christine stated and started to lead Leo towards the patient. Usually Christine was adequate enough to deal with idiot patients who refused care.
“And you need me why?” Leo asked with a raised eyebrow. This made no sense whatsoever.
“For your southern charm, Doc.” Christine said with a small smile and a wink before motioning towards the bed with closed blinds.
“I don’t need to see anyone. My hand is fine!” A man’s voice came from behind the curtain, half shouting from exasperation.
“Your finger is broken…” Someone, a nurse perhaps, tried to say but the patient interrupted her.
“I’ll just tape it to the next finger and it’ll be good as new.”
“You’ll do no such thing. Now, sit your ass down, be a good boy and let me take a look at it.” Leo said sharply as he came round the curtain. The man sitting on the bed was someone Leo hadn’t seen before, which was quite strange with him being the CMO of the ship and flying with nearly the same crew for six years.
“The treatment you talk about is simply medieval. In this day and age we can fix those pesky broken fingers with a few dabs of Osteogenic stimulator. But then again, if you want to be in pain and out of work for a few weeks I’m sure I can leave it to heal on its own.” Leo sat on a chair, held out his hand and waited for the man to let him examine it. When the hand didn’t appear near his hand in the next half a minute, Leo gave the man a piercing look that clearly dared him to continue disobeying him.
The man, a boy really since he looked like he was somewhere around 25-years old, gave him a huge smile and reached out his injured hand. “Hey Doc!” He said with a wink. Leo ignored the flirtatious look from the boy and had a look at the hand. The middle finger was bent at an angle it shouldn’t. The bone was definitely broken but luckily it wasn’t an open fracture.
“I need to align the bones before treating it with the osteo stim. Have you had any pain relief?” Leo asked and glanced at the man who was still smiling brightly. It made him a bit flustered and he tried not to shuffle in his seat uncomfortably.
“Haven’t and don’t need it.” He said with a shrug.
“There’s no need to try to be a hero. It’s going to hurt like a motherfucker.” Leo told the grinning man and the smile almost fell from his face.
“I can take a bit of pain. Besides, it’s only gonna hurt for a few seconds.” He told before plastering the grin back on his face. Leo almost let himself wonder why on earth anyone would be willing to go through that kind of pain when the remedy was close at hand.
“Are you sure?” Leo asked and as he started to nod Leo pulled on the finger and aligned it. He took the osteogenic stimulator from the nurse and ran it around the broken finger. He heard the nurse leave as he was treating the finger. “You okay?” He queried when he heard not a peep from the boy.
“Never better.” He told and Leo released his hand. He peered at the boy sitting on the bed and other than his light brown eyes shining a bit clearer and brighter, nothing else was any different in his face. He was still smiling the biggest smile Leo had seen in a while.
He was just getting up when the boy stopped him. “Hey Doc. My name is Nick Gardner and I’ve just transferred here. I believe it is protocol to have a physical in the first months.” The boy’s smile turned into a somewhat mischievous one.
“Nurse Chapel usually does those. I can arrange you to have it now if you’d like.” Leo stated glancing up from his PADD at the boy he might have to start calling Nick.
“That’d be awesome. But I’d rather have your hands on me than hers.” Leo could feel a blush rising from the back of his neck and he hoped it wasn’t too visible. It had been a while someone had been this straightforward with him.
“You do know that physicals these days don’t involve “hands on” examinations?” Leo tried to reach some stability with the sarcastic reply but not quite getting there.
“No? Okay then, what do I need to do to get your hands on my body?” Nick asked and the look he was giving Leo made him almost week at the knees. He had every intention of shrugging the question off but his mind was wiped clean and he heard words coming from his mouth. “Buy me dinner first.”
“It’s a date.” Nick said with a smile and before Leo had a chance to say he hadn’t agreed to a date, Nick opened the curtain and was stepping out only to almost run into Jim.
“Bo-“ Jim started but stopped when he realized he was interrupting something important and Leo could feel the redness steadily rising from his neck to his cheeks.
“So I’ll meet you here at seven tonight.” Nick said with a wink before acknowledging the Captain and leaving the Sickbay with a slight bounce in his step.
“Shit.” Leo heard himself say as he rand his fingers through his hair. “Shit.” He had no intention of agreeing to a date with anyone, let alone a mere boy and a new employee. What the fuck just happened?
“My, my, my. What did I walk into?” Jim asked with a slight smile.
“I think I have a date tonight.” Leo told no quite believing it himself. How the hell did he manage that? “I have to call it off.”
“Wait, Bones. This might be a good idea.” Jim said and hopped on the bed where Nick had sat only a few moments ago.
“How on earth would it be a good idea for me to go on a date with a teenage boy?” Leo asked and yet again ran his fingers through his hair. It must be now sticking to all directions possible.
“He’s not a teenager. He’s 28-years old. And besides when was the last time you were on a date? Eons ago!”
“He’s almost ten years younger than me! People will call me a cradle robber!”
“He’s not an infant, Bones! You should definitely go for it!”
“What do you want Jim? There must have been a reason for you to be here, other than to annoy the hell out of me!” Leo grumbled in annoyance and with his fingers pinched the root of his nose. He could feel a headache coming in.
“I came to ask if you’d be free tonight but it seems I was too late. Enjoy your date, Bones!” Jim chirped hopping off the bed and scurrying off somewhere, leaving almost flustered Leo behind.
“Jim! Jim Goddamnit!”
~ * ~
“Holy crap! Stop being so damn nervous!” Leo muttered to himself while standing in front of the mirror, trying to decide what to wear. Why was he so nervous? He wasn’t even interested in the guy. He would just go there, eat the damn food, thank him for stroking his ego and let him down gently. Although he had looked quite fine bouncing off from the Sickbay. And he did have quite nice eyes. “Stop it, Leo!”
Finally having decided on wearing simple jeans and t-shirt combo (he really wasn’t planning on impressing anyone) he left towards the Sickbay. He could feel his palms sweating and nervously wiped them on his thighs. This is really stupid, Leo thought to himself.
He was early so he headed to his office just to have something to do and possibly even calm his nerves. He shouldn’t be this nervous. Leo didn’t bother sitting down, he was too anxious for that but he did start going through his papers while leaning over the table. After few moments he heard a faint knock from the door behind him and expecting it to be someone from his staff he called them in without turning around to face the door.
“Damn you look good.” The voice and the words caused him to startle and he almost tripped on his feet while turning around to face the door.
“Uh, hi!” Leo stuttered out and took in the view of the man in front of him. Nick’s brown hair was tousled in an effortless way and the look on he was giving Leo was making him a bit weak at the knees. He should really stop doing that. The fact that he had skin tight black jeans and almost as skin tight white t-shirt on that showed off his really good physique wasn’t helping the matter at all. “And thanks. You look really good too.” He somehow managed to utter out while checking Nick out. He wasn’t usually that into moustaches but the short hairs above Nick’s upper lip suited the man. Suddenly Leo found himself wondering what the short hairs would feel like against his skin.
In a few steps Nick walked right in front of Leo and a faint whiff of musky cologne filled his nose. “I wanted to bring something better but this is the best I could get my hands on in such short notice.” Nick said and pulled out two bottles of beer from behind him. Nick opened the first one and handed it to Leo before opening his and taking a hefty swig from it. Leo’s eyes instantly were drawn to Nick’s neck and the way the Adam’s apple moved as Nick swallowed.
Leo could feel tightness in his jeans from the scene in front of him and he almost wanted to laugh at the way he was reacting to the younger man. He was almost feeling like a horny, hormone filled teenager at the moment. And Nick wasn’t helping the matter at all by looking at him like he knew just what he was doing to him.
Silently they drank their beer and eyed each other out. It had been a while the last time he’d honest to God eye fucked someone – or someone’d eye fucked him. Even though his brain was trying to steer him away from the younger man, his body was in control now and it wanted to stay there and see what the evening would bring. It had been too long since the last time he’d been intimate with another person and his body was reminding him of that. And after all the craziness with Jim, he longed for a night he could just forget the Captain and everything that came with him. He was starting to think he might break his unspoken rule about no affairs with men other than Jim.
Nick leaned in and Leo could feel his heart beat speed up with the anticipation. Nick kept eye contact as he slowly inched forward towards him but Nick didn’t go for a kiss and Leo was surprised at how conflicted he felt about that. On the other hand he was extremely anxious to find out what the man tasted like but then again he was immensely enjoying this build up. Nick placed his beer on the desk behind Leo and while straightening up he placed his right hand on Leo’s shoulder and slowly ran it downwards to his elbow.
“You ready to go?” He asked once his hand reached Leo’s elbow. He had no idea where Nick wanted to take him but for the first time in a long time he didn’t care to know.
“Sure.” Leo said and took a last gulp from the bottle before placing it next to Nick’s bottle on the desk. When he turned back to face Nick, he noticed the gap between them had gotten smaller. He could feel the heat of Nick’s body against his.
The hand that once was on his elbow started to travel back up and Leo held in his breath in anticipation. He couldn’t control his eyes from not so subtly looking at Nick’s lips. When Nick’s hand reached Leo’s neck, Leo let out the breath he’d been holding in and ran his tongue across his lips to moisten them up. It was as if everything was happening in slow motion. Leo felt a smirk pulling the corner of his mouth when Nick’s eyes dropped to follow the movement of his tongue.
Finally feeling like himself, Leo leaned in towards Nick and their lips finally met. If Leonard was letting his brain be in control there was no way in hell this would happen since his brain was screaming that he shouldn’t be kissing some teenager he just met. Luckily some other part of him was driving the show as he stepped in closed to the man and deepened the kiss.
