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Open Season

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It was the whispers and the sensation of his bed moving that woke Bilbo up. He wasn’t the lightest of sleepers but his dwarf companions weren’t about to win any awards for sneaking out of bed silently; something that Bilbo, actually, was rather good at. Not that it happened often but when he was so inclined to leave another’s bed without waking them it was with good reason and not something he wanted to mess up.

Some hobbits took being left before first breakfast very personally.

“Wait, Fili, not so-”

“Shhh!” Fili hissed sharply. “You’ll wake the halfling.”

Bilbo grumped unhappily; he hated the term halfling. He was exactly all he was supposed to be and half of nothing. Big Folk, and yes he was including dwarves in that, could be so very annoying.

“But-” Whatever Kili was going to say was muffled, turned to mumbles and breathless laughter. Someone grunted and a wet smacking sound pushed Bilbo a little closer to fully waking; what in the world were those two doing? Sheets rustled and the bed dipped. Something hit the floor with a muffled thud and he could hear them both dragging in anxious breathes and imagined them staring at him with wide nervous eyes.

Bilbo resisted the urge to sigh They were handsome lads, very much so (honestly he was hosting a company of rather handsome dwarves; the eyecandy was about the only upside to their presence so far), and was a good thing because he wasn’t so certain they were the sharpest swords around. If all dwarrow were so incapable of sneaking it was no wonder they’d come here, looking for a burglar.

After a beat they let out twin relieved sounds that turned into soft giggles as they started moving again. It didn’t seem like they were actually trying to get off the bed though, or at least not both of them. No, they just seemed to be shifting away from him, towards the footboard.

He cracked open an eye sleepily, hoping whatever had roused his guests wasn’t something that would require him to do too much. Their leader had seemed certain these two were nothing but trouble, more apt to destroy his home than anything else, and Bilbo was inclined to believe it after everything he’d seen of them. Plus he’d said he’d keep an eye on them and a promise was a promise.

Yet, he thought eyes widening slightly, he was fairly certain Thorin hadn’t meant for him to witness anything like this. Both had stripped bare and moved to the far end of the bed where Kili was straddling his brother’s lap and had his hands buried in golden hair. Fili’s head was tipped back and his hands were on Kili’s hips, holding him tight to his body as they kissed. One of them hummed, sighed, and through lowered lashes Bilbo saw Kili pull on Fili’s hair, making him tip his head back further, and lips part around a flash of tongue. They stayed like that, kissing slowly, almost lazily, but not without visible passion, hands running over each others skin unhurriedly, for a long time. He saw smiles at the edges of their mouths and words only for them whispered between presses of lips, heard laughter and quiet moans, followed by shushing sounds and more laughter.

It was sweet and intimate and not something he should be watching. At all.

The circumstances that lead to him offering to share his bed with Fili and Kili were not terribly strange. He lead his not totally welcome guests to rooms, apologizing all the while for not having enough made up and aired out but then he hadn't expected to many, or any. He saw them flashing him bewildered looks as he gestured them into the available rooms, all cozy affairs along the east side with small round windows already open to let in the warm night air, small fireplaces built up and ready for lighting, either double beds or a single large one, and a wealth of warm blankets and quilts ready to be used, but was too nervous to ask what the issue may be.

Basins and pitchers full of water had been placed inside, along with cups, rags, bars of soap, and the like. He’d pointed out the other bathrooms, silently morning the one in the front hall,

“This is poorly prepared?” Balin asked, a hint of humor to his voice, once the group was down to him, his brother, their king, and the young ones. “I believe I've paid to stay in less pleasant rooms.”

“Oh. Well.” Bilbo flapped hand dismissively. “If I'd had more time I could have aired out the west rooms, hey don't have windows so it takes more time to get the air flowing, and the quarters wouldn't be so cramped.”

They wouldn't have been able to have their own rooms, no, but he would have had more than four to offer, not counting the man sized one Gandalf had already retreated to for the night. The last room was a bigger one, with two large beds, but five dwarves was going to be a tight fit. Someone would likely end up on the floor and, unwanted guests or not, that was just not how Hobbits did thing. If his father was alive to see someone forced to claim a spot on a bedroll instead of one of the rooms hed built with his own hands, well, it would have been very clear what side of the family he got the fainting from.

Which is why, when Fili eyed the room and declared he and his brother would set up in the sitting room or perhaps in the backyard, Bilbo was aghast. He didn't get to express that, beyond a shocked sputter, before Thorin turned to eye the blond dwarf.

“And why is that?”

“Aye,” Dwalin eyed them carefully. “What are you up to that would make you give up a bed in favor of the ground?”

Fili and Kili exchanged loaded looks then sighed in unison.

“The problem is,”

“The three of you snore,”

“Roar, really,”

“Yes! Like bears with head colds stuck in a trap,”

“And we’d actually like to sleep tonight.”

The older dwarves exchanged looks, expressions ranging from amused to vaguely offended, before they shook their heads in unison. The way Fili and Kili deflated, shoulders slumping and faces screwing up in disappointment, was nearly comical.

“Absolutely not. You’re likely to burn down the burglar’s house if someone isn’t watching you.” Thorin said, mouth twisting down at the corners.

Kili pouted. “That happened once.”

Bilbo swallowed nervously, silently prayed that the younger dwarf was making a joke, then cleared his throat. Five sets of eyes focused on him and, well, wasn’t that just a little off putting? Bilbo shrank back a little, blinking rapidly and trying not to squirm. It didn’t help his nerve any that Thorin regarded him with all the interest one would afford a bug, seemingly permanent frown deepening.

It really wasn’t fair that someone so attractive should be such an ass.   

“They can stay in my bed tonight? It’s big enough and I don’t mind if they don’t. ...And I don’t snore.” Bilbo added lightly, earning himself grins from Fili and Kili. “And I’ll keep an eye, or two if needed, on them if that helps.”

Since that seemed to be of great concern and all, which made Bilbo wonder just how young these two were to invoke such protectiveness in the older dwarves. He’d noticed similar with Ori, in that Dori (and more subtly Nori) hadn’t let him get more than a few paces away all night. Not too young he would think, since there was a dragon awaiting them at the end of their little quest (that Bilbo was absolutely not going on, no matter how that song had stirred his heart or how very lonely he was in his smial or how terrible the idea of so many without homes was to him or, and especially this one, how alarmingly handsome these dwarves were. ...very alarming. Very.) and Bilbo was sure no one would take children to face such a thing.

He hoped, both because children had no place on such an adventure and because he would feel badly if he’d been ogling them and they weren’t of age.  

Thorin’s brow furrowed as he exchanged looks with Dwalin and Balin again. The silent communication between them was impressive and, thankfully, easy to follow. Thorin looked more and more annoyed as Balin looked increasingly amused and Dwalin just looked tired. In fact he spent less time wiggling his eyebrows and projecting with his eyes and more time eyeing up the beds longingly.

“Oh let them go. They’re adults-” Balin, to his credit, didn’t even miss a beat when at Thorin’s barked out laugh. “I’m sure Master Baggins can keep them from setting fire or flooding anything for a few hours and a night away from your eyes won’t kill them.”

Bilbo wasn’t entirely sure that was true and found himself trying to ask if they were being serious or not, because if so he was going to reconsider his offer, but he suddenly had an arm around his shoulders and was being steered away.

“Wait, Thorin hasn’t-”

“Not to worry!” Kili drug him closer as they walked, tucking Bilbo against his body. He was surprisingly warm, so much so that Bilbo could feel the heat radiating from him through his many layers. “Mister Balin has given his approval and that’s basically the same as U-Thorin giving it.”

“Better, really.” Fili winked. Behind them Thorin grumbled something but when Bilbo twisted around the dwarf was walking into the bedroom, Dwalin at his heels. “Now, how about you take us to bed?”

Bilbo managed to not choke on his tongue at that (damn cheeky dwarf, probably expected him to get flustered...which. He did, a little, but from surprise and a bit of fear that Thorin might overhear, not out prudishness, which was no doubt what Fili expected. Hmph.). Or when, once shown to his room, the brothers stripped off their layers without preamble, tunics, fur, and leathers forming a hasty pile on top of a chest. They kept their pants on but the damage was done and Bilbo had to scurry to climb into his bed and under his blankets, least parts of his body that had no business rising to attention be noticed.

