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Back To You (A Ziall AU)

Chapter Text


The cobblestone was a dark, beige color. Zayn counted the cracks and lines as he walked towards the small flat he hoped he would one day be able to call home. He knew Niall would be there patiently waiting for him. Zayn had asked Niall to be Zayn's model for his final art project at school. He had white roses in one hand and a suitcase of numerous art supplies in another. The whole situation had been a cover as Zayn wanted to ask Niall to be his boyfriend. Sure, they had had numerous flings over the summer ; some at Niall's and some at his. However, Zayn hardly ever committed to anything let alone a relationship.

To say he was nervous would be an understatement. Zayn's heart was beating incredibly fast and his feet felt planted on the floor. His hands trembled and space seemed to violently constrict. Why am I here? Zayn thought. They were just flings. He doesn't care about me. I should just go. We're just co workers and friends with benefits. This whole thing is bound to be a disaster.

Zayn began to think about their time shared in the streets of London. Niall was studying guitar and Zayn was studying the fine arts. Niall was just so goddamn talented. The whole room seemed to stop when Niall began to play. Nial strummed his guitar so beautifully. Everything Niall did Zayn seemed to admire. Niall was just so unique, outspoken, funny, and kind. Niall was everything that Zayn aspired to be.

Just as Zayn was about to turn back, he saw Niall's piercing blue eyes stare at him from the kitchen window. Niall smirked, and walked towards the door. "Shit. I shouldn't have come," Zayn mutters underneath his breath. Just as he was about to go, Niall opened the door.

"Come in, why don't ya." Zayn gave a small smile and walked into the flat. What have I gotten myself into?

Chapter Text

Zayn finished unpacking his suitcases and looked around the flat. He acknowledged that the room wasn't perfect. The paint job was awful and there was limited furniture in the "suite." The bathroom was sub-par and the carpet was an off-white color. He was told that he would be getting a room mate from Chesire, England. Apparently he was a "good fit for Zayn." Zayn had a full time job teaching kids how to sketch using graphite at the local community centre in London. He truly had a passion for teaching young people, much like himself, how to draw. The seniors down the street at the retirement residence really enjoyed his work as well. He also had a part time job at a pristine coffee shop in north London. It was there that he had made two friends Louis and Niall. Louis and Niall were his best friends. The rest of his "friends" were just people who he liked to get high with. Zayn had chosen to rent the, well, interesting flat to save money. Although Zayn had a good relationship with his friends, he felt as if he was missing a part of him. It always felt like he was only half there: barely existing.

He had corresponded with the boy via email a few times but hadn't really spoken to him. Zayn liked things left alone, and had no desire to have a room mate whatsoever. Perhaps the blonde bloke who made his coffee in the mornings (and also just happened to be his co-worker at Locomotive Espresso) was the only reason why he chose to continue in school. He didn't have a lot of friends at school and was not very sociable. He loved his classes and the atmosphere of those classes, but something always seemed off ; like he was missing a part of himself. He felt as if his hometown of Bradford could only fill that hole in his heart, but something within himself told him to stay in London. Besides, he had promised his mum that he would get a degree in something or rather and that he would try to do something with his life. His mum had given up everything for the Maliks and promised himself that he would do everything in his power to pay his mother back somehow.

Zayn went outside to have a cigarette. He looked at the dark green shrubs in front of the flat. He noticed the small oak tree adjacent to the stairs leading to the burgundy door. A fresh base of soil was laid around the tree's base, indicating that it was planted recently. The sky was surprisingly a light, hopeful blue color and the sun was shining ; such unusual weather for London. His Led Zeppelin bleached tee began to cling to his skin and the heat started to bother him. Zayn put out his cigarette and walked back into the flat. He debated on going to the pub and enjoying a drink. This was his third year at London International University and he knew the area surprisingly well. He began to make plans for the warm, summer day. He grabbed the keys to the flat and was about to head out the door. As he was grabbing his shoes, he saw a red caravan pull up to the flat. Shit, he thought, the goddamn roommate was here.

Zayn groaned and yearned for a cigarette. No, he needed tequila. He watched the man come out of the driver's seat and an older woman come out of the passenger seat. A woman came out of the back seat. Zayn thought she was fit, but wasn't interested. He had eyes on the attractive blonde boy who made amazing green tea frappes each morning. Another car soon arrived behind the van full of boxes. "This flat has two small bedrooms, 1 tiny bathroom, a kitchenette, and a living room the size of my old bathroom. There's no way that all of your shit is going to fit in here." Zayn said out loud. The flat had a cheap rate, a leaky roof, and an unfinished basement. What did this glamour boy expect?