Nick’s tongue ran across Leo’s lips, asking for permission to enter and Leo was all too keen on letting him in to explore his mouth. Nick took a step closer to him and Leo could feel he wasn’t the only one aroused and that excited him even more. Leo could feel the desk behind him and with a slight push from Nick’s pelvis Leo was seated on the desk with Nick between his legs. He was almost embarrassed by the loud moan that escaped his lips as Nick thrust against his groin again.
“Mmm… Nick!” Leo tried to start a sentence but was unable to continue because Nick was pressing himself on him.
“Yeah, Doc?” Nick muttered against Leo’s neck where he was keeping his mouth busy with pecking, sucking and nibbling. Leo was almost embarrassed by the way the word “Doc” spoken by Nick was causing his heart rate to accelerate. And for the record, the moustache against his skin felt glorious.
“What – ah- ‘bout dinner?” He managed to ask between moans. Nick was almost unravelling him to a moaning bundle of pleasure with only his lips and wandering hands and slightly thrusting hips. Leo couldn’t stop himself from running his hands across Nick’s taut back to his nice and firm ass. He gave it an appreciative squeeze and rubbed himself against the other man’s groin. Leo was very proud of the moan he managed to pull from Nick with his antics.
“We’re adults. We can start off with dessert.” Nick said and pulled back from Leo’s neck to stare deep into his eyes. Leo marvelled at how utterly debauched Nick looked with his blown pupils, swollen lips and slight blush on his cheeks.
Leonard managed to get himself under control to slightly push Nick off. “Honey, I like to savour my dessert. And I’m planning on enjoying it long and hard and to do that we need energy.” He told and ran his hand across Nick’s chest.
“Shit, okay. Give me a minute.” Nick almost groaned out and the struggle was evident on his face. Leo couldn’t keep the chuckle in as he watched Nick rearranging himself in his tight jeans. Leo was really happy he’d decided on a bit looser jeans for tonight.
“Right. This isn’t going to work with you standing there looking all handsome and edible.” Nick told while pointing at him while trying to look like he was upset. Leo let out a hearty laugh.
“Sorry, but I’m really not sorry.” Leonard told with a wink and a shrug. He was really starting to enjoy this. A part of his brain did try to tell him that he knew nothing of this man.
About a half an hour later they were in the mess hall with food in front of them. Nick had said that he would’ve rather eaten somewhere more private but a shared room wasn’t that private and he’d told his roommate wasn’t that accommodating.
“So why don’t you just ask for a transfer?” Leo asked between bites.
“Nah, he’s just missing his previous roommate. He’ll warm up to me in no time.” Nick said with a bright smile.
“Luckily the CMO has his own private room.” Leo told with a smirk and before Nick could comment, Leo continued. “It was really strange sharing a room at the Academy with me being almost thirty and divorced and everyone around me was in their twenties and had not a care in the world.” Leo nearly gulped at the word that fell too easily from his lips. He hadn’t planned on saying anything about his divorce.
“You’ve been married, huh?” Nick enquired before taking a sip from the glass in front of him.
“Yeah.” Leo told and he seriously hoped Nick wouldn’t ask any follow-up questions. He didn’t want to talk about his failed marriage this evening because he was sure that would just dampen his mood.
“I haven’t.” Nick said after a few moments and Leo almost forgot what they were talking about before. “Been married that is, if you were wondering.” Nick told with a small smile on his face and Leo felt gratitude towards the man for refraining from asking any more questions. The main reason he’d stopped dating was that always at some point he would tell he was divorced and they would ask why. He didn’t want to think about that time of his life now. Even though it was about a decade ago it still caused pain and made him uncomfortable.
“I wasn’t but thanks for the info.” Leo laughed happy that the atmosphere was once again lighter. Nick gave a thoroughly sexy look at Leo behind his eyelashes before he felt a foot sneaking towards Leo’s calf. In response to the sexy smirk/smile Leo just arched his eyebrow. He was finding it thoroughly hard not to smile like a goof.
“You ‘bout done?” Nick asked and Leo noticed that his voice was a bit deeper ad huskier. Without saying a word Leo picked up both trays and took them away. Nick was still sitting at the table, eyes lingering on Leo’s ass while Leo moved towards the door. Leo refrained from swaying his hips too much while walking away.
“You coming, Nick?” Leo asked loudly over his shoulder as he left the Mess Hall and started heading towards his room. In no time he heard footsteps pounding on the floor as Nick followed after him.
They reached the corridor where Leo’s room was situated and once at the door he started punching in the code. Nick lightly pulled him backwards from his hips and Leo could feel that Nick was already getting aroused again. Just the thought of that made Leo moan out loud and Leo flipped them over. He pressed Nick to the wall roughly with his body and moaned again as Nick’s hands went to his ass and squeezed. Nick’s lips latched on to his neck, sucking and nibbling at it before travelling to his earlobe.
“God you taste and feel so fucking amazing!” Nick breathed out huskily. Leo was starting to get too caught up on the situation and he needed to cool things down. They were still in the corridor and anyone could walk by. He wasn’t an exhibitionist. Leo took a hold of Nick’s hands and lifted them over his head and pinned them against the wall before stepping farther away from Nick.
“You are definitely getting to taste and feel me all you want.” Leo told Nick who was looking at him with disappointment written all over his face. Leo took hold of the hands poised above their head with one hand and started to punch in the code again. “But we need to get in to start doing that.”
Nick almost whined as Leo had to take another step back to reach to open the door. He tried to follow Leo with his pelvis and Leo smirked to himself. He was going enjoy this immensely.
“Patience, Darlin’” He told but at the same time he couldn’t stop himself from palming the front of Nick’s bulging jeans. The younger man thrust in to the touch and excitement ran through Leo. He finally got the door open and pushed Nick ahead of him to the room. A slight motion on the corner of his eye made him look to the right as he was stepping in. The easy smile on his face nearly fell as he saw Jim looking at him. As Jim noticed that Leo was looking back at him, his face brightened up slightly. Leo almost wanted to say something to the man but was interrupted as Nick came back to the corridor.
“Come on, I need you naked, now.” An excited laugh escaped Leo’s lips as he was pulled to the room and the door closed behind them. All thoughts of Jim and the peculiar look on his face were wiped away as Nick started pulling Leo’s shirt off him.
“Fuck!” Jim muttered as he tried to empty his mind with physical exertion – it wasn’t working. What the hell had he been thinking it would be fun to send Bones off to a date? He hadn’t really thought that anything would come of it. Bones didn’t date and he certainly didn’t take people back home for a steamy night filled with sex. Jim hadn’t been able to resist the temptation to tease the man; Bones had looked so amazingly flustered and horrified because someone was flirting with him. He’d been an idiot!
Last night and the scene of Bones taking the newest member of their team to bed kept playing in front of his eyes over and over and over again. He just couldn’t pinpoint what was it about the scene that was disturbing him so much and causing an uncontrollable urge to get the kid transferred off his ship right this second! It wasn’t as if he’d never seen two dudes getting their freak on before. It might be just because Jim wasn’t used to seeing Bones so flirty and sexual. Well that wasn’t exactly true, he’s seen Bones flirting but never going through with it. He honestly couldn’t remember a single time Bones had taken anyone home before. He’d never seen him so teasing and playful and fuck it, commanding! Jim could feel his heart pounding faster and it wasn’t caused by his feet pounding on the treadmill.
He couldn’t help himself picturing the scene he witnessed with himself against Bones. With Bones pushing him against the wall, with him running his lips and tongue against Bones’ neck, with Bones palming his –.
“Whuaaahhh!” The thought caused his feet to forget what they were doing and Jim found himself on the floor in a groaning heap.
“Captain, are you alright?” A tentative hand was placed on his shoulder and Jim looked up at Spock trying to fight down the pain twinging in his cheek and knee.
“Fine, I’m just fine.” He told and hopped to his feet expecting them to hold his weight and not anticipating a hot poker of pain going through his kneecap. “Shit.” Luckily Spock managed to save him from falling on his injured knee again.
“I think we need to get you to the Sickbay.” Spock said and started leading Jim towards the door.
“I’m fine Spock. Nothing a cold pack and a few painkillers won’t fix.” Jim muttered and tried to shrug the arm around him off.
“I strongly urge you to get that checked. Also, your cheek should be cleaned.”
“Stop with the worrying Spock, you sound like a mother hen. I have a first aid kit in my room. I’ll be fine.” He retorted and managed to free himself and started hopping and wobbling off to his room. With his mind thoroughly confused he didn’t need to see Bones and there was no way he’d let anyone else treat him. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust everyone in his medical staff with his life, but Bones had been his doctor since the day they met and going to someone else just felt weird.
“Whatever you say, Captain.” Spock said quietly and watched Jim leave. As the door closed behind him Spock pulled out his Comm. “Spock to Doctor McCoy.”
~ * ~
Jim managed finally to hop to his room without falling on his face or ass or knees. As soon as the door closed behind him he dropped his sweats and sat on the sofa to inspect the damage. His knee didn’t look that bad if you ignored the redness and swollenness of it, at least his patella was sticking to the side. Bones had taught him that word. “See this, Jim. This is your patella and it shouldn’t point at that direction. When it points to anywhere else than straight ahead, you comm me, immediately!” Bones had been less than happy to find him trying to ignore the dislocated knee rather than going to see anyone about it. Jim stepped out of the sweats and was wobbling towards the kitchen to get his first aid kit when the door swooshed open behind him.