He flopped onto his front, burying his face in his pillow and hoping he might just suffocate, leaving them to wash their faces and for Fili to hastily braid his brother’s hair back. He cursed his odd taste while praying for oblivion. These two were nothing like hobbits and, were he a proper hobbit, he could not be at all inclined to feel any manner of ‘stirrings’ at the sight of them. But, alas, Bilbo was odd and so the lack of curves to their form, the excess of hair, and the odd accessories were not what he would call a hindrance.

Fili was a bit broader than his brother, shoulders wider and arms thicker, skin paler in the flickering firelight of the candles Bilbo had lit. The hair on his chest was denser, golden brown, and bits of metal gleamed from where they were fixed through his nipples. Black ink circled his bicep, runes that Bilbo couldn’t read and most certainly didn’t spend a few extra seconds staring at. Kili was taller and more on the wiry side, muscular but not in the same solid way of his brother, skin a few shades darker and the hair on his body proved to be as sparse as it was on his face, in comparison to Fili at least. There was no metal on him, at least none that Bilbo had seen in his quick look, but there was ink on the back of his shoulder in the form of a wolf’s head.

Not only were hobbit’s hairless, save what was on their heads and feet (and occasionally faces, for certain families) but they certainly didn’t pierce or tattoo themselves. There was no reason at all such a thing would hold any appeal to him, it was so...strange. But interest it did.

In his defense it had been awhile since he’d had a bed partner. Too long if he was so easily moved by muscles (rather nice ones) and ink and silly bits of metal and nice faces...thought they were very nice faces, if he was being honest with himself.  

He was relieved when they blew out the candle and climbed into bed on the side opposite from him, Fili closest to the door and Kili in the center. They were close enough that Bilbo could have easily reached out and touched Kili, and with a little stretch Fili as well, but far enough way to not threaten propriety.  

Dropping off to sleep was easier than he expected it to be once he stopped trying to smother himself; he couldn’t help but think that some of that was because of the soothing warmth in the bed next to him. His last thought before dropping off to sleep was that this wasn’t so bad and that once these dwarrows were gone from his home, something that couldn’t happen soon enough, he would see about ending his dry spell.

Now that he was awake, and watching Kili slowly rock down against his brother as his hair slowly unwound from it’s braid to hang around them like a curtain, he was willing to retract the ‘not so bad’ assessment. This was bad. Horrible, really, and a big rude actually. Imagine, deciding to have a tumble in someone else’s bed while they were there, the nerve! He should let them know he was was awake and toss them right into the hallway for the night, sans their clothing, for their company to collect in the morning.

Is what he should have done. At the very least he needed to look away.

Watching, without permission, was beyond unacceptable. Scandalous.

And yet that was exactly what he was doing, frozen in place, clutching his pillow and biting his lip, unable to tear his eyes away. Worse the longer he watched the harder he became; his tiredness dropped away in favor of a hot twisting low in his gut and a throbbing cock in his pants. They were distressingly beautiful together, light and dark bathed in the little bit of moonlight that filtered into the room, pressed so close they were more like one figure instead of two.

At least they were all being terrible inappropriate; that thought eased his guilt some.

Kili’s moved away from his brother’s mouth with a wet gasp, eyes shut as his hips rolled. One of his hands slid down his brother’s chest, stopping to tweak one of the silver bars along the way and choked laugh when Fili’s hips stuttered up. Another tug and a twist then his hand trailed lower to drop between them; Bilbo’s eyes followed the path. Fili hummed appreciatively when Kili’s hand wrapped around their cocks, hard and pressed between them, to bring them together. Kili’s hand moved, dragged up their cocks as he rutted against Fili; kiss swollen lips parted around a shaky groan. 

Fili slapped a hand over Kili’s mouth, grinning hard even as he scolded his brother. “Quiet. You don’t want to wake up Mister Baggins do you?” His eyes slipped over to Bilbo as he spoke and-

Oh! Oh no!

Their eyes locked and Bilbo knew he was caught. Completely and utterly caught; Fili’s eyes widened just so and Bilbo knew there was no point in trying to pretend he was asleep. He breathed in, heat rushing over his face all the way to the tips of his ears, and held it as he waited for the inevitable blow up (though, honestly, this was his bed and they were the ones fooling around, so it wasn’t as if he were the one most fault here!)

Fili smirked at him.

It was slow and sharp, dangerous; the fluttering warmth in Bilbo’s stomach caught and erupted like dry wood struck by lightning. Fili cocked his head to the side a little, eyes sweeping over Bilbo’s huddled form then back up to his face and the heat in his gaze was blistering. Bilbo’s cock strained against his smallclothes, throbbing in time to his pounding heartbeat. Fili’s tongue swept out over his lips and then he was turning away, attention back on his brother. Kili hadn’t noticed the exchange, too busy attacking his brother’s ear and neck with eager wet sounds.

“After all it may be a while before we’re alone again.” Fili said. His hand smoothed up his brother’s back to press against the back of his neck, guiding Kili back in for another kiss. “Best not ruin it.”  

Bilbo gaped at them in shock, though if it was at Fili’s lack of action or the kiss he couldn’t say. If the first kiss had looked sweet then this one was anything but. Fili’s teeth caught his brother’s bottom lip and tugged it between his own, tongue darting out and into Kili’s mouth. They clashed for a moment, the kiss becoming a fight of teeth and lips, of cut off grunts and panted breaths. Bilbo turned his head slightly, just enough to press his mouth into his pillow to quiet the sound of his own panting while still keeping an eye on the dwarves who were now rutting against each other frantically.

When Fili chanced another look his direction, eyes gleaming with arousal and mirth, and smiled toothily it took a concentrated effort that was nearly beyond Bilbo’s ability to keep the noise he made behind his teeth. There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind that sounded a bit like Lobelia (and wasn’t that horrible? Who had invited her? Certainly not him.) squawking about how very not respectable and proper this was, but it was hard to hear it past the rushing of blood in his ears.

It really had been a long time since he’d had anyone else in his bed and never, ever, had anyone look at him like Fili was looking at him and Kili in turn. More the pity because Bilbo thought he might like to be looked at like that, like he was a prize pie set before a starving hobbit, more often.

Bilbo watched one of Fili’s hands squeeze Kili’s ass before trailing down the cleft. Kili squirmed, gasped, and then arched up with a hiss before burying his face in Fili’s neck. The blond chuckled and twisted his wrist as his hand pressed forward. Kili’s knees, pressed into the bed on either side of Fili’ spread further apart and he settled lower in his brother’s lap with a hiccuping sigh. The hand cupping the back of his neck shifted to his hair, wrapped the long strands around thick fingers before settling against the back of his skull.

Bilbo squirmed a little, seeking something, anything, to relieve the pressure between his legs but there was nothing save the ghost of his small clothes over his cock, not nearly enough friction to do more than tease. Bilbo’s fingers flexed, grip on his pillow loosening, and he considering sliding a hand down to take hold of himself but when Kili rasped out Fili’s name, voice raw and deep, he knew he couldn’t.

Or maybe he didn’t really want to; the tight feeling low in his stomach and in his lungs, the need that was becoming almost was new. Different. He wasn’t quite ready for it to end. Besides there was another grin thrown his way, heated enough to make him shiver and his skin prickle, that seemed to urge him to stay just as he was. Watching, waiting on the edge.

So he watched, legs pressed together tightly. Kili’s hips jerked, back and then forward, flawlessly matching the motions of his brother’s fingers. His hand, still working between their bodies, started to move faster and the noises he made turned thin and reedy, barely muffled by Fili’s shoulder. The bed creaked softly, shifting as their movements because more frenzied and loss the rhythm that had seemed to come so easy to them.

Kili came first, body going rigid and back bowing. Fili’s grimaced, spat harsh sounding words that Bilbo was certain were curses, and wrenched his brother’s head back to kiss him fiercely. Kili’s hand continued to move between them a moment longer, cum dripping down their lengths and between his fingers, as Fili shuddered under him. Bilbo, who hadn’t come untouched in his pants since he was a tween, did just that. The coiling pressure inside of him snapped hard enough that the world, already dark and hazy, shook. He bit his lip hard enough to taste blood in order to contain his whimper and clenched his hands so tightly his nails dug into his palms. He could scarcely breath for a moment, his own gasping breaths mingling with Fili and Kili’s.  