Zayn wanted to run and hide. He didn't want to face this kid. He had on a baby blue sweater, skinny jeans, and booties. His hair was voluminous and was free of any sign of imperfection. The only thing that Zayn admired about the lad was his tattoos. They appeared to be well done. Zayn began to think about Bradford and the small tattoo parlor there. He was reminded of his mate Brian who had done a few of his tattoos for him. He loved that tattoo parlor and vowed to go back sooner rather than later. As he was drifting off, all three of them walked into the flat. Zayn gulped and really wanted to just take a swig of beer and crawl under the covers, hiding himself from this world.

"Hello, my name is Harry." A hand was stretched out to him and Zayn didn't really know how to react. He mumbled a mere "Hey," and put his hands in his pockets. "What you see is what you get. There's a frozen pizza in the freezer, but it was there when I got here so I don't think you'll want to eat it. Have fun getting everything into your room." Zayn gave a fake smile and rolled his eyes. "I'm Zayn. Welcome to London International University, I'll be in my room." With that, Zayn went back into his room and shut the door.

Zayn grabbed his sketch pad from his drawer and grabbed his supplies, and opened the blinds to his room. He had a beautiful view outside his window, surprisingly enough, given how shitty his flat was. He set to work, sketching all his outlines on the scene before him stood out, before coming back in with a darker shaded pencil in case he'd mess up. As he smiled to himself and stood back, glancing at how well he'd copy everything.

"That looks absolutely beautiful." Startled, Zayn turned around chucking whatever was in his reach and started throwing it at the intruder. Only it was a shoe, and his intruder was his new flat mate.

"Ouch! You didn't have to throw that at me, did you? I was only coming to see if you'd like to join us for dinner." Harry commented, rubbing his arm where the shoe hit.

"I'm sorry, just don't come into my room without knocking. I'm new to this flat mate stuff. Never had one who was around before." Zayn apologized, as he grabbed his phone off the nightstand, following Harry out of his room.

Although Harry wasn't the best flatmate in the world, he couldn't pass up a meal that he'd pay for.

Chapter Text

Zayn knew the familiar mop of blonde hair all too well the second he stepped into the fancy Italian restaurant. He didn't recognize the man with black hair. He glanced over at Niall and noticed the pained expression he had on his face. Zayn couldn't figure out why Niall looked so upset. He had seen the man on Niall's instagram page but always thought that he had been a close friend of Niall's ; not a lover.

As Zayn saw the man kiss Niall's cheek, Zayn came to the conclusion that the man was indeed Niall's boyfriend -a very shit one at that, if he did say so himself. Zayn desperately wanted to go up to him and say hello, even though something within himself said that he shouldn't.

“Hello? Zayn?” Harry asked, waving his hand in Zayn’s face.
Shaking his head, Zayn turned his attention to Harry. “What?”
“Ya comin’ or what?” Harry smiled, gesturing towards the rest of his family to a five seater table.
Clearly annoyed with his new flat mates lack of excuse for manners, -something he felt everyone should have, Zayn nodded and smiled kindly instead.
“In a bit, I want to say hello to an old friend.”

Zayn took in his surroundings. The walls were a vibrant red color and paintings of traditional Italian foods were spread about. The chairs had intricate designs within them and the menus looked professional. People around him were well dressed and were enjoying sips of red wine. Why had Harry chosen to come here? What was Niall doing here with that scumbag? Zayn adjusted his leather jacket and walked up to the table that the two were sitting in.

"Hey Niall. Fancy meeting you here." Zayn gave a warm smile and began to bite his lip nervously.

"Nice to see you to Zayn. How are you? Are you excited for the new semester?" Niall replied, giving a smile back.

Niall had developed a bit of scruff and had let his hair go brown. He looked absolutely stunning. It was only until Zayn looked closely at the boy that he noticed the large purple spot just below his left eye. It was covered up with concealer and was hardly noticeable. As soon as Zayn glanced at Niall's arm, he noticed his lover grip Niall's arm tightly. He was practically marking his territory.

"Well, nice meeting you Zen, or whatever your name is. My boyfriend and I are trying to enjoy our meal. You can go now." The man rolled his eyes at Zayn and went back to eating his penne dish.

Niall sighed and said, "Sorry Zayn. Adam isn't feeling very well today. You should come over to our new place. We just bought the new Fifa game. We can invite the others as well. What do you say?" Niall gave a weak smile. Adam scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I would love to come over and see the new place. As long as its okay with Adam."


