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The darkness that eats you from the inside out

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Adrien remembered the first time his father crawled into bed with him, at the time he was only to glad for the company, as they both clung to each other till sleep finally took them. It was on night it became official that his mother was a missing person.

He remembered the police questioning him, his father, the staff, he barely saw his father that day.

He never had felt so numb in his life.


The day seemed to pass by in a haze, he barely paid attention to the questions asked and the answers he gave, his mind elsewhere.

It wasn’t till that night when his father joined him did reality catch up to him. He never cried so much in his life than he did when he clung onto his father burying his face in his chest, he could feel his father's own tears fall onto his head.


That night Adrien fell asleep to his father rubbing comforting circles on his back.


A few weeks passed with no word on his mother, he had been asking Nathalie every morning since that day if there had be any more news but each time she always came back with “The moment I hear anything at all about your mother, you’ll be the first I tell.”


It had also been a few weeks since he had last seen his father, he had woken up the next day to find himself alone. Nathalie had informed when he went into the dining room that his father would be busy for the next couple of weeks attending to business.


It wasn’t until a month went by that he saw his father again, the man was in the dining room sat the head of the table reading a newspaper. Adrien paused for a moment in the doorway before making his way over to his usual seat where his usual breakfast was laid out before him.

As quietly as possible so not to disturb his father he pulled out his chair to sit down, the moment he sat his father put down the paper and looked at him.


“Adrien, you have a photoshoot later this afternoon, so you’ll be coming into the office with me this morning, I want you on your best behaviour understand.”


“Yes père.”


Adrien watched his father get up folding the newspaper under his arm before turning back to the plate of food in front of him, grabbing his cutlery he began to cut into some of the bacon and egg on his plate; just as he puts the fork in his mouth his father says one more thing.


“Are you really going to eat all that Adrien? You heard what the photographer said last time, unless of course you want to be replace?”


Adrien stared wide eyed at his father, the man looked somewhat disapproving back before leaving the room.


He had forgotten.


He was told to lose 5lbs, he lost 8lbs before his mum disappeared… but that was three weeks ago and he hadn’t been keeping count since. Quickly chewing his food he reached for a napkin and spat the food in it before wrapping it up and leaving it on the plate.


He ran up to his bedroom and into the bathroom reaching under the sink for the scales.


He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding at the number.


94lbs, he had lost 16lbs altogether, perhaps he hasn't been eating as much as he thought over the last few weeks, taking off his clothes and inspecting his body in the mirror he vaguely thought that weighing so little at 5’6in probably wasn’t the healthiest, but that would mean the photographer would notice, and then so would his father, and the he wouldn’t be disappointed in him, maybe.    


His ribs and collarbones seemed to stand out a little more today, or perhaps it was because he noticed how much he had lost. Adrien had a quick shower before heading into his room to get dressed and get his things together, he couldn’t decide whether to wait for his father by the door or go and find him.


Deciding to do the former Adrien went to go wait in the lounge room, hoping onto the settee and keeping his eyes trained on the door.


“Adrien, Adrien!”


Green eyes snapped open in surprise, his father stared blankly back.


“Have you not been getting any sleep?”


Shaking his head he began to sit up reaching for his bag, “No-I mean yes père, it’s just still early I guess.” Adrien chuckled nervously as his father just looked at him, clearly not believing him.


Standing up and putting his Jacket on he went to hoist the bag over his shoulder before he could however his father took it from him.


“Allow me.”


“Père? It’s fine I can-”


“Nonsense Adrien, I don’t want you falling over or hurting yourself by carrying something heavy, now come.”


Adrien stared at his father’s retreating back with shock, his father had never offered to carry his bag before, or anything of his for that matter, perhaps he was angry with him?

Not wanting to annoy him more if that was the case Adrien quickly caught up with the man as they made their way out the house and to the car.


If only Adrien knew what was going to happen, perhaps he could of changed how things went.