Kili rolled off of Fili with a groan to sprawl out, just missing bumping into Bilbo’s foot, and tossed an arm over his eyes. Fili rubbed a hand over the shoulder Kili had used to hold back his voice, eyes sweeping back up to Bilbo who blinked owlishly then, sure his face was red with embarrassment, closed his eyes tightly. Fili snorted. The sound of feet hitting the floor and clothes shuffling told Bilbo he’d left the bed. A moment later he felt Kili move away too.    

“Did you have to bite so hard? It’s going to leave a mark.”

“Mmm.” Kili hummed tunelessly as the door creaked open. “You look good with marks. I’m sure Mister Boggins would agree if he weren’t pretending to be asleep.”

Bilbo’s eyes snapped open; two identical mischievous looks awaited him. Fili and Kili were standing by the cracked open door, pants back on, Kili draped over his brother’s shoulder. Bilbo opened his mouth, squeaked, and then shut it so hard his teeth clinked. What was he to say to that anyway? ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you knew I was watching Kili, wouldn’t have pretended to be sleeping otherwise, very rude of me?’

“We’re going to use that bath you showed us, if you don’t mind.” Fili said, voice entirely too innocent for the near feral grin he was wearing.

“Unless you wanted a hand.” Kili positively leered at him, sleepy eyed, puffy lipped, and wicked.

Bilbo blinked. And then looked away, a mortified cough escaping him before he could stop it. “N-no. That’s not...that is. ...I’m quite...finished.”

A beat of silence came before Kili’s disappointed. “Oh. Maybe next time.”  

Next time?

Fili laughed; from the corner of his eye Bilbo could see him turn his head to brush a kiss along his brother’s jaw. “Or, perhaps, next time Mister Baggins will let us watch him.”

Next Time?!

Kili visibly perked up at that. “That seems fair.”

Bilbo couldn’t form the words to ask what exactly they meant by next time (there wasn’t going to be a next time! They were off to reclaim their mountain and fight dragons like idiots and he was staying here, nice and safe and not peeping on a set of brothers who were clearly more than just brothers ever again, thank you very much) before they slipped out of the room. He meant to stay awake to question them but found he was much too relaxed and spent, all the adrenaline and unease draining out like a plug had been pulled inside of him, to do anything but curl up and sleep, drying mess in his sleep pants not quite bothersome enough to deal with yet.

When he woke in the morning it was to find his bed, and house, empty.

Chapter Text

Bilbo didn't want to say he regretted deciding to run out of his door after the company but two weeks of riding a pony from sunrise to sunset, reduced meals, and dirty looks he was...questioning things. He felt like he was covered in a layer of dust at all times, his nose had run for the first four days without stop, and his back, thighs, and ass were sore in ways he'd never thought were possible (and with none of the fun from ways he knew were possible) He’d expected discomfort, such a thing was inevitable, but not to such a degree and maybe that made him a fool.

He very much felt the fool most days.

He also hadn't expected his new companions to be so displeased with him. He wasn't sure what he'd done so wrong to get on so many bad sides so fast but most of the company didn't seem inclined to speak to him at all. Thorin and Dwalin were the worst of it, regarding him with cold eyes and even colder words when they bothered to speak to him at all beyond monosyllabic grunts and sharp barks of ‘Burglar’ when he's done something wrong. Which was disturbingly often. No one else was so outrightly rude but nor were most of them kind to him. Only Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Ori seemed at all inclined to speak to him at length, in spite of his efforts to learn more about the others

Ori was curious mostly, asking questions about the Shire and hobbits, topics Bilbo would have thought to be very dull to a dwarf but Ori found fascinating. He took in all of the old stories with wide eyes, scribbled away as Bilbo droned on and on about family trees and relations, and had more questions than a fauntling. When he smiled it was a sweet and shy thing, often accompanied by a flush, and always followed by him excusing himself to return to his brothers’ side. Bofur was friendly and just genuinely nice, helping Bilbo on and off his pony, loaning him a blanket during chilly nights, chatting with him around the fire and when they rode, and was quick with slaps to the back and shoulder. He smiled often, laughed even more, and didn't seem to notice the dark looks the attention he paid to Bilbo earned him.

And then there was Fili and Kili. Bilbo had been nervous after their ‘encounter’, for lack of a better word to sum up watching the brothers have sex so close to him he could have reached out and touched them (and occasionally regretted not doing), but so far it seemed he'd worried for nothing. Oh, they were big on mischief, teasing, and pranks with Bilbo as the unlucky victim, but there had been no awkward moments from their end. To the contrary they liked to breathe positively filthy things in his ear when no one was close enough to overhear. They touched him a lot, passing food in a way that let their fingers brush, liked to drape their arms around his neck, push and jostle, or brush lingering touches over his arm and back or sit so close their knees and thighs bumped.

He caught them watching him sometimes, eyes full of smoldering heat. He couldn't help but think of their suggestions for ‘next time’ and all that could entail.

Not that there was any time it place for such things and he most certainly hadn't left his home to play around with two dwarves in the woods. Not at all. Thinking about them, bathed in moonlight and writhing together, had not factored into his choice to chase after the company.

Maybe a little. They were...intriguing, in a way, and handsome without question, and even moreso together. Hobbiton was full of hobbits who would spend a night or two with him if Bilbo was so inclined but none of them made curiosity and interest glare in him. Or could get him half hard and flustered with little more than a wink and slow smile, as Fili could, or by crowding against his back and whispering into his ear, as Kili was fond of. Plus they were funny and bold and kept him laughing, even when he was the target of their jokes.

Indeed between the brothers, Bofur, and Ori Bilbo found himself not minding the coldness of the rest of the company so much.

“Kili, go out and see if you can find something for dinner tonight.” Thorin said one night when they'd stopped to make camp. Kili was quick to snatch up his bow and quiver but when Fili moved to go to his side Thorin held up a hand to stop him. “You take the skins and refill them at that river we crossed. ...take Ori if you need the help.”

Ori, sitting between his brothers and flipping through his record book, looked up with a surprised “Me?” Dori frowned deeply and Nori squinted in Thorin's direction but neither said a word in spite of the disapproval Bilbo could read in their expressions. Fili and Kili looked just as startled as Ori, trading twin looks of confusion before looking at Thorin, question on their faces.

“We don't have time to waste on your... antics .” Thorin twisted the last word, pushed just enough implication to turn it from scolding to suggestive. Kili’s face pinkened. Fili’s went decidedly blank.

Bilbo sat up a little straighter. Antics? Surely Thorin didn't mean…?

“Aye, and no one wants to worry about whether you decided fuck in the water before or after you filled the skins.” Dwalin added, tone so mild that he might as well have been discussing the weather and not acknowledging an intimate relationship between Fili and Kili. Which, in spite of witnessing in detail, Bilbo had thought would be a secret. Or at least not something casually spoken of.

Unless fucking one's brother was common among dwarrows? He hadn’t thought to ask, assuming it wasn’t and not wanting to seem judgemental or worse, an utter hypocrite in light of the face he’d watched and come in his pants like a tween while doing so. Not that he was judging because he wasn’t. They’d been rather...nice to watch together and it was obvious how much affection there was between them. Bilbo would have been so lucky as to have something similar in his life, relative or not.

There was a long beat of silence where even the forest seemed to be holding its breath. Thorin turned his head slightly to look at Dwalin and one of his eyebrows lifted up. Kili went from pink to red all the way up to his ears. Fili pinched the bridge of his nose. Dwalin, to his credit, looked like he regretted his words the instant they came out of us mouth. Some of the others in the company looked from Fili to Kili then, as if being guided by some invisible force, all eyes turned to where Bilbo and Gandalf were sitting.

Gandalf coughed out a stream of smoke. Bilbo blinked. Opened his mouth then shut it and looked at his hands.

There was a shuffle of footsteps, a shadow fell over him and then a hand was curling around his arm and tugging him up with surprising strength.

“C’mon Mister Boggins.” Kili said as he more or less dragged Bilbo into the trees. Bilbo followed, more to keep from being literally dragged, and the last thing he saw when he glanced back was Fili and Ori headed off in the other direction.

“Um.” Bilbo said after a minute of traipsing through the trees. “Where are we going?”

Of all the options Kili had to take along with him Bilbo imagined he was the worst. He had no experience with weapons, traps, or tracking anything other than tomato stealing fauntlings. (Though he was rather good at that one.)


“Right.” Obviously. He’d known that. “ ...Why?”

