Work Header

Modern 'Family'

Chapter Text


X Drake never thought about suicide, but now he was close to jumping straight out of the second story window. Though, he probably wouldn't die anyway. It's only been the first day of living with the other Supernovas and he already wanted to quit. Kid and his gang were blaring hard rock music and jumping on the poor furniture that surprisingly didn't break. Drake hoped that they would break their necks during their headbanging sessions. Law and his troupe were chasing after them as they attempted to get them to stop. Apoo was blaring his own music that made the house sound like nothing but screams and poor attempts at a proper beat. It was like a retarded garage band full of middle school emos who thought they could create their own genre of "screamo" but ended up sounding like hobos banging on trashcan lids and starting fires in people's backyards whilst screaming at the tops of their lungs. Bonney was eating all of their groceries that Drake had just went out and bought. Urouge and Capone were trying to watch the TV, but it was obviously nothing but pictures on the screen since no one could hear it anyway. They had long given up on trying to get the younger ones to 'shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down'. Thankfully, Hawkins was upstairs in his room that was darker than Kaido's asshole probably playing with his cards or concocting a potion to kill them all. At least Drake could stand him, even if he made voodoo dolls of everyone the minute he arrived at the house. Drake just hoped his doll wouldn't be stabbed or tortured anytime soon.


"Turn that techno shit off, asshole!" Kid snarled at Apoo.


"Only if you turn down whatever punk shit you're playing." Apoo shot back, his fucked up arms twisting as he continued to produce sounds from his body. X Drake would never understand how that fucker could even do that, but whatever.




"Who was the dumbass that thought it was a good idea to do this 'family' thing?" Drake looked at the camera.


A voice behind the camera said, "Pretty sure it was the Celestial Dragons."


Drake closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing loudly. He then rubbed his face and just sat there as a loud crash came from outside and maniacal laughter followed it; the camera closing in on his sad face.




Bonney let out a scream. "I NEED MORE FOOD!"


"Haven't you eaten enough already?!" Capone snapped, turning to look away from the TV to glare at her.


Urouge just shook his head. "She needs her own refrigerator if this keeps up."


X Drake sat at the foot of the stairs as he watched the comic scene in front of him: Kid had Apoo in a headlock, the latter shrieking. Law was trying to separate them with the use of his Room ability; Killer cheering Kid on. Penguin, Shachi and Bepo all tried to pry Kid off of the poor music man when Law only succeeded in separating their hearts from their bodies and not the two off of each other. Bonney grabbed a pair of car keys that hopefully weren't his as she headed outside, exclaiming that she was going to buy more food. Capone and Urouge went after her, the latter mentioning again about an extra fridge for her while Capone complained about the possibility of spending all of their money on food products.


There was another shriek and Drake practically crawled up the stairs. His energy all gone from watching the chaos unfold right in front of him. AS he made his way to his room, he heard chanting, or what he considered chanting, coming from Hawkins's room. He slowly got closer to the door and leaned in to hear what was being said but the voices had stopped and he blinked. He nearly bolted from the door as a voice said, "If you wanted to come in, you could have just knocked."


Drake looked around, then up as he looked straight into a camera pointed down at the door.




"I was just, uh," Drake began. "heading to my room cause, you know, the racket downstairs is pretty bad and I-"


"Just come in."


Drake looked around again and slowly touched the doorknob, opening the bedroom door as it creaked. He was met with total darkness and he could barely see straight in front of him as he closed the door behind him. "You should invest in some lighting. Sitting in the dark is kinda bad for your eyes-"


"Sit down." Hawkins ordered from Drake's right.


After much stumbling and falling over what felt like a body - it was definitely a body - Drake sat down at the edge of Hawkins bed once a lamp was turned on to help him maneuver through the dark room. Hawkins sat against the headboard of his bed, a deck of cards splayed out in front of him. Drake looked at the cards then up at Hawkins, who was silently staring back at him.


Drake cleared his throat. "I see you got your cards out..." He tried to make conversation.


Hawkins picked up a card and flipped it around so Drake could see what was on it. A picture of a man that looked to be singing and the word "The Fool" was on the card. "Do you know what these mean?"


Drake blinked. "Ah, no?"


Hawkins blinked back at him and set the card down. "These are tarot cards. I read these to determine the fate of everyone in this house."


Drake let out a weak laugh. "Oh, well, I hope no one gets the death card, haha..."


Hawkins just stared. "No one has it... Yet."


Drake guessed that suicide wasn't on the agenda today... or tomorrow... or the day after that either.


In the awkward silence, Drake took the time to clearly look at Hawkins. The blonde was wearing a black shirt that fit his frame; a picture of a magician was on the front. Grey sweat pants hung loosely against his hips and legs. His feet disappeared in the soft, black blankets upon his bed. His blonde hair looked quite soft as it lay against his shoulders and chest. When Drake's roaming eyes continued upwards, his eyes met Hawkins, who only blinked slowly back at him.


"Sorry, I was just... uh..." Drake scratched the back of his head.


Hawkins didn't respond, only looking back at him. And that's when Drake realized that he wasn't looking at him at all. He was looking just past his left ear. Drake narrowed his eyes and slowly turned to look at what Hawkins was staring at.



Hawkins was setting some cards down on a mini table in front of him. He sniffed and looked up as shrieking came from upstairs. "I suppose I forgot to tell everyone about the mummified... 'doll'... that moves on its own."


The shrieking suddenly stopped and the camera zoomed in towards the foot of the stairs as the head of a mummified creature peeked at the cameraman, who let out his own shriek, ditching the camera and bolting from the house. Hawkins blinked at the abandoned camera as the creature came downstairs. "They'll find out for themselves eventually."




Law had been wondering what all that shrieking was about, but his attention was soon averted to Penguin, who was being pressed against the wall as Killer tried to flirt with him, but instead looked like he was threatening the poor guy with how much he hovered over him. Penguin shot Law a terrified look, but Law only smirked back and lifted his hand to give his friend a thumbs up, but got flipped off in return.


Law currently sat on the empty couch, the music war finally over after Law gave Kid and Apoo's hearts a good squeeze. The latter was giving him deathly glares from the kitchen as he sipped on a can of soda. Kid had stepped outside, probably pouting that his fun had been interrupted and Law had thought that that was cute. Law snorted to himself. Kid? Cute? No way in all the seven seas would Kid ever be cute. Unless he sulked like he was doing now. That was kinda cute.


Bepo was being used as a footrest for Law, the bear not minding as he napped on the floor. The poor thing wasn't allowed on the couch, since he began to shed his winter fur all over the place. Shachi had been sitting beside Law, but had gotten up to aid Penguin in his fight against the horny Killer. The rescue mission failed as Killer was now trying to persuade the two to engage in a threesome with him.


Law couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. It was just so amusing. He felt the couch sink beneath him and he turned his head to a smiling Kid. When Kid smiled, it was never a good thing. The red headed punk raised his arm to try and wrap it around Law's shoulders. "You done sulking?" Law teased.


Kid snorted. "I wasn't sulking." What a liar.




"What? I never lie!"




Law just rolled his eyes, ignoring the many attempts of Kid trying to snuggle up to him. Kid's legs were spread apart, as if inviting Law to sit between them, but the tattooed man just smirked some more and continued to ignore him.


"So," Kid began in a flirtatious tone. "Got any plans for later?"


"No," Law answered. "But," He quickly added before Kid could reply. Law turned and sat on Kid's lap, putting both hands on Kid's face as he leaned in to whisper, "If you even think of trying to get into my pants, I'll rearrange every organ in your body to the point where you'll have to shit through your nose and breath through your finger nails." Law then hopped off of Kid and made his way to the kitchen, Apoo hissing at him.




Kidd shrugged. "That just made my dick hard."


The cameraman snorted and Kid laughed, leaning back into the couch and spreading his legs. The tent his hard on was making was visible through his dark colored, baggy, army jeans.




Bonney slammed the door open, carrying a bunch of Walmart bags. "FOOOOOD!"


Urouge lugged in the giant ass fridge that was obviously for Bonney while Capone carried in a mass amount of McDonald's bags.