Zayn was furious. He wanted to grab Niall and hold him to his chest and hold him there forever. He wanted to protect Niall from this evil man. He stood in his place and took a deep breath. He hadn't had a panic attack in awhile. He tried to turn his nervous energy into a different kind of energy.

He didn't notice that Harry had run up behind him. "What's going on?" Harry put his hand on Zayn's arm and that's when Zayn lost it. He didn't want a new roommate, he didn't want this pathetic motherfucker to date one of his bestfriends, he wanted to go back to Bradford. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

He threw the first punch. People started noticing. Things began to stir. Everything became louder and the mood had changed. People stopped drinking and began to crowd around the scene. Zayn kept on punching and punching and Adam started to scream. Adam got up from the floor and punched Zayn in the head and kicked him in Zayn' stomach profusely. Zayn started to feel weak. He started to cough and noticed that his nose was bleeding. He got up and managed to punch Adam so hard in the nose that a loud crack was heard. It was then that Adam grabbed his nose and started to scream. "WHAT THE HELL. WHAT DID YOU DO."

The high that Zayn felt suddenly turned into a massive low. The portraits on the wall seem to scream at him in disgust. His knuckles were tinted red and everything seemed to hurt. The manager had pushed through the small crowd and held Zayn back. "I think its time for the both of you to leave." The manager grabbed Zayn and brought him to the door.

Before Zayn reached the door, he caught a glimpse of Niall's face. He was broken. What had he done?

He fixed his leather jacket and started to walk. The sky had turned overcast and it was now twilight. Zayn knew that he didn't want to go back to his flat. He wanted to freshen up and have a drink. He eventually found a decent looking bar. The neon sign said Borne's Tavern. He walked inside and sat at the bar.

A waitress came up to him and looked at his face. She spoke softly and refused to really face him. Her hair was pulled into a loose pony tail and she kept on adjusting her uniform. She was noticeably uncomfortable with his appearance. "Can I have some fish and chips please? Can I also get a 24 oz Guinness please? Thanks." The waitress simply nodded and left. With that, Zayn decided to go to the bathroom.

As soon as Zayn looked at his reflection in the mirror, he instantly regretted it. His left eye had a dark black ring around it and his face was covered in bruises. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked terrifying. He lifted up his blood stained shirt and looked at his stomach. It was covered in dark purple bruises. He gently touched one of them and his whole body seemed to scream in pain. He washed his hands and attempted to clean his face. He looked slightly better now that a majority of the blood was off his face. He tried to comb through his hair but it was still disheveled. He gave an audible sigh and left the bathroom.

Checking his phone along the way, his notifications seemed to say the same about his hair ; a downright mess. He'd gotten several text messages and missed calls from Harry from his newly unwanted flatmate and the Irish lad he desperately wanted to call his.

Typing in his pass code on the cracked old iPhone 4s, screen, he started to read himself some of Harry's messages that were bittersweet. Much to his dismay, not one single text was about him moving out or how him being his flatmate wouldn't work out.

Instead, he received a text from the brown-haired Irish lad about him needing to stay away for awhile.

"Alright, fish and crisps, I will be right back with a refill for your drink." The waitress, who seemed uninterested the first time, came back with his food, as he finished off the first fill of the Guinness. The least she could do is smile, he thought to himself as he placed his phone face down and began eating.

It wasn't until halfway through the first bite of his dinner that he really thought about Niall's relationship. How was he going to talk to Niall after this? Did anyone film the fight? What would happen if it circulated around? Could he get kicked out of his flat?

For the first time in his life, Zayn didn't know what to do.

He could feel a panic attack coming on and tried to focus on eating. He looked around the bar and tried to appreciate the abstract paintings plastered around the bar. As he was admiring the art, a certain brunette caught his eye.

He had such beautiful eyes and a stunning figure. He had a few tattoos and was wearing a blue snapback. He was eating alone and had 3 empty bottles of some kind of beer next to him. He was scrolling on his phone and looked upset. Zayn decided to walk over to him.

"Hi there. Uh, you seem a little down and to be honest I'm a bit of a wreck myself. My name is Zayn. May I sit with you?"

"Sure," He shrugged and wiped his eyes. "My name is Liam. My girlfriend cheated on me with some ass and has been rubbing it in my face via Instagram for weeks now. Her name is Cheryl and we've even got a kid together. I love Bear so much. He's currently at my mum's place because I'm trying to finish school. It's just so hard you know?"

"I know how hard it is, but I've never been through a situation like that before though."

"She wants Bear." Liam spoke softly, taking a big swig of his drink.

"What do you want?" Zayn questioned, taking a drink of his own beer.

"I want my son, and my girlfriend, but I don't want a cheating lying girlfriend." Sadly, Zayn couldn't make his life any easier than he could make his own life.

"What about you? What brings you here?" Liam asked, after a few moments of silence.

"I got a new room mate. His name is Harry, real nice bloke but a little too invasive. He moved in today, and his family took us out to eat. I saw some guy with one of my best mates and went over to say hi. Turns out it was his ass hat of a boyfriend. I only went to say hi to my friend Niall and then this Adam loses his shit. We start going at it and I end up getting kicked out of this fancy Italian restaurant. Part of me just wants to leave London, but I feel like I should stay."

Zayn sighed. All he wanted was to smoke up in his bedroom and imagine a life where everything worked out in the end. "Let me buy you another drink." Zayn ordered 2 spirits.

"Thanks mate." Liam smiled at Zayn and offered him some of his chicken wings. Zayn happily ate some.

"So, what are you going to do about this friend of yours? You can''t really ask him out after you pounded the guy."

"I don't really know. I want to make things right, but I hate watching one of my best friends be treated that way. He seems to scared to say anything but I don't know. I don't want to speak for him either. Besides, he doesn't want to be anywhere near me after what happened. I mean, who would?"

"I would just move on with someone else mate. Nobody has time for that kind of drama. What are you studying anyway? Maybe put your energy into that."

"I'm doing the fine arts program over at London. I love the program, I just feel like I don't belong in London. I also spray paint on the side and that's my passion. The problem is that whenever I try to leave London, something brings me back to it. It's fucked up I know."

" I know how you feel. I wish I could pick up everything and leave but I have Bear to think about."

"What are you studying? You said you were going back to school for your son."

"I'm majoring in psychology. Trying to at least. I've always wanted to like, help people, especially kids."

"That's cool." Zayn gave a small smile and noticed that his phone was ringing. "Do you mind if I take this?" Zayn asked. Liam nodded his head and went back to eating his chicken wings.

Zayn saw that it was Harry and he immediately declined the call. "It's almost midnight holy shit. I should probably head back to my flat and clean up a bit. Can I get your number mate? It would be nice to get together when I don't look like a character from The Godfather or some shit like that." Liam smiled and put his number into Zayn's phone.

"Give me a shout, yeah? Maybe we could have another pint together sometime."

"I will. Good luck with everything! As the french say, petit a petit, l'oiseau fait son nid."

"Merci." Liam gave a small laugh and shook his head. What an interesting character.

Chapter Text

Zayn felt at ease as he walked toward the subway station. It was quite dark now and it was quite a walk from his stop to his flat. He walked into the station and bought a water bottle and some extra strength Advil for the next morning. He went down the escalator and walked onto the platform. Right away he noticed a homeless man sleeping on the bench. It was then that he looked at his phone to check the time. Damn, he thought, it’s already one in the morning. Zayn rubbed his face and gave an audible groan. Wasn’t tomorrow first-year orientation? Surely Harry will want his mates to come over. They’re going to get shit faced. Fuck.

Twenty minutes later he got off the subway and began to walk to his flat. It was the night that made him miss his family the most. He missed his mother’s comforting words. He missed his younger sister’s laugh and naivety. He missed the smell of briyani and spice. He only had one more year left in London. What was going to happen then? Could he make a living as an artist? Would he be able to support his family one day? Was anyone ever going to love him the way he loved them?

Before he knew it, Zayn had reached his flat. He noticed that the roses planted in the front garden had been stepped on. Harry’s goddamn family. Zayn opened the door and saw that Harry was fast asleep on the couch. Zayn scoffed. Had he really waited up for him? What a joke.

Zayn walked into the bathroom and started to brush his teeth. Mid-brush, he noticed a painting on the wall which read, Friends are a choice but family is forever. He opened the shower curtain and noticed numerous Lush products with words like extra volume and so bodylicious on the label.

He finished brushing his teeth and looked at himself in the mirror. It was then that Zayn started to laugh. He laughed and laughed. What was happening to him? Everything was fine before Harry had come into his life, wasn’t it? His laugh began to form into tears which then evolved into a sob. He anxiously pulled at his hair and cried into his lap. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to go home. He wanted to feel comforted. He wanted to feel loved.

Harry woke up to the sound of Zayn crying. Harry began to grumble. “Zay’? Where are you hmm?” Harry yawned and rubbed his eyes. He opened the bathroom door and saw the lad sobbing. “Oh, Zayn.” Harry smiled at Zayn and rubbed his back as Zayn cried into Harry’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry Harry. I’m sorry.”