“Spock told me you fell off a treadmill.” Bones said and stepped inside. “Why didn’t you come to see me?” The look of hurt pooling in Bones’ eyes caused Jim to feel terrible and extremely ashamed.
“It’s nothing.” Jim told and in no time Bones was standing in front of him, staring at him with the hurt still lingering in his eyes. Jim felt like shit.
“Sit down.” Bones told him with a pointed look and a raised eyebrow.
“It’s really nothing for you to worry about.” Jim tried to say and he could almost see the steam coming from Bones’ ears.
“Which one of us is a doctor with decades of experience?”
“Then god damnit Jim, let me do my job.” Bones growled and manhandled Jim towards the kitchen counter. Before Jim could say ‘Stop’, Bones had hoisted him on the table. Jim’s mouth went dry and his cheeks were getting redder as the images that caused him to fall down the first time filled his head again. He’d been manhandled before by the Doctor but this was different because of what he’d seen last night. Somehow seeing Bones with a man had caused his brain to start thinking about his friend in a very sexual way. Jim prayed the only place getting filled with blood would be his cheeks and not his dick.
Bones wasn’t helping the situation at all because the second he prayed his dick wouldn’t notice his thoughts, Bones dropped to his knees between his legs. Thankfully the pain distracted his mind and made Jim hiss as Bones poked and prodded the injured knee. In no time Bones rose from the floor taking support on his thigh.
“Lean back.” Bones told and with Jim so fixated on the hand on his thigh he missed the words and was suddenly forcibly pushed down on the table. “Could you be more uncooperative?”
“I could try.” Jim told with a dry chuckle and tried to regain some sort of normalcy with Bones. He was not interested in his best friend in that way. He was not interested in his friend in that way! He was not interested in his friend in that way! The low growling sound coming from Bones’ mouth made Jim’s blood pump faster. Okay, he might be a bit interested in his friend.
Bones positioned himself sideways between Jim’s legs and lifted the injured leg. “Relax your muscles.” He ordered and once Jim managed to do that Bones was moving the leg around. He straightened the leg and Jim tried not to whimper out loud at the pain. As Bones was folding the leg back, his hip brushed against Jim’s oversensitive groin and Jim gasped in surprise and closed his eyes; as if keeping his eyes closed would in any way help with the situation.
“Does this hurt?” Bones asked and repeated the motion and again his hip brushed against Jim’s groin.
“No.” Jim told through his teeth and tried to will the blood to go anywhere else than towards his groin. His dick was definitely now fully interested in the activities. Jim also wished he’d have more clothes on than a sweaty t-shirt and boxers.
“You need to tell me the truth.” Bones told and moved the leg and again brushed against the previously mentioned interested dick. Jim scurried up and hoped his friend wouldn’t notice the slowly rising tent in his boxers. Inconspicuously he tried to move his t-shirt to cover up the bulge.
“It doesn’t hurt. It hurt when you straightened my leg but that’s about it.” Jim really wanted to take Bones’ hands and remove them from his thighs but that would only make him interested in the reason. Jim drew in a breath once he noticed how impossibly close Bones was standing. He glanced down and noticed there was only a breath of space between their groins and shit that made his dick perk up even more. Jim lifted his gaze up and suddenly his vision was filled with Bones’ lips and only his lips. This isn’t helping!
How come he never noticed how full Bones’ lower lip was? He couldn’t help the tongue poking out of his mouth and running across his own lips. Suddenly he realized they’d been quiet for too long and he’d been staring at his friend with lust filled eyes without saying anything. Jim’s eyes snapped to his friend’s eyes and Bones was looking at him strangely with his impressive brows furrowed so close together they were almost forming a unibrow.
“I should clean your cheek.” Bones finally muttered and stepped away from Jim. Jim let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. Jim almost wanted to punch himself in the dick if it would help in any way to stop it from acting up.
Bones came back after a few minutes and wrapped a cold pack on Jim’s knee before lifting his left hand on Jim’s face. Gently he pushed it to the side and started cleaning the wound.
“So Doc, am I going to live?” Jim asked after Bones finally let go of his face. Jim almost missed the angry way Bones had handled him before. He’d been too gentle and too caring while cleaning his face.
“You’re going to be sore as hell but other than that you’re going to be fine.” He told and stepped away from Jim. Jim slid off the table and forgot not to use the injured one, causing him to tumble against Bones. Jim’s hands ended up on Bones’ shoulders and Bones managed to keep him upright by grasping his elbows. Two things happened simultaneously, one: his dick, the one that was halfway erect, was pressed against Bones’ crotch and two: Jim forgot he was supposed to step back, not towards his friend.
“Oh.” Bones let out a breath and shifted his footing and inadvertently rubbing against Jim’s half mast. That caused a rivulet of pleasurable feelings run through Jim’s body and he nearly managed to keep the escaping moan in, nearly.
“Oh.” Bones repeated in wonder and Jim finally opened his eyes. He couldn’t even remember at which point he had shut them. Bones was so close and he was staring at his lips. Jim could feel his blood pounding in his ears as he saw a tongue peek out from between Bones’ lips. All he could see, feel and smell was Bones and it was making him lightheaded.
“Bones?” Jim was feeling thoroughly confused with the situation at hand. This was his friend, one of his best friends. A friend he had never before lusted after, okay maybe that wasn’t entirely true. There was the time he first laid eyes on the grumpy man suffering from aviophobia and drinking his problems away.
“Yeah?” Bones asked and Jim felt a hand go from his elbow to his back, pulling Jim closer to him. All thoughts of the question he wanted to ask went off his head as Bones grinded against him. It shouldn’t feel this good. Without a conscious thought Jim noticed his hand reaching up to cup Bones’ cheek. Oh shit, I’m going to do this! I’m going to kiss Bones! Jim licked his lips before leaning in towards Bones.
“Captain, you are needed at the Bridge.” The voice caused Bones to jump away from him and Jim tried to find balance without the man holding him up.
“I should go.” Bones said and before Jim could open his mouth the door opened and closed and Bones was gone.
“Fuck.” Jim muttered. “Shit, what did I do?” He asked himself and hopped to answer the call.
~ * ~
Leo was running his fingers through his hair in his office as he tried to do his reports for the day. It was useless. His thoughts kept turning towards the previous evening in Jim’s room. When Spock had called to say that Jim had fallen quite badly he’d wasted not a second to hurry to his room. He ignored the way his blood pumped in his ears when he found the Captain half naked with a bruised knee. All of that was replaced with anger once Jim tried to brush the injury off. After all this time he’d have thought the man trusted him with his injuries. It was like the Academy all over again; Jim getting in to bar brawls and hiding away, licking his wounds in private and with Leo reigning in his anger to help out his friend.
Now after all this time he knew the reason Jim did what he did was because of the life he’s lead and had to live. Once, after copious of amounts of alcohol Jim had confessed that he’d always had to look out for himself because most of the time he had no on to rely on. He had learned only to rely on himself because the people around him had a tendency to disappoint him.
Something definitely had been off with Jim and he’d noticed it as soon as he got the man on the table. Normally Jim would have been shouting profanities at him for manhandling him, the Captain, in such a way. Normally he’d have been trying to escape and push him away.
He’d noticed the dilated pupils while inspecting the leg (damn him for forgetting his equipment at Sickbay and having to do the examination the ancient way of palpating!) but he’d brushed it off until he finished cleaning Jim’s cheek. As he was placing the swab back on the table he noticed the definite bulge in Jim’s boxers.
He had to step away from Jim. It was confusing him. Then Jim had stumbled on him and the almost erect penis was pressed against him and it had felt so fucking good. He hadn’t been able stop himself from shifting against it and the noise coming from Jim’s mouth caused his blood to pour straight to his groin. Before he knew what was happening, he was grinding against Jim.
Leo was extremely glad that Jim had been called to the Bridge before anything else had a chance to happen. He didn’t know what was going on but he was sure that had they been left uninterrupted they’d ended up doing something they’d both regret. He didn’t know why Jim was acting the way he was but it wasn’t normal for him.
How the hell had his life turned upside down like this? First he drunkenly admitted to being in love with his friend and then things go from strange to crazy and he ends up dry humping said friend! Jim also had been weird, had acted like he didn’t know what to do with Leo anymore after the confession. Then all of a sudden he was getting hard in his presence!
~ * ~
“I must be coming down with something. Some bug is making my body act the way it did.”
“Possibly. But there is also another more probable reason for this.” Spock was lounging on Jim’s sofa with a look that could quite possibly be described as smirking on his face as he watched Jim pacing the room.
“What? Something or someone’s hijacked my body?”
“You might be attracted to the Doctor.” Jim stopped in his tracks and almost opened his mouth to deny but nothing came out.
“You really think that’s possible, after a decade of friendship? That after all this time I’m suddenly attracted to Bones?” Jim asked quietly.
“Yes and no.” Spock told. Jim waited for him to continue, but after a half a minute of not saying anything Jim got impatient. “You can’t leave it at that!” He threw his hands in the air in annoyance.
“I do think it is possible you are attracted to him. But I also think it might not be as sudden as you are inclined to think.”
“What do you mean?” Jim could feel his pulse quickening at the words but had trouble grasping fully the meaning of them.
“I think you should think about it on your own. I must take my leave.” Spock told with his face devoid of any emotion before exiting the room.
Jim groaned as the door closed and he dropped himself on the sofa. He didn’t want to think about it. The whole thing was confusing him and he didn’t like being confused. Why couldn’t he just turn back time and everything would go back to normal between him and Bones?
