Missy’s mind was just fading to black as she heard the familiar sound of the Tardis materializing beside her. She forced her mind out of the dark pit it was sinking into. He’s back .
She was dying. She knew that, knew that there was nothing either of them could do. But even as she lay dying, knowing that the Doctor would never know she chose him, she wished he could be there. In her last moments, she wanted him there. Wanted him to know that, in the end, she had been good. She had been everything he wanted her to be.
It had taken her so long, so so long to realize that all she’d ever wanted in life was him . Since they were children, she had wanted him to be hers and hers alone. All those schemes against the human race - she was jealous of the affection he showed to the humans.
Then River had shown up, and he had fallen for her. And she was so angry, it couldn’t be anything but jealousy. But she had restrained herself from killing River right away, because she had noticed something. River was just as crazy and, in some cases, murderous, as she was. So what did River have that she didn’t?
Missy didn’t figure it out, not completely. But she had decided to do what River couldn’t. Offer him a birthday gift. That hadn’t gone well, but her time in the vault with him had shown her a completely new view of the world.
Then the Doctor had let her out. And she had traveled with him. And he gave her a chance to do what he does….
And she messed up.
Would the Doctor realize what she had done? Will he know she chose him? Or was he here to bring her back to the vault? Watch over he for a thousand years the intended way? Missy was sure she would have felt her hearts sink at the thoughts, but her body was already cold and unmoving.
There was a bang from the Tardis. Missy wanted to look towards it, but couldn’t make her body move. Her eyes were partly closed, but too unfocused to see anything. She had to rely on her sense of hearing, which was beginning to fade as well.
The door to the Tardis opened, and Missy heard the Doctor’s gruff voice. What will he think?
“I will not change!”
The words didn’t make sense to her, and she thought that she must be fading faster than she thought.
“I’m not changing! Whatever’s here isn’t going to change that, so you might as well open the doors and let me in.”
In where ?
The Tardis made a noise, and there was a bang at the door. “I’m not messing around!” Silence, then a grunt and some movement. The Doctor was mumbling to himself, and Missy couldn’t even bother trying to hear what he was saying.
Another Tardis noise, then the mumbling stopped. Where is he now? She wondered. There was a noise somewhere, probably from the Doctor. Then, the world spun and her head felt like it was being pushed around in a current and poked by needles.
She couldn’t tell how much time had passed ( huh… ironic ) when she heard his voice yelling her name. It was very muffled, as though she was hearing it from underwater. He kept yelling her name, then suddenly the screaming was in her head.
Ow! F- Doctor! A dull pain was forming in her head. She decided she rather prefer the cool, numbing sensation from before.
Missy! It was much quieter this time, almost soothing. What happened?
She felt the Doctor going through her memories, but couldn’t remember where to find the memory of what happened. She only knew… I chose you, Doctor.
What? He was still searching, pulling up memories she hadn’t thought of for years.
In the end… I was good… right?
The Doctor finally found the memory, and she relived it again, this time feeling the shock and (surprisingly) sadness that the Doctor was feeling. Missy…
Wasn’t I? … I really tried….
There was a sad laugh from the Doctor. Yes. Yes, you were good. You are good, Missy.
She could feel herself fading. The Doctor was desperately trying to keep the link, but she couldn’t bother trying to help him. She felt like she was lying just centimeters above a really fluffy, comfy bed, and all she had to do was fall down.
She felt the Doctor’s mind slipping away, felt herself falling asleep.
Missy! It was a yell, but it sounded miles away. Darkness was….
Blinding light, a pain like fire, a headache so strong she thought her head was going to explode. She felt her mind screaming, couldn’t tell if the Doctor was still in her head or not to hear her.
When she woke up, she couldn’t make herself move. She couldn’t feel her body, but felt her heart beats. I’m alive….
There was a noise across the room. Missy reached out with her mind, felt the edge of the Doctor, then heard a crash as he dropped something. A few seconds later he was over her. “Are you okay?”
Missy reached out with her mind again, and he tentatively let her in. What happened?
The Doctor reluctantly shared a memory with her, and as it transferred from his mind to hers she sensed him shift uncomfortably.
She could see everything from the Doctor’s point of view now. He was kneeling on the ground, moisture soaking into his clothes. He was holding her against his chest, mind calling her name as he felt her slip away.
The Tardis made a noise, and he looked back at her. (An image of a girl with really curly black hair giving the Doctor a look popped into his head.) “This is what you wanted?” He looked down at her again, fingers wrapping into her hair. A thousand thoughts flickered through his head, including a very vivid one of her in her last body, refusing to regenerate. He had thought about forcing her to regenerate, back then, by jumpstarting the process with his own, but had decided that that would be selfish.
Would she want me to? Or would she hate me? Just then he felt her mind slip, and in a moment of panic he started regenerating. He grabbed her face and kissed her, forcing regenerative energy into her. She could feel it coursing through the Doctor’s body, feel how it felt slightly different than it should have.
Missy let go of the memory, but left her mind connected to his. There was a silence between them. She felt sluggish, and was absolutely content just lying there, her mind connected to the Doctor’s. She felt panic rising in the Doctor’s mind, and forced her eyes open. He was staring down at her with so much hope and so much fear, all hidden behind that “I don’t care” attitude.
Thank you. She sent a mental image of her holding his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
The Doctor picked up her hand and gently squeezed it, putting some feeling into her numb limbs. “Are you sure?”
It was a few days later before Missy’s body was back to normal. When she strolled into the control room, she half expected it to be empty - the Doctor gone off on some adventure with his humans.
She was pleasantly surprised to find the Doctor alone, casually leaning against the console and whispering “thank you”s to her. Missy just stood watching for a while, enjoying seeing the Doctor while he believed he was alone.
The Tardis made a “dong”ish sound, and The Doctor turned to face her. “You’re up.”
“Yeah,” she replied. They were staring at each other intently. It was odd, staring at him without it being one of those “Come on, you’ve got admit this is a great plan” and “Missy how dare you!?” stares.
The doctor walked towards her, and tentatively took her hands in his. “So… travel with me?”
Missy smiled. “Sure.” The Doctor ran up to the console, flicking switches in a flourish that was completely unnecessary, but cute nonetheless.
“I don’t know,” Messy replied, leaning against one of the railings with her arms crossed. “I’ve never really been anywhere just for fun.”
The Doctor spun around, suddenly looking very serious. “No killing?”
Missy rolled her eyes. “Fine,” but they were both smiling as the Tardis landed on some unknown planet.