“Shh. Zayn, it's okay. What’s wrong hm? Why did you punch that man in the face?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Zayn wiped his eyes. He felt embarrassed. He barely knew this kid and was crying into his shoulder as if they had been best mates for years.

“It's okay. Maybe another time, yeah? How about we be friends. I think we need a fresh start to all of this.”

“I agree. Shake on it?”

Harry smiled and shook Zayn’s hand. “Let's go get some sleep.” The two parted ways and were fast asleep in minutes.


Zayn woke up to the sound of an alarm going off. He groaned and rubbed his head. He looked at the note on his bedside table. Drink me, you need it. Zayn took two Advil and checked his phone. He noticed a few text messages from Liam and one text message from Niall. Zayn immediately checked the text message from Niall.


Hey Z. I don’t know why you did what you did. Let me deal with Adam. I don’t want to see you at the shop anytime soon. We’ll talk later. -N.


Zayn debated on texting back. What could he say to make this right?


Hey N. I’m sorry about last night. Let me make it up to you. Why don’t I come over and pay for Adam’s medical bills? I’ll do anything to fix this. -Z.


Zayn saw that Niall had read the text. Within seconds he had responded.


You broke his goddamn nose Zayn. His NOSE. He’s a model. Who knows how long he’ll be out of work. I don’t know when I’ll forgive you. The best thing you can do is to STAY AWAY. Goodbye Zayn. -N.


Zayn read the text over twice. He couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t gotten violent since he was a kid. Would Niall ever forgive him? Should he just go back to Bradford? As he was thinking, Harry, knocked on his door.

“I’m making an English breakfast! You don’t want to miss my egg-cellent cooking!” Harry smiled to himself and added some spice to the scrambled eggs. He couldn’t believe how old the appliances were. This had been the last flat available as he had decided to rent a flat 4 weeks before the 1st semester started.

Upon regretting that decision, he marched towards the cupboard and grabbed two plates from where they were stored. Much to his dismay (just like the appliances) the order everything was placed in, was horrific. Zayn had cups and bowls in the same cabinet ; his plates and containers for leftovers were just messily thrown into the cupboards. Who even knew where the lids to those containers even were.

Perhaps he'd take Zayn appliance shopping, it's the least he could do, considering that Zayn was willing to let him move in, and be his roommate. That, and he could be quiet annoying at times. Harry figured this would be his apology. That, and he had gone grocery shopping after Zayn left the restaurant. They had decided to just have a spaghetti dinner at his new flat.

"Zayn, care to go shopping for new appliances, later?" Harry spoke, as he turned around with both plates in his hand, as his roommate was doing something on his phone.

"We definitely need a new stove and this fridge is ancient. The landlord might reimburse us later. If we want to have friends over, we have to have decent appliances." Harry put the plates down on the kitchen table. "I made scrambled eggs and some waffles. Eat up sleepy head."

Zayn gave Harry a weak smile and sat down on an old wooden chair.

As Zayn grabbed some orange juice from the fridge he said, "Harry, what happened last night was so embarrassing and I'm so-"

"Zayn, don't worry about it. You don't need to apologize. Today we're buying some new appliances and we're getting you a new phone. Its almost the first day of the semester and we have got to clean this place up."

"New appliances? Things work just fine."

It was then that there was a knock on the door. Zayn looked out the window and immediately recognized Adam.

"Adam, what the hell are you doing here?"

"You fucking bastard. You ruined my face. You ruined my fucking face! I-"

"Listen Adam, you need to stop treating Niall like shit. I notice a new bruise every time I see him. Niall's my best friend. I'm not fucking sorry for ruining your face. You're such a god damn prick. I should report you to the authorities-"

"You can't report shit. You know why? I know that you smoke up with your landlord at least twice a month. I know that you smoke cocaine and shoot up heroine. I know exactly where you store your god damn drugs to. If you even TRY to report me, I'll have your ass in jail within minutes. Nice try, terrorist. I won."

Zayn was about to throw a punch when Harry pulled him back.

"Zayn, don't. It's not worth it. Come back inside, okay? I'll deal with this punk."

Zayn rolled his eyes and went back inside.

Harry tore off his I'm an eggcellent cook apron and looked Adam dead in the eyes.

"I don't know what's going on with you two. I don't really care. Don't you dare call my room mate a terrorist. Stay away from my god damn house. Stay away from Zayn and stay away from me. If you come here again, I'll call the police and report you for trespassing. Go fuck yourself."

