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Bluebird

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During the Twins’ Last Year of Junior High

Dusk had fallen hours ago. Even though the moon was high and bright in the sky, the heat that accompanied midsummer was exhausting. Kaoru Hitachiin felt as though he were made of wax, slowly melting in the warmth. The summer heat had left him unable to sleep, tossing and turning under the covers and feeling rivulets of sweat drip down the curve of his back. To escape the inferno, he lay still in a bathtub of cool water, sprawled out with one slim leg carelessly thrown over the rim, dripping water onto the warm tiles below. He had thrown his arm across his face, hiding his eyes in the crook of his elbow. The window had been flung open in the hope of catching a breeze, allowing moonlight to stream through and light up Kaoru’s pale skin, turning it to sheets of pale, iridescent pearl stretching below the water.

He sighed and sank further into the depths.

Am I really going to do this?

Kaoru dropped his head below the water, watching as it rushed past his eyes and burned them. When his lungs began to ache for lack of oxygen, he forced his way through the drag back to the air, gulping in breath after breath.

I shouldn’t be so nervous. It’s just a bit of fun. No one will find out.

Kaoru had the manor to himself all weekend, ensuring that he wouldn’t be caught. Hikaru had been dragged away by their parents for a long weekend of business parties and networking. Due to his position as the eldest twin, and thus the heir, he was obligated to go to such events whilst Kaoru was able to avoid them. The empty house meant that over the weekend the youngest could indulge his particular… interests… that Hikaru failed to share.

Staying in the bath and contemplating his potential actions was an entirely different matter to enacting them. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, trying to convince himself to stand up to his nerves. With rippling muscles showing a hint of power beneath papery skin, Kaoru hauled himself over the edge of the bathtub and onto a towel laid out on the floor. He grabbed the hand towel from beside the sink and used it to dry his limbs.

The object of Kaoru’s fear was resting on top of the toilet lid. It was a small box of wax strips, inconspicuous to most, but to Kaoru it was stealing all the air from the room, ripping it from his lungs.

Breathe. Remember to breathe.

His hands were shaking.

It wasn’t a particularly big step, waxing himself. He could easily write it off as one of their games if Hikaru ever noticed: something to seduce the girls at the Host Club. Despite how minor it may be, it felt pivotal in the moment. One action would determine the course of his evening and the course of his evening could change everything. He could decide that he never wanted to go back to how things were before. It seemed unlikely, but the small chance that this could change his entire life had Kaoru feeling sick to his stomach. No matter the nausea, he couldn’t ignore the curiosity. He found himself wondering what it could be like every time that he caught his reflection, how well he could fit in his skin if he was only just a little bit braver. He couldn’t ignore the pull anymore.

Open the box. Take out a strip. Rub it until the wax is warm. Peel off one side. Place on leg. Smooth into leg. Rip. Whimper. Repeat.

Over and over, Kaoru allowed himself nothing but the mechanical thinking as he stripped the hair from his legs. Once his legs were cleared, he made his way up his torso and down his arms, until he truly resembled one of his mother’s mannequins. No thoughts were spared to give room to panic, just step by step methodology until the hair had been removed. Being young, Kaoru wasn’t particularly hairy. He was, however, a perfectionist. No patch of hair could escape his massacre. His task was completed within half an hour, leaving him sat on the floor staring at his reddened skin, feeling the pain wash in as he let go of the repetition. He dipped his arms into the bath to dull the ache, washing it away with the water.

Once the sting had faded away into the heat of the night, Kaoru pulled himself to his feet. In a grand mirror hung above the sink, he stared at his reflection. His hair was damp, falling a little way past his ears. It wasn’t how he wanted it; in an ideal world, Kaoru would have long, flowing, effeminate hair. He couldn’t understand why Haruhi had hacked hers off when it was all that he could dream to have. Grabbing the hand towel from the floor, he used it to quickly dry off his irritatingly short hair. A scuffed plastic crate, abandoned on the floor and kicked into a corner, was overflowing with toiletries. Hidden near the bottom of the crate was a tube of coagulated, glittery, pink lip-gloss that their mother had forced them to wear when dressing them as girls when they were younger. When Kaoru drew the applicator from it, it made a wet slurping noise that set his teeth on edge. He swiped it over his lips. It tasted faintly of stale candyfloss.

Deep breath. Just don’t look.

Kaoru was terrified, but the matter had been on his mind for a long time now. He’d always felt prettier when forced into a frilly dress by his mother as a child, but Hikaru preferred their casual clothes and he loved matching his brother. Though, now that Hikaru was forced to go to business trips, there were opportunities where there was no twin around to mirror. The thought of attempting such things had been preying upon him for the past year whenever Hikaru was on such a trip, but acting on it would be admitting that he wasn’t identical to Hikaru, that his world would grow ever smaller. You can only deny yourself for so long though, and Hikaru never needed to know.

The items were neatly laid out upon the bed. Black stockings were folded up into a perfect square. Above were a pair of ruffled underwear and a soft cotton bra, designed for a very flat chested woman. To the left of these, a navy, velvet dress had been lain out flat. It had been stolen from his mother’s latest collection: a deep blue with a cinched in waist and a skirt that flared out, falling to knee-length. At the foot of the bed, a pair of well-polished, patent black heels stood proud.

He never needs to know.

Kaoru’s hands were shaking as he carefully unfolded the underwear and stepped into it. He shut his eyes, focusing on easing them up his legs. Deep breath. Next came the bra, fastened at the front then twisted to be the correct way around. Arm slipped into the straps. Adjust. Breathe. The stockings were then unfolded and rolled up smooth legs. Another breath.

I’m wearing women’s underwear…

Ignore the panic. Focus on the actions. The next task was the dress: stepped into and buttoned up with swift movements and fumbling fingers. Smooth out the fabric. Breathe. The last step was to ease on the heels. Kaoru stumbled like a fawn. Regain balance. Deep breath.

He stood still for several minutes, regaining control of his breathing, summing up his courage to look in the mirror. When he finally looked, he lost his breath all over again.

He looked… good.

The slight padding of the bra gave the illusion of a pair of small breasts. The nipped in waist and flared skirt shifted his body from androgynous to feminine. He looked delicate, like a china doll kept upon a high shelf, too pretty to be played with. Pale skