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When We Were Young

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”Clarke.”

“What?”

“You know we shouldn’t be talking.”

“But.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”

“But Bell, you’re my friend.”

He closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

“No, I’m your guard, nothing more.”

He kept his replies silent and short, his face straight, and body still.

“I hate this, that we can’t talk just because I’m the Chancellors daughter, because we weren’t born in the same parts of this stupid place.”

He didn’t answer.

Clarke gnawed at her bottom lip.

“Remember when we met, you were so annoying.”

Bellamy gave a snort, but restrained himself from being lured by her attempt.

“I mean, I never knew someone at the mere age of eight could be that arrogant.”

He gave her a sideways glance and stuck his tongue out so quickly she would have missed it had she not been looking at him.

She gave him a beaming smile and he was about to send one back when he stiffened.

Clarke mumbled a few curse words as her mom entered her room, ultimately ruining Clarke’s plans of making Bellamy laugh, and talk to her again, if only for a little while.

“Honey” Abby said as she walked over, placing a kiss on Clarke’s cheek. She didn’t acknowledge Bellamy, thinking he was beneath her. As if.

“Yes Chancellor” Clarke replied as was the custom.

“We have some things to discuss, out.” The last word aimed at Bellamy, Clarke clenched her jaw at the careless way her mother treated Bellamy, but he only gave the Chancellor a curt nod and left the room. Leaving Clarke alone with her mother.

“What seems to be the problem Chancellor?” Clarke asked sweetly, although her insides were burning still.

“There has been an uprising in some of the lower levels, we need to make our alliance stronger, so the leaders and I have found you a fairly well-off boy from level C.” Her mother said in her business voice, already having formed her plan to keep the lower levels in check.

“What do you mean, found me?” Clarke asked, her mind still trying to understand what she was being told.

“His name is Finn, you’ll date first of course, it’ll have to be believable when he proposes obviously.” Her mother answers curtly.

“WHAT, you can’t decide who NOR when I marry.” Clarke knew her face was red with anger by now, and she had to pinch herself in order before she walked up and slapped the woman who dared call herself her mother.

“Now now Clarke, I’m sure you’ll see this from a reasonable point of view when you’ve calmed down.”

Her mother walked out of the room after that, leaving Clarke alone in a room that suddenly felt like an empty shell, giving her no comfort like it had when her father died.

She had to get out, stalking to the door and pulling it open with such force it slammed into the wall, the doorknob leaving a dent behind.

“Did you hear?” She knew he was there, never leaving her side by more than a few meters.

He turned the corner, obviously staying out of her mother’s sight, nodding his head.

“I can’t believe her; how can she just make a decision like that about my life?”

“You’ll be fine Clarke, I’m sure your mother wouldn’t pick a guy she didn’t think would be right for you.”

“But it’s my life Bell, I want to decide who I get to marry, and when, even where.”

“I know, I wish there was something I could do for you princess.”

She smiled at that, even though he had been an arrogant eight-year-old, he had quickly turned into her best friend. When she had turned twelve she was told by her mother that she had reached the age where it was inappropriate of her to talk to a lower level boy like Bellamy. It hadn’t stopped her, they’d just been more secretive about it, meeting in one of the big storage rooms.

Bellamy had gone to training to become a guard a year after, when he had turned seventeen which made them meeting up much harder.

As chance would have it though his first appointment when he was done at eighteen had been as her personal guard, and her joy at seeing her best friend again felt like it would last forever.

He was 22 now, and his lanky body had transformed somewhere between 20 and now. And it had been in the last year that Clark had begun to appreciate it, knowing that the body held the mind of her best friend was just a plus in her book.

“It was all so much easier when we were young,” she sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“indeed” he agreed quietly.

The next few weeks were a blur as she was dragged off to several dates with Finn, and as her mother had promised he was a sweet enough boy. But he wasn’t Bellamy, he didn’t challenge her in any way, and in no way, did he make her heart beat fast the way Bellamy did.

One night after weeks of not having talked to Bellamy she snuck out of her room, having caught the night guard in her closet, claiming she was feeling poorly.

She felt a little bad, the poor man was after all only a few months away from his retirement, but she needed to see Bellamy.

Thankfully she had met Octavia in passing, just barely managing to whisper into her ear to tell Bellamy to meet her the usual place.

She knew Octavia had heard, cause the girl had given a quick nod before walking on into the crowd.

She snuck along the wall, making sure to look past every corner so she wouldn’t be caught.

A hand grabbed her arm and she was about to scream when a hand clasped over her mouth,

“It’s me.”

Clarke relaxed instantly, letting herself enjoy the warmth that seeped from his body to hers.

He took her hand and dragged her the last way to the storage room they had used as kids. It was easier to find the way there when he was leading, he knew the paths of the other guards, and he knew this end of the ship better than she did.

They finally reached their hiding spot and Bellamy opened the door quietly, letting Clarke sneak inside first before closing the door behind them.

He had barely turned around before Clarke threw her arms around him, her face buried in his shirt, and tears falling from her eyes.

He froze at first, but soon wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

“I miss you” she sobbed quietly into his chest, balling her hands up in his shirt.

He kissed her forehead, unsure of what to say. The truth was that he missed her too, they saw each other each day, but had no time to talk. Worst of all was that he had to stand guard while she was on her dates with Finn, wishing it could be him.