Harry rolled his eyes and slammed the door. London sure did have a lot to offer.

Chapter Text

It had been three months since Zayn had talked to Niall. He didn't have much of a work ethic. The snow had stuck, and the temperature was well below zero. The flat had a sub par heating system; it was either too hot or barely warm enough. Zayn hadn't spoken to Niall in months, and he missed him terribly. He had stopped volunteering at the children's center, and had quit his part time job. He had missed several classes, and was getting extremely low marks. He didn't know what to do, all he knew is that he wanted Niall back.

His mum had called, and they had a talk about what he could do.


"Z, I want you to come home. The girls miss you. Tell me that you're coming home for Christmas. If you don't come, I'm coming to you."


"Mum, I'm not coming home. I'm going to stay at Harry's place for Christmas. He's invited me over, and his parents live closer."

Lie. I'm staying at this shitty flat. I have to hand in three assignments and find another job.


"So you've made a new friend then? You've never talked about Harry before. What's really going on Zayn?" His mother knew something was up, but Zayn relented, "Mum I'm fine. I'll come home for my reading week. Oh, there's Harry now. Gotta go Mum, love ya."



He hung up the phone before she could respond. He sighed, grabbing a blunt from his chest of drawers. "Fuck, I'm so tired of livng." He groaned, and began to smoke. Soon enough, the high of marijuana filled his body like perfect medicine. He didn't want to finish his papers. He didn't want to become a teacher. He wasn't cut out for this. He needed to see Niall. He'd know what to do.


After a few hours worth of watching the telly whilst being high, he grabbed his coat and began to walk to the subway station. He was going to confront Niall. He put some beer in his old waterbottle, and began to sip away at it. Soon enough he was totally buzzed, and determined to tell Niall everything.

He stumbled onto the platform, and caught a train. Dark purple rings were under his eyes, and his lips were chapped. His hair was dis shelved, and he had a slight twitch. He looked awful. A young mother picked up her child and moved three rows behind him because she was so scared of him.


He put in his earbuds and listened to Drake. The shaking became more visible as time moved forward. Soon enough he reached the small cafe and stumbled in. The smell of fresh coffee and blueberry muffins filled his nostrils. There were only a few people in the cafe, as it was near closing. The night sky reminded him of how lonely he was.


"Zayn? What the hell are you doing here? It's almost cl-" Niall rubbed his eyes, and didn't believe what was in front of him.


"Niall, I can't fucking do this anymore! I need you- I need you more than anythin. I've got nothin' without ya. Come back to me baby. Pleeeease." He whined. As he walked toward the register, he tripped on his shoelaces. He cut his chin, and began to cry on the floor. "Niiiiii, come back." He was so tired. Zayn sobbed heavily, his eyes becoming red and puffy. He felt like a loser. He was a loser.


"God damn it Zayn." Niall muttered, taking off his uniform. "Hush Zayn. Shh." Niall held Zayn in earnest, rubbing his back. "I'm here now. Shh. Someone call a cab, ya?" Niall called after the new girl, Sam. Sam rolled her eyes, and called a cab.


"Nnnnno Niall. Don't leave me... need you." Zayn sniffled, snot covering his face. He was a mess.


"You need to go home Zayn.. Fuck.. Sam, cancel the cab. I'm going home early. Cover me. I owe you." Niall threw Sam his apron and name tag, and grabbed his car keys and lunch pail. "Get up Zayn. Let's go to the bathroom."


Niall helped Zayn up, and held his hand. The two men walked into the small bathroom. Niall grabbed a few napkins and wiped Zayn's face. The smell of alchohol and weed filled the small space, and Niall gagged. "God Zayn.. Why am I in love with a druggie? Fuck." Niall muttered. After Zayn's face was clean, Niall kissed Zayn's cheek.


"Zayn, I can't be with you until you get some help. Adam's cheating on me. We're practically through. Even still, you need to control your emotions. I heard that you almost got caught for possession of coke on campus. I'm not going to try to love you if you can't love yourself. Let's go." Just as Niall was about to leave the bathroom, Zayn grabbed his hand.


"Niall, I love you so much. You're so sexy hmmm." Zayn traced the outline of Niall's lips with his finger and laughed, a few tears straying from his cheeks. Niall rolled his eyes, and got him to his car.


What was he going to do with Zayn? More importantly, what was he going to say to Adam?


Short little chapter for you guys :) I miss Christmas time sigh :(

Chapter Text

*3 Days Before*

"Niall, please pass the ketchup."

