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Worries on My Mind

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“Hajime, you’re going to go blind if you stare at that computer screen any longer.”

There’s no response to Tooru’s statement other than a small, affirmative grunt and several clicks of a computer mouse, making the omega let out a soft sigh.

“So am I just watching this movie by myself or…?”

The alpha makes another grunting sound, but decides to grace him with a response this time. “Just hold on. I’ll be right there, just need to finish this article to make sure I’m doing…”

He trails off before Tooru gets a chance to figure out exactly what his alpha could be researching this time, something he was pretty used to after the countless nights of watching Hajime beeline for the computer, after they’d put their little pup to sleep, to look up anything and everything that dealt with pregnancies with multiples.

There was no denying when the two of them had initially been informed that they were not only having one, but two new pups, that Hajime had probably been the most excited out of the two of them.

An excitement that had soured considerably the closer Tooru came to term, especially when his alpha begun to realize the multiple risks that followed a pregnancy of multiples.

There is a part of Tooru that wonders sometimes if there was any way to avoid the sudden research obsession his husband had developed in trying to learn all he could about twins—carrying and birthing twins mores specifically seeing as his husband seemed to focus on the most worrisome of things.

Which is how Tooru found himself visiting the doctor on a more than regular basis, mostly for the sake of Hajime and trying to quell any unnecessary stress the alpha had given himself in all of this twin madness.

Tooru huffs out a sigh after another five minutes of staring at the back of his alpha’s head. He decides there was no point in waiting around if Hajime was going to take forever again; he might as well go and finish hanging their clothes in the meantime.  The omega quickly scoots to the edge of the couch to try and heave himself and his heavy stomach off of it. It’s grown slightly more difficult for him to do without a few tries first and just when he thinks he’s got the right momentum, there’s the scrape of a chair against the floor and he’s surprised enough by it that he ends up falling back again. Hajime is by his side in two seconds and Tooru can simply smell the worry radiating off of him.

“Why didn’t you call for me? I was just right there; I would have come and got you. You don’t need to be getting up like that anyways, it’s not good for you…I wonder if I can raise the couch more…”

The last part is said more as a mumble and it has Tooru rolling his eyes. He reaches out his hands for help though considering his husband was there and offering. Instead of pulling him up by his arms, the alpha instead leans over so that he can put a supportive hand on his back, slowly easing him up while holding Tooru’s other hand gently. He holds him until he’s sure the omega is steady before he reaches and tucks a stray curl behind his ear.

“We’ll start the movie when you get out of the bathroom, okay?”

Tooru purses his lips, slightly offended his alpha would just assume the only reason he was getting up was to pee—granted, he did have to use the bathroom constantly now that he was in his third trimester. Still though, the premise of that assumption still rubbed him the wrong way.

Which is why he may or may not sounds bitter as he returns with, “I’m not using the bathroom, I’m going to go finish putting up our clothes. You can finish reading or whatever you were doing before, I’m going to do something productive.”

He steps to move past the other man, not really surprised when an arm reaches out to pull carefully at his. He stops to give his husband his attention, trying not to look as put off as he feels.  

Hajime’s expression seems slightly alarmed, Tooru figures out why as he says, “That’s a lot of bending down and lifting. Just give me a minute and I’ll come help you do it, it would be better if you just sat on the bed anyways. I can put everything away—”

Tooru tugs his arm out of the alpha’s hold, heading towards the bedroom without the other man’s consent, “No thanks, I don’t really feel like spending another hour sitting on my ass doing nothing.”

As he walks, he hears Hajime’s heavy footsteps follow after him and there is another hand, this time on his shoulder, as he enters their bedroom. He’s spun around again and his husband’s eyes are a mixture of hesitate and confused, Hajime tries to reach out to cup his face and Tooru turns his head away. He can see the slightly hurt look on the alpha’s face out of the corner of his eye.

“Tooru? Baby are you mad—?”

He decides not to beat around the bush.

“Yes Hajime, I’m mad.” He interrupts, giving his husband a hard look. “I’m pretty sick of you going and spending all your time on that computer and tired of you treating me like a piece of glass, like I’m going to break if something just happens to bump me.”

His tone is condescending and he doesn’t really mean for it to be, but he’s annoyed and admittedly lonely, more than wishing to have his old, non-obsessive husband back.

Hajime’s definitely taken back by his words, eyes growing wide and mouth falling open slightly. The omega can see it when his alpha grows slightly defensive. “I’m just trying to keep you and the pups safe Tooru, I can’t look up this stuff while I’m at work so—”

“So you spend all the alone time we have together doing that instead of trying to spend time with me? You know, the guy you just so happen to be married to and seem to love, the one who’s been missing his alpha like crazy and wishes they could spend just a little time together, even if it’s only long enough to watch a stupid movie…”

The surge of emotions hits Tooru before he’s even ready for them. He curses his pregnancy hormones and the fact that he can’t even be mad with his alpha because of them; he wasn’t even that angry, just slightly touch-starved and bitter he couldn’t have all of Hajime’s attention…

The air between them instantly shifts the second Tooru tries to blink back a few tears, one or two stray ones sliding down his cheeks.