They stood in silence for a while as Clarke’s sobs calmed, and she was breathing a little lighter. Bellamy moved away, but took her hands in his, sending a small sad smile her way.

“You’re going to be fine Clarke.” He assured her, bringing one hand to his mouth, leaving a soft kiss on the back of it.

Clarke felt it burning into her hand, knowing that the mark his mouth had left behind would stay like a tattoo, scorched on to her creamy skin.

They talked for a little while, but Clarke knew she couldn’t stay for much longer. If her trapped guard hadn’t already been found, he undoubtedly would be soon. She gave Bellamy a sad smile, kissed his cheek, and snuck out of the storage.

Tears began slowly falling down her cheek as she walked back, for some reason this night had felt like the end of something, it had felt like a goodbye, said through the silence.

Her eyes were glossy from the tears so she didn’t see her night guard walk around the corner, he grabbed her arms as if he was about to shake her and yell at her. She couldn’t find it in her to care.

He just pulled her with him however and pushed her into her room where she continued to cry throughout the night.

Her eyes were red from crying when she finally left her room the next morning, Bellamy already on his post, he had his face turned away from her, but she could tell he was faring no better than she was. She lightly brushed her fingers against the back of his hand, his eyes closing for the smallest second.

“Clarke.”

Her mother turned around the corner, her hands clasped behind her back. She was in business mode, stretching out her hand for Clarke to follow her. Clarke threw a look back to Bellamy, he had stiffened as he always did when her mother came around, and he was doing his best not to look back at her.

“Stay in here honey, I just have one thing to do before we begin our chat.”

Her mother left the room quickly, but returned within five minutes, having obviously finished what she went out to do.

“The proposal will be moved up honey, the sooner you two get married the better.” Her mother smiled, looking at Clarke as if she was meant to smile as well, when her whole future had been decided for her.

Finn and his family joined them not much later, talks about their wedding already begun.

Clarke was mostly silent, touching the place on her hand where she could still feel the burn of Bellamy’s lips. She rubbed circles around it. Letting herself dream about the life they could have had together, had she been allowed to choose her own husband.

“Clarke honey” her mother dragged her out of her daydream and Clarke sighed, simply nodding her head in reply to a question she didn’t know, nor cared to know.

It had been hours before Clarke was allowed to go back to her room, and the guard who met her in front of her door was not Bellamy. Her brows furrowed, and she wondered if maybe he’d gotten sick, she certainly felt sick.

“I’ll be your new guard ma’am” he said, giving her a curt nod before returning to his position.

Clarke turned on her heels, stalking back to her mother’s quarters. Somehow Clarke knew that her mother had something to do with Bellamy being gone.

“Where is Bell?” She practically shouted at her mother, after having slammed the door open to her mother’s office.

“I had him reassigned dear, you’re getting married, we can’t have someone like him around as a distraction can we.” Her mother didn’t even raise her head to acknowledge Clarke, or her anger.

HE is the only thing keeping me standing, and he has a name, Bellamy.”

Her mother chuckled, rising up from her seat only to walk over to Clarke’s side and pat her shoulder.

“It’s just a silly crush my dear, now that he’s gone you’ll realise that.”

Clarke gnawed her lip, a smile spreading on her face, an idea forming in her mind.

“I want to marry him, not Finn.”

Clarke enjoyed the way that made her mom sputter.

“Absolutely not, he’s the lowest level possible, barely worth the time of day my dear.”

“Then I’ll just tell everyone about this little plan of yours, and they’ll believe it too, no one has ever believed I love Finn, me marrying him won’t change that.”

“But just imagine if I marry Bellamy, a man I truly love. You’ll have your little truce and I won’t hate you forever.” Clarke finished, knowing her mother couldn’t deny her plan worked out better than what they had thought up.

“You hate me?”

“mom, I do love you. But I just don’t like the way you handle some things okay.” Clarke sighed, she really didn’t hate her mother, even if her mother made it easy enough to do so.

“You really do love him?”

“Have for years.”

She saw the second her mother gave up, the way her shoulders relaxed and her breath came out as a short puff of air.

“I’ll sort it out with the others, you go find him.”

Clarke was out the door in seconds, running through the halls as fast as her legs could carry her.

As luck would have it Bellamy was walking out of his door the second she turned the corner, and Clarke threw herself at him, her laugh bouncing off the walls as she watched his shocked expression.

“Clarke, what.”

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner Bell.” She interrupted him, her eyes beaming like a burning sun on a clear blue sky.

“Think of what?”

“I told my mother that I’d tell everyone about her plan, that the people would believe me because even if I did marry Finn no one would believe I was in love with him.”

“So, you’re not getting married?”

“I am, if you’ll have me.”

Her words finally dawned on him, and a smile spread on his face, a smile so radiant it took her breath away.

He kissed her then, his hand moving to the back of the neck, while the other moved to the swell of her hip. She kissed him back eagerly, her hands sinking into his soft curls, and her body melting into his as if this was the place she had always belonged.

oOoOo

“So, wife, are you happy with your choice of husband” he asked as they were curled up naked, the morning after their wedding.

Clarke sighed, a satisfied smile stuck on her face. Bellamy chuckled, the silence answer enough for him.

She turned to her side, her fingers trailing up over his muscled torso, her mouth drying as she looked into his eyes.

“Again?” He quirked an eyebrow, and Clarke nodded, letting their bodies do the talking for the rest of the morning. As they had done most of the night.