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David and the Englishmen

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"YOU!" The soulpatched Spaniard lunged toward the very tall Swede, while the slightly shorter Spaniard ducked out of the way. "You're the scumbag who's been sleeping with my wife!"

Zlatan - the very tall Swede - scoffed. "I sleep with no wives. Only husbands."

"Then HOW did your personalized shoes wind up in my limo?!" Villa - the soulpatched Spaniard - pointed to the very shiny shoes on the table next to him.

"As I said, I sleep with husbands." Zlatan grabbed the shoes possessively. "Your chauffeur is married, you know."

"I'll fire him later for sleeping on the job!" Villa scowled. "But then who, WHO, has been sleeping with my wife?!"

Zlatan arched an eyebrow. "Why haven't you been sleeping with your wife?"

"Because every night, when I return home, I hear someone else already sleeping with my wife!"

"That would be me." Silva - the slightly shorter Spaniard - grinned cheekily at his countryman. "She missed sleeping with a David."

"YOU!" Villa grabbed Silva by the neck. "How dare you try to interfere with my plan!"


A very angry Portuguese man stormed into view. "That is NOT the line, and you know it, because YOU wrote it, Villa!"

"It's okay, Jose," said Zlatan. "He wrote a very stupid line anyway."

"Not the point, Zlatan," replied Jose.

"Much as I hate agreeing with Jose, I have to agree with Jose." A shiny-headed Spaniard walked into view. "We still have to film the other half of the crossover, which means we still have to drive to the other side of town. Villa, you know better than to change lines like that."

"I'm sorry," said Villa. "I guess I'm just distracted."

"By what?" Pep - the shiny-headed Spaniard - asked.

Villa sighed. "The studio in New York called. They want to do a remake of the show there: 'The Shofar Calls' instead of 'The Strum of My Heartstrings', so religion instead of music."

"What's a shofar?" Zlatan asked on behalf of himself, Jose, and Pep.

"Apparently it's a ram's horn used in Judaism every day for a month leading into New Year's, which apparently is in the fall around harvest time." Villa shrugged. "All I know is, they want me to go and adapt it."

"You would think he'd want me to come, too, since I'm his boyfriend." Silva scowled in disgust. "But I'm not good enough."

"I told you to expect that!" Villa argued. "What do you know about internal conflicts faced by members of a minority religion?"

"About as much as you do!"

Zlatan held up a hand, and both Davids shut up. "We are not currently in New York filming about a religion none of us practice. We are currently in Manchester filming about music. And we all want to be able to film about the cutthroat world of movie stardom later today so that we don't have to film it tomorrow. So, let's go with the very stupid line."

And so they did. Silva managed to bury his anger for a few hours more.