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A lesson in being less than

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I personally feel it in every crevice of my body. In every Inch of skin and every Cell that has Ever and Will Ever be.
I am, what I am supposed to be.
They'll tell you, oh will they tell you. How you were born "This" way so you must stay "This" way because that's all you will Ever be. All you could ever be.
Because being something else? Isn't being the Right Way. Being something else is being different, and no matter how many times you hear, "being different is amazing! Be different!" Being different is to be ridiculed and shamed.
For not following the norms or not being cool. For not being the same as everyone else and expressing who you are instead of changing to fit their ideals. Because their "ideals" make you want to Scream. Because they put you in a box made of bulletproof glass so that everyone can gawk and marvel at you. But you can never escape because they've sealed all the exits and the only key, is to stop being something else and start being like everyone else.

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in the farthest corners of my memory, i remember the way you used to smile at me. with your heart on your sleeve and all the stars, planets and suns reflected in your eyes. looking at me as if i had created the universe for you, i like to think that maybe i did. i'd like to believe that i had mattered that much to you. you used to tell me how much i mattered and while i didn't always believe you, sometimes i think back on it and i do. but it's been a while now since you smiled like that. with eyes the size of the moon and your one dimple on display. a while since you've looked at me as if i had strung the stars up in the sky just for you. i don't know what i did. you still haven't told me, and i've always been inclined to believe it's my fault. i can't pinpoint the specific moment you stopped smiling at me like that. looking back i think it happened gradually. or maybe it was so sudden that i never truly noticed until it was too late. but in the farthest reaches of my memory, i remember the way you used to look at me.

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i've been told i fall in love too easily. i met you after they left me, when i was still trying to fit the puzzle pieces that shaped my world back into place around the hole they had left. it was not love at first sight. i no longer believe in such fairytales, but you caught my attention and i was breathless. i've been told I fall in love too easily. the more i saw the more i adored, you helped me to float and the void they had left in my chest no longer seemed as daunting. i've been told i fall in love too easily. you took my hand one day and lead me to your couch where you told me i wasn't getting rid of you anytime soon. I went home and cried. i've been told I fall in love too easily. i took you on not dates that turned into date dates that turned into a relationship that i still find surreal. i've been told I fall in love too easily. this time i do not mind.