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Every time that you get undressed (I hear symphonies in my head)

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Honestly, if someone would ask Louis what he wanted to do with his life, or where he would see himself after Uni, he would turn silent or laugh it all off and change the subject.

Because, to be fair, he’s not even sure why he enrolled in University (his mother made him do it, actually). All his friends went off to the United States, to study law, medicine or other hard crap that Louis knew he could never understand.

It’s his fault really, because he didn’t bother with learning in high school, and when he finally realized that he wouldn’t have a future if he didn't go to Uni, it was too late.

He somehow got lucky and got a place in the University of Manchester, to study for becoming a drama teacher. He shared a room with a guy from Bradford named Zayn Malik, who was studying to become an English teacher. (They both knew Zayn was going to end up opening an art gallery-their room was literally full of Zayn’s drawings and sketches.)

Other than Zayn, Louis didn’t really know anyone (it wasn’t like he actually made an effort to get to know someone else), except maybe of Zayn’s friend Niall, who was Irish and was in a frat.

It was the mid-April and it was one of those days when Louis just wasn’t having it-it was cold and it had just rained. Louis was laying on his stomach on his bed, going through his English Literature book, trying to highlight the most important ideas so he could study for his upcoming exams. He knew all the pages in the book would end up fully highlighted, which would cause him to chuck it against the wall.

He is just about to do that, when Zayn comes in, bundled up in a coat, scarf wrapped tightly up to his nose and beanie so low that you couldn’t see his eyebrows.

“You look ridiculous.”, Louis says and closes his book, inwardly thanking Zayn for distracting him from his studying.

“Hey.”, Zayn choses to ignore Louis’ comment and unwraps his scarf, then takes off his beanie and throws them on the bed.

Louis follows his actions, then Zayn turns to him and says:

“We’re going out tonight.”

“Um, no we’re not?”, Louis says. He used to enjoy going to parties in high school, but lately he wasn’t in the mood for anything else than eating and sitting in bed, watching TV shows on Netflix.

“Um, yes we are.”, Zayn replies, mocking him.

He takes off his shirt, revealing his tattoos and Louis averts his eyes. Because, yes, he might be sexually attracted to Zayn. He knows for a fact that Zayn is gay, or at least bisexual, but would never get in a relationship with him, it would be too awkward. And besides, Louis doesn’t like to get attached to someone.

(It’s not like there was ever an opportunity for him to settle down, and Louis isn’t sure if it’s because he’s fat-thanks to eating too much in front of the computer- or because he just wasn’t quite the social butterfly. He came to the conclusion that it was both.)

Zayn shuffles out of his pants and grabs some clothes from his closet.

“I’m going to shower, and I expect you to do so too.”

“Where exactly are we supposed to go? I’m really not in the mood, Z.”

“You haven’t been to a party since last year, Louis. You really need to go out and socialize.”

“I came here to study, not to ‘socialize’.”, Louis says, and they both know it’s the biggest lie that ever came out of Louis’ mouth yet.

They stare at each other for a moment, before Louis actually realizes he actually needs to go out, or he’ll end up alone with 30 cats.

“Right.”, Zayn says after a pause, and walks to the bathroom.

Louis sighs and buries his head in the book. He stays like that until Zayn comes out of the bathroom. The room instantly starts smelling like expensive cologne and men’s perfume.

Zayn shoots him a look and Louis nods, getting up and walking to his closet as Zayn stands in front of the mirror, styling his hair.

Nothing looks good on me, Louis thinks as he looks through his clothes. He eventually picks a white shirt that says The Stone Roses I wanna be adored, the only pair of black skinny jeans that actually makes him feel somewhat comfortable and his black Vans.

He showers quickly, then dresses up and stares at himself in the mirror, sighing. He puts on his contact lenses and blow-dries his hair.

He tries to smile at himself in the mirror, but groans and rolls his eyes at his smile. He hates the crinkles at his eyes and he looks like a pedophile when he smiles. So yeah, he’s 21, in his third year of Uni and has a huge self-confidence issue.

He comes out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, and doesn’t bother to shave his light mustache.

Zayn shoots him a surprised look, smirking when Louis rolls his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, I know I’m ugly you don’t have to look at me like I’m crazy.”

“No, Lou, you look amazing.”

Louis shoots him a weird smile and Zayn looks at himself in the mirror one more time, picking at the spikes in his hair.

“So where’s the party?”, Louis asks once they’re walking out the building.

He immediately regrets not getting a jacket, because it’s cold as fuck, and goosebumps arise on his skin in no time.

“At Kappa Delta. Frat house.”, Zayn informs him and Louis scrunches his nose. He never liked the guys in the fraternity (except of Niall, who is the vice-president of Kappa Delta). They were loud, obnoxious and sometimes disgusting.

Not that Louis was any better, but he never talks with his mouth full or farts and burps-at least not in front of people.

They get to the frat house in three minutes, and Louis knows it’s not really his scene. Maybe in high school it would’ve been, but after three years of hiding from the human race-he wasn’t exaggerating. He literally hasn’t had sex in almost a year, and wanking would only do it for so long.

So yes, Louis maybe wants to get laid tonight, but he knows chances are slim because guys never really approached him at the parties he actually bothered to attend.

The party is in full swing when they enter the front lawn, packed with people that had red cups in their hands.

“This is so cliché.”, Louis snorts and Zayn shoots him a look.

They walk into the house and they literally have to squeeze between the sweaty bodies that litter the hallway so they can get to the living room.

“Oiii!”, a voice yells in Louis’ ear and he knows it’s Niall.

The Irish lad appears next to him with two red cups in hand, reeking of alcohol and something that smells suspiciously like weed.

He hands Louis and Zayn a cup and smiles from ear to ear.

“What’s in this?”, Louis asks, looking into his cup.

“Beer.”, Niall says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Louis makes a disgusted face but chooses to remain silent.

“So Zayn who you lookin’ for tonight? Girl? Boy? Both?”, Niall asks, and Louis feels kind of offended that Niall didn’t ask him what he was looking for tonight.

Yes, he’s as gay as they come, but it would still be nice of Niall to ask him if he wanted to hook him up with anyone. But then again, maybe Niall thinks that Louis isn’t worthy enough for someone at this party.

And he might be right, because literally all the boys here are extremely hot. But almost all of them are either making out with someone, or already too drunk.

Zayn eventually leaves Louis’ side when he spots a guy with bulging biceps in a snapback and tank top and some weird arrows tattoo. Louis ends up on the couch an hour later, sipping on his beer that tastes more like piss than actual beer.

He makes a face and stares out at the crowd dancing and grinding in front of him in semi-darkness, his ears already numb from the extremely loud music. He doesn’t know how it happens, but half an hour passes and he finds himself squished between the armrest and a couple that’s heavily making out.

He rolls his eyes at them and tries to scoot as far as he can into the armrest. He has always hated PDA, but this is just a whole new level of disgusting. He can literally hear their tongues colliding and he’s honestly afraid to look at what seems like an act of cannibalism.

After another half-hour passes, he decides that he’s had enough. It’s obvious that absolutely no one has taken an interest in him, so why bother? He hasn’t been enjoying himself anyway.

He’d rather be in his dorm watching American Horror Story and eating ice cream.

And that’s why I’ll never find someone

He sighs and stands up, the couple falling against the armrest. He rolls his eyes and sets the cup on the table, self-consciously tugging his shirt down.

He’s hungry but doesn’t want to it, he wants to leave but it’s cold outside and dark and he’s just tired.

He stands up on his tiptoes to see if he can locate Zayn, and of fucking course. There he is; sucking faces with the guy from earlier, the one in the snapback and tank top and that has really nice biceps.

Louis tries to convince himself that he isn’t interested in the guys at the party anyway, tries to convince himself that they’re all ugly and fat, but then sighs because he knows he’s probably the only guy at the party that actually fits that exact description.

He turns around and locates the hallway that will lead him out to the back garden. He debates it for a moment, should he go out for a smoke? Maybe he’ll meet someone that’s too high to care about how he looks and just fuck him against the wall.

And that’s sad, he thinks. But it’s the only plan he has, so. Yeah. It’s too late to back out now, he thinks as he walks towards the said hallway. He knows he’s going to freeze his balls off, but he’s willing to sacrifice anything at this point.

Maybe I should turn straight, he thinks and wow, this is a new low, even for him.

He makes a face at the couples that block his way, and he’s almost at the door, a few steps and two girls making out blocking his way, when the door opens and someone comes in.

There’s a cold breeze hitting Louis in the face, before someone collides with him, and Louis didn’t even notice the guy.

He looks up, startled and ready to make a sassy comment, but the words get somehow stuck in his throat.

Fuck every thought about turning straight; this guy is fucking sex on legs.

He has his hair tucked in a snapback, curls poking out at the sides. He’s wearing a green plaid shirt with a tank top underneath, showing off his collarbones and what looks like swallow tattoos.

Louis is so taken aback by this guy, that he almost trips and falls. The guy looks him up and down, and there it is. He knows that once the guy’s eyes fall on his thick thighs and pudgy stomach, all his (slight, almost impossible) chances with him are gone.

The guy steps aside, inviting Louis to pass, and Louis thinks he’s going to pass out because this guy smells so fucking nice and he’s so tall and has huge hands that hold the door open for him and just.

A pathetic thanks manages to escape his lips and Louis slips outside, hitting his hips against the door.

He feels sick and wants to go home. No one wants him, and it’s a shit feeling.

There are two guys outside on the porch. One with an extremely high quiff, who looks too old to be in a frat (no offense), and one that has long dirty blonde hair. He sees a slim girl tucked under his arm, with wild curls and rosy cheeks.

“Um.” Is all he can say.

The quiff guy stares at him, before he asks:

“So you want a cigarette or?”

Louis nods. “Forgot my pack at home.”

“’course you did.”, the guy said and hands him a cigarette.

Louis places it between his lips and the guy searches through his pockets, before he lets out a ‘fuck’.

“What?”, the other guy asks.

“Fucking Styles took my lighter. Sorry mate.”, he says to Louis, who is about to ask who this ‘Styles’ guy is, but then he smells it and soon enough, the guy from earlier appears in front of him.

“Gossiping about me Grimmy?”

And. Okay. Louis is now 100% sure this guy is walking sex because his voice is the best thing he ever heard. Slow, raspy and deep and just perfect.

“Hand him the lighter, Styles. Poor guy looks like he needs a smoke.”

Styles pulls out a lighter and lights it up, the small flame near Louis’ cigarette.

Louis makes eye contact (it’s eye sex, he’s sure of it) with the guy as his cigarette finally lights up and he lets out the smoke, catching the fag between his two fingers.

“Did you get what you went in for, Harry?”, Grimmy asks suggestively.

Harry. Harry Styles.

Louis gets dizzy when he first inhales the smoke because he hasn’t smoked in months. A pack costs too much in his opinion and he didn’t want his teeth to get yellow and ugly.

Harry nods at Grimmy, and pulls out a small box from the back pocket of his too tight jeans (not that anyone’s complaining) and oh. That’s weed.

Louis looks around the back garden. There’s a pool and it’s quite crowded, but he thinks that no one really cares about the illegal substance that is about to be smoked.

“Chill out man.”, Grimmy says laughing at him, and Harry makes eye contact again.

Which isn’t good at all for Louis, because Harry is in the process of licking the joint to roll it, and his tongue is pink in the porch light and Louis is sure he’s going to get a hard on thanks to him.

Louis is halfway through his cigarette when Grimmy lights up the joint and exhales the first smoke, happily sighing.

Harry shuffles between Louis and Grimmy, leaning against the wall as Grimmy smokes. And Louis does not notice that their arms are touching.

His skin is on fire, even though he’s really cold.

“So do you have a name or?”, Harry asks, and Louis feels a pang in his chest because of the indifferent tone in Harry’s voice.

“Um. Louis.”

“Louis.”, Harry repeats and turns to Grimmy to take the joint from him.

After a few drags and puffs, he looks at Louis.

“Do you want a drag?”, he asks, voice even slower than before.

Louis shakes is head and throws his cigarette over the railing.

“So are you in the fraternity?”, Louis asks looking at Grimmy, because he feels like Harry was going to ignore his question.

Grimmy laughs. “Nah mate.”

“I’m in the fraternity.”, Harry says.

“And I’m just here to fuck him when everyone eventually leaves.”, Grimmy says.

Louis’ heart stops, not sure if Grimmy is joking or if he’s actually telling the truth. Because if Harry’s gay, then Louis might just scream. Even though he’ll probably never even kiss Harry, it’s nice to dream (and wank but whatever).

“He’s joking.”, Harry says seriously, shooting Grimmy a look and oh. It was too good to be true anyway.

“Well, um, it was nice to meet you.”, Louis says and immediately wants to slap himself because why on earth would he say that. He should’ve said something cooler, like ‘see you around’ or ‘okay, see ya’.

He just wants to go back to his dorm and slide under the blanket and sleep until noon tomorrow.

Harry smiles but doesn’t say anything, and Nick is too occupied to laugh at the brick wall than to notice Louis.

So he turns around and with an empty feeling in his chest, he returns back inside. It’s warmer anyways.

He tries to look for Zayn and tell him that he’s going to be leaving now, and to his surprise, he finds him in the kitchen, sipping on some fishy drink directly from the bottle.

“Where did you come from?”

“Went out for a smoke.”, Louis answers and Zayn pouts.

“Why didn’t you invite me?”

“You were busy.”, Louis says and Zayn smirks.

“Oh yeah. Do you mind if I stay here tonight? It’s either that or Liam comes to mine.”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll-I’ll walk alone. No big deal. Have fun mate.”

And Louis fake smiles, before Zayn pats him on the shoulder, places the bottle on the counter and disappears.

Louis hates him. Hates him because he has a perfect body and is attractive and extremely confident.

He makes his way out of the house a few minutes later, and desperately tries to keep himself warm as he quickly walks back to his dorm.

He feels alone and useless and unwanted and it’s by far the worst feeling in the world. He avoids looking at himself in the mirror as he brushes his teeth and changes into his pajamas. He slips under the blanket and stares at the ceiling for a couple of minutes which seem to pass by like hours.

When he eventually can’t take it anymore, he sits up and opens his laptop, clicking on the Facebook bookmark at the top of the page.

He barely uses social networks anymore, he hasn’t updated his status since December last year, and his profile picture has been there since 2012. It’s 20fucking14 now, but he can’t find the motivation nor the confidence to update it.

He hesitates, the mouse hovering above the search bar, before he quickly types out ‘Harry Styles’.

And of course he finds him. They have 3 mutual friends. Zayn Malik, Niall Horan and a girl named Amy who Louis slightly recalls as being one of Niall’s many ‘just friends’.

He thanks the lord that Harry’s profile isn’t on private, so he can freely browse through his pictures. And of course. Thousands of pictures with him at diverse parties, with half naked guys, half naked girls, drinking, smiling and laughing.

He scrolls down through his statuses, but most of them are just check ins made by different people who have also tagged him.

The latest one is made by Nick (Grimmy) Grimshaw, saying:

Siiiiick parrtyyy mateeee –with Harry Styles and 138 others.

Louis clicks Nick’s profile, and his photos are all of him and Harry, and there’s a short film of them making out, a bit blurry and shaky. Louis checks the date.

April 16, 2014. 11:58pm.

Then he checks the date on his laptop.

April 17, 2014. 12:17am.

He closes the laptop.


A week passes by and Louis’ sadness got even worse. He barely found the motivation to get up and actually attend his classes.

By Friday Zayn has had enough. Louis is laying under his blanket, in a comfy, snuggly sweater, watching American Horror Story for the third time.

Zayn makes sure he’s heard when he slams the door once he has entered the room, which causes Louis to look up from his laptop.

“We’re going to get complaints ag-“, Louis says, prepared to sass Zayn, but he stops when he sees Zayn’s expression. It’s a lot more serious than usual, and he worries for a moment.

“Everything alright?”, he asks.

Zayn shoots him a look and steps closer, picking up two empty bags of chips from the floor next to Louis’ bed.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”, he says.


“Louis. Look at you.”

Louis looks at him confused, not sure where this is going.

“All you do is eat and watch shows. One more year of this and you’ll end up as an obese guy with no future.”

Okay. This hurt a bit.

Louis’ heart sinks in his chest and he carefully closes his laptop, pushing it aside.

“And what do you want me to do, Zayn? I’m fucking-“

“Come out with me from time to time. Meet someone new! You know what? I think I know why you’re depressed.”

“I’m not depressed.

“I looked it up Lou. The symptoms are sad moods, loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, weight change, difficulty of sleep, irritability, frequent thoughts of death-“

“I do not have suicidal thoughts!”, Louis exclaims, even though he might’ve asked himself repeatedly if anyone would actually better be off without him.

“So you agree that all the other symptoms are true!”, Zayn shoots back and Louis sighs. He just wants to be left alone.

“Why do you want me to change so bad?”

“I don’t want you to change at all! I love you Lou, but you have to get outside more. I know it’s annoying, but I’m worried about you. I really am. Please, at least come out with me on Fridays.”

Louis lets out a big, exaggerated sigh, and gets out of bed. He feels his stomach heavy and hates himself for eating so much. He hates the way Zayn’s eyes skim all over his body and he resists the urge of covering himself up.

“Take a shower and get dressed.”

“Dressed for what?”

“We’re going out to dinner.”

Louis groans.

“I’m not hungry.”, he says, motioning to the bags of chips and the tube of ice cream.

Zayn rolls his eyes. “You can get a drink then. Just get ready. I’ll change here.”

Louis showers once again and after he dresses up with his favorite sweater (the loose white knitter one that hid his tummy) and the usual black skinnies, then slips into his white converse.

He shaves this time and asks Zayn who’s coming with as he puts on his contacts.

“Um, Liam, Niall, Amy, and a bunch of Liam’s friends. Nick, Andy, Danielle, uh, Harry.”

Louis almost pokes his eyes.

“Harry Styles?”, he asks before he can refrain himself.

“You know him?”

it’s not like I’ve been wanking to a picture of him half naked from Facebook for the past week


“Well he’s going to be here if it makes you feel better. Oh, and this guy, Tom. One of Niall’s mates.”

“And it’s just dinner?”

He can see Zayn shrug through the mirror from the other room.

“Maybe, I dunno. Might go out clubbing.”

Louis’ stomach hurts. He hasn’t been out clubbing in ages, and he feels too…big to dance. He grabs his wallet from the desk and p

They exit the building ten minutes later and get into a taxi which takes them to the diner in the center of the town. Louis can’t remember the last time he had been into the center of Manchester. Actually, if he thinks about it, he has never actually been here.

He feels so disappointed with himself, he might cry. And he’s pathetic, really, because he’s fucking 21 years old.

They get to the diner soon, and Louis has once again underestimated the weather. In spite of his sweater, he’s still cold and almost shaking.

Luckily, the diner is really warm and filled with a relaxing atmosphere. Zayn waves at someone, and Louis’ heart starts beating faster. He hates being the last one to show up, because everyone stares at him and he has to walk next to Zayn. He’s convinced that everyone is comparing him to Zayn, and he feels like shit.

They’re in a booth for ten, a leather couch in a semi circle. Louis sits down next to Niall, and Zayn sits next to Liam on the other side.

Louis shoots Harry a quick look as everyone else chats loudly and laughs. No one pays attention to him, and he doesn’t know if he should be sad or happy about it.

Harry’s wears a black V-neck that shows off his biceps and he can see a jean jacket on the back of Harry’s seat.

A waiter comes with ten menus, handing one to each of them. Louis hides himself behind the menu and goes straight to the drinks. He hasn’t even talked to anyone yet, and he already wants to go home.

He decides to get a bottle of water because it’s cheap and won’t make him look bloated. He sets the menu down on the table and sucks his stomach in, looking down.

When he looks up, he catches Harry’s eyes, and averts them quickly, a weird feeling settling in his stomach.

The waiter returns and takes their orders. Everyone orders full meals, and when they get to Louis, he can’t help but feel extremely cheap and selfish.

“Um, just a water bottle please.”

And no one bats an eye to his order. He doesn’t know if it’s because they just don’t know what to say or because they don’t have a problem with it.

The waiter takes their menus and Louis thinks, great, now they have to make conversation until their orders come.

A conversation starts and he doesn’t bother to join in. However, he likes staring at Harry (in a no stalkerish way) as the boy talks with Nick and laughs, throwing his head back.

Finally, the waiter brings them their food and Louis sips at his water as everyone eats. He catches Harry looking at him a couple of times, and wonders if there’s something on his face. There’s no way, he hasn’t eaten anything since they left the dorm.

“Do I have something on my face?”, he asks Niall and sees Harry smirk from across the table.

“Are we going to the club after this?”, Nick asks, leaning into Harry and Louis feels something in his stomach that he can’t quite put his finger on.

He wants to go home.

“Yeah. You guys up for it?”, Harry agrees and makes eye contact with Louis.

The others nod and Louis looks at Zayn.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”, the dark haired boy says and Louis can feel everyone’s eyes on him. He hates that.

“Um, no, I actually don’t think I’m properly dressed? Like…”, he stutters, motioning to his sweater.

“You’ll be fine.”, Niall says and points at himself. He’s wearing a sweatshirt with the greek letters of his frat.

“Okay.”, Louis says and shrugs, trying to seem like he isn’t actually panicking on the inside. He knows he’s going to end up alone in the booth, drinking god knows what.

So it’s settled, and half an hour later they all leave the diner, walking down the street towards a club apparently everyone has attended at least once (except for Louis, of course).

As soon as they go in, Louis regrets it. It’s hot, and sweaty and loud and everyone is wearing revealing clothes and just grinding and dancing and drinking and fuck.

They pick a booth somewhat close to the bar and Louis immediately follows Zayn to order drinks. He gets a rum and coke (the cheapest thing there) and carries the rest of the drinks to the booth.

He sees Niall take off his sweatshirt, revealing his toned chest. So he’s going to be the only one dressed for minus a hundred degrees. Amazing. He would take his sweater off too, but he does not have the least bit of confidence to do that.

He sits down next to Tom, who’s downed his two shots already. He stares at his lap, at the way his thighs splay out against the leather, which makes them twice their usual size, and just fucking huge.

He winces and looks up, surprised to see Harry heading towards him with a drink in hand.

“Drink?”, Harry asks, his tone flat, like he didn’t actually want to give Louis a drink, he was just trying to be polite. Louis shakes his head, getting out of the booth so he can go to the bathroom.

“Whe-“, Harry starts and Louis accidentally trips over his shoelaces, colliding with Harry’s body, which causes the younger boy to spill his beer all over Louis’ sweater.

“Fuck.”, Louis curses, a dark stain quickly expanding over the fabric.

“Shit. Sorry.”, Harry apologizes and Louis can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not.

“Ugh. I have nothing under it.”, Louis mumbles.

“You can wear my jacket over it if you want.”, Harry offers and Louis thinks he’s joking.

“No thanks, I’d rather not die of hyperthermia.”

And Harry laughs, which is just. Louis feels proud.

“Seriously. You can take off your sweater and put on my jacket and button it up. Smells a bit like smoke, but it’s really good.”

“Um.”, is all Louis can manage to say.

What if it’s too small for me?, he thinks.

“It’s wont be too small.”, Harry answers and Louis is shocked. He didn’t realize he had spoken out loud. “I mean it’s a bit big on me so you’ll be practically swimming in it.”

Again, Louis can’t see if he’s sarcastic or just trying to be nice.

“Okay? Yeah.”, Louis agrees and Harry smiles, grabbing his jean jacket from the booth, handing it to Louis.

“Thanks. I’m going to the bathroom.”, Louis announces and flees the scene, glad that it’s semi dark in the club, otherwise Harry would’ve known he had just made him blush.

He doesn’t go into a stall, because they’re all full (he can see girls and boys on their knees, so, okay) and he can undress quickly.

He pulls his sweater over his head and tries not to look at himself in the mirror, but fails. His tummy is showing and he winces at the sight.

He should’ve stayed home.

He puts the jean jacket on and to his surprise; it’s really large for him. It reaches his waist and almost the tips of his fingers.

He is about to button up the first button, when Harry enters the bathroom, pushed by Nick who has his lips attached to the younger boy’s neck. It startles Louis, who turns to look at them.

It’s only when he sees Nick pull away in shock and Harry’s hazy eyes roam over Louis torso that he realizes that Harry is staring at his chest. And tummy. And everything Louis hates about himself.

Louis quickly buttons up the jacket, feeling like he’s about to cry.

“Sorry. Um.”, he stutters and grabs the sweater from the counter.

Nick has left Harry and is now looking under each stall door to check if there is any free one.

“Thanks. Um. I’ll give it back to you tomorrow.”

Harry shoots him a smile, and Nick calls his name.

“See you.”, Harry says and Louis leaves the bathroom before he can see Harry follow Nick into a stall and hear him drop to his knees.


Two weeks later, Louis is in his dorm (as usual). He shuts the lights off and gets into bed after he locks the door. He’s fast asleep when there’s a knock on the door.

He rolls his eyes and takes his glasses from the bedside table so he can see the clock that’s on his desk.


He thinks that Zayn’s probably (again) too drunk and lazy to take his keys out. And Louis just doesn’t want to get up and open the door so Zayn can throw up all over him (again). It’s Wednesday for God’s sake!

So he just turns to the wall and closes his eyes.

He lets out a frustrated sigh when another knock is heard, heavier and angrier this time.

He gets out of bed and puts his glasses on, before he turns on the lamp on his way to the door.

“For fuck’s sake…”, he starts, angry, but his tone dies when he sees Harry Styles leaning against the wall across the hall.

“Um?”, Louis manages to say and Harry pushes himself off.

“Come in.”, Louis can’t help but mutter as Harry walks past him into the dorm.

Louis shuts the door and turns around, suddenly nervous and clueless of what he should do.

“I don’t want to um, sound rude, but why are you here? And are you drunk?”

He checks because Harry smells like alcohol and cigarettes but doesn’t seem drunk or high.

“Your roommate is fucking my roommate in the arse as we speak. I can’t quite sleep through all the screaming and moaning. And I’m hard as fuck.”

“So you decided to come here?”

Harry nods, walking around the room, looking at Louis’ stuff.


“Because it was the only place I could think of.”

Of course. Silly me, thinking he would come here because he chose to.

Louis nervously plays with the hem of his tank top that is supposed to be his pajama top. He suddenly gets self-conscious and sucks in his stomach as Harry sits down on his desk chair.

“You forgot to give me my jacket back.”

Forgot. More like didn’t want you to see my ugly face

“Yeah…sorry about that.”

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.”, Harry says and Louis’ face falls, going to his face and taking off his glasses.

“No, don’t take them off.”

Louis stares up at Harry in surprise and Harry gets up from the seat. Louis takes a step back, almost tripping over the too long cotton pajama pants he is wearing.

He thanks god that he didn’t chose today as the day to wear his Superman pajama.

And it’s ridiculous, he thinks, that Harry’s so tall and slim and hot right in front of him, while he’s just short and fat and ugly.

“Why didn’t you go at your boyfriends’ house?”, Louis asks, and it comes out unexpected.

Harry stares at him, confused. Louis wants to hit himself for asking such a question. Harry’s going to get mad at him.

“Nick’s not my boyfriend, if that’s what you mean.”

“But you two-“

“We fuck, yes, but we’re not together. I don’t do that kind of shit.”

“What? Relationships?”


Louis hesitates for a moment, before he sits down on his bed. Harry moves to sit on Zayn’s bed. He takes off his converse and lays on the bed, hands on his stomach.

“Love’s stupid. Like, I can’t imagine staying with the same person for the rest of my life. There’re so many girls and boys out there. It’s impossible to ‘love’ just one.”

There’s a pause and Louis looks at his feet, feeling disappointed, then laughing at himself. Even if Harry would’ve actually ‘believed in love’, he would never go for Louis anyway.

“What about you?”

“What about me what?”, Louis stutters. He doesn’t want to talk about himself, he doesn’t like it, actually.

“Do you have a boyfriend? Or girlfriend, I don’t know.”

Louis snorts and Harry frowns.

“Why are you laughing?”, he asks confused and Louis knows that he’s being made fun of.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”, Louis says, and wonders why would Harry even want to know in the first place.

Harry’s silent after that, and Louis wonders if he’s going to spend the night here. He hopes not, because if he does, Louis knows he won’t get any sleep and he has an exam tomorrow.

But his question is answered when Zayn suddenly barges in, a backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

Harry immediately sits up and looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Oh.”, Zayn says, a slight innuendo tone in his voice. “Did I interrupt so-“

“No.”, Louis rushes and Harry has already put his shoes on and is now next to Zayn.

“Bye.”, is all he says, more to Zayn than to Louis.

Then he’s gone.

“What was that? Why is he here?”, Zayn asks and turns on the main light.

“Um. He came here because you and his roommate were fucking.”, Louis says and gets under the covers, placing his glasses on the bedside table.

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you talking about.”

“I had to pick up a late shift at the club.”

“Oh. So no fucking the roommate?”

Zayn shakes his head and smiles. “He came here because he wanted to see you.”

“No he didn’t. He wanted his jean jacket back.”

And Zayn doesn’t say anything after that.

Louis is asleep when Zayn comes out of the bathroom thirty minutes later, so he doesn’t see Zayn’s smirk when he spots the jean jacket hanging by the door.


Somehow, Zayn manages to convince Louis to come with him to another frat party that Friday. They get there late (Zayn took longer than usual to style his hair in a quiff), and everyone’s already tipsy by then.

They’re celebrating the fact that they just finished exams, and have about a week before they find out the results.

Harry is in the kitchen, looking good and so out of Louis’ league (as per usual). Louis feels confident enough to walk up to him and say hello, when he sees Nick come out of nowhere and he abruptly stops.

Nick smiles when he sees Louis and shoots him a wave. Louis fakes smiles and looks away when Harry decides to look in his direction.


Louis turns around to see Tom smiling at him.

“Hi.”, Louis replies and Tom hands him a blue cup filled with what Louis thinks is Vodka.

“Thanks? I guess.”

“You look good tonight.”, Tom says and Louis looks away, shyly smiling.

Tonight? Because I never look good on any other day…

He ends up tipsy in less than an hour, and he somehow finds himself dancing with Tom in the mess of sweaty bodies. He tries not to think about what goes through Tom’s mind when he grips into Louis’ hips.

Louis leans his head against Tom’s shoulder and closes his eyes, wishing he could escape his thoughts and just not feel anything at all.

Tom’s lips collide with the skin of Louis’ neck, and Louis flutters his eyes shut for a moment, before he opens them, just to find himself staring into a pair of green eyes.

Harry is leaning against the wall across the room, with a blue cup in hand, surrounded by four girls.

Louis looks away, his cheeks heating up, forgetting that Tom is most probably leaving a mark on his neck.

Louis pulls away and turns around. Before he can tell Tom that he wants to go out for a smoke, he’s being yanked forwards and a pair of lips pressed against his.

He panics and steps back. Tom smiles at him and Louis weakly says that he needs to go outside to smoke. This time he has a jacket and his own pack of cigarettes.

There is no one outside on the porch, and Louis is happy, because he just needs some time alone right now.

He lights up his cigarette and leans against the wall, letting out smoke. The door opens again and he doesn’t bother checking who it is, assuming it’s just some frat boy.

But his breath catches in his throat when Harry appears right in front of him, towering over his small frame.

“Hi.”, Louis says and Harry doesn’t answer. The taller boy takes the cigarette from Louis’ fingers and places it between his own lips.

Louis doesn’t fight it, because Harry looks hot when he smokes.

“Why are you sad, Louis?”

Louis blinks up at the question taking him by surprise. The smoke vanishes in the air and he’s now face to face with Harry, who seems to be closer now.

“I’m not sad.”, he lies.

Harry stares at him for a moment, before he takes another drag from the cigarette and leans down so he’s at the same eye level with Louis.

And okay, now Louis panics.

He’s afraid that Harry can see all the imperfections of his face.

His heart accelerates when Harry softly grips into his chin, lips almost touching Louis’. And the smaller boy understands what Harry’s intentions are, so he opens his mouth. He inhales the smoke, and then lets it out through his nose, smiling when Harry closes his eyes.

When they open, dark green meets light blue. And then Harry closes the small distance between their lips.

Louis is taken by surprise, his senses going in overdrive. All he feels is Harry, everything is harryharryharry.

He manages to wrap his arms around Harry’s neck, pulling him closer. Harry’s tongue pries his mouth open, and they’re so close, their chests are touching. And it should worry Louis that Harry can feel his tummy through his shirt. But it doesn’t. And it feels nice.

He lets out a sudden moan when one of Harry’s long legs comes between his short ones, pushing them apart. Harry rubs his knee against Louis’ crotch, rubbing it. Another moan comes out of Louis’ mouth and bucks his hips up so he can get as much friction as possible.

Harry’s hands, which had previously rested on either side of Louis’ head, are now gripping into Louis’ hips. When they slip under his shirt, actually touching the skin, Louis opens his eyes and pulls away, panicking.

Harry’s left breathless and Louis looks at him apologetically, hating himself for his insecurities that always ruin everything.

Harry doesn’t ask anything, which means that he doesn’t mind nor care about the fact that Louis interrupted the kiss.

“Sorry.”, Louis says.

“It’s fine.”, Harry replies, licking his lips.

“I’m gonna-yeah.”

After that pathetic stuttering, Louis slips past Harry, into the house. He finds Zayn talking to Niall and Amy, and tells him that he’s heading home.

Zayn nods and tells him that he’ll stay over tonight. Louis doesn’t ask, nor does he care, really. But then Tom asks if Louis would like to stay over, and alarm bells go off in Louis’ head.

Does he want to have sex? Does he want to cuddle? What does he want? Is he joking?

“Uh?”, Louis says and looks around, confused, as if he was trying to find an answer.

And he finds it in the form of two sweaty bodies pressed against the wall, one of them being tall and curly haired, almost out of breath.

“Yes. Yeah.”, Louis says and Tom smiles, nodding.

Louis isn’t sure why Tom asked him, but he decides that he won’t care tonight. So he does the only thing he thinks is appropriate at the moment. He pulls Tom by the back of his neck to his lips, before kissing him roughly and ending any possible conversation that was about to follow.


They don’t have sex that night. Because Tom throws up on his shirt and passes out the moment they get into his room. The party had been broken off by the police, because of an anonymous call about the noise.

So he drapes a blanket over Tom, before he lays down on the bed. He stares at the ceiling for a while, his stomach rumbling, begging for food. He hasn’t eaten since this morning (he had an exam and not enough money for a sandwich from Subway), so he decides to silently get up and make his way to the kitchen.

It’s risky, he thinks, because he’s half naked and is pretty sure his hair looks like sex. He decides to look through Tom’s closet, and only finds a shirt, which turns out to be too small for him. This lowers his self-confidence once again, but he’s too hungry and tired to look further. And it’s invading of privacy, so Louis chooses against it.

He pads down the stairs, trying not to make much noise because it’s almost 2am and everyone is probably trying to get some sleep.

He blindly turns on a light, which doesn’t help much, but it’s semi darkness so he can manage with that.

He opens the fridge and gets out a tub of ice cream. He’s hot and doesn’t care about anything right now, other than putting food in his system.

He leans against the counter and takes out a spoon, poking the frozen cream for a bit, thinking.

When the ice cream has melted enough for him to eat it without getting a brain freeze, he happily digs in.

He stills though when he hears a faint noise, like someone is coming down the stairs. He hopes that whoever it is won’t come into the kitchen and judge him for eating so late, or call him out on it.

He almost chokes when he sees a sleepy Harry coming through the door.


And Louis wants to melt, because his voice is groggy and rough, but he looks so innocent in a fluffy sweater and just boxers. (Which Louis doesn’t stare at, by the way.)

Harry rubs his eyes and his eyes fall on the ice cream in Louis’ hands.

“What are you doing up?”, Louis asks, sounding more accusing than he initially intended to.

“I could ask you the same question.”, Harry replies and Louis thinks that Harry might be mad at him now, but when he sees the slight curve at the younger boy’s lips, he relaxes.

“’m hungry and I couldn’t sleep.”, he explains and Harry shrugs, going to the fridge, but turning around just as he’s about to open the door.

“Can we share? I was also kind of hoping to get chocolate chip ice cream.”, Harry says and Louis gives him the tub, taking the spoon out of it, in case Harry might be too grossed out.

And it’s ridiculous, really, because a few hours ago he had his tongue down Louis’ throat.

To Louis’ surprise, Harry grabs the spoon from his hand, fingers brushing against Louis’. (Louis doesn’t shiver nor does he blush.)

Harry makes sure to maintain eye contact as he takes a spoonful in his mouth, opening it wide, tongue poking out. Louis thinks he’s going to get hard if he continues making gestures like that.

Harry passes the tub back to Louis, and it’s a thing now. They silently share ice cream, looking into each other’s eyes. It’s not romantic-it’s enough to get Louis’ heart racing.

“Is that Tom’s shirt?”

Louis looks down and his expression falls when he sees his tummy poking out a bit. He sucks in and shyly nods.

“Yeah um, he-“

“So you fucked him?”, Harry asks and Louis blinks up at him, surprised.

“Um, no? He actually threw up over my shirt so I had to change it. Kind of small, but it was the only option I had. Either this or topless.”

He lets out a nervous laugh at the end, eyes anywhere but Harry’s face.

“Why didn’t you go topless? I would’ve preferred that.”, Harry says cheekily, and Louis knows he’s not serious.

So he snorts. “Yeah right.”

Harry stares at him for a moment and Louis would like to know what goes through his mind at times like these.

He’s taken by surprise when Harry suddenly pushes him up against the counter and roughly kisses him.

Louis places the tub of ice cream on the counter, and feels the marble uncomfortably digging into his lower back, but he doesn’t mind.

Harry pushes him even further into the counter as the kiss deepens, and Louis doesn’t intend to let out a barely audible yelp, because it hurts.

Harry seems to get the message, because he grips into the back of Louis’ thighs and lifts him up on the counter as if he weighs nothing.

Louis doesn’t know how to react to that so he continues kissing Harry, knowing that the kiss will end soon. Sometimes he wishes he could be more optimistic, but he knows that good things don’t just happen to him.

And Harry is a good thing. A very good, hot, beautiful, amazing thing.

He thinks he’s dreaming when Harry tries to unzip his jeans, then suddenly panics, because no. Harry can’t see his ginormous thighs or pudgy tummy.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so he quickly decides to pleasure Harry instead.

“Wait, I want you to…”, he starts, but the words die in his throat when Harry aligns their crotches together, grinding into him.

“You want me to what?”, Harry hotly breathes in his ear. Louis has had enough.

“I want you to fuck my mouth. Please.”

Harry gulps.

“Yeah. Fuck, okay.”

So he steps back and Louis slides off from the counter, pushing Harry against it instead, then drops to his knees.

Harry takes off his sweater and places it next to him on the counter. Louis immediately envies his tight stomach and amazing abs, and he tries not to look too turned on by the tattoos that litter Harry’s skin.

He hooks his fingers into Harry’s boxers, before he pulls them down and holy shit Harry Styles has the biggest cock Louis’ ever seen. (Not that he has seen many dicks before, but this is definitely the best.)

And it’s pretty, which is quite a weird and slightly unusual word to describe a cock. It’s pretty and the head is pink and just.

Louis starts sucking on the sensitive head, which has Harry letting out an immediate moan, throwing his head back.

Louis wraps his fingers around the base and tries to get as much as he can down his throat. He ends up gagging and soon enough, there’re tears in his eyes.

“Can I-I’m going to fuck your mouth, okay?”, Harry breathes out and Louis gives a small nod, and Harry starts thrusting in and out of his mouth, panting and groaning.

Louis gags every time, and does not break eye contact as he keeps moving his hips forward. He loves the way Louis’ eyes are glassy from the tears and how his cheeks hollow every time he sucks.

When Louis pulls back, he can tell Harry’s really close, so he quickly pumps his cock until Harry comes with no warning whatsoever all over Louis’ face.

Louis smiles, keeping his eyes shut tightly so no cum would get into his eyes.

Harry laughs and wipes the cum from Louis’ eyes with his fingers, before Louis opens his eyes again to see him pull his pants up.

“Not bad.”, Harry says and Louis doesn’t take it as a compliment. And it makes him sad and breaks down the bit of confidence he actually managed to build up during the blowjob.

Louis shoots him a shy, fake smile and gets up, pulling his shirt down from where it raised to his stomach.

“You can have my sweater if you want.”, Harry offers and Louis blinks, surprised.

“Um, why?”

“Because that shirt is not going to keep you warm.”

Louis smiles and Harry hands him his sweater, which feels soft and warm in Louis’ hands.

“Thank you.”

Harry smiles and Louis doesn’t know what to do, because Harry isn’t moving from his spot.

“So. Good night then.”

And with that, Louis turns around and walks back upstairs.

He falls asleep in Harry’s sweater, which smells like a really good detergent and Harry.


The next few days passed by in a blur, a mix of parties, drinking and coming back drunk. Well, that’s how it was for every single student, except for Louis.

Louis’ days were a mix of studying (even though exams were over), reading and watching Tv Shows.

Zayn was out tonight (again), and Louis was in his bed with a bag of chips and laptop warm on his thighs (again).

So it’s weird when he hears a knock around midnight. Zayn told him that he’d be staying over at the frat house, so Louis is confused.

He thinks that maybe, just maybe, it might be Harry, and he remembers that he still has his sweater and jacket. But it’s a bit too late for picking them up, so he loses hope.

He opens the door and his stomach does a backflip when he finds himself staring in a pair of green eyes. He can smell alcohol and smoke already, and from Harry’s smirk he knows that the lad is drunk.

And fuck him, Louis looks like an ugly dwarf in his tight pajamas in comparison to Harry, who looks amazing as usual.

“So you’re here again.”, Louis states and Harry smiles wider, then passes him and walks into the room.

He drops down on the bed and closes his eyes.

“You’re drunk Harry.”, Louis says after he closes the door and goes to close his laptop.

“I’m not.”, he says and judging by his tone he’s just a bit tipsy.

So Louis looks through his drawers and hands him a pack of biscuits, which would probably sober him up a bit.

Harry accepts the biscuits and Louis watches him as he eats them all at once.

“I’m not drunk.”, Harry says after a short pause, this time in a normal voice and Louis believes him.

“So if you’re not drunk why are you here?”

“Maybe it wanted to see you.”

“Ha, okay.”

Louis gets up from his bed and goes to take the empty package of biscuits from Harry’s hands.

He looks down at his stomach and sucks it in, before he throws the package in the trash.

“Stop doing that.”, Harry says and Louis turns to face him properly, frowning.

“Doing what?”, he asks confused and Harry rolls his eyes, standing up from the bed.

“Sucking your stomach in! Why do you always do that?”

“Because I…I just.”, Louis sighs. “I don’t-“

“Do you think you’re fat? Or something like that?”

Louis doesn’t answer. He wraps his arms around his stomach protectively.

“That’s really none of your business. So…please leave.”

“No.”, Harry says and steps forward, taking Louis’ hands from his stomach.

He pulls Louis into his chest and doesn’t waste any time before kissing him. Louis is taken by surprise, but leans into the kiss, opening his mouth.

Harry’s hands travel down his sides, before they spread over Louis’ bum and squeeze. The older boy squeals and Harry smiles against his lips.

“Wanted to do that ever since I saw you for the first time.”

“Yeah?”, Louis asks, a sudden wave of confidence coming over him. “What else did you want to do to me?”


“I wanted to fuck you until you’re begging for release.”


Louis’ stomach clenches at the thought and Harry smirks, before he goes to sit on Louis’ bed, pulling him between his legs.

“Your body is so fucking hot.”, Harry says and Louis gets a bottle of lube and a condom from a drawer. He throws them on the bed next to Harry, who is now naked, heavy cock resting against his stomach.

“Undress for me baby.”

And Louis does. He bites his lips as he pulls his shirt over his head, fringe falling into his face as he does.

He still feels insecure, but Harry’s expression is anything but disgusted. Harry’s eyes roam all over his revealed skin and he bites his lip, fingers curling into the hem of his pants before pulling them down.

Louis’ cock springs free and he hisses. Harry smiles up at him and wraps his gigantic fingers around it, before he places a kiss on the tip to tease Louis.

He then slicks his fingers up with lube, before sliding further up the bed until his back his the wall. He nods towards Louis and Louis climbs over on Harry’s thighs.

“M’gonna open you up with my fingers then you’re going to ride me like a good boy yeah?”, Harry says and all Louis can do is nod.

Louis lets out a soft moan when Harry pushes his middle finger in him, long and cold and just perfect.

Harry’s moves his finger slowly at first, and when he thinks that Louis is ready for another one, he adds his index.

He scissors his fingers inside Louis’ tight hole and Louis fucks himself on them for a bit, until Harry thinks Louis is loose enough for him.

He pulls his fingers out, wiping them on the bed, before he grips into Louis’ hips, absolutely loving his feminine curves and his tiny tummy.

Harry tears the condom wrapper with teeth, before he rolls the condom down his cock.

Louis takes Harry’s cock into his hand and lines it up with his whole, before he slowly sinks down on it, letting out a long moan, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

“You’re so pretty Lou.”, Harry breathes and Louis looks at him as he slowly starts to move up and down.

Don’t lie to me

He puts his hands on Harry’s shoulders, fingers tangling through the hair at the back of his neck.

There’s a split second when they just stare at each other, and everything seems to still around them, like time stops for a moment.

Then Louis starts riding him, slowly, because it’s been long since he last had sex, so it still hurts a bit.

“Move already.”, Harry says and Louis bites his lip.

“It’s just that it’s been long since I’ve last…you know.”

“Oh fuck.”

And then Harry starts thrusting up into Louis, who eventually lets him do all the work. When Harry stops, Louis starts circling his hips in his lap, grinding down on him.

“You feel so good around me, so tight Lou.”

And there’s something about the way he says ‘Lou’ that makes Louis want to wreck Harry.

“I’m…going to…”, Harry says and Louis feels him come into the condom.

He stills and Harry’s hand comes down to finish him off too, tugging on his cock in short, rough movements.

Louis moans and buries his head in Harry’s shoulder, breathing in his scent.

(Which, okay, is a little creepy to be honest.)

He comes with a soft scream, and his whole body feels on fire when Harry’s mouth attaches to his neck.

Harry sucks on the skin there, and Louis knows people are definitely going to see it tomorrow. He closes his eyes when Harry digs his teeth into the skin, pulling at it.

“Harry, people are going to see if you do it there.”, Louis says and can feel him smiling against his neck.


And then he pulls his head back, pecking Louis lips before he lips him up like he weighs nothing and placing him on the bed.

Louis does NOT like to be manhandled, absolutely not.

He smiles and Harry throws the condom into the trash, pulling his boxers back on after he wipes the come off his stomach with a napkin.

Louis quickly puts his pants and shirt back on, before he gets up to go to the bathroom. When he comes back out, Harry is putting on his shoes.

“Oh…you’re going?”, Louis asks, trying not to sound to disappointed.

“What? You thought I was going to stay? I came here for a fuck because Grimmy wasn’t at the party and all the hot guys were taken.”, Harry blurts out and Louis’ heart feels like it just fell in a dark hole.

Of fucking course. Harry would never come here just because he wanted to. Louis was a last choice and he’s fine with that. Totally fine.

“Okay then. Bye.”, Louis quickly says and goes to open the door for him.

Harry nods and leaves without saying anything.


It’s Sunday and Louis has been staring at the jacket and the sweater layed out on the bed in front of him. Zayn’s been asking why he wears a scarf up to his nose inside during spring.

Louis never answers.

“Fuck it.”, he says. He wants to forget Harry and whatever it was that happened two nights ago, so he needs to end it once and for all.

He’s decided this morning that he’ll walk to Harry’s frat house and hand him his clothes, washed and smelling like Louis usually smells; a mix of strawberries and apples.

He packs them in a white bag and puts on his best jeans (it’s just a coincidence, he swears), before he leaves without telling Zayn where he’s going.

It takes him five minutes to get to the house, and his hands are sweaty when he rings the bell.

The door opens and Niall appears, topless and looking like he just got up.

“Oh hey! Didn’t know we had a doorbell!”, he says smiling, then stepping aside for Louis to enter.

“I’m here to see Harry?”, Louis says and Niall points to the stairs.

“Last door on the left.”


And now he’s walking up the stairs, almost falling on his nose. He shouldn’t be nervous. He’s not.

He knocks on the said door, and stares at his feet until the door opens. Harry looks at him surprised, already dressed up.

“I brought your clothes back. I washed them. Wouldn’t want to pass on any germs.”, Louis says sharply and Harry frowns.


“Just take the clothes so I can get back to my dorm and never-just take them.”

“Don’t you want to come in my room?”, Harry says in a sarcastic tone.

“I’d rather not.”

Harry turns around and leaves the door open, knowing very well that Louis won’t just leave the clothes by the door.

Louis groans and steps in, leaving the door open just in case.

He sets the clothes on the table and leaves the room. Just as he’s about to walk down the stairs, Tom exits his room.

“Louis! Hey!”, he smiles. “Do you want to hang out today?”

And Louis stares, before he smiles back. He nods. Who says he can’t have fun? And who cares about Harry? Fuck Harry. (NOT literally. Absolutely not.)


He ends up playing FIFA on Xbox with Tom and Niall. He gets along with the other guys just as well, and by the end of the day, they’re playing pool and laughing with beer in their hand.

He stares at the clock on the wall, and realizes that it’s almost 11, so he should probably be leaving.

Although he doesn’t like to admit it, he was kind of disappointed that Harry didn’t make an appearance throughout the day.

“I need to go to the loo quickly before I leave?”, Louis asks and Niall tells him to use the one upstairs because Liam is currently in the one downstairs.

After he’s been given directions, he walks back upstairs. He realizes that Harry’s room is just across the hall, and he tries to ignore that the door is open and he can see Harry on his bed with his laptop across his lap.

When he comes out of the bathroom, the door is still closed but Harry’s not on the bed. Louis makes nothing of it, and closes the door. But then he feels someone push him against the wall and he just knows.

Harry’s lips come down to his ear.

“You shouldn’t wear jeans like these in a frat house full of horny boys.”, he whispers and Louis’ breath catches in his throat.

“U-um. I kind of need to go home?”

And it’s pathetic, really, because they both know that it’s a lie.

Harry turns Louis around and pushes him against the wall again, sweet breath against his cheek.

“I wanna fuck you again, but this time I want you to scream into the mattress until you can’t take it anymore.”

All Louis can do is nod, cheeks flaming, and chest rising up and down in rapid breaths.

Harry grips in the back of Louis’ thighs, lifting him up and Louis wraps his legs around Harry’s waist.

He wonders how the hell can Harry hold him up like this, thinking that he’s probably going to drop him any second now.

Harry closes the door of his bedroom with his foot, before he drops Louis carelessly on his bed and goes to the bedside table.

He gets out a bottle of lube and a condom, before he turns to Louis, placing the things on the bed.


He remains still as he watches the shorter boy undress, flushed cheeks and eyes taped to the floor.

Harry wonders why Louis is so insecure about his body; Louis is the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen, with deep blue eyes and amazing thighs and tan skin.

Harry gets undressed too, after he orders Louis to get on the bed on his hands and knees. And Louis obeys.

He can’t help but groan at the sight in front of him as he gets on his knees, right behind Louis.

“Still loose since last time yeah?”, Harry asks but Louis doesn’t answer, he just turns his head to look at Harry over his shoulder.

Harry shoots him a cocky wink and rolls the condom on after lubing himself up. He grips into Louis’ hips and bites his lip, pushing in.

Louis moans and tries to steady himself on his hands.

Harry takes it slow at first, before he starts thrusting in, picking up his pace. Louis is still tight, yet looser than last time.

“Fuck, did you finger yourself since last time?”, Harry asks, one hand scratching down Louis’ back, which causes Louis to arch it deliciously.

“Uh, yeah.”

Harry moans; Louis’ voice sounds so hot and broken at the same time. He hits what he thinks is Louis’ prostate, because Louis loses power in his arms and falls faced down into the mattress.

He turns his head so his cheek rests on the blanket, eyes closed and panting.

“You look so good like this Lou. So. Fucking. Good.”

Harry accentuates each of his words with a rough thrust, which has Louis screaming.

“Yeah, scream louder so Tom can hear who you belong to.”

Louis lets out a sob and grips into the sheets, slamming himself back into Harry to create more friction.

“Shit.”, Harry says, his hand darting out to grip into Louis’ hair and pull him up against his hot chest.

Louis’ head is against Harry’s shoulder and Harry keeps thrusting as he kisses Louis’ neck. He feels an overpowering sense of possessiveness come over him, and he wants to wreck Louis, kiss him and mark him so everyone knows he belongs to him.

For a split second, he’s scared, because he’s never felt anything like this for anyone before.

Louis moans with each thrust, lips parted open and eyes hazy, staring into Harry’s.

Harry leans his head down and presses a kiss to Louis’ soft lips. His eyes fall down on Louis’ hands that are tugging on his own cock leaking of pre-cum.

“You’re so hot.”, Harry breathes into Louis’ ear, before he bites his earlobe and tugs on it.

He can feel himself coming closer to the edge, but wants Louis to finish first this time, so he swats Louis’ hands away, one hand still in the soft hair.

He starts pumping Louis faster, squeezing and pressing down on the pink swollen tip.

“C’mon baby, come for me.”

And Louis lets out what Harry thinks is the hottest sound on earth, before he comes into Harry’s hand.

Harry makes one more hard thrust, and Louis clenches around him on purpose, which sends Harry over the edge, letting out a low moan.

They still for a moment, before Harry pushes Louis faced down on the mattress and pulls out of him.

He throws the used condom in the trash and wipes his hands off on some napkins.

Louis rolls on his back, trying to even his breathing. He can’t believe this just happened. Harry throws him a pair of boxers and cotton pajama pants, telling him to get dressed, before he dressed up himself.

“But I need to go.”

“You’re staying here tonight…if you want?”, Harry says, and he can’t believe he just asked him that. No one ever stays the night.

“Okay.”, Louis answers, a bit unsure.

They take turns to the bathroom and half an hour later they’re both in bed. Louis is laying as far away as possible from Harry. It’s too warm for a shirt and they’re sharing a blanket so he can’t pull it up to his neck to cover his chest.

He asks himself why Harry would want him to stay, if he’s just going to leave him in the morning, but then remembers that it’s actually Harry’s room, so if anyone were to leave, it was himself.

He turns his head to look at Harry.

The only light in the room comes from the lights outside, and Louis can see Harry’s features, even through the dark.

He covers his stomach with his arms and wants to turn his back at Harry so he can finally go to sleep, but a pair of cold hands pulls his own hands away from his body.

“Come here.”, Harry’s voice is loud through the quiet room.

It’s silent, and the voices from downstairs have died a long time ago.

Louis shuffles closer to Harry, and they’re face to face now.

“Stop.”, Harry says and it’s the softest tone Louis’ ever heard Harry speak in.

Harry looks nervous, like he wants to ask something but doesn’t want Louis to get mad.

“Louis, do you have an Eating Disorder?”

Louis looks at him confused, almost letting out a laugh.

“Do I look like I have an Eating Disorder?”, he jokes and then realizes he’s a really bad person and hates himself for that. It’s not a joking matter.

“You don’t have to be skin and bones to have an Eating Disorder.”

Louis frowns and pulls the blanket up in the attempt to hide his tummy.

“Why do you do that?”, Harry asks out of a sudden.

“Do what?”

“Cover yourself up, like…like you’re not pretty and good enough for people to look at you.”

“Because I’m not.”, Louis answers and his voice breaks a bit, even though he’s not even crying. He feels ashamed and kind of uncomfortable telling Harry this, because he thinks that Harry agrees with him in his mind.

“But you are, Lou. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”, Harry tells him and Louis wants to laugh in his face, but he’s frozen because Harry looks so honest, like he actually means what he says.

“And I like your little tummy.”

Harry’s hand trails up Louis’ right thigh, resting on his hips.

Louis doesn’t know what to do or say. Harry moves closer, until their legs touch and kisses Louis. It’s soft and without any rush, the only purpose is to feel Louis’ soft lips.

Louis responds to the kiss, before he throws a leg over Harry’s thighs, cupping his face.

It’s weird, really, feeling butterflies in his stomach, and so fucking cliché. But it feels nice.

Harry’s hand squeezed one of Louis’ arse cheeks and Louis smiles against his lips, pulling away.

“And your ass in amazing.”

Louis doesn’t say anything, and makes the brave move to place his head on Harry’s chest. He can feel his erratic heartbeat thumping against his ear, and he wonders if he’s causing that kind of reaction.

Of course not.

“So pretty Lou.”, Harry mumbles, his fingers trailing up and down Louis’ bare back, smiling when he can feel goosebumps rising.

He feels a warm feeling pooling in his stomach, like a knot when he’s usually nervous. But he knows that he’s nervous this time.

Louis falls asleep, his breaths slowing down and eyelashes fluttering from time to time.

Harry doesn’t fall asleep, wondering how the fuck did this fucking insecure, beautiful, fucking perfect mess take over his thoughts.

As he stares at the ceiling, reevaluating his whole damn life, he smiles, thinking that maybe it isn’t all that bad, thinking that he wants to show Louis just how beautiful he is every single day.