This time when Hajime reaches to cup his face, Tooru lets him. His alpha holds both cheeks with his big hands, tilting his head back up from where he’d looked down, eyes soft when they meet.

“Baby…” he whispers, “I had no idea you were feeling like that…god, Tooru I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you feel lonely, you can always ask for my attention Tooru, you know that.”

Tooru sniffs, “Yeah? Am I supposed to ask while you’re ignoring me over dinner while you’re reading on your phone or when we’re supposed to be lying in bed together and you’re still at the table on the damn computer? I can’t tell you anything if I can’t even get you to look at me Hajime…”

He hiccups another cry and Hajime lets out a small swear, pulling him forward so Tooru was in his arms, letting the omega nuzzle into his shoulder. He uses a hand to hold his head, putting the other on the small of his back, ever mindful of the round stomach that presses against his own.

“Baby please don’t cry… fuck, I didn’t mean—I just, you and the pups I…I’m so worried…”

Hajime tripping over his words and it takes him a minute to formulate his thoughts. As he does, he lets out a heavy sigh and tucks Tooru even firmer against him. Words soft as he murmurs to him, “I’m so sorry, Tooru. I never meant to make you feel like you were being ignored…there’s no excuse for my actions really, I know I’ve been obsessively researching…I just, I need to make absolute sure that I’m doing this all right. This…isn’t the same from when you were only carrying Taichi. There are more dangers, just so many more added risks we never even considered…”

Hajime’s grip tightens, his breath hitches, “I’m…I’m scared Tooru. So fucking scared…even just the thought that something could happen to you absolutely terrifies me. There’s no way—I can’t do this alone, not without you…”

Tooru startles at that, picking his head up so he could face his husband. The expression on Hajime’s face almost seems tragic, reminisce of a man who’s lost his everything.

The alpha cups his face again once his omega is looking at him, tone almost defeated sounding, “You and these children are my whole world, Tooru. I don’t know if I could ever live with myself knowing I could have done something to prevent it if anything happened to your or our pups…”

The way his husband’s face fall makes his heart clench.

Tooru decides then that the negative thinking of Hajime’s has to stop.

He reaches to grip the two hands still carefully cradling his cheeks, bring them down to hold between his thin fingers despite Hajime’s confused noise. He looks at his husband—really looks at him, making sure to keep direct eye contact with him as he tells him, “Hajime, all of this bad thinking needs to stop right now. Even if your heart is in the right place, this isn’t helping nor is it healthy for you to keep on this way…”

He watches as the alpha’s mouth opens to argue, lips parting in protest. But instead of letting him get a word in, he drags Hajime’s hands to rest over his stomach, right in the spot where the pups had restlessly been moving and kicking at for the better half of the night. Hajime’s head tips down at the movement, glancing back up and then back down between Tooru and the soft brushes underneath his finger with some type of wonderment.

The omega smiles and glances down also, squeezing the alpha’s hands briefly. “Show your Daddy how strong both of you are. How you’ve grown into such big and healthy pups that will come and greet their grateful family very soon. Tell your Daddy that he needs to have faith in your strength and faith in Mommy’s strength too, just like we have faith in his.”

Tooru catches Hajime’s eye again, seeing some sort of realization come to him and the omega smiles even bigger. “No more nasty bad thoughts you silly alpha. It’s okay to worry some, but you don’t need to bring so much negative to us that is causes a rift in between you and me. We work better when we are facing our problems together, don’t we?”

Hajime looks a little stunned, but after a moment to process, he shakes his head with a small laugh. He nods firmly to confirm Tooru’s question.

Tooru reaches a hand up to patch his cheek. “I know all of your worries can’t be fixed with me just saying this, but we’ll work on it okay? We’ll do it together like we always do. So no more late nights on the computer and no more cell phones during dinner, you need to try to make a good example for your pup, Hajime.” The last part is said teasingly.

Hajime laughs again, “Ouch. Low blow Tooru.” He’s still smiling though.

“I do it out of love darling,” Tooru winks, “and speaking of love, how about we forget about doing the clothes for now and cuddle up in the bed instead, I think I know an omega who could really use some alpha nuzzles in their nest right about now…”

Hajime snorts but still reaches up to brush his cheek, pinching it gently. “That omega better be you then, I don’t have any room for anyone but you, you know. You’re a big part of my whole world.”

Tooru playfully slaps the alpha, turning his back to him and cocking him a little smirk over his shoulder. “Save the romantics for when we are cuddling, you owe me after all.”

Hajime doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around the omega’s waist, rubbing his baby belly gently. “I promise to make it up to you.” He says with sincerity.

The sudden distinct cries of an unhappy pup suddenly fill the parent’s room via baby monitor, causing both alpha and omega to share a look before the omega gets an even bigger smirk on his face.

“You can start by going and changing his diaper.”