Heavy raindrops pattered against the long window, which stretched from wall to wall, creating a unique and unsteady rhythm. What was a soothing sound to Orihara Izaya beat loud like a bass drum in his partner’s ears, while the scent of fresh rainwater filled the man’s nostrils.
“Is something wrong, Shizu-chan?” the brunet queried, pausing in the silent reading of his book – The Perks of Being a Wall Flower, of all things.
Rolling onto his stomach, Heiwajima Shizuo’s eyes flicked around the room, unable to find a place to settle before he gave up and closed his silky eyelids over dull gray orbs.
“No,” he grumbled, fidgeting where he lay.
“Is the rain bothering you?” Izaya made an easy guess. He chose this time to mark his place in his reading material, setting the book down so that he could focus more on his boyfriend.
“Loud. Giving me a headache.”
“Then you should listen to something else,” the information broker cooed, settling over the blond and placing a small, tender kiss behind his ear.
“Like what?” Shizuo scoffed, ignoring the tingling sensation that shot through his heart when the smaller man’s body heat began to soak through his skin. “Your loud fucking mouth?”
“Ah, that hurts, Shizu-chan,” he could hear Izaya’s teasing grin.
“I could give you something that really hurts,” the blond threatened, letting his ire flow freely.
“So hostile today! The rain is getting to you that much, ne?”
Shizuo huffed impatiently. “Ne.”
“You need a distraction. That’s what I think.”
Izaya’s warm breath ghosting over Shizuo’s skin sent goose bumps down his arms. The longer he stayed on top of him, the more his personal scent – an awkward, yet blissful, combination of mint and jasmine - cancelled out the smell of rainwater. The blond would be lying to himself if he said that it wasn’t a relaxing combination.
The last time he had seen Izaya had been on a quiet, rainy day much like this one – but of course, back then the scents and smells surrounding him were tiny, meaningless inflections of his surroundings. The informant was soaked to the bone; ebony bangs clinging to his face. Bloodlust eyes – crimson and challenging – had been locked on to the ex-bartender’s, showing no fear whatsoever. It was the kind of look that told the blond that this kind of game was too much fun for his enemy.
When he finally advanced on the flea, he trapped him between his unbreakable body and a dumpster, and no matter what other scents lingered in the air, Izaya’s was strong. Addictively strong.
He never expected to find them in this tender – though sometimes teasing – relationship less than a month later.
Had it really been that long?
Shizuo sighed, turning his head as if too look up at the smaller man.
“Izaya…” he breathed, wishing for nothing more than to see those vivid ruby gems staring back at him.
The look made Izaya’s heart sink. He knew what the blond was thinking. “Yes?” he answered back calmly, beginning to rake his fingers through dyed hair.
“How long has it been…?”
It was Izaya’s turn to breathe a sigh. “That’s not important.”
“I wanna know. How long have I been blind?”
Tears welled in each cloudy eye, reminding both men of their mistakes. But that was a long time ago. They were alive. Together and alive. Now. And that’s what mattered…
“Please tell me…”
“About fourteen months…” Izaya breathed, sitting up after brushing another gentle kiss over Shizuo’s cheek; wondering how selfish it made him to look back on that day as one that completely destroyed his life.
For as much as he loved the former bodyguard now, he mourned for Shizuo’s eyesight. Never again could those honey-colored spheres focus a piercing gaze on his. So predatory; locking onto exactly what they wanted. It added to the blond’s animalistic quality that sent a fiery adrenaline shooting through the brunet’s spine each time they would clash on the dangerous streets of Ikebukuro.
Never again. Those days were long over; replaced by moments such as these.
Izaya didn’t expect a strong hand to lock around his wrist as he stood. The contact startled him for just a moment.
“Where are you going?” Shizuo wondered, flipping onto his back, “Thought you were gonna distract me.”
“Oh?” the brunet forced a small chuckle, “I never volunteered myself, as I recall.”
“Tch. Doesn’t matter.” With little effort, Izaya was tugged back into Shizuo’s chest. Emitting a small snarl as the man wrapped his arms around his waist. “I want you,” the blond growled as more of a demand than a statement.