Kili tossed a crooked grin over his shoulder even as he began to slow his pace. “I'm saving you from how awkward that was about to get. Thorin was probably gonna glare at Dwalin, Dori was going to get in a twist about Ori going off with Fili, and Balin was going to try to explain dwarf relationships without actually telling you anything and you do not want that. Vague sex talks with Balin are the stuff of nightmares.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes. He gives everyone the talk, since he’s the head tutor, and it’s...he’s turned some dwarrows off the idea of sex forever. I couldn’t even take myself in hand without hearing his voice for years.” Kili shuddered dramatically.

Bilbo snorted. “You seem to have gotten over that just fine.”

Kili looked faintly surprised for a moment and Bilbo cringed, eyes darting to the side. Kili was not someone he knew nearly well enough to make a joke like that no matter how comfortable he might have felt in his presence. It took a serious show of will to not slap his hand over his mouth at his own forwardness. On the downside leaving his mouth free let him begin to stumble over an apology, and a rather awkward and nervous one at that.

“It’s fine.” Bilbo looked up in time to see Kili waggling his eyebrows and smiling. His hand slide down Bilbo’s arm to grasp his hand and squeeze. “You aren’t wrong. I think you saw me take myself and Fili in hand without issue.”

Heat raced up Bilbo’s neck and face and he cursed himself for it. Was he really being reduced to blushing as he walked through a forest, holding hands, like a child? Surely not! He was a hobbit well past the flushing and awkwardness of youthful crushes, not just in age but in experience. There were many a hobbit who would testify to Bilbo having shown them a very good time in the bedroom and, further, being of considerable stamina and attentiveness. He hadn't been flustered by anything sex related in quite some time.

But then these dwarves seemed very good at disrupting things and pushing him out of his comfort zone. And those dimples of Kili’s, combined with the sparkle of humor in his dark eyes, were just unfair. Not quite as bad as Fili and his slow, dark smirks that honestly should have come with warning labels and would, surely, be illegal in more conservative parts of the Shire (as they should be!), but still rather bad. Could he really be blamed for getting a little flustered?

“Ah. Yes. That’s. Good.”

Kili’s laughter was blessedly free of a mocking edge.

They moved further, silent as Kili peered out into the growing darkness. Bilbo had to squint to see more than a few feet in front of him and was clutching Kili's hand just a bit tighter than may have been needed, trusting the dwarf to guide him. Four rabbits fell prey to Kili’s bow, the dwarf seemingly unbothered by the darkness and proving to be keen eyed. Each was presented to Bilbo to be tied to a stick and carried with an air of smug glee that only grew when Bilbo expressed his awe at Kili’s skills.

“I have many skills. Some you’ve seen already.” Kili said, grinning toothily once the fourth rabbit was bound and they were moving again, once again holding hands. Bilbo coughed and focused on the ground under the pretense of avoiding a fall. And ignoring Kili’s quiet laughter. Instead he asked a question that had been weighing on his since they’d left the camp.

“Is it common?” Bilbo asked, voice hushed. At Kili’s questioning noise he paused for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts and not tree where he shouldn't. “You and your brother I mean. Your...relationship? Others know?”

“Do hobbits think such things should be hidden, like Men do?” Kili asked, tone deliberately casual but Bilbo could still detect an undercurrent of unease to it. “We aren't supposed to speak of it among outsiders because of that. Dwalin is going to be getting Thorin's disapproving stare for days.”

“Well,” Bilbo said slowly, smiling fleetingly in the face of Kili’s delight over Dwalin’s plight. “It is true that most hobbits are related somehow, and it's not so strange to end up with a first or second cousin. Siblings is a bit closer than I know anyone to admit to.”

Bilbo had tumbled with a cousin or two or...more in his time, though he hadn’t always known they were cousins at the time. And not always strictly blood relation vs through marriage, but cousins nonetheless. If he'd ruled out everyone who might branch from some place in the same family trees as him he'd have been very lonely indeed.

Kili’s thumb tapped an uneven rhythm against the back of his hand. “It's unusual for us as well, but Fili is the only one for me and I for him so it’s permitted, and is no secret among our own. I think there are some who suspected before we did. Though our mother was less than pleased to walk in on it. She chased Fili all the way down to Thorin's forge and wouldn't let him return. He's lived with Thorin ever since.”

“Oh! That’s-" Horrible? Unfortunate? Explained why Fili and Kili would be on this dangerous quest and afford Thorin such loyalty. It was something special indeed to offer a place to one turned out from their home.

Kili chuckled, shaking his head. “It was funny, in hindsight. And she could hardly allow Fili and I to live together if we were going to court. There are rules about what you can and cannot do with a dwarrow before they’re courting age; I think it was easier for Fili to stick to those with distance between us.”

“Court. You’re courting your brother.” Bilbo frowned, letting that sink in. Kili stopped walking to turn and look at him, expression shifting back to cautious.

“I was. We’re engaged now.”

“That is...lovely.”

Unexpected and a bit strange on multiple levels but, he realized when Kili beamed down at him, he meant what he said. Though that certainly made their flirting with him a bit odder. While it was one thing to have a few (or more than a few) partners before entering into a courtship it was quite another, among hobbits at least, to show attention to others after. Completely untoward and disrespectful to ones intended. To say nothing of allowing others to view such intimate moments. Bilbo had had his share of fun but nothing like that.

Hobbits were a private people when it came to what they did in the bedroom, or wherever such activities might take place. It was encouraged to explore and to compare notes, to learn and become better lovers, but one never named names. Or let others watch.

Kili tilted his head to the side and eyes like the bottom of wells in the night, dark and fathomless, swept over him from head to toe. Bilbo might have squirmed a little under the scrutiny. “What about you? Any pretty hobbits waiting for you to come back?”

Bilbo let out a startled burst of laughter then shook his head. “No, no! ...not any at all inclined to be permanent fixtures, at least. I’m considered rather odd, I’m afraid, and have yet to have anyone consider me for more than a tumble or two until they find the one they want to be with.” He hesitated then shrugged, deciding he might as well continue to blunder through. He wanted to know more about his companions and it seemed right to tell more of himself in turn.

“My...youthful conquests-” Kili snorted rudely, as if the idea of Bilbo having conquests was ridiculous. Bilbo ignored him. “Might have given others the impression I’m not courtship or marriage material.”

He hoped that didn’t sound as depressingly lonely to Kili as it did to him. Still he couldn’t imagine what else it would be except that he’d...well, ‘been around’, and that might not be as a pleasing trait when one wanted a husband as it was when one wanted a bedmate. There were plenty who had graced his bed (or had him in theirs), and more who had been clear about their willingness to be among that number, but none interested in more than that and first breakfast in the morning. Not that he had yet to meet a hobbit he wanted to be with forever but at his age it was certainly unusual to have not gotten or given a single offer.

Dark eyes narrowed for a long moment then flicked away to stare out into the trees. “Most dwarrows don't settle with just one person.”

Bilbo smiled slightly; if he didn’t know better he would have thought Kili was trying to make him feel better. There went any hope of not sounding lonely. “So you and Fili are very unusual then.”

“We haven’t decided if we’ll only be with each other or not yet. We’ve bedded a few others together, but no one more than once or separately except Ori.” Kili corrected mildly. Bilbo blinked. “Ori probably pounced on Fili the minute they were out of earshot. They’re...fond of each other. I think, if Ori weren’t promised to Dwalin, Fili might want to keep him as a third.”

“I...what? Ori? And Dwalin? Third?”

“Not that Dwalin would mind terribly, but Dori might.” Kili kicked at a root and grumbled. “Though if Dwalin thinks that it’s the two of us he has to worry about defiling the water supply he doesn’t know Ori half as well as he should, considering. And you’d think he’d be nicer since he was the one who thought it’d be a good idea for Ori to gain experience with us.”

What ?”

Bilbo liked to think that he was, generally, pretty quick on the uptake but his brain was hopeless stalled. Ori? And Dwalin? Bilbo didn't even know where to start with that thought. He was half afraid if he tried to chase it down and make sense of the image it conjured in his mind, Ori and his mittens with gruff, grizzled, deadpan Dwalin, he would tumble down a mental rabbit hole and never find his way out and that would be a problem.

Then again the other revelations weren’t any easier to deal with. Ori with Fili and Kili? Dwalin being the one to suggest such an arrangement? Kili speaking of bedding others, together, as if it were not a strange thing at all.

“Are you okay Mister Baggins?” Kili asked, leaning down to peer at him, only stopping when they were so close Bilbo could smell the lingering trace of pipe smoke and pony on him. Kili frowned slightly. “I said something I shouldn’t have haven’t I? Fili said to be careful not to say too much, in case of culture differences, but I’m not sure what too much is.”