Leo wanted to get angry, he wanted to punch walls and faces and smash chairs on people’s backs. He wanted to but he didn’t. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to be livid and furious – more than that he wanted not to feel resigned. For two weeks he’d found himself feeling subdued and compliant. Just rolling along with what Jim wanted to do. And for Jim it seemed he wanted to forget Leo was ever anything more than his CMO.
Two weeks ago it seemed like Jim was making a move, at least that’s what trying to kiss someone with an erection sporting between his legs was for Leo. You didn’t do that to a co-worker. It was not socially acceptable to do that to one’s doctor either. After leaving Jim’s room Leo had to take a step back and assess the situation with as clear of a mind as he could possibly get. He tried to push his own feelings aside and approached the situation as he would if it was a medical problem he needed to solve. He thought about all of the probable reasons for Jim’s actions and reached only one conclusion and that was that Jim was feeling more for him than a mere friend would feel. And Jim being Jim, he had no clue what he was feeling and what it meant.
One drunken night Jim had laughed and confessed he’d never been in love. He also revealed he’d never even been in a serious relationship either. The longest relationship he’d had was in his teens and it had been for a month before he forced the girl to break up with him. Leo nearly asked him how could that be even possible but before he could ask, Jim continued on to another topic.
“Leonard McCoy!? Is that really you?” A shrill voice Leo hadn’t heard in years reached his ears as he sat in a quiet café.
“Mandy?” Leo found himself in a tight embrace. A whiff of vanilla perfume rose to his nostrils and in an instant Leo was pulled back over a decade and his brain was filled with memories of quiet libraries and noisy common rooms and laughter. “Amanda Bleecker! As I live and breathe!”
“It’s Amanda L’Yson nowadays.” A hand with a golden band was thrust to his line of vision after he’d been pushed back form the hug.
“You got married? The one who swore up and down the campus she’d never marry and that the whole institution was archaic and –“
“Shut up! I fell in love. That changes everything as you are well aware. How’s Joce?”
“Don’t know, don’t care, got divorced.”
“Well good riddance, I say! Always hated the bitch.”
“Please, tell me how you really feel.”
“Oh be quiet! I never liked her pretentious ass. So, how’s life? I read you tried your hand at being a God and resurrected a man? How the hell did you even end up in Starfleet anyway? I thought you were terrified of flying!”
“Funnily enough a nasty divorce overrides that fear.”
It was like he was back in college. Mandy hadn’t changed that much. She wore her auburn hair longer and used less make-up than before but she was still that petite spitfire she was back in the day. Leo motioned for her to join him before offering to get her a drink.
“How’s marriage treating you?” Leo asked once he was back with the drinks.
“Good, great really. I never imagined it would be this way.” Mandy told with a sigh and sipped her drink. She peered at Leo with her olive green eyes. “She cheated.” Mandy stated and Leo tried not to shudder under the piercing gaze that seemed to go straight through him. She had this amazingly annoying ability to know things, it was like she had a sixth sense.
“Yeah.” Leo told and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He really didn’t want to talk about this.
“You look a lot better than I’d have imagined you looking after a divorce.” Finally she turned her piercing eyes away from Leo’s and he finally felt like he could breathe again. Luckily Mandy changed the subject by talking about her husband and the work they were doing in Deneva Prime. He’d forgotten how expressive her face was and how she liked to talk with her hands. Leo listened with a fond smile on his face. Time just flew by as they talked. It was like they’d never been apart. Somehow during the talk Mandy had pulled Jim into the talk and figured out his feelings for him.
“You love him.” She stated and all he could do was nod. “What’s the problem?”
“Jim.” Mandy was about to ask him more but he beat her to it.
“He doesn’t like men?”
“Not generally I think. At least I’ve never seen him with a man. I’m almost positively certain though that he has feelings for me.” Leo told and got into explaining what had happened between them two weeks ago. As a rule, Leo hated talking about his private life with other people. It was called private for a reason. But Mandy was different. There had been a time she’d been Leo’s closest friend.
“That’s quite a pickle you’re in.” She mused and absentmindedly rubbed her chin.
“Tell me about it.” Leo told with a chuckle. “I just don’t know if I can handle this much longer.”
“Be a darling and fetch me a chocolate muffin, I think I may have a suggestion for you.” Leo suppressed the urge to gulp as he went to get Mandy a muffin. Mandy’s ideas were almost always pretty out there and involved lots of public humiliation. She didn’t mind the humiliation one bit but Leo hated it.
“Oh, don’t look so horrified!” Mandy quipped as soon as Leo sat back down on his seat. “Not all my ideas are crazy!”
“Solid 90 percent is!”
“More like 70 percent!” Mandy laughed and took a bite. “Anyway. I suggest we shock him into realization.”
“I am not going to electrocute Jim!”
“Not that kind of shock!” Mandy snorted. “This actually is kind of a win-win situation when you really start to think about it.” She muttered to herself before straightening her back. “I have a job proposition for you. The Deneva Health Department is looking for a new head researcher and I think you’d be brilliant for it.” She beamed at Leo but he was confused.
“And what does this have to do with Jim?”
“Oh you half-wit of a man.” Mandy only rolled her eyes at Leo’s guffaw. “I remember you talking about wanting to be a researcher at school. This is a perfect opportunity to see if it’s all that you imagined – which I assure you, it is. The pay is amazing, it’s on solid ground and you’d get to work with me again.” Leo had to admit he was really starting to warm up to the idea. When he was working with Khan’s blood the thought of getting in to research had risen again. But the situation with Jim overruled the thought. Now that Jim was being Jim and an ass – maybe a change in scenery wouldn’t hurt.
“You tell this Jim of yours of the amazing opportunity and see how it plans out. If he makes a move and a proper move this time, you let me know. If he says or does nothing, well, that’s another answer for you. Either you get the man you love or you get away from him, clean the slate and start over.” Leo didn’t know what to say. He could see the appeal in that sort of strategy but the chance of Jim letting him go scared him.
“Here’s my info. I’ll be waiting to hear how this goes for you.” Mandy said quietly and handed him a piece of paper. Leo hoped he said goodbye to Mandy but he was almost certain he didn’t. Not that she minded he was sure. Leo needed to really think about this new turn of events.
Leo didn’t know what to do with this. Jim was avoiding him like the plague and Leo was getting sick of it. He was feeling hurt and sad and angry and he couldn’t stand the situation for much longer. It was killing him – losing his best friend. As much as he enjoyed the company of others on the ship, people he’d started to think as his family, without Jim everything seemed so goddamn pointless.
If he were to tell Jim about the job offer he needed to make sure it would be one he’d actually want to take. No point shooting his mouth and not going through with it if Jim didn’t want him to stay. The ping of his padd pulled Leo back from his thoughts. He didn’t know how long he’d sat there thinking about the offer and Jim.
~ * ~
“So, what’s eating you?” Nick asked and took a sip from the beer in front of him. Leo glanced at the man next to him as he thought about what to say. Their relationship wasn’t really a relationship with the talking and the feelings etc. Basically they were sleeping together every once and a while, which was more than fine with Leo at the moment. He had enough trouble with his friendship with Jim to last a lifetime and the arrangement with Nick was uncomplicated.
“I got a job offer a few days ago. Extremely good job offer.” After thinking about Mandy’s offer for two days, Leo had still not reached to any conclusion. He knew he was procrastinating.
“You gonna take it?” Nick scooted over and threw his hand over Leo’s shoulder. The music in the bar was too loud and being in close range was the only way to have a conversation.
“I don’t know.” Leo told and turned his head to look at Nick. Their faces were almost nose to nose.
“What’s the problem?” Leo contemplated on the question and whether he would answer it or not. He liked the boy but the nature of their relationship wasn’t suited for this conversation.
“I’d rather not talk about it now.” Leo murmured and nosed closer to Nick’s neck and licked his earlobe before pulling back to look at him.
“Oh, I could definitely think of other uses for your mouth then.” Nick purred before locking his lips on Leo’s. Leo laughed against the lips.
~ * ~
“I didn’t know McCoy was into guys.” Sulu said while looking at the couple sharing the booth and a hot kiss.
“Would it have made any difference?” Uhura asked and Jim was hoping he would be anywhere else than here. They’d just walked in to the bar and first thing he’d seen was Bones and the kid sitting close together, staring intimately to each other’s eyes. The scene was bothering him too much and he was reminded again of the talk with Spock a few weeks ago. He’d had a good time ignoring the situation that was making him uncomfortable. Oh, who was he kidding, he’d been miserable the whole time!
“I might’ve tried to woo him at the Academy had I known it.” The words were followed by boisterous laughter from Sulu and the rest of their group. Jim made a beeline to the bar and ordered two shots and a beer wishing they could numb the feelings inside him. Once the shots were in front of him he downed them immediately. None of his crew commented anything but he could feel their questioning eyes on him. He stalked off to a table and positioned himself so he couldn’t see Bones and his boy toy. The others joined him and after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence and drinking the conversation started again. Jim was too gone in his own head to pay any attention to it.
Spock suggested maybe the attraction wasn’t a new thing. Sure he’d liked Bones’ appearance when they’d met but the fact that he’d never been into guys was a huge factor in the equation. He’d come to the acceptance that there was an attraction present now and that his body was reacting to Bones in a whole new way.