Shizuo didn’t need words to respond while his hands slowly traveled over Izaya’s stomach, feeling the detail in each abdominal muscle and hipbone; up to his ribs and all of the scars due to years of street fights, including the largest. The one where the informant had been stabbed. He subconsciously counted each one, wondering what it would have been like to see the thin, lithe body when he had the use of his eyes.
It was one of those things… the kind that proved you just don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
But he didn’t want to think about that right now. Feeling a tightening in his jeans, he grabbed for the hem of Izaya’s shirt, clumsily lifting it to pull it over the raven’s head. Izaya complied easily, wiggling out of the cotton article.
It was all Shizuo could do to let his hands roam wild over every inch of skin, loving the shift in muscles as his smaller partner adjusted to his touch. Even the notches in the raven’s spine felt incredible. Smooth and gorgeous to his fingertips.
This ritual was nothing new to either man, but both would be reverting back to days of denial if they said they didn’t love this.
Izaya loved Shizuo’s warm hands, feeling like a painter’s masterpiece the way the blond moved to capture his image. Shizuo loved that it was still possible to “see” just by the unforgettable details of Izaya’s structure, while the old memories of the informant’s image would always be present in both memories and dreams.
Izaya moaned, rubbing his ass against Shizuo’s crotch as a hand slithered down the front of his pants. The other reached up for Shizuo’s fingers to play with the nape of the raven’s hair while he planted kisses between pale shoulder blades; every once in a while using his tongue to capture the sweet taste of Izaya’s skin.
“Hngh…” the brunet mewled when the blond freed the erection from his jeans and tenderly began to stroke him.
That sound – Izaya’s distinctive voice making those noises – cancelled out the beat of the rain. It was a sweet, sweet song which drove Shizuo wild that another person could make such a sound over his ministrations. That it was Izaya was that much better. He couldn’t think of another person who could mesh so perfectly to himself.
Hate turned to love was a peculiar occurrence to say the least; yet it worked. He could do this with Izaya and still feel normal.
Izaya who did not take pity on him for his blindness. Who did not baby him through his struggle to find normality within permanent darkness, or tell him sweet nothings when all he wanted was the truth. Izaya who accepted every hit, curse, and tear, but always stood back up, ready to fight against Shizuo’s stubbornness. He had even gone as far as to bring the blond back up from rock bottom by reminding him that just because there were many things he could no longer do, he still had something to live for. He still had purpose.
Izaya didn’t give up. He definitely didn’t play fair. And in the end, that was exactly what Shizuo needed.
“Fuck!” the raven hissed, jerking his hips into Shizuo’s hand. Shizuo smiled, sucking at a patch of smooth skin on the brunet’s shoulder until he caught the metallic taste of blood on his tongue. “Mm… just… like… THAT!”
But the heat in the blond’s groin was torturous, throbbing as it begged for contact as well. He hissed, changing their position once more by flipping Izaya onto his back.
“Take off your pants,” his orders to the brunet were simple.
“So aggressive today,” Izaya chuckled.
“Whatever. Where’s the fucking lube?”
With a small smile, Izaya reached over to the coffee table, grabbing the tube of vanilla scented gel and sliding it into Shizuo’s outstretched hand. He watched carefully, in full observation of the way his blind lover traced his hands over the plastic bottle before twisting off the cap and squeezing a generous portion into his hand.
“Are your legs spread?” Shizuo asked, warming the cool substance between his fingers.
“Why don’t you find out for yourself, Shizu-chan?” the informant teased, earning a growl from the blond’s lips.
Shizuo made a guessing game out of Izaya’s body, remembering each curve and bend and position as if it were a puzzle he’d pieced together a thousand times. He smiled hungrily when his hand found Izaya’s smooth ass, wasting no time to rub lubricated fingers over and around the tight hole just before plunging a long middle finger inside.
The appendage sunk in deep, immediately causing Izaya to writhe. Shizuo’s own erection hardened as the smaller man’s shudder echoed through him. It felt beautiful, and he only wished he could see the pink flush dusted on his boyfriend’s cheeks.
