TG: hey karkat whats cookin
CG: LITERALLY OR FIGURATIVELY.
TG: theyre both fair game i mean
TG: i dunno if youre actually cooking anything or not but
CG: WELL NOT LIKE ACTUALLY COOKING BUT I HAVE BEEN WATCHING UNDERNEATH CABINET EDGES LOOKING FOR PESTS WHICH MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE A FORAGING GAME.
CG: IF YOU GUYS AREN'T GOING TO EAT THEM I DON'T SEE ANY USE IN LETTING THEM GO TO WASTE.
CG: FIGURATIVELY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOD WE'RE BORING AROUND HERE.
TG: lmao wait are you looking for bugs to eat under the counters dude
CG: THE GOOD SICK OR THE BAD SICK.
TG: the gross sick
TG: hey save the cockroaches for me okay
CG: WHAT FOR?
TG: theyre kinda cute
TG: i dont want you to eat them
CG: DAVE THEY ARE THE MEATIEST BUG.
TG: i need to start my paleolithic collection again my first was was destroyed along with my entire fucking planet so
CG: I DON'T CARE. FIND YOUR OWN ROACHES.
TG: i at least want to get a few good sketches and charcoal rubs from em come on
TG: then you can eat them
TG: dont let me see it i might actually throw up
CG: WHY? I'VE SEEN YOU EAT FOOD OFF THE FLOOR SO I DON'T REALLY SEE WHAT THE ISSUE IS.
TG: but theyre cockroaches karkat
TG: they transmit disease and dont even taste that good
TG: stickbugs taste better than cockroaches and for good reason
CG: OKAY I FIRST WANT TO SAY THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU, AS PART OF THE SQUISHIER AND FAR LESS IMMUNE HUMAN RACE, MIGHT GET SICK FROM COCKROACHES, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DO.
CG: WHATEVER DISEASES THEY MIGHT BE CARRYING AREN'T GOING TO TOUCH ME.
CG: SECOND, YEAH, NO, STICKBUGS ONLY HAVE LIKE, A VERY PARTICULAR TEXTURE GOING FOR THEM.
CG: THE TASTE? SUBPAR.
CG: NUTRITIONALLY LACKING.
CG: I HAVE SAMPLED ALL OF THESE NEW EARTH DELICACIES BY NOW I THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT DUDE.
TG: so theyre like troll lays chips
TG: crunchy and only for the flavor
TG: let me ask you this, karkat:
TG: do you often find yourself needing a fixin for some good cockroach goodness and tug on your boots and hoodie to go out
TG: hop yourself right over to your local slaveway to purchase that shiny bag of dried cockroaches youve been hankering for
TG: and revel in the crunching and snapping of the first cockroach you pull from the bag and chew with those fucking fangs of yours as the exoskeleton, finely salted and powered, shatters under the force of your jaw
TG: do you
TG: do you ever
TG: because that sounds to me like a pretty fucking ideal day in the life you know what i mean
CG: WHY WOULD I GO THAT FAR WHEN I CAN GET THE SAME ENJOYMENT FROM JUST SITTING AROUND OUR FILTHY HIVE.
CG: LIKE. I APPRECIATE YOUR ATTENTION TO DETAIL WITH THAT ONE, MAYBE MY MOUTH WATERED A LITTLE, BUT.
CG: THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT I'M LAZY. YOU'RE LAZY.
CG: NOBODY WANTS TO GO OUT AND BUY WHAT THEY CAN GET FOR FREE.
TG: amen honey
CG: I MEAN I DO LIKE SITTING IN THE CART.
CG: SO THERE'S THAT.
TG: running down the refrigerated isles turning on the motion activated lights because theyre off at 2 am when the stores about to close
TG: just being like yeah bitches thats what i thought
TG: turnin off just because noones around DID YOU THINK I WOULDNT SEE THIS ACT OF DEFIANCE
CG: YES. EXACTLY. THESE ARE THE THINGS I APPRECIATE IN LIFE.
CG: AND I THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO THEM.
TG: im always here for sharing knowledge
TG: and extensive knowledge
TG: on... earth things
TG: because thats where im from
CG: YES. NOTED.
CG: LIKE. A LONG TIME AGO. I NOTED THAT.
CG: I HAVE LEARNED A LOT FROM MOVIES TOO THOUGH.
CG: PROBABLY MORE THAN WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU LIE ABOUT THINGS JUST TO FUCK WITH ME.
TG: not too often
TG: i mean
TG: stickbugs are real
TG: were real?
CG: YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH DO YOU.
TG: im too busy staying at home watching my husband go on mad vacuuming rampages when the carpet gets too dirty
CG: THE VACUUM MAKES A LOT OF NOISE. ANYBODY WOULD BE MAD AND RAMPAGING WHILE USING IT.
CG: YOU CAN'T JUST CALMLY USE SOMETHING THAT SCREAMS AT YOU.
TG: you just cant do it can you
CG: NO. I REFUSE TO NOT SCREAM BACK AT IT.
TG: spring cleaning wouldnt be the same around here without it though
TG: karkat vantas-striders rancorous screeching ringing from the windows and into the valleys as flowers are trying to bloom and shit really brings an atmosphere to the community
TG: good job
CG: THANK YOU.
CG: I DO MY BEST.
TG: well youre really good at it
CG: REALLY? CAN I GET THAT ON A TROPHY?
TG: #1 banshee husband: you
CG: EXCELLENT. I EXPECT IT ON MY DESK WITHIN THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS.
TG: will do sir
TG: may i join you in the kitchen
CG: YEAH? I'M NOT GOING TO RESTRICT YOUR ACCESS TO PARTS OF YOUR OWN HIVE, DAVE.
TG: just checking
TG: you might have wanted some privacy for bug huntin i dunno
TG: thought maybe having such a great dude as myself in the room would be too distracting
CG: YOU ARE A PEST. IT WOULD JUST MEAN MY HUNT IS OVER.
TG: i see
TG: have i become among the ranks of your delectable cockroach chips now is that it
CG: SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
CG: I MEAN I GUESS THE COMMON FACTOR IS THAT I'VE PUT MY MOUTH ON YOU BEFORE.
CG: DELECTABLE? THAT'S DEBATABLE.
TG: oh and now youre sitting here roasting my ass?
TG: t minus 30 seconds till youre in for an ambush
CG: IS IT AN AMBUSH IF YOU ANNOUNCED IT TO ME?
TG: yes shh
CG: OKAY, IF YOU SAY SO.