“ I’m just...Your brother was right, about differences, is all.” He smiled what he hoped was disarmingly. “We don’t take other lovers once we’re promised to another. ...or suggest our betrothed do so. Or have thirds . Or share lovers so...casually.”

Kili pursed his lips thoughtfully. “No sharing?”

Bilbo laughed at Kili’s earnest expression, wide eyed and searching, in spite of himself. “No, no sharing that I’m aware of.”

“But if someone has interest in a pair? Or part of a pair?”

“They would keep it to themselves, I imagine. It would be quite the scandal otherwise.”

“And no thirds?” There was some skepticism here and another head tilt from the dwarf. “What happens if a third, or fourth, person appears that the hobbits want to be with?”

“Um. Nothing? I’ve never heard of it happening.”

“Oh.” Kili leaned back slightly, hand slipping away from Bilbo’s. “Fili and I assumed you were...well. You watched us. So we thought- but that isn’t how hobbits do things?”

Bilbo swallowed around a lump in his throat and curled his hands into fists at his side. “You assumed I was...?”

“That you were interested.” Kili waved towards him vaguely. “But you hadn’t really said anything, even when we were flirting with you, so we thought you might be more comfortable one at a time? We’re told we can be a lot to handle all at once, whatever that means. And now seemed like a good time to test that so...this is awkward now.”

A little bit, yes, but mostly in how Bilbo’s stomach twisted in a way that was most certainly not a mixture of delight and arousal. Not at all. Bilbo hoped Kili’s night vision wasn’t so good that he could see him turning red.

“Sneaking up on me to tell me how you’d like to crawl into my bedroll and putting your mouth on my ears to see if they’re sensitive is not what I’d call flirting, thank you very much.”

Kili flashed him a sharp grin full of teeth. “I disagree.”

“Of course you do.” Bilbo said dryly. Then, shuffling his feet, he shrugged one. “I am...I would not be averse to...that is. I am traveling with dwarves so it wouldn’t hurt to be less ‘Hobbit’ and more ‘Dwarf’ in some matters, I think.”

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it quite a lot. Fili and Kili were unquestionably attractive and, so long as it wasn’t something that would be a problem, Bilbo didn’t see a reason to not accept their interest. It wasn’t how hobbits did things but they also didn’t go on adventures to steal from dragons so Bilbo thought it prudent to pick his battles.

Turning down Kili and Fili was not the hobbit hill he was going to make a respectability stand on.

It wasn’t as if he’d return to Hobbiton with a sign declaring he’d fucked a dwarf, or two, hanging over his head.

Kili was quiet and very still, as if carved from stone. Bilbo smoothed down his jacket anxiously and coughed again as the moment stretched on and on. He looked down, looked up at the sky and the stars beginning to light it up, back at Kili, at his hands, over his shoulder, and-

When Kili collided with him and lips crashed against his own Bilbo squawked in surprise. His back hit a tree with more force than was strictly comfortable but he could scarcely notice anything beyond Kili attempting to devour him.

Dwarves did not kiss like Hobbits did, or at least Kili didn’t. Bilbo was used to gentleness and, in a first kiss, unhurried exploration, not hot breath, a wet slide of lips, teeth clinking together, and a probing tongue licking into his mouth. It was frantic and messy and Bilbo fell into it breathlessly, hands gripping Kili’s arms as he leaned up into the kiss. The rasp of stubble was new too and the hands that found their way into his clothing with almost alarming speed were as well. Kili’s hands were rough on his skin, raised patches catching here and there as they trailed up his sides, over his stomach, and around to his back; it wasn’t being touched by someone who worked the fields or had a more physical trade, but something more coarse.

Not bad though, not at all.

The opposite, actually. Kili pressed against him hard, pinned him to the tree, and kissed him until his head was swimming and he could only hear the rush of blood and the pounding of his heart in his ears. The archer worked him up with ease and, once again, it was very much like being an inexperienced fauntling about to touch another person for the first time: overwhelming and strange but so good he couldn’t breathe or even consider stopping.

He may have even gasped and choked out a few words not fit for the ears of others when Kili’s hand pushed into his trousers, past his smallclothes, to wrap around his cock. A few uneven strokes, made awkward by the angle and tightness of his pants and Bilbo was hard and pushing into Kili’s hand, unable to stop himself from shivering as calluses rubbed at the sensitive skin under the head. A twist and squeeze made him raise up on his toes and Kili’s thumb dragging over the slit made him break the kiss, foggy brained and reeling, to gasp for air.

Kili switched his focus immediately, mouth branding iron hot as it roamed over his neck, biting sharply and sucking marks that Bilbo knew he’d wish weren’t there later, and trailed up to his ear to nibble at the tip. Bilbo jerked, mouth flying open and eyes slamming shut. He felt Kili smile broadly before his tongue laved over where his teeth had just been. Lips closed around the tip and he felt more than heard a soft hum through Kili’s tongue. The hand in his pants continued to stroke him as best it could, grip firm and so very warm. Kili’s other hand roamed under his shirt, teasing at nipples tentatively at first and then with more confidence when Bilbo responded favorably.

Bilbo was just starting to think that this was going to be over embarrassingly fast and that he’d be finishing in his pants again when, without warning, Kili stepped away from him. His knees were shaking and Bilbo nearly pitched right over without Kili’s weight keeping him up but he just managed to stay upright. And glare over at the grinning dwarf.

Kili winked. “You’re supposed to put on a show this time, remember? You watched Fili and I, so we-I, get to watch you.”

Bilbo made a disgruntled noise as his eyes fell down to look at the bulge in his trousers. Pushed them down over his hips to bunch around his thighs wasn’t so much a conscious thought as driven by a need to finish what had been started. Kili’s eyes widened when his cock was, finally, released from it’s confined. When Bilbo took a moment to lick his palm Kili hummed and his tongue darted out to swipe over kiss swollen lips. There was heat in his eyes and part of Bilbo delighted in being the cause of it.

He breathed out slowly before taking himself in hand, trying to steady himself in hopes of backing away from the edge of orgasm at least a little. It wouldn’t be much of a show if he came nearly instantly, would it? He slid his hand down slowly, dragging precum and spit along the shaft then back up just as slowly. His cock throbbed in his hand and he couldn’t help but hiss through his teeth as he fell into a familiar rhythm. He thrust into his hand, twisted around the head, and it was hard to keep in mind that this was supposed to be something worth watching. Bilbo tilted his head back, pushing up into his hand again with a swivel of his hips and a breathy sigh.

It had been awhile since he’d done this anything but quickly and efficiently but, it turned out, he did still know how to draw it out some. He rocked into his fist unhurriedly, dropped his hand down to fondle his balls teasingly before bringing his hand back to his mouth. His tongue dragged over his palm and fingers, getting them good and wet with what may have been an excessive amount of noise.

He touched himself again, with a little more purpose, pace speeding and heart starting to race again. The tightness in his belly that had faded some returned in full force, coiling tightly in warning.

When he looked over at Kili again, attention drawn by a sharp inhale, it was to find the dwarf was watching him, lips parted and eyes blown wide, hand fisting his cock as he stroked and tugged at it. Bilbo’s eyes caught a bit of metal, a bar on the underside of Kili’s cock, just below the head, pushing up between his fingers in flashes before dragging back down into his fist. It was entrancing (Hobbits absolutely did not go shoving metal into their bodies, least of all their genitals) and as he watched Bilbo found himself matching Kili’s pace, fucking into his fist frantically.

He came with a strangled shout, spraying over his hand and the ground in messy pulses.

Kili made a noise, a sharp exhale mixed with a grunt, then grimaced as he tipped over the edge. Bilbo watched, biting down on his lip as he watched the dwarf’s tip his head back to expose his neck and give a full body shiver before slumping back against another tree, panting softly.

That was a sight he wouldn’t mind seeing again. That and the wide grin Kili shot him through the sweaty curtain of his hair.

There were more kisses, more subdued and mixed with playful nips and laughter, as they used handy leaves to wipe off, gathered up the rabbits and headed back to camp. Bilbo had no idea if they were going the right way or not but Kili seemed confident, holding his hand tight and whistling as they walked. All too soon they could see the fire and hear the murmurs of speech ahead of him.