Bending forward, he hovered over the raven and covered for his guesses by planting kisses all over his face until meeting his lips. He smiled against the informant’s mouth, keeping their foreheads connected. Izaya was breathing heavily, moaning desperately as he pried Shizuo’s mouth open with his tongue. It was becoming more and more difficult to contain himself.
The sensation of each and every one of the brunet’s shivers and squirms put a brilliant image in the blond’s mind, that image only growing when he felt nimble fingers begin working at the buttons on his shirt.
Pulling away from Izaya’s lips, Shizuo added another finger and pumped harder while sinking his teeth into a collarbone after licking a salty trail of sweat from the sensitive skin on his lover’s neck. That beautifully shaped, long neck. Once his own chest was exposed to the raven, needy hands began to claw down his chest. He growled at the sting of the scratch. Izaya’s fingernails were sharp, yet they felt too good to accurately put into words.
“Ngh… Shi-Shizu-chan,” the raven moaned, back arching.
Shizuo grinned, knowing that he’d just barely brushed over the information broker’s prostate. “You like that, flea?”
“Hnn… Y-you know what I’d like more?” Izaya challenged smoothly, despite his struggle to speak with his boyfriend’s hands and mouth working his senses in all the right ways.
“I have an idea,” Shizuo teased, driving his two fingers into Izaya as deep as they would go and making a point of pressing against the brunet’s sweet spot as he dragged them back out.
The sensation was a high unto itself. Izaya cried out, losing control of his body as it twisted in sheer ecstasy.
“F-fuck…! Shizu-chan… Aaah… Shizu-ooh!”
The deep chuckle from the back of the blond’s throat was the sound of a calm victory. He had stripped the smaller man of all power and control. Izaya was now his to do with as he pleased.
Pulling his fingers out of Izaya’s ass, Shizuo moved on to free himself from his pants, gasping in pleasure when his full, hard erection hit cool air. Not five seconds later, he lurched at a cold, wet sensation coating the length of his cock.
It was Izaya’s turn to giggle as he caught the unsuspecting blond in a brief moment of stun.
“I can do that myself, y’know?” Shizuo grumbled, pretending that it didn’t feel good to have his lover rub the vanilla lube on for him.
“Shut up and lie down,” Izaya demanded - that ever-present smirk showing in his tone as usual.
Shizuo would never admit it out loud, but he was thankful that the knowing, half-lidded smile he had been so used to over the past ten years was so radiant that it could be heard. He raised a brow, weakly masking his amusement. As always, he was oblivious to the image of the raven wincing at the lost gaze.
“Good,” Izaya smiled when Shizuo did as told, not at all hesitant to settle over him.
Teasing a bit more, Izaya played with Shizuo’s dick, using it like a sex toy as he rubbed it against his own. It throbbed with need, begging to find itself deep inside soft heat. The blond’s drawn out groan was the raven’s signal to bring himself up on his knees just enough to impale himself on the hardened member.
Together they gasped in unison, quickly adjusting to the overpowering sensation. Shizuo was buried in deep, completely filling Izaya, who bent forward to kiss along Shizuo’s jawline. Relaxing, he pulled back up and began to move himself up and down.
“Stop… relax…” he whispered when Shizuo gave into lust, pushing his own hips up to find – and keep – himself inside of Izaya. “Let me be your distraction.”
With a small smile, Shizuo complied, feeling himself encased in hot, velvety walls.
“Feels good, ne?”
But the thrill was too exciting to keep Shizuo perfectly still.
As Izaya rode him, using the blond however he wanted to make them both feel high on the pleasure, Shizuo couldn’t hold back. A drop of a sweat fell from the raven’s hair, landing on his stomach. He shivered in delight, reaching out to touch – to see – his smaller counterpart.
“Fuck… Shizuo…” Izaya breathed as the blond took his face in his hands.
Both closed their eyes, and Shizuo began to feel, slowly tracing his fingertips over every detail of the raven’s face.
Perfect symmetrical bone structure. Soft smiling lips. Thin nose with a perfect bridge. High cheekbones complimentary to each eye socket. Silky lids, long lashes, and thin eyebrows. Flawlessly shaped. Not a wrinkle in his forehead. And damp bangs framing such a beautiful face, almost like that last day.
The day the legend lost his eyes.
“Izaya…” Shizuo whispered through his personal darkness, both unaware and uncaring of the time of day, month, or year, so long as he was never forced to part with the man on top of him.
The tiny compliment hit the raven hard in the heart, breaking his flow for a few seconds as he processed the words. Alas, tears surfaced, stopping him completely. Covering Shizuo’s hands with his own, he drew in a deep, quivering breath, unable to mask the heavy emotion flowing through him.
“You don’t need to say things like that…” he hissed, barely reacting as the blond picked up where he had just left off by sliding himself in and out of the informant.
“I wanted to…” Shizuo explained, “Because… it’s true…”
Sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, Izaya did all that he could to keep it together. Damn it. Why did Shizuo have to be so earnest all the time? Why did losing his sight make him so… human?
“Tch,” Izaya scoffed, pulling the large hands away from his face to lace their fingers. He laid down on his blind lover’s chest, listening to the faster-than-normal beat of his heart. Rivulets of tears thickened significantly. “You can’t even see me. How do you know my face hasn’t changed?”
“Because,” the blond pressed a kiss into damp hair, inhaling that beautiful scent before licking the salty taste from his lips. “You feel the same. Maybe even better than the last time I saw you.”
“Aaahh…” Izaya pushed himself back against one of Shizuo’s thrusts, angled just right to have the former bodyguard’s hard cock rub against his prostate. “Ngh… Oh… shit… Hnnn…”
He couldn’t see straight, vision doubling as he tossed his head back in euphoria.
“You’re gonna come soon,” Shizuo smirked.
“How do you-“
“Your body is telling me.”
“I hate that you can do that…”
“I hate that you’re crying right now.”
“Does it turn you off, Shizu-chan?”
“No…” Shizuo shook his head, “No… I just…”
Izaya sat up, impaling himself hard on Shizuo’s dick. Biting back what would have been a loud moan, he focused on controlling his tears, but it did him no good.
“I love you,” he whispered the words as a promise, coming back down to kiss the blond.
He tasted so good in Shizuo’s mouth. A distinctive flavor which – like his natural smell – was all his own brand. It was the one time the blond enjoyed being blind, as these details that most would easily throw out made up for what his eyes could not hold onto. Skin like silk, an addictive flavor, and a heavenly musk swirled together to create an image for him and him alone.
“Agh… Harder, Shizu-chan,” Izaya whimpered into his mouth, kissing him wantonly.
And oh yes. That voice. One which used to grate on the blond’s nerves was now music to his ears.
All of these factors working overtime to give him something once taken for granted.
Shizuo followed his boyfriend’s orders, bucking his hips hard and faster into the tight heat until he felt the signature tightening of the raven’s walls around his cock. Pushing into Izaya’s sweet spot one more time, Izaya came, emptying himself onto Shizuo’s stomach, and his moan into his mouth.
Drinking it all in, the blond came moments later, coating Izaya’s inner walls, filling him until semen and lube began to drip from the stretched and invaded hole. He pulled out with a soft slurp.
Opening his eyes, Izaya stared into directionless, cloudy spheres, praying that at any moment they would snap back to his. Shizuo, on the other hand, was contented just to know there was somebody in the world who wanted him regardless of his many flaws.
Two hours and a hot shower later, Izaya and Shizuo found themselves tangled together beneath the crisp, cool sheets of their bed.
The raven snuggled close as always, allowing his partner to feel his presence to the fullest. It didn’t bother him at all that Shizuo expressed a sort of neediness for him. And why should it? If this was the only way the blond could see Izaya, the informant was willing to give every ounce of himself for that purpose.
He would give him all of everything just to bring a fraction of light into a permanently black world.
“What time is it?” Shizuo wondered, having easily lost track of days and time.
Izaya reached for his cell phone, reading the digital numbers with a slight frown. He had managed to readjust his entire life for this, often spending his days asleep while treating nights like mornings. Sometimes, it was hard to share with the blond just what was going on. Hell, he didn’t even necessarily need to look at the numbers to know it was only reaching six o’clock in the morning. And the sun was rising; shining through broken clouds as the rainy weather died away.