A nagging voice at the back of his head was saying that his friendship wasn’t like any other friendship he had. It was deeper in a way and it wasn’t just because their friendship was the longest in Jim’s life. His friendship with Spock rivalled in years but it wasn’t the same. He didn’t think about Spock as often as he did of Bones. He didn’t have a compelling need to see Spock daily like he did with Bones. This falling out had caused Jim to lurk behind corners to catch a glimpse of the Doctor without him noticing. He’d also pulled up a few of Bones’ old video messages he’d saved just to see him and hear his voice. Also, he’d never saved any of Spock’s video messages. I’m such a freaking girl!
Jim lifted the glass to his lips before noticing it to be empty and his bladder full. He stomped off absentmindedly to the toilets. After finishing his business he exited the bathroom and was faced with a scene that made his blood boil. Bones’ boy toy was flirting with another dude! The other dude was touching the kid and he wasn’t stopping it! Had he been younger and not a Captain of the Enterprise he would’ve gone there and punched the living daylight out of the kid. Instead he stormed to Bones’ table. Bones looked surprised to see him there.
“Your boy toy’s a bastard!” The words came out almost as a shout as he sat down.
“Well hello to you too.” Bones said with an unamused look on his face. He leaned back on the chair and crossed his arms in front of him.
“I just saw him flirting with another guy.” Jim almost felt bad about telling Bones but he didn’t want him to be in a relationship with a cheating bastard. He realized he didn’t want Bones to be in a relationship, period.
“You shouldn’t date someone who treats you that way!” Jim’s eyebrows crunched together in confusion at the passive way Bones was handling the news.
“It’s none of your goddamn problem Jim!” Bones growled angrily.
“Of course it’s my problem! I care about you and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Oh that’s rich coming from you!”
“What does that mean?” How in the hell had this conversation turned to something about him. They were discussing Bones’ relationship with his boy toy.
“Nothing.” Bones huffed out and took a large gulp from his drink. “Besides Nick and I aren’t in an exclusive relationship so he can flirt with whomever he chooses.”
“Don’t ‘nothing’ me! What did you mean?” Jim ignored the info about their non-exclusive relationship part. Although it sounded strange knowing Bones.
“Just leave it Jim.” Bones told and he looked exhausted all of a sudden, running his fingers through his hair, making it messier.
“I won’t! Explain!” Jim demanded and Bones hit him with a daring look.
“You really want to know?”
“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.” Suddenly Jim felt as if he really didn’t want to know. His brain was suddenly screaming at him abort! Abort! Abort!
“It’s funny how you don’t want me to get hurt because you’re the one actually hurting me.” The look of sick pleasure on Bones eyes had dropped and Jim saw a deep hurt flash in his eyes before he turned them away from him.
“How on earth am I hurting you? You’re my friend.” Jim was really confused but the annoying voice at the back of his head tried to tell him to shut up. For the love of God just shut up!
“Am I? Am I really your friend?”
“Of course you are!” Jim exclaimed. How could he even think otherwise? His head was spinning and the air felt too constricting. Had someone dropped the level of oxygen in the air?
“It doesn’t seem that way to me. Things’ve been weird between us for a long time now and I can’t take it anymore. “
“Now what does that mean?”
“It means I can’t take this anymore. I’m leaving Jim. I can’t be around you anymore. It’s hurting me too much.”
“What?” Jim’s blood ran cold and the word came out almost as a breath but Bones still heard it in the loud bar. Or maybe he didn’t, he couldn’t be sure.
“I got a good job offer and with the things the way they are, I’m going to accept it.”
“What?” Jim breathed out. His brain went blank.
“I’m going to hand in my resignation on Monday.” Bones told and left without looking at Jim. He wanted to get up and stop Bones from leaving but the shock kept him rooted to the chair.
Bones was going to leave. He was going to quit. He was going to leave the Enterprise. He was going to leave because of him. Bones was going to leave because of something he did. Those thoughts were spinning in Jim’s head round and round but he had trouble comprehending them. How was this possible? When Bones had smuggled him on the Enterprise all those years ago he’d really thought that there was no way they’d ever not be in a same ship together. He’d started to really think of Bones as a permanent fixture in his life, in it for the long haul. And now it seemed that wasn’t to be the case. And that thought hurt him physically, almost making Jim want to scream out in agony.
None of it made any sense. What did Bones mean by saying Jim was hurting him? He wasn’t doing anything to hurt Bones. He wouldn’t do that. Bones was his best friend. He cared about Bones too much to ever hurt him. He didn’t want to lose him. With that thought in mind he sprang up from the seat and out of the bar. He had to find Bones and talk some sense into him. There was no way he was quitting!
“You are an idiot!” Jim growled out as soon as Bones opened the door for him. He pushed past the dishevelled man at the door and into the room. Bones was dressed for sleep and Jim pushed the sudden thought that Bones looked really cute when he’s just woken up, to the back of his mind. He wasn’t here to ogle at his friend in his boxers and t-shirt.
“Jim, I’m tired and in no mood for this.” Bones ran his fingers through his already tangled hair, making it stick up in odd angles. Jim definitely didn’t think he looked sexy with his bed hair.
“So this is it? You’re just going to give up and leave?” Jim demanded. He sounded angry and exasperated but in his mind he was scared. He was scared that his might be it, scared that Bones was going to leave him for good. He’d lost people in his life but losing Bones scared the shit out of him, and he couldn’t handle that.
“Damn it Jim! I’ve made up my mind.”
“Well, fuck you! I’m not going to let you leave.” Jim stormed up to Bones and harshly pushed him back a step. He knew he was acting like a child but he didn’t care. Panic over losing Bones was at the foremost in his mind, overriding every other feeling he had.
“Stop acting like a goddamn child, Jim!” Bones growled and his face was getting flushed with anger.
“I’m not letting you leave things like this, Bones! What can I do to make things right?”
“There’s nothing you can do to make me change my mind.” Bones’ shoulders sagged down. He looked like the fight had left him completely; it was as if someone had deflated him.
“I refuse to believe that!” Panic, panic, panic! If Jim had been a machine, the control board would be flashing with red and yellow lights and sounds of alarms would be piercing his eardrums.
“Why can’t you just accept this and leave it at that?”
“Because I can’t imagine my life without you!” The words spilled from his mouth without a conscious thought and the second they were out, Jim realized how incredibly true they were. He honestly couldn’t think of his life without Bones being in it. Spock, Sulu, Uhura and the other friends in his life weren’t as important as Bones. Without them he could live but a life without Bones made his insides twist and turn unto an uncomfortable knot.
Bones looked shocked at the words. Jim also found his brain lacking the words to fill the silence, so he did what he always did; acted. He pulled Bones against him from the front of his shirt and kissed him – hard. Jim pressed his lips against Bones’ fiercely, running his tongue over unresponsive lips.
“Bones,” Jim breathed against Bones’ lips, “kiss me.” Instead of lips massaging against each other like he’d been expecting, Jim was pushed back roughly.
“What the hell are you doing?” Bones growled angrily and took a step back even though Jim was trying to pull him back against him.
~ * ~
Leo was applauding his self-control as he managed to take a step back while being in a situation that was almost heaven on earth. Jim kissing him had been in his dreams for years and now here he was. He’d felt the Captain’s lips and tongue against his and it felt wrong.
“What do you think I’m doing? I’m kissing you.” Jim stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Probably for him it was. Leo only hoped it would be that simple to him too, but he felt too raw and exhausted after everything that had happened in the last few months. Sometimes he could be more like Jim who just jumped into things without thinking it through.
“But why?” Leo demanded. A cold dread was oozing downwards from his throat to his stomach. This was textbook Jim behaviour. Jim didn’t want to lose something so he did what was needed to defuse the situation. He manipulated the person and the course of events to reach the ending he wanted. He ignored his personal opinion on the matter and did what was necessary. It was essentially what made him a great Captain.
“Because I want to.” Leo growled at the words and Jim ran his fingers through his hair uncomfortably. “Damn it Bones! Do we have to talk about this?” Jim pleaded and went to sit on the sofa, slumping on it with defeat written all over his features.
“No, we don’t have to.” Leo snarled through his teeth. This also was textbook Jim behaviour. Doing something rash and avoiding the discussion. “Get out.”
“What did I do now?” Jim looked at him with confusion and Leo felt the compelling urge to hit at a wall repeatedly – with his own head; or Jim’s, he wasn’t that picky.
“This is typical you! I can’t do this if you’re only playing me!”
“I’m not playing you! I wouldn’t do that, not to you.”
“I don’t believe that! You’ve shown me nothing to prove otherwise. You keep forgetting that I know you and I know all your tricks. I refuse to be manipulated by you. You’re using my feelings for you to your advantage and I can’t take it.” Leo started off with shouting and at the end his words were barely a whisper. He had to force the words out through the lump in his throat. But he needed to say these things; he needed to give voice to the hurt he felt inside. “I can’t – It hurts too much to have you act this way and then ignoring me the next minute.”
“Just leave, Jim.” Leo whispered and left the room. He needed to retreat and not be near Jim or he might just cry. Suddenly everything he’d gone through reached him and he felt exhausted, dead on his feet. The last time he’d felt this tired was when he was going through his divorce.
Leo dropped himself on the bed and as he heard the front door open and close, the lump in his throat started expanding. The exhaustion pulled him to a troubled slumber as he clutched his pillow to his chest like it was the only thing keeping him afloat.
A sudden dip at the bed pulled Leo back from his sleep. He was still clutching the pillow against his chest as he lay on his side. His eyelids felt like sandpaper and his head was aching inside his skull. He didn’t want to turn around and look at Jim perched on his bed.