When they stepped into the clearing all eyes were once again on Bilbo who stopped in his tracks, blinking owlishly. Someone snickered. Dwalin huffed. Someone, and Blibo strongly suspected Bifur and Bombur though both were watching him placidly when he whipped around to glare in their direction, wolf whistled. Ori, once again safely between his brothers (and looking very relaxed) laughed behind his hands. Someone else shouted for Nori and, as Bilbo watched in mortification, a gold pouch sailed across the camp to be snatched up by Bofur. Who winked and inclined his head before settling back to count his apparent winnings.

Gandalf, sitting right where Bilbo had left him and still smoking his pipe, was the picture of innocence as he spoke. “Bilbo, it looks like something’s attacked your neck. Perhaps Oin has something to dissuade bugs from bothering you so.”  

Bilbo dropped his head into his hands. Kili patted him sympathetically before pushing him towards where Fili was sitting. The blond dwarf offered a sympathetic touch of his own when Bilbo settled next to him then, when attention seemed to have shifted elsewhere, leaned so close his lips brushed Bilbo’s ear when he spoke.

“Next time you can get water with me.”

Chapter Text

The teasing continued for a time and in fact got worse after Kili insisted on tugging Bilbo into the bedroll ‘pile’ he and Fili shared the night of their encounter in the woods. Though, in Kili’s defense, he couldn’t find it in him to protest the arrangement, finding being sandwiched between two warm bodies to be rather pleasant all told, though he’d drawn the line when hot mouths had attempted to turn his neck into one giant bruise and sneaky hands had tried to sneak into his trousers. Which one of them had attempted it he didn’t know, both had done a fantastic job of feigning sleep, but he supposed that it may have been one hand from each side.

He found he hoped it had been and that at a point where they weren't surrounded the rest of the company they might try it again.

With his willingness in mind, Bilbo did his best to endure the teasing it with all the grace and humor a Baggins must possess. He tried to see it for the acceptance and approval that it seemed to be and not as ill meaning mockery. After all the rest of the company could have taken offense to him being intimate with Kili (and taking up with Fili at the same time) and made life harder for them but instead they whistled and elbowed playfully, winked and waggled eyebrows lasciviously, and were very free with the occasional lewd comment. All but Thorin and Dwalin seemed to be a bit more relaxed around him and for that Bilbo was all too happy to endure some playful ribbing.

Perhaps this journey wouldn't be so miserable after all.

He was sure if it was meant to be hurtful he would know it. It wasn’t as if the dwarves seemed shy about expressing just how they felt or were at all inclined to hold their tongues for the sake of politeness.  

If he had realized the trick to getting the company to like him, or at least not outwardly appear to loathe him, was fucking one (Or two) of them he would have done that back in Hobbiton and saved himself a world of grief. It wasn’t as if it had been some sort of hardship to play around with Kili or flirt with Fili. Though, he supposed, he wanted to be liked because of his personality and usefulness not because of his bed sports but he wasn’t going to take too much issue with it. He had to start somewhere and, all told, there were worse ways than ones that ended in orgasms and cuddling a chilly night away.

Much worse.

The company’s good humor at his expense lasted a few days but a sudden and persistent downpour dampened it considerably. It rained while on the road, rained while they sat to eat, rained while they attempted to make camp and sleep with their oiled skins and branches all that stood between them and a constant drenching. They all huddled together under the makeshift shelter, everyone close for the sake of warmth, spending the nights in near silence. Everyone seemed lost in their own thoughts at night and during the day was much the same.

Everyone’s spirits dampened as the storm stretched on and on. No flirting came from Fili and Kili; Bilbo wouldn’t have dreamed he would miss their cheeky grins, completely inappropriate comments, and less than subtle attempts to get into his trousers yet after the first quiet ride and night spent sleeping and nothing more he found he did in fact miss it.

When the storm finally broke and he found himself riding between them there was no hope of keeping himself from smiling broadly. It was returned on both sides, bringing a warm flush to his face. He just needed to accept that they made him feel like a silly tween and embrace it because there didn’t seem to be any helping it. They were not at all like the hobbits he’d spent his time with back in the Shire but the more time he spent with them the less he found that to be an issue.

After all he didn’t know many hobbits who would gleefully retell the story of how they’d worked for weeks to woo a lass only to have her reject them in favor their (scandalously young at 64 and that bit of information had given Bilbo a good laugh) cousin Gimli.

“So we bedded her brother instead.” Fili concluded. “He also had a nice backside and a lovely beard, though not as beautiful as his sister’s by half.”

“It was a very fine beard and she was quite the lass, terrible taste aside.” Bilbo chuckled at Kili’s wistful sigh.

“I haven’t met your cousin but I have to confess it’s hard for me to believe someone would choose another dwarf over the two of you.”

Kili huffed in agreement and Fili smiled ruefully. “Gimli could talk an elf right out of a tree, I imagine. Silvertongue they call him, because he’s full of fancy, lovely words.”

“That,” Ori said softly from Fili’s other side. “Is not why they call him silvertongue. ...not the only reason at least.”

Fili’s brow furrowed. “Why else would they-”

The moment realization hit Fili was visible, his expression changing from confused to absolutely scandalized. He sputtered, face screwing up in disgust, an expression echoed perfectly by Kili. Ori smiled over at them serenely. Laughter burst out of Bilbo, loud and echoing off the trees around them. He doubled over, face dangerously close to his pony’s mane, and tears of mirth started to form even as he tried to contain himself.

It was a futile attempt; he dared to peek over at Fili, now pouting and asking just where Ori had ‘heard’ such a thing, and Ori who merely smiled with an innocence Bilbo was coming to suspect was entirely false, and the laughter started again. He couldn’t help it, the sight of two dwarves who’d so giddily had sex in front of him and didn’t hesitate to tell bawdy tales squirming in discomfort was simply impossible to not laugh at. He slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle it but too late to stop attention from turning his way. Fili sniffed then reached over and pushed his shoulder playfully; his hand lingered long enough to run down his back, thick fingers drifting down his spine, before the blond drew away to sit up straight in his saddle. Bilbo shivered in spite of being perfectly warm and having long since dried under the afternoon sun. His laughter trailed off into nothingness.

He blinked up at Fili and there was that smirk that was distressingly good at turning Bilbo’s insides into a knotted mess. Sharp and dangerous with a hint of dark promise glinting in his eyes, so self assured it should have been annoying but instead made Bilbo feel hot all over.

“The rain’s barely stopped and you’re feeling up the hobbit already?” Bofur asked from ahead of them, twisted around on his pony to flash them amused smirks. “We all know he’s yours, no need to rub it in.”

Bilbo’s smile died on his lips and a mortified flush raced over his skin. Bofur was smiling, clearly teasing, but for a moment he wondered if perhaps they were being a bit too obvious. It was rather rude to carry on so blatantly, wasn't it? Kili snorted then, dropping his voice to a whisper so loud there was no doubt everyone was meant to overhear, leaned closer to Bilbo’s pony. “Bofur is jealous we got to you first.”

Before Bilbo could inform Kili that his joke wasn’t funny Nori, wearing a positively filthy grin, called back to them. “And he’s not the only one. There will be quite the line if Bilbo decides he is done playing with children and wants to open himself up to more mature options.”

Fili’s offended shout drowned out Bilbo’s squawk of surprise. There was a bit more back and forth, Dori questioning Nori being considered a more mature option, Nori snapping back that mature didn't always mean stodgy and boring, and Ori sighing noisily while Kili loudly insisted that Bilbo had no need of dusty old dwarrows, and more than a few protests rising among the company at such a slight, but soon enough everyone was settled again. Except for Bilbo. Who was very much not settled and was, perhaps, trying to remember how to breathe or at least to shut his mouth, which had fallen open in shock when it sank in that, truly, others among the dwarves seemed interested. In him, who was decidedly not dwarf like at all.

He'd been so sure just days ago that the majority of the company didn't like him! Not that wanting to have a go at him was an indicator that they liked him, Bilbo understood very well that those were mutually exclusive ideas. But that they'd find him attractive enough to outweigh not caring for him was beyond his comprehension.

“I don’t understand.” He muttered finally, drawing a questioning look from Kili. “Nori and Bofur are-they never did anything to show they thought of me in such a manner but they both claim to be.”

Kili made a face that very strongly suggested he thought Bilbo was an idiot. It was a bit offensive, really, how often he was on the receiving end of those looks. Was he to magically an expert in dwarf social mores?

“Of course they didn’t. You’re the outsider, so you have to make the first move. That’s the rule. It’s for dwarrows from other mountains and humans but I figure it should all apply to hobbits as well.” Kili pointed at Bilbo as he spoke. "We thought the...erm, night at your home was you showing your interests first, so we responded. If that hadn't happened we wouldn't have done anything."

“It would have been improper.” Fili added, looking more serious than Bilbo could recall him being before.


“Well, yes.” Ori said, leaning forward to meet Bilbo’s eyes past Fili. “What if you were approached and you felt as if you must do something you didn’t want to because you’re not one of us? Or felt you must present yourself as open to all of us when you aren’t in exchange for protection or food or any number of things?”

“Open to all of-” Bilbo stopped, eyes darting around. “You mean...sexually. To all of you.”

"All of us or some of us or just the two of us." Kili shrugged dismissively. “It's your choice and no one will say anything, except to tease, since you’re mine and Fili’s-”

“I don't recall agreeing to any such thing.” That was the second time he was hearing that and he didn't like what it implied at all.

“Not in that you belong to us.” Fili added hastily, shooting Kili a quelling looking over Bilbo’s head.

“Of course not.” Kili nodded emphatically. “It’s nothing like that.”

“It’s more like being adopted.” Ori said. “But temporarily and without a contract.”

“Because you’re not related to anyone in the company or from our mountain and don't know how things are meant to work so you need someone to make sure nothing that shouldn't happen happens. And we had you first-”

“Not we’ve really had you.” Kili squinted at Bilbo. “Not for lack of trying.”  

“Kili.” Fili’s glare could have curdled milk still inside a cow or goat. “We're supposed to look out for you and keep any unwanted advances away. Unless you say otherwise no one will try for you and even if you did say you were open to others it’s still on us to make sure no one takes advantage or pushes where they shouldn’t.”

“For example, if you say you don’t want any blades to be involved and someone was to ignore that,” Ori jumped in again, oblivious to Bilbo’s sharp intake of breath. Blades ? “It would be on Fili and Kili to take the issue of breaking your trust and taking advantage, or any other offense, to the king, that is to Thorin, and see them punished. Because, technically, you’re not protected by our laws.”

“Right. But you’re ours so an offense against you is an offense against us.”

“Not that anyone in our company would do such a thing.”

“Absolutely not. Very upstanding, upright, moral dwarves this lot is.”


“Mostly. Nori can be...Nori.”

“In the ways that matter though everyone is a good sort. They would never do anything you didn't want.”

“Exactly.” Kili concluded.

Bilbo blinked once then blinked again. He found himself bewildered when talking to these two more often than not, what with all the back and forth, and this was no exception. Still he thought he grasped it all and could see the sense in one who didn’t belong being off limits unless they showed interest first. He could even see the logic in having ‘representatives’ of sorts to handle any grievances he may have against a dwarf. No, all of that he understood just fine.

That was not the problem.

He had by now wrapped his mind around the fact Fili and Kili took other lovers, something that apparently included Ori in spite of the scribe being promised to Dwalin (that was a revelation Bilbo was still struggling with). He accepted that they wanted him among that number but hadn’t assumed there was anything more to it than a little fun and companionship along the road. Certainly he hadn’t imagined an entire ruleset involving proxies and pseudo adoptions.

He also hadn’t, until that moment, entertained the idea of dallying with any of the other members of the company. Not that many among them weren't eye-catching in their own ways, Bilbo was many things but blind or unable to appreciate attractiveness outside of his own race wasn't among them, but he would have thought it rather...seedy to flit about from one dwarf to another. While one might sow their wild crop as they saw fit in the Shire, within reason, it wasn’t what he would have considered a good idea to do so among what were essentially his co-workers while sharing what amounted to very close quarters.

He would have thought such a thing would cause issues or, at the very least, make it so the others thought rather badly of him for sleeping around so blatantly. There were rather unkind names for hobbits who spread themselves around more than was considered normal or went about things in less respectable ways. Playing around as a youth was fine, encouraged even, but there were lines drawn between normal experimentation and being a tart.

Bilbo had always thought the line rather arbitrary, personally. Taking a half dozen hobbits to bed before settling down was no problem but take a dozen and stay a bachelor and suddenly a person was considered ‘odd’.

It was encouraging to hear his companions didn't seem so hindered, though perhaps clarification was needed. Just in case he was taking things the wrong way, though considering what he already knew and had witnessed he doubted he was.

“And if I wanted to...consider others that would be acceptable?”

“Of course it would.” Ori shot him a strange look. “You aren’t married or promised to anyone so it’s not as if you’d be acting without their knowledge and cheating. What else is there to be concerned about as long as everyone agrees to it and sets things up to everyone's liking?”

It sounded so incredibly reasonable when Ori said it like that.

“As long as you did it right.” Fili added. “Kili and I would tell the others you’re ‘Open’. Anyone who wanted to could make their willingness known but you’d still be the one to approach them, publicly, so there’s no chance for misunderstandings. And for Ori, since he’s promised, you’d both go to Mister Dwalin for his approval as well. Bombur is married a few times over but you'll have to ask him how it works for them, groups like that work with their own rules." Fili made a gesture  "Gloin and Oin are off limits because they’re married and their partners aren't here consent, and that’s not something you want to play with. There was a dwarf that tried to get pushy with Gloin about waiting to get proper consent and his wives-”

“Wives?” Bilbo repeated, eyes widening.

“Oh yes, Hilda is the best ax wielder in Ered Luin and Simli is an absolute master with her whips. Amazing, really." There was a glint in Ori's eyes that Bilbo found more than faintly alarming. 

"Gloin is very lucky.” Gloin tossed a very pleased "Aye!" over his shoulder, letting Bilbo know their conversation wasn’t nearly as private as he’d thought. If Fili minded it didn’t show as he continued on with his story. “They marched right to that tavern, after someone came and fetched them, and believe that dwarf regretted not leaving well enough alone. But once we take back Erebor and their families come it can be sorted out, if you're inclined. And they’re free to watch if they want.”

“Watch?” Bilbo was echoing them a lot but what else was he to say? His glanced back, quite against his will, to where Bombur was riding alongside Bifur. The redhead winked, winked!, at him and Bilbo righted himself quickly.  

Though, if he thought about it, Bombur wasn’t so different from hobbit’s in build, save the height and considerable beard, neither of which were drawbacks. He certainly wasn’t unattractive. ...what had that been about married a few times over?

“Um. Y-yes? It’s not unusual.” Ori’s cheeks pinkened. Kili snickered then inclined his head towards where Dwalin was riding next to Thorin at the head of the line.

“Dwalin prefers to watch, so you may want to keep that in mind.”   

As if sensing he was being talked (or hearing them. Who knew how good their hearing was, it was possible Bilbo hadn't had a single moment to himself since meeting them. They certainly seemed to care little for the concept of keeping things private.) about Dwalin glanced back at them. Bilbo was certain he flushed just as pink as Ori. Dwalin looked between the four of them, lips twitching upwards slightly, before turning back to say something to Thorin.

Who shook his head before reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Dwalin laughed loudly.

Bilbo ignored Fili and Kili’s chuckles and his own embarrassment. “I’m merely surprised that you’re all so open, I suppose, with these matters. Hobbits are much more private but you speak and go about things so openly.”

“You think this is open?” Fili’s voice dropped a few octaves, turned to a low rumble. Bilbo’s stomach flipped. “Kili, take the reins from Mister Baggins.”

Bilbo tried to hold the reins out of reach, swatting at Kili with one hand, but the archer managed to snag them anyway and take a firm hold of his pony. Fili moved his own mount closer until their ponies were practically touching. Bilbo frowned at him warily, not at all sure he wanted to know where this was going.

“Ride with me.” Fili held out a hand to him. Bilbo looked at it, then up at Fili’s face, then back to his hand. “Come on. Nothing will happen you don’t want to happen.”

That was a dangerous thing to say since Bilbo wasn’t entirely sure there was much of anything he didn’t want Fili to do. Though the notion of any of those things taking place in front of the whole company was a daunting one.

“I just want to show you how open we can be.”

Of course he did. Bilbo was very tempted to refuse because he now had a very good idea, thank you all the same, and wasn’t sure a hands on demonstration was needed. But Fili was looking at him like he was his favorite kind of pie and there was temptation in that too.  

He found himself taking the dwarf’s hand and let himself be carefully brought over from his horse to Fili’s with minimal issue, well aware of what was likely to happen (not that he thought fooling around on a horse was the smartest of ideas but Bilbo had done quite a few things he didn’t think were that smart recently so what was another?) He settled down in front of the blond, trying mightily to pretend he didn’t notice some of the others in the company giving them their attention and the array of smirks, laughter, and dirty gestures that came with it. Gandalf looked at well, raised an eyebrow, then, nodding to Thorin, moved ahead of the group and around a bend, out of sight.

Wizards obviously were not of the same opinion on openness as dwarrows.


Bilbo yelped when an arm snaked around his waist and dragged him back so his body was flush with Fili’s. The dwarf was warm against his back and solid as stone. Fili turned his head so his mouth was right against Bilbo’s ear, the brush of his braids and heat of his breath tickling his skin. Fili’s hand slid over his belly with teasing slowness to pluck at the brass buttons of his waist coat. Bilbo bit his lip as he watched Fili undo the buttons then tug his shirt out of his trousers. He jumped a little when rough fingers pressed against his skin in spite of knowing it was coming. Fili’s lips curled against his ear in a lazy smile.

“Relax.” Bilbo whipped around to stare up at Fili who inclined his head to the side. “No one will care or say a word; it’s nothing they haven’t seen before. It’s not unheard of to have sex in front of others, be it between friends, partners for the evening, or those in relationships.”

“Especially in relationships.” Ori, ever helpful and watching with unveiled interest, said. “Many of us don’t feel any desire to be with others physically and even a lot of the ones who do see it as a way to release energy. It’s something to do like hunting or sparring. When you do care for someone it’s meant to be celebrated and shown as often as possible.”  

Bilbo licked his lips, eyes darting around again to find they had dedicated audience now. Everyone was still moving, none of the ponies having broken their stride, but most were watching them openly and without a single trace of shame. Kili was leering outright but Bilbo couldn’t find it in himself to be startled at the brunette’s singular focus (he wasn’t even remotely surprised) or nearly as bothered as he was sure he should be.

To the contrary he felt a shameful thrill under Kili’s heated gaze and the interest of the others. And he was already so very far from what he should be doing, what was going a little further?

...that was going to cease being a reasonable justification soon.

Maybe he could just pretend everyone else were elsewhere?

He nodded hesitantly and was rewarded with a smile and a chaste kiss before Fili was back to murmuring in his ear and touching him. The blond’s hips moved, pressing him tighter to Bilbo’s backside with little rolling thrusts in time with the sway of the horse. “We don’t see a reason to hide during sex anymore than we need to hide ourselves away when we bathe.”

Bilbo was fairly certain that was a dig at the fact that he snuck off to clean himself in private on the occasions they stopped to do so, leaving the rest of the company to their very public and very raucous bathing practices. He’d been teased for it already, even after explaining that once they were no longer faunts hobbits weren’t in the habit of taking baths in front of those who weren’t lovers. Bofur had smiled fondly before explaining that if not for public baths most of them would never get clean. Private baths were, it turned out, not the norm in the Blue Mountains.

Joke at his expense though it may have been it was hard to give a response with Fili’s fingers stroking his skin and nails scratching here and there, leaving tingling trails over his sides and belly in their wake. His skin was burning up under Fili’s questing fingers, oddly sensitive after only a few curious touches.

He wasn’t normally so easy to get going yet here he was, reduced to panting and squirming within moments.  

Bilbo squirmed, pressing back against Fili fully and feeling the blond’s arousal pressing against the small of his back. He out a stuttered sigh as Fili’s hand moved higher and higher, fingertips drifting over his sternum with featherlight pressure before moving to the side to ghost over his nipple. Fili touched, lightly at first then dragging in circles and tugging, working each side to a tight peak as his mouth zeroed in on spots on Bilbo’s neck and ears that made his breath catch.

His other hand made short work of the fastenings of Bilbo’s suddenly much too tight trousers to allow him to delve inside and draw his cock out into the warm air. He was hot everywhere, felt constricted in his clothes, except that one point of relief, hold firmly in Fili’s grip. The hold became slow, almost experimental drags of the dwarf’s hand, a thumb dragging over the already wet tip and the tips of his fingers running along the underside, and then a more confident slide and pull. It was a bit dry, only sweat and precum cutting the friction, but too good for Bilbo to even consider pausing to add spit or oil.

Arousal pooled in his gut and anticipation fluttered in his chest. He reached back, found Fili’s coat and grabs a fistful to anchor himself even as he pushed into the blond’s hand. It was easy to lean back into Fili and forget there was anyone else there as he gave himself over to the slow, rippling waves of pleasure as they broke against him. He knew they were being watched, could practically feel their stares burrowing into him and when he looked up he met Bofur’s gaze for a beat before hastily looking away, eyes slamming shut.

It was mortifying but under that was a thread of guilty pleasure that seemed to go straight to his cock, making it jerk and twitch in Fili’s grasp. Bilbo felt Fili hum, vibrations against his back, before the blond’s hold tightened to squeeze as it pumped up and down; Bilbo’s toes curled.

A soft murmur from Kili wormed through to Bilbo’s mind but when he cracked open an eye and turned to look in his direction he found himself caught in another kiss. There was nothing chaste to this one; Fili was insistent, demanding, teeth playing at the edge of his lips and tongue diving past when they parted around a gasp. Fili’s tongue slid along his, touching and curling them together as he swallowed down his thready moans.

Fili curled closer, practically folded over him to envelope him in warmth and the scent of sweat and leather and outdoors. Bilbo knew he was close to completely coming apart under Fili’s hands, the second having joined the first on his cock to rub and play at and just beneath the head, tension and heat rising inside of him. He gripped Fili’s coat tighter and may have gasped out a warning or begged for more against the other’s mouth, and then he cried out, orgasm sweeping over him and pulling him under.

He couldn’t breathe for what felt like forever, air frozen in his chest as his muscles tensed in Fili’s arms, and there was nothing but Fili’s voice in his ears, heat spilling over his cock and slippery fingers continuing stroke over him.

Then everything came back and he was very aware that he’d managed to twist himself about enough to bury his face against Fili’s chest and was breathing like he’d just run out his front door after these dwarves all over again. Cum was cooling on his cock and in Fili’s hand; an absent glance down showed he’d managed to splash some on his trousers as well.

Multiple someones were kind enough to clap. Bilbo pressed a hand over his eyes and willed himself to not look and see who it was.

“Stop that.” Dori hissed. “You got your show, leave off.”

Dori was, henceforth, his favorite dwarf. When he returned to the Shire he would pen many songs in Dori’s honor and see them sung during the Summer Celebration of Heroes. It would be the first tale of a dwarf ever sung on that day, quite the honor really.

Fili clicked his tongue. “I didn’t think about the mess- No, Bofur, don’t tear your tunic again! You’ll be out of clothes before we get over the mountains at this rate.”

Bilbo, feeling magnanimous in the wake of his release, grabbed Fili’s wrist and guided him to wipe his hand over his trousers. They were already in need of a cleaning and it was his mess. When that was done, and he was tucked back into his pants and more or less returned to a respectable state (as respectable as he could be, considering.) he peeked up at the blond through his lashes.

“I could...that is. You’re still-” he waved vaguely between them to make his point. If they were alone he’d be far less shy, and perhaps would have Fili balls deep in his mouth already, but they weren’t alone and the words were sticking in his throat.  

And he wasn’t entirely sure a blow job was possible on a horse.

“No need.” Kili chirped. “What Fili wants to do to you wouldn’t work on the horse. ...well, it can but it’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

“It’s all fun until you go tumbling and end up with mud in places mud should never be.” Fili said, wincing at some memory. “It can wait until we stop, if Thorin doesn’t send us on separate tasks again.”


Thorin sent them on separate tasks. Kili went in one direction to hunt with Dwalin (Kili had looked just pleased enough with the arrangement to have Bilbo looking at Fili in question. Fili rolled his eyes and mumbled something about 'daft hero worship' in response. Bilbo wisely left it at that.), Fili went in another to find firewood, alone, and Bilbo was sent to help Bofur forage for anything else that might be edible. Thorin might have been smiling just a little (Bilbo had never seen him smile so it was hard to be sure if it was that or a grimace) as he sent them off, no doubt content in the knowledge no mischief would be gotten up to. 

Bilbo would later reflect that this was probably the point everything went well and truly irrevocably and irreparably sideways in his life.

Which, really, meant it was all Thorin’s fault.