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why did i think this was a good idea?

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In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea to ask Rich and Jake to help him get ready for a date, but Jeremy had panicked, okay? Because, there he was, just kind of minding his own business, chilling with his best bro, playing Mario Kart (and losing miserably, but Jeremy refuses to admit that.) when said best bro asks him if he’d want to go to the new arcade that had just opened up. “Not today,” he had said, looking way too flustered to be asking as just a friend, and Jeremy picks up on this, because he isn’t an idiot all the time, “But like, this Friday?”

And Jeremy, not understanding what he was getting into, said yes. Of course, he knew that Michael was probably asking him on a date, which is a definite and absolute yes, but he didn’t know that he would be spending a total of three (3) hours in front of a mirror, trying to figure out what to wear. He shouldn’t have been this freaked out, but he just. Couldn’t handle it and grabbed his phone, texting the first contact in his messaging app.

heere.comes.dat.boi: hepl

heere.comes.dat.boi: rich pl s i nee d help

BiBiBi: woah dude calm down

BiBiBi: what’s going on?

heere.comes.dat.boi: michael asked me to go to th is nwe arca de

BiBiBi: and?

heere.comes.dat.boi: aS A DA T E RICH

BiBiBi: oh

BiBiBi: OH HOLY SHIT DUDE

heere.comes.dat.boi: HE L P I DONT KNWI WHAT TO QEAR

BiBiBi: clothes??

heere.comes.dat.boi: THAT

heere.comes.dat.boi: IS NOT FUNYN RI CH IM SERUIOS

BiBiBi: alright alright

BiBiBi: is your front door unloicked??

heere.comes.dat.boi: i think??????

heere.comes.dat.boi: why??????

BiBiBi: me and jake will be over soon

BiBiBi: michael’s going to be picking you up, right?

heere.comes.dat.boi: yeah, why?

BiBiBi: no reason, just wondering

BiBiBi: alright, we’ll be there soon, try to calm down, k?

heere.comes.dat.boi: hadkghlskgj i’ll try????

By ‘try’, apparently Jeremy meant freak out even more and pull different clothes out of his closet in a futile attempt to find something without help until the front door slammed shut and scared the absolute shit out of Jeremy. Rich had appeared in his room just seconds after, whistling lowly at the huge mess that was Jeremy’s room. Jake popped his head in behind him.

“Alright, so, have you never been on a date before?” Rich asks, carefully picking his way through the room to sit down on Jeremy’s bed.

“No, Rich, never, please help me.”

“First off, deep breaths, Jere,” Jake says, moving towards him, “Don’t die before your first date.”

“That’s- That’s easier said than done!” Jeremy groans loudly, looking at Jake in desperation before frowning in confusion as he actually looks at him, “Why are you not wearing any pants?”

Jake shrugs, smiling easily, “Rich dragged me here before I could put any on.”

“Anyways!” Rich says, hopping off Jeremy’s bed. He isn’t wearing pants either, which is weird, but Jeremy shrugs it off, “Let’s get you all pretty for Michael!”


By the time that the three of them hear Michael’s car pull up, Rich and Jake had Jeremy looking… alright, he guesses. He’s actually wearing pretty much what he would wear on a regular day, blue cardigan, favorite shirt. The only thing really different is that he’s wearing really tight jeans that he didn’t know he owned until Rich had pulled them from the very back of his closet and both him and Jake had deemed that it would do wonders for his ass. (He didn’t really see it though. He’d take their word on that.)

Jeremy bolted for the front door, but right before he could actually open it to greet Michael, Rich pushed his way in front, pulling Jake along by the hand and opening the door. Jeremy is left to stand off to the side.

Michael looks incredibly confused to see Rich and Jake at the door, but he shakes it off and grins, trying to look around them.

“What are your plans for this evening, young man?” What is Rich doing?!

“Uh… Play some video games at the new arcade? Why do you ask?”

“We just want to be sure our son is taken care of, Mr. Mell,” Jake adds, his grin growing to match the mischievous one on Rich’s face.

Jeremy lets out a strangled screech, pushing past Rich and Jake to stand outside with Michael, “Is this why you guys don’t have pants on? Oh my god- Are you guys seriously interrogating Michael while dressed as my dad?!

“We have no idea what you’re talking about, son,” Rich says, patting Jeremy’s arm, “We are your dads, don’t you remember us?”

“Dear fucking- Just- We’re leaving now,” Jeremy sputters, grabbing Michael’s hand, tugging him down the front steps.

“Make sure to use protection, son!”

“Jake, shut the fuck up.”

“Jeremiah Heere, that is no way to talk to your father.”

“Oh, sorry, Rich. Please shut the fuck up, Jake.”

“...Well, at least he said please.”