"Here," Capone said, setting the bags down. "Go ahead and eat. It's too late to try and cook anything." He then snorted under his breath. "Like any of us could cook anyway.. Well.. Besides Penguin..."


Law looked at his watch. It was 8:30pm. They had been gone for several hours. Damn.


"You've been gone for a while that I thought you had all been sucked into the void." Hawkins said as he trailed from upstairs. Drake followed slowly after him, a dreaded look on his face. Hawkins seemed to be looking around for something, even mumbling "Now, where did it go...?" as Drake wrapped himself in a blanket that had been sitting on the back of a chair as if he were freezing. Law did hear screams that sounded like Drake. Eh, he'd worry about it later.


As they all sat down to eat at the long table, all conversation halted as Killer took of his mask. He took a sip from his soda and just froze with the straw hanging from his lips.


"What?" He asked.


Killer had a handsome face! Well, his hair covered his eyes, but he had a normal mouth with soft lips. No beard or mustache. It looked so... clean. His deep voice sounded even deeper without a mask baring the sound.


Kid rolled his eyes as he shoved fries in his mouth. "They've never seen you without your mask before."


Killer shrugged and went back to eating. "Get a good look now cause the mask is going back on after-"


Penguin basically slid across the table and kissed Killer.


The room went silent again until Bonney tried to eat someone's food and everyone went back to what they were doing as they battled the 'beast' for their fries. Killer was frozen before moving a chair between Penguin and Shachi. He looked at each man before looking at the camera, a smirk on his face.




Killer still had his mask off as he rubbed his hands together. "Guess who's getting laid tonight." He gave the camera a toothy smile.


Penguin walked past and Killer watched him go, his head moving down as if checking out Penguin's ass before rubbing his nose and giving the camera another smirk.




Apoo was playing some smooth jazz as the 'family' settled down for the night. Capone, Bonney, Hawkins, X Drake and Urouge had left to their rooms. Penguin and Shachi were giggling like school bitches as Kid and Killer seemed to be telling jokes or flirting, Law couldn't tell since they both sucked at either option.


Law decided to take this time to call his 'parents', leaving Bepo curled up on the floor as he headed outside to the patio. He sat down in one of the rocking chairs and dialed up their number from his cell phone. The phone barely rang once as it was picked up and a happy "LAW!" came from the other end.


Law smiled. "Hey, Cora-san."


Rocinante went silent on the other end and Law could only guess that the older man was still shocked that Law continued to call him by that name. It basically melted his heart. He heard another voice trying to take the phone from Rocinante as said man suddenly sniffled.


"He called me 'Cora-san'." Rocinante spoke to the other person.


"I know, just give me the phone before you break it." A deeper, country like accent spoke.


"Hey, Aokiji." Law smiled again.


"Hey, Hey," Kuzan said. " You can just call me Kuzan."


"Aw, but I think Aokiji sounds better."


"You little brat."


"I love you, too."


"Laaaaw!" Rocinante said. "How are you? Are you fitting in nicely? They're not being mean to you are they? You're getting enough to eat, right? Do you have your own room? You have all your medical stuff-"


"Yes, 'Mom'." Law rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. Everyone's fine."


"He called me 'mom'." Rocinante sniffled again.


"Alright, well, if you're doing fine that's all good to me." Kuzan replied.


Law continued to speak with them for a while longer until he began to feel exhausted. He hung up after a bit, much to the disappointment of a certain Corazon. He pocketed his cell phone and got up, stretching. He let out a satisfied hum as every bone popped. He heard a low moan and blinked, looking over towards the backyard. He narrowed his eyes and went to investigate. He realized the moans were coming from underneath the deck and he took out his phone. He turned on the flashlight and scanned the dark depths. He was just about to put his phone away when something caught his eye. He leaned forward to get a better look as the object turned its head to stare at him.




Hawkins cracked open an eye as a scream rang out. He lifted his head and looked over to his closet where he kept the living doll. He saw that the door had been opened and the window was opened as well. He pulled the covers over his head as some of the other members of the house ran out of their rooms to investigate the screaming.


He really should have warned everyone about it.


Oh well.


He'll worry about it in the morning.