“Time to go to sleep,” he chuckled in a failed attempt to mask his frown. His emotions were something Shizuo could still see. “I have to work tonight…”
The former bodyguard inhaled, drinking in that mint and jasmine aroma while he buried his fingers in ebony tresses. The sound of Izaya’s own breathing was relaxing, slowly making his eyelids feel heavier and heavier, even if the spheres behind them were no good. And when the raven’s hair was not enough for his curious hands, he delicately dragged his fingertips over every detail once again. Around the information broker’s ear with his thumb, over the length of his jaw line, and around each eye. Each caress felt like the first – the first time he was truly seeing Orihara Izaya.
In a weird way, he could see the notorious informant in a new light, the kind that told him he had no idea who this person was before he went blind. The kind that almost made him wish he had lost his vision sooner if fate would have it that he lost it at all.
After all, Shinra said there were ways of getting his eyes back. Surgeries and medications that could help restore at least some of his sight. So why had he decided against them? Was it such a wonderful thing to have Izaya hold his hand in cramped crowds and on trains? Was he happy to hear inflections that he was once oblivious to in his lover’s voice? Did that distinctive scent that lingered around Izaya’s person mean so much to him now that he was blind?
Blindness hadn’t taken away his unmatched strength. It hadn’t turned off the violent rampages either. But he had been swift to notice that when sight had left him, he was reawakened to the world just a little softer than he had been before. He viewed people differently – read them better. He was more sensitive to their own turmoil; their own flaws.
As difficult – and often upsetting – as it was to never again look upon that face, or to gaze into those glistening crimson irises, Shizuo found a love he had not been aware of before. A love he didn’t know he deserved, much less existed.
Life had changed drastically; yet… it wasn’t as miserable as he thought it would be on the day he woke in darkness.
“Izaya…” he whispered the raven’s name, bringing him close to kiss his lips.
Izaya mumbled sleepy nothings and Shizuo smiled at the minty taste of toothpaste leftover on the brunet’s lips.
Awakening a bit more, Izaya found his eyes settled on a cloudy pair, convinced for just a fraction of a second that the blond was staring back at him. “For what, Shizu-chan?”
“Being the light in a dark place…” he answered, pulling the smaller man close, “I couldn’t do this without you…”
“Of course not,” Izaya teased, “Without me, who would feed you, clothe you, and dye your hair?”
“Shut up, Flea… I’m serious… You saved me.”
“Ah,” Izaya yawned, shifting to press his ear against Shizuo’s beating heart, “I gave you a little push in the right direction a few times, sure. We wouldn’t want you running into walls or traffic, ne?”
“Tch…” Shizuo snorted.
“Besides, Shizu-chan. If anything, you’re the one who saved me. Before you lost your sight, I think – maybe – I was the one who was blind.”
“Just how dull life really is without someone there to love you, flaws and insecurities aside.”
“You? Insecure? Bullshit.”
“It’s true, Shizu-chan. You’ve torn down quite a few of my barriers. And you didn’t need eyes to see through such ugly masks.” Izaya sighed, “I guess that’s what happens with unpredictable monsters such as yourself. They really know how to ignite surprise.”
“I don’t really care about all that… just promise not to leave me alone in this darkness…”
Izaya found his heart sinking once again. “That’s a tall order, Shizuo…”
The blond growled, possessively tightening his already firm grip around the information broker’s thin waist. It was a fear that both men were well aware of – that Izaya might someday leave him for another… someone who could look him in the eye when he said, “I love you.” And Shizuo wasn’t quite sure he could handle the world without Izaya – much less by himself.
What he couldn’t understand was just how dependent Izaya was on him as well. It was the one sentiment that the brunet still managed to camouflage a little too well, for his own fear that if he let it show, Shizuo would find him too clingy or desperate. It didn’t matter that both could have anyone they wanted, as an act of serendipity left these two opposites needing what the other had to offer.
“Damn it, Shizu-chan…” the brunet inhaled, feeling guilty when the blond’s hold finally loosened. “You should know me better by now than to think I’d ever leave you.”
“Do you really mean that?”
“Idiot. I’ll always be here to hold your hand.”