He stayed silent as he slid the ketchup bottle to Adam.

"Niall- I swear to God if this is another one of your fits 'bout how bad of a boyfriend I am we're gonna have to have another talk again." Adam stared at Niall with fire in his eyes. "I do so much for you I'd like to hear some more appreciation." With that, he slammed his fists on the table.

Oh no, not another fight. I can't do this anymore.

"No, Adam. You need to stop this- get some help. You can't keep on doing this to me. One day, you send me flowers and make me homemade desserts. What do ya do the next? You slam my head right into a fuckin' wall. If you want we can go to counseling-"

"Don't you dare mention counseling again. You hear me Ni? Don't you fucking dare." Adam flipped the table over, spilling Sunday dinner all over the floor. Adam's nostrils were flared, the veins on his forehead practically popping out of his head. He was a deep shade of red; you could feel the tension in the room.

"Adam calm down. It's okay lovely we don't have to go. Breathe with me, m'kay? Shh.." He walked slowly toward his lover. "Baby breathe.. breathe." Adam was still angry. This only worked some of the time, and he didn't want to get hurt again.

"I don't want to breathe. I'm getting the fuck out of here." Adam spat, "I'm getting a beer. You're the worst boyfriend ever." He hastily grabbed his house key and wallet, slamming the door behind him.

It was then that Niall started to cry. This had gone on for almost a year. He didn't know how to say no. All he wanted was Zayn, an extra lage pizza, and some of that orange fizzy pop he liked as a kid. He wanted to lay his head on Zayn's shoulder, as he hummed a song about love in New York City. He didn't want this. He had met Adam at some bar. He had charmed him with his sweet smile and near perfect physique. Their one night stand turned into a 3 night stand, then a 4 night stand, and eventually becoming a are-we-friends-with-benefits-or-are-we-dating 'stand.' He had been sweet; giving Niall flowers and chocolates as surprise gifts. Adam had became rougher in bed over time (which ended up becoming BDSM gone wrong.) It felt like nothing was consensual anymore.

If Adam wasn't going to talk to someone, he would. A quick google search instantly found a domestic abuse hotline. He sat on the sofa, putting his head between his knees. "I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore." He began to sob. "I want to be happy again." His hands were cold, and he had broken out into a sweat. His eyes were red and puffy; the bruises which trailed along the side of his face standing out against his pale skin. He was tired. He was broken. "I want Zayn back. Al I want I Zayn." He rubbed his eyes, tears beginning to stream down his face once again. Him and Zayn were happy. He felt safe when he was with Zayn. He felt loved. Being around Adam was like circling around a mine field; his outbursts becoming more and more explosive as the years went on. He couldn't do this anymore.


He began to dial the number The National LGBT Helpline(Broken Rainbow) : 0300 999 5428. He quickly dialed the number, wiping away his tears. After a five minute 'no pranking' warning, he began to talk to someone.

"Yes, hi. My name's Niall and I'm in an abusive relationship. I don't know what to do."

Who knew a simple phone call would change his life forever.


Within an hour of speaking to a counselor on a phone, he knew what he had to do. He had to break up with Adam. He called the police as quickly as possible, and told the officer about the abuse he had endured for a year. He had learned that Adam had a history of abuse. He had learned that Adam had a two restraining orders laid against him as well, and had been arrested once for prostitution. It's like he barely knew Adam at all.

Two police officers had met Niall at his flat. They waited for Adam to come home. Once had had, he would be under arrest for domestic violence. Niall's heart was racing. What would happen if Adam resisted arrest? He was lost in thought, but a harsh knock at the door broke his thought.

"Niall, open this god damn door now."

An officer walked over to the door, opening it slowly. "Mr. Foster, you are under arrest for domestic violence. Anything you say can an will be used against you in the court of law..."

Adam was sobbing, squirming within the officer's grip.

"What in the absolute fuck is going on here? Niall, I swear to God you stupid fucking prick! Why the fuck would you call the police?!"

Niall stood back sobbing. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"Mr. Horan, we're going to have to take you to the hospital to take pictures of your bruises and abrasions. I would suggest you contact your lawyer immediately."

Niall sniffled, and nodded his head in response.


He winced as nurses prodded around his body, checking for signs of rape / assaults. Multiple images of his body were taken as 'evidence of abuse.' He felt like a wounded animal. When the officers tried to get explicit details of their sex life, he remained unresponsive. He was questioning everything. Was this the right thing to do?

"Mr. Horan, we can't press a case without many details. Please tell us what happened."