“Seriously Jim, just go. I’m too tired to even think, let alone speak with you about this.” Leo mumbled against his palms as he rubbed his eyes.
“You don’t have to say anything, just listen.” Leo had never before heard Jim sounding as broken as he did now. “You do know me Bones. And you know I’m not good at saying things but I do care for you. I care about you more than I do about anyone else in the universe. I meant what I said; I can’t imagine a life without you in it. I’ve been an idiot, a scared idiot. I didn’t mean to ignore you or hurt you but this whole thing just felt too much for me to understand. Please, don’t leave because I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.” Leo didn’t know what to say. He was too exhausted to think of an answer to that.
“The thing is I did want to kiss you. I didn’t do it to manipulate you. I – I don’t really know what the definition of what I feel for you is, but I do know that I don’t think of you as just a friend. You’re more than that. Way more than that.” Leo felt a tentative hand grasp his shoulder, urging him to turn around. After contemplating it for a while, he turned around to face Jim.
“I hope you’d stay. But I’ll understand if you can’t. I can’t say that I’ll be okay with it but if you do leave, I hope we can still talk and see each other. I’d hate to lose you over my immature way of dealing with things that confuse me.”
“Jim I –“
“You don’t need to say anything. I’m not asking you whether you’re staying or leaving. You either hand in your resignation on Monday or you don’t. But I hope you’ll reconsider and give me a chance to make things right between us before that.” Jim’s eyes were shining even in the low light in the bedroom as Leo studied his face. There’d been times in their friendship that Leo had seen Jim genuine and open but never before had he been this open and raw.
“Okay.” Leo breathed out finally. All of a sudden he felt like he was much lighter and he could breathe a bit easier. There were lots of things to think about but at the moment he felt too drained to process any of it. He was worn out and he needed sleep to have any chance of figuring anything out.
“Can I stay here for the night?” The question was just a whisper but Leo heard it in the quiet room. Leo waited for the inevitable joke to follow the question because that’s how it usually went when Jim asked that question. They’d shared a bed many times in their friendship and Jim rarely could ask it with a straight face. But the joke never came. Leo almost fell asleep because of waiting and was startled awake when Jim started to move off the bed.
“Stay.” The word fell out of Leo’s mouth almost as a question. Jim lay back to the bed and in no time Leo fell asleep again, his hand settling over Jim’s heart.
~ * ~
Leo woke up disoriented. It took him a while for him to remember everything that had happened the previous night. He’d fallen asleep after a heartfelt confession from Jim and somehow during sleep he’d become the big spoon to Jim’s little spoon, hands embracing Jim close to his body. It was weird, Jim had said that he felt something more than friendship toward him and it filled him with warmth but then again it felt terrifying. He started to shift away from Jim but was stopped with Jim’s hands wrapping around his, holding him in place.
“Don’t go yet,” Jim muttered quietly. “I kind of like this.” He continued and wiggled himself closer to Leo. It felt strange but strange in a good way, Leo finally decided. How many times had he imagined them being close like this? Too many to count that’s for sure.
Leo couldn’t believe his luck, having Jim here, in his bed was like a dream he never dared to hope would come true. Jim was lost in thought, absentmindedly drawing circles with his index finger on Leo’s arm. He couldn’t fight the smile from pulling the corners of his mouth upwards. After what seemed like an hour and a minute at the same time Jim turned around in his arms. Peering at him with eyes packed full of emotions Leo had a hard time recognizing.
“Bones?” Jim reached out with his hand and touched Leo’s cheek uncertainly. Leo wasn’t sure what kind of sound he made but he was sure he’d be immensely embarrassed if he heard it himself.
“I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” Leo nodded — well he must’ve because in no time Jim’s face was getting nearer. The kiss was sweet. Like a first date kiss, no scratch that, like a first kiss. None of the urgency of yesterday’s kiss was there and Leo found himself smiling against Jim’s lips. In flurry of limbs Jim bounced off the bed and headed to the bathroom.
“Now that that’s out of the way, what’s for breakfast?” Jim shouted through the closed door.
“Whatever you’re making me.” Leo said with a smile pulling at his lips. He heard the toilet flush and the door opened again.
“What? I’m not going to cook for you! I’m your guest.” The horrified look Jim shot at him almost made Leo laugh.
“I don’t remember inviting you.” Leo told with mock accusation getting up from the bed as well.
“You told me to stay, so clearly you invited me.”
“Ugh! Fine! How’s porridge sound?” Leo asked trying to hide his smirk. He knew Jim hated porridge with a fiery passion.
“Yack! You’re not feeding me porridge. I was thinking more like a full English breakfast with eggs and sausages and bacon – “
“Shut up, Jim.” Leo had moved towards Jim and pulled him to a much more passionate kiss to shut him up. Before things got heated up Leo pushed Jim back and hurried to the bathroom. “Now cook me breakfast!” He shouted from behind the door. He could head Jim mumbling something behind the door. Leo could feel his face almost splitting with the smile on it.
“Move over before you set the kitchen on fire.” Leo told once he was out of the bathroom, staring at the mess in his kitchen and pushed Jim gently away from the stove with his hip.
“I really don’t understand your fascination with cooking. We have perfectly edible food packs and you don’t have to make a mess and clean up after yourself.” Jim mumbled out before taking a seat and Leo took in an extremely horrified breath at the words but before Leo could get into a lengthy explanation why he enjoyed actually cooking what he ate instead of food packs, Jim interrupted him.
“So, what’s in the books for today?” Leo had almost felt unnerved with the way Jim kept looking at him while he was making breakfast. He felt like a freaking teenager on his first budding relationship.
“I have some reports I need to finish, it should take a couple of hours and then I’ve nothing planned.” Leo told and placed a plate in front of Jim before sitting down next to him.
“Excellent! Then I’m taking you out tonight, while we’re still stranded on shore.” Jim told with a smug smile on his face. Leo didn’t quite know what to say to that.
“You’re taking me out on a date?” Leo said just to react somehow to the statement and not staring at Jim with his mouth wide open. “Like on a proper date?”
“Yeah. I can bring you flowers too so you can get your money’s worth.” Jim answered with a chuckle.
“But you don’t do honest to God dates.” Leo retorted.
“Yeah, well. I want to take you out.” Jim said and the smile was starting to drop from his face.
“Oh, okay.” Leo told still feeling like he was having an out-of-body experience or living in a parallel universe.
“Great, I’ll pick you up at nineteen hundred?” Jim asked and rose to take their plates to the sink.
“Sure,” He answered finally. As soon as the word was out Jim stepped up to him, tipped Leo’s head back and kissed him deeply. Heat was surging through Leo as Jim slipped his tongue inside his mouth and started exploring. He was just about to pull Jim to his lap when Jim pulled back.
“I’ll see you later, Bones.” With one last kiss Jim left and Leo leaned back and let out a breath. “Wow,” He muttered to himself and touched his lips tentatively, they were almost tingling.
1900 couldn’t come any slower. Leo had finished doing his reports hours ago and he’d spent the rest of day pacing around and fretting over his date with Jim. He was going on a date with Jim Kirk. How unreal was that? He was still trying to wrap his muddled brain over everything that had happened that morning and last night. Going to bed last night Leo had been sure that was it. He had been certain that his friendship with Jim was coming to a bitter end. It was like Leo had been forced to watch an accident happening right in front of his eyes and not being able to do anything to stop it.
Then Jim had pulled a Hail Mary in his usual way and managed to salvage at least some of their relationship with his willingness to at least try to be vulnerable and put his emotions on the line. Leo knew that couldn’t be easy for Jim and Leo felt immensely grateful that he was making the effort.
Jim had sent a message to him asking him to dress smart casual and Leo had finished getting ready almost an hour ago. Now all he had to do was remain calm and cool while waiting for Jim. It wasn’t working. If he’d been nervous with going on a date with Nick, he was downright agitated now. His mouth was dry, his thighs were almost shaking with nervousness and he felt sweat forming at the back of his neck and his palms felt sticky. He was sure that the whole building could hear his heart hammering in his chest. Leo couldn’t even think about drinking anything, with or without alcohol, he’d been running to the bathroom at short intervals since Jim’s message had come through. Nervousness had made his bladder the size of a peanut.
Leo had to yet again go to the bathroom and the whole time he fretted that Jim would come just as he was in the toilet. Leo wanted to punch himself with the way he was acting. This was almost worse than the time he’d asked Jocelyn out for the first time and had to go pick her up from her house.
Goddamn time went by slowly. Leo tried to sit on the couch but he kept bouncing his foot nervously. He almost felt like throwing up. This was Jim for fuck’s sake! He’d known the man for years, they’d spent countless of time together and they’d gone out before. But not on a date, you haven’t! This is a whole new scenario you’ve entered into.
At 1857 Leo heard a knock at the door. He could almost feel the colour draining from his face and he had to physically shake himself to get the nervousness out of him. He could do this. Just open the goddamn door you freaking coward!
The door swooshed open and there Jim was. Standing behind a huge bouquet of red roses and a red heart shaped box of chocolates. A hearty laugh escaped from Leo’s mouth at the sight and the nervousness disappeared almost completely. What an infant man!
~ * ~
“Hi Bones.” Jim said after lowering the presents and holding them out to him. “These are for you.” Nervousness was gnawing at his stomach while holding out the gifts he’d brought with him. Jim had been changing and unchanging his opinion almost a hundred times during the day. What had been a joke that morning had turned into a serious dilemma as the hours passed.
