He rested his head against her leg just as he did as a child, skirt soft as a pillow. The feeling of her fingers sifting through his hair sending comforting shivers down his spine. He took a deep breath, release as he would have long ago in a huff. “I just don't know what to do, Mom. I think... I think I have feelings for both of them.”
“Well, tell me about them,” she said softly, so low that only he could hear, not that there was anyone but him there to listen.
“Anders is like basking in the sun,” he started with a grin. “He's all golden light and smiles, cares about everybody no matter their station. No one leaves him sad or angry. He's all fiery passion about all sorts of different things and -Oh Maker!- he tastes so damned sweet!”
His mother chuckled. “And the other one?”
“Fenris is almost Anders' opposite. Moonlight to Anders' sun. Serious but still witty, and a fucking genius!”
“Sorry Mother. But, yeah, Fenris. He's...he's like the epitome of strength but still soft, you know? But for all that he's just as passionate about the world around him as Anders is. When they're in unison it's breathtaking but Maker forbid they argue, which happens a lot. Because then it's war on a global scale with those two.”
“So then what is the dilemma, Sweetheart?”
The sensation of fingers drifted along his temple and Hawke closed his eyes. “How do I choose between them?”
“Must you? Choose, I mean?”
“You mean see them both?” Garrett wrinkled his nose at the thought, though he did not open his eyes. He had considered the possibility, more than he would be willing to admit even to himself. “But I'm scared, Mother. Scared to death of falling, of failing both of them, falling to the call of my blood. What if I fall?”
“Oh, but my Darling, what if you can fly?”
What if you can fly? It's something he had never thought of before. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, think about what could wonderfully go right. Take a chance, you might be happy with the results. And even if it didn't work out, he was no longer lost in what ifs. Yes, what if he could fly indeed?
“Thank you,Mother. I needed that.”
There was no answer, just the susurration of his own unneeded breaths. He sat up from his bed, patting his pillow softly as he would have long ago his mother's leg, then padded off to the bathroom to shower. He had some people to talk with.