"What's there to say? He beat me to the point of nearly passing out. He shoved my head into walls. You've seen the dents in the walls. You've seen my bruises. What's not to understand? When I asked him to stop, he would never pull out. I would stumble to the shower to clean myself of blood. He hurt me. I want a restraining order. I never want to see that fucker again." He was shaking violently, tears threatening to spill.

The officers remained nonchalant. It was like they were hearing a story they had heard before. Niall was disgusted.

"May I go now?"

"Sir, we need to run some tests for STI's including HIV."



"Mr. Horan, we have your test results."

Niall gulped, awaiting the results.

"You are not HIV positive. However, there were a few issues with your blood test. You have leukemia."


will this become a cancer fic with really soft niall and zayn moments? probably

Chapter Text

Niall had just found out that he had leukaemia. He really didn't know how to feel: all he knew was that he had to get back with Zayn. Zayn loved him like no other boy had ever before. What had gone wrong?

The sun had just gotten up. Niall looked up to Zayn sleeping in the chair next to him. He was going to have to go through a variety of chemotherapy treatments to try and prolong his life. He was already at stage three and had ignored all of the symptoms for the past year and a half. He figured it was just his lack of proper iron intake causing his fatique. He had had these petichae all around him as well.

He looked at his hospital room. He examined the intricate IVs and machinery with were around him. He took a deep breath, trying to piece everything together.

He had broken up with his abusive boyfriend and had found out he had stage three cancer all in the same day. He began to cry in earnest. What had he done to deserve this? He thought of his nephew and his mother and even Adam. He began to feel nauseous; running to the bathroom to throw up. He then returned to his bed, where he fell into a rather dream filled sleep.


It was a cool fall day. The leaves had just started to fall from the trees, and everything was 'pumpkin spice' at the shop in which he worked. He loved this time of year. He had picked out his costume months in advance. He'd be the 'Lucky Charms' guy this year. It was sure to be a hit. He planned on throwing an epic Halloween bash with his best friend Louis. It was going to be perfect.

What was even more perfect was that he had met this 'mysterious' but 'stunning' art hipster on Bumble this past week. Today was their first date. He was taking him to a pain your own pottery studio. After that, they were going to get some dinner at his house where he'd light some candles to set the mood. Then, hopefully, they'd hook up. It had been so long since Niall had reeky seen anyone. He couldn't wait.

Zayn had promised to meet him at the studio, so Niall took the tube. It was only a twenty minute tube ride from his flat which was convenient. Zayn looked absolutely stunning. He wore a leather jacket with a sleeveless MTV shirt: showcasing his amazing tattoos. He had on black skinny jeans and fun neon socks on. as well, his hair shaved with blonde tints within his hair. Niall was absolutely mesmerized.

He cleared his throat, and gave a rather quiet 'Hey' to Zayn. He smiled and waved back, giving him a quick hug.


"Hey, I'm Zayn. It's Niall right?"
Niall blushed, "Yeah, that's me. How are ya?"
"I'm great. Its so nice to go out again. I've been so invested with writing my book I haven't gotten on a proper date in a while haha." Niall smiled at Zayn.
"Yeah, I totally get it. I've been, like, so focused on my music and art that I've not really gone out either."
After a bit of awkward silence, Niall suggested that they pick out some pottery to paint. Zayn chose a fish and Niall chose a mermaid.
Zayn gave a light chuckle, "Hah, we match."
Niall smiled.
The two began to paint their pottery, speaking of their favourite movies and television shows, their best childhood memories, and their hopes and dreams.

"I really want to be an art teacher after I graduate. I may look really intimidating, but I definitely have a huge heart."
"I definitely can see that. You'd be good at that. Your fish is super cool by the way."
After they finished painting, they made their way back to Niall's.

Right when they entered the door, they were immediately making out with each other. Things became heated quickly. There was this incredible energy between them. It was the first time Niall had really enjoyed sex. The two lasted for hours, finishing with a loving cuddle. The two slept that night in each other's arms. He knew immediately knew that Zayn was the one.


"Niall!! Wake up! "Holy fuck! DOCTOR! WE NEED A DOCTOR!" " Zayn was shaking Niall awake. He was having a heart attack.


wow! a shitty chapter but I updated haha! I didn't get into the smut but if y'all want super smutty content let me know hahahahahaha
sorry just wanted to come back to this story but we'll see if niall recovers fully or not
more cute Zayn and niall moments! I wanna look back on their past bc a lot of that is unexplained its coming y'all dw dw
love y'all sm and happy 2019! :)