Jim knew how dates worked. He knew what the general idea of it was but he hadn’t been on that many dates before. The last time he’d asked a girl out had been at the start of his Academy years. Even then it hadn’t felt like this. It was like he had been stripped of his confidence all of a sudden. Which was ridiculous! Bones was one of his best friends, he shouldn’t be this afraid of spending an evening with him! And while he was being honest, he was scared.
Last night the argument with Bones had scared him to death. The cold sweat had seeped to his shirt as Bones demanded him to leave. A stone pummelled to his stomach as he watched Bones retreating to his bedroom with defeat written all over his body. He’d made it to the door, every intention of leaving and giving the Doctor some much needed rest and space. Jim had stood in front of the door but he couldn’t step through it. Fear like he’d never felt before had entered his body. He was utterly petrified that if he walked out of the room Bones would disappear from his life without another word. Like Sam did.
Sam had talked about leaving the farm and taking Jim with him. The last time he’d seen Sam he had tried once again to get Sam to reconsider. He’d been sure that he had convinced him to stay and went to bed. The next morning Sam was gone and a note was placed on his pillow with the words “I’m sorry” written on tear stained scrap of paper. That had been the last time he’d seen his brother.
Right at that moment Jim decided that this wasn’t going to be like that. He wasn’t going to let Bones disappear from his life. He backed away from the door and sat back down to the sofa. The rational part of his brain said that he couldn’t just barrel on in to the bedroom and demand Bones to stay. He needed a plan.
For who knows how long Jim did what he should’ve done two months ago after hearing the muttered confession. He thought about Bones and what he meant to him. He thought about what Bones loving him meant and how he felt about it. Jim went through all that had happened in the two months after the confession. How he’d reacted to everything that had happened and he’d come to the conclusion that while he had no idea what it all meant, he felt something more towards Bones than mere friendship. He wanted to be near Bones. He wanted to have him in his life and most of all Jim wanted to kiss Bones again. Even though Bones had just stood there, doing nothing while Jim assaulted him with his lips, it had felt amazing.
Finally Jim felt like he knew enough to go to Bones and beg him not to desert him. Thankfully his apology was heard and accepted and a small window of opportunity was presented to Jim to make things right between them. But before he had a chance to do any more soul searching, sleep had consumed him.
The next morning he’d woken up with Bones flush against him, Bones’ breath warming Jim’s ear as his face was pressed to the back of Jim’s head. A small smile had crept to his face before he even knew it. At that moment Jim knew there was no way he was going to let Bones leave without a good fight. He was going to do what he did best. Boldly go where he’d never gone before.
So, later that day he’d found himself pacing the street in front of a flower shop, second guessing if it was too corny to buy Bones flowers. In the end he’d decided corny or not, he was going to buy them. It was the least he could do after all the shit he’d put the Doctor through in the last few months.
Seeing Bones’ face as he was presented with the gifts had been priceless and worth all the agony and second guessing. It had been too long since he’d heard Bones laugh so heartily and Jim could feel a slight blush creeping to his cheeks as he stared at the way too good looking Doctor chuckling in front of him.
All of a sudden he was jerked against Bones and Bones’ lips were on him. It wasn’t anything like the assault he had dealt last night but a sweet kiss with just a hint of tongue running over Jim’s lips. All too soon Bones stepped back from him and took the now slightly crushed flowers and box from his hands before placing them on the table by the door.
“Where are you taking me?” Bones asked after they’d walked in a comfortable silence for ten minutes. After few minutes of walking and countless of times second guessing himself Jim had almost timidly taken hold of Bones’ hand. The small smile he was granted in return had made his chest expand to near impossible proportions and Jim couldn’t keep the grin out of his face.
“You’ll see soon enough.” Jim told with a smirk and pulled Bones a tiny bit closer to him. It felt good touching Bones like this and being close to him. In a few moments they rounded the corner and they were faced with a yellowish building with a huge sign over it featuring bowling pins.
“I didn’t know these were around still.” Bones muttered quietly and stopped to stare at the façade of a bowling alley.
“I know! Isn’t it amazing?” Jim asked and started pulling him towards the door more eagerly without waiting for a reply. One drunken night Bones had told Jim that bowling had been his father’s favourite hobby and something they did together almost every week when Bones was growing up. Jim thanked his lucky stars he’d found one still active and where they were currently stranded in.
In no time they were both clad in hideous rental shoes and Jim couldn’t stop laughing at Bones’ surly face at having to put his feet inside the unhygienic ugly shoes infested with God knows what!
“Cheer up Bones, don’t be so cantankerous!” Jim chuckled as he led the still grumbling man towards the lanes.
“And these balls! I bet they don’t sanitize them! Who knows just what lives in the holes!?” Bones muttered while inspecting the balls without touching them more than what was necessary. Jim was sure that if he’d had his Medkit with him Bones’ would whip out his disinfectants faster than the eye could see.
“Oh, come on! It’s not that bad!”
“Yeah, you’re laughing now but it ain’t so funny when you’re dying from fungal infection of the liver!” Jim tried not to saunter up to the man looking completely adorable with his ranting and rising eyebrow and kiss him quiet.
“That’s not even a real thing, Bones!”
“Damnit Jim! Which one of us is the Doctor?”
“Well, I’m sure that if I’m dying from a fungal infection of the liver, you’ll be there to nurse me back to health.” Jim chuckled to himself. A glance at Bones’ face sobered him quite fast. Bones was looking at him with an utterly distraught look on his face.
“Let’s just hope it don’t come to that.” Bones cleared his throat after a few seconds and turned his eyes away from Jim’s.
“Where’d you go all of a sudden?”
It took only one name to cast a shadow over Jim’s head as well. Even after all this time he hated talking about the man that had caused the death of the only man he’d ever thought of as a father figure of sorts. Jim didn’t want to think about that time. It hurt too much.
“Oh.” Jim whispered and shuffled his feet around uncomfortably. “Did I ever thank you for that?”
“Not in so many words, no.” Bones answered with a small smile.
“Well, thank you, Bones. For saving my life.”
“Any time. Though I’d imagine you won’t be as thankful when I beat you at this game.” Leo told with a wink and just like that the lightness came back.
“As if old man! When have you ever beaten me in any game?” Jim grinned back at the smirking Doctor and eagerly waited for the game to begin. The banter with Bones was always something he enjoyed immensely but with this new flirtatiousness was making it ten — no hundred times better.
Bones chose a glittery blue ball from the rack and headed for the lane with a slight sway in his hips and a wink over his shoulder directed at Jim. Jim wasn’t too surprised to find a slight tightness in his jeans at the scene unfolding in front of his eyes.
They managed to play three rounds and out of those, much to Jim’s utter surprise, Bones won two. He was also very surprised to find himself not caring one bit he was losing to the older man. During the second round he’d admitted defeat. On the third round he’d gently requested Bones show him hands on how to bowl properly. That’s why he found himself flush against Bones, heart pounding in his ears and trying his hardest not to let it show how aroused he was. Bones was standing behind him, chest pressed closely to Jim’s back, his hand holding Jim firmly against him from the lower abdomen and a hot breath at his ear telling Jim what to do.
“Hold the ball in front of you like this.” Bones muttered against Jim’s earlobe and guided Jim’s right arm up to the level of his eyes. “Now what you need to remember is to keep your thumb facing the direction you want the ball to head to when you roll the ball.”
“Yeah.” Jim breathed out, not really paying attention what he was saying, just enjoying the rumble against his back and hot breath on his neck as Bones spoke. He was absentmindedly running his index finger against Bones’.
“Are you even listening to me, Jim?” Bones asked and Jim could almost feel the rising of the eyebrow on Bones’ face.
“Not particularly, no.” He nearly let out a moan as Bones’ lips made contact with his neck just behind the ear. It was just a small press of lips but to Jim it felt the hottest thing anyone had ever done to him. Everything, all of it was making him a bit lightheaded. During all the years he’d been sexually active, he’d never felt this way. Nothing they were doing was excessively arousing but the simple fact that he was with Bones somehow made all the difference.
“So, what’s next on the itinerary?” Bones mumbled against Jim’s neck.
“More of this, I hope.”
“I made us a reservation at a restaurant only a few minutes’ walk from here.” Somewhere in the back of his mind Jim had a thought that this new evolution of their friendship should weird him out a bit. They’d been friends and nothing but friends for years and now all of a sudden they were – something. It should confuse the shit out of him but there he was, feeling like everything was right in the world for once.
~ * ~
“I must admit I’m pretty impressed.” Leo told Jim as they were walking towards their next destination. He had feared everything was going to be freakishly awkward and Jim would call the whole thing off. But this was better. It was more than he ever could’ve even hope for because it was real. Leo was finding it hard not to grin like a fucking idiot the whole time.
“You’ve had fun?” Jim asked and tugged Leo closer to him as he led him around a corner. He sounded almost nervous to hear what he had to say.
“Yeah.” Leo told and pulled Jim against him and plastered his lips against his, planning to show his appreciation rather than telling. Jim’s hands travelled around Leo’s back and held him tightly against him.
“Bones.” Jim moaned and tried to pull himself away from Leo but he was holding on for dear life. Kissing Jim was probably the single most arousing thing he’d ever done. He couldn’t believe he was allowed to do this now.
“Just a few more kisses.” Leo’s muttered words at Jim’s neck caused the younger man to laugh.
“Come on Bones. We’re going to be late.” Jim chuckled and managed to detangle them and get them moving again.
In no time Jim lead them to the restaurant. The sign over the door said Big Mama’s in faint red letters and once the door opened Leo was hit in the face with scents and smells which reminded him of childhood family dinners.
“Jim, this is amazing!” Leo breathed out finally, eyes shining from happiness. He didn’t even realize how much he’d missed Southern food. He walked in a daze through the restaurant after the waiter. He was finding it hard to concentrate on anything else than the aromas around him.
“Glad you like it.”
“Like it? I love it!” Leo breathed out and reached over the table to take hold of Jim’s hand and placed a kiss to his knuckles. “Thank you.” Leo was in cloud nine, no scratch that, higher than that. Could it be possible to die from happiness? He should know the answer to that but his brain couldn’t provide him with an answer.
The meal went by in a haze. The conversation was light and flirtatious. Soft, gentle and teasing touches were present throughout the whole dinner and Leo found himself wondering again if he really was dreaming. There was no way he could be this happy. It wasn’t natural. But Goddamn it he was going to enjoy every second of it.
“I like seeing you like this.” Jim told quietly as they huddled close together after exiting Big Mama’s.
“Like what?” Leo asked and tried to keep the smile from splitting his face in half.
“This happy and almost carefree.” He stated. “Not that I don’t like the grumpy Doctor side of you, but this is really nice.” Leo had no idea what to say to that and he hoped to God or whatever deity received prayers that he wasn’t blushing like a teenager. “You know, the first time we met, you confused the hell out of me.”
“With my drinking, fear of dying and angry ramblings?” Leo asked with his eyebrow high in his forehead. Jim was looking at him with a too soft look on his face and it was killing Leo. He needed some more stability to this evening or he might just burst and profess his undying love to the man walking next to him. Even though he’d said it before but he’d been drunk then. He was afraid if Jim heard it out loud again this soon into their — whatever this new development was, he’d get scared and they’d end up back to square one.
“No, with your ruggedly good looks and incredibly hot Southern accent.” Jim laughed. “Suddenly I found myself wondering if I was as straight as I’d always thought I was.” Jim was rubbing the back of his head sheepishly with the hand not currently wrapped around Leo and a quiet “oh,” escaped Leo’s mouth. He never even had an inkling that Jim might’ve thought him good looking before. If he’d had maybe he would’ve been more confident in coming out with his feelings.
“I don’t remember much but I do remember your eyes. They were the bluest eyes I’d seen in my life.” Leo felt a bit hot under the collar because of their topic of conversation but at the same time it felt good. He hadn’t really voiced any of this to anyone before and it felt mighty good not to always think about what he said so he wouldn’t spill his guts accidentally.
They walked in comfortable silence after that, each of them only once and a while glancing at the other. Leo was getting nervous again. What would happen once they got back? He wanted to invite Jim in but he didn’t want to rush things. Suddenly he was staring at his door. He tried not to shuffle uncomfortably and show just how unsure he was.
They both started at the same time and the hilariousness of the situation overruled the awkwardness.
“So, you gonna invite me in, Doc?” Jim asked, leaning in closer and gently running his finger over Leo’s chest. Heat rushed between his legs at the look Jim was giving him.
“Definitely.” Leo mumbled and suddenly Jim was all he could feel and taste and smell. They managed to get the door open, stumble in and close it after them before the clothes started falling on the floor. There was no finesse in it. It was simply pure need to undress and touch and kiss. In a matter of seconds both of them were stark naked and Jim was leading him towards the bedroom. Leo couldn’t decide if he wanted to simply take in the beautifully muscled body in his arms or if he wanted to touch and feel, map the body with his fingers and let his mind paint the picture.
Once Jim managed lead them to the bedroom Leo was pushed back to the bed. He was horrified to find a small laugh that would’ve sounded like a giggle escaping his lips, had he been anyone else than a man in his near forties.
“Did you just giggle?” Jim laughed while standing at the end of the bed. Oh dear God he looked beautiful!
“Damnit Jim! I’m not a girl in my teens! I do not giggle!” Leo grumbled out and crossed his hands over his chest in petulance which made Jim laugh even more.
“Whatever you say Pollyanna.” He chuckled before crawling on the bed after Leo. In those few moments Leo hadn’t been pressed against Jim, a slight uncertainty had seeped in him. This was pretty much everything he’d ever hoped for and more but what about Jim? Jim had never been interested in men before so he was practically a virgin in Leo’s mind. He knew Jim didn’t like to talk and he usually went with the flow of things. Leo didn’t want to do anything either of them might regret later on. It had taken him almost a month for Leo to do anything remotely sexual with his first boyfriend during his college years.
“Are you sure about this, Jim?” Leo asked quietly after getting up to a sitting position on the middle of the bed. He felt too exposed to have a conversation this magnitude without a single thread of clothing on him. Or on Jim for that matter because he was looking way too distracting on his bed with perfectly sculpted muscles and a healthy sized and beautifully red cock erect between his legs.
“Sure about what, Bones?” Jim asked with a slight furrowing of his brows.
“I don’t want us to rush into this. I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable doing.” Leo told and he had to shuffle a bit further up to the bed because Jim was trying to distract him with his hands trailing slowly upwards from his knees.
“Does it look like I’m not comfortable?” A small but uncertain laugh escaped Jim’s lips after the words but before Leo had a chance to do or say anything Jim was placing Leo’s hand on the previously appraised cock. “Does it feel like I’m not comfortable, Bones?”
“Jim —“ The name came out as more of a moan than anything else. Jim was unbelievingly hard and hot on his palm. Leo watched in fascination as a drop of pre-cum dribbled from the slit to his hand. His own dick twitched between his legs.
“Bones!” Jim’s pupils dilated even more as Leo lifted the hand to his lips and swiped his tongue across the back of his hand, licking the drop inside his mouth. His hand was pushed away and replaced with Jim’s mouth. Jim’s tongue was attacking him with ferociousness and Leo was finding it hard to breathe as Jim pushed him to his back and pinned him on to the bed with his body.
Their groins were pressed against each other and both were taking full advantage of the fact, grinding and pushing against each other. Holy shit, we’re doing this! Having Jim’s body on top of him felt amazing, words couldn’t even begin to describe how good he felt so he gave up on trying.
Leo licked and kissed, mapping Jim’s neck and chest with his tongue and lips, discovering places which made Jim moan and which made him lose his breath. Jim’s hands were doing their own mapping on him and Leo had a hard time figuring out which one felt better, Jim touching him or having his lips on Jim’s body.
“Jim?” Leo breathed out as Jim wrapped a hand around both their cocks. He pushed in to the fist and against Jim’s cock, marvelling at the sensations running through his body. He didn’t quite know what he was asking for but he needed more.
“I’ve got you, Bones.” Jim moaned and found himself lost to the feeling of pushing in Jim’s hand, rubbing his penis against Jim’s. Their movements were becoming erratic as heat built between Leo’s legs. “You feel so good.” Jim muttered between breaths. Leo tried so hard to not give in just yet, he wanted to prolong this, enjoy the feeling of being under Jim and not come fast like a teenager but he was finding he was fighting a lost cause as Jim leaned in to kiss him and lick his lips. He could hear sounds, words breathed between moans and groans reaching his ears but he had no idea what was said or which of them was speaking. The smell of Jim and the musky scent of sex was filling his nose and making him lightheaded. It was all becoming too much for him to handle.
“Bones, look at me.” Jim pleaded. He didn’t even know at which point he’d closed his eyes. “Please, Leonard, open your eyes.” Leo’s eyes flew open at hearing Jim use his given name and stared deep into Jim’s lust filled eyes. He could remember only a handful of times Jim had called him other than Bones and somehow, in that moment it pushed Leo off the edge and into blissing out as the orgasm ran through his body in waves of pleasure. Leo managed to keep his eyes open but everything whited out at the power of his orgasm. His vision cleared in the most opportune time to see Jim following with his own orgasm. He’d thought Jim was beautiful before but nothing compared to the way he looked in the throes of passion. Jim’s body gave out and he crumbled on top of Leo and he could feel a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
“Wow.” Jim managed to mutter out before kissing Leo’s shoulder and rolling to his back next to him. Leo muttered out an agreement between harsh breaths. He didn’t want to move once his breathing levelled up but the mess on his abdomen was starting to dry up and was making him uncomfortable. Leo got up and headed for the bathroom and cleaned himself off with a towel to the best of his abilities before joining Jim at the bed and wiping him clean as well. As he was taking the towel back to the bathroom he happened to glance at the clock. It was after two minutes after midnight.
“It’s Monday.” Leo informed as he dropped himself back on the bed next to Jim. Jim was looking way too good naked on his bed. Leo was finding it hard to believe all of this had happened.
“So, what’s it going to be Bones? Staying or quitting?” Jim asked and the adoring look he’d been giving Leo a moment ago was replaced with worry. Leo wanted to laugh at Jim’s worried face but he knew it wouldn’t be wise. How could he even think that after the day they’d had Leo would want to be anywhere else than by his side?
“I’m staying.” Leo told with a small smile before rolling on top of Jim and kissing him breathless. Right at that moment Leo felt happier than he’d ever felt.
This is the end, at least for now. I think my cheeks are burning with the amount of smiling I've done while writing this ending. Those two are simply adorable!
I didn't want to end this fic in the typical way of Jim confessing his love towards Bones because it wasn't the main idea with this fic and it wasn't something Jim wanted to do this early on in their — something. Jim has been pestering me about wanting to show how he comes to say 'I love you' though so I might have to write that at one point. He hasn't given me anything more than a few glimpses, nothing I could take to the keyboards just yet.
Kudos and comments are very much appreciated and accepted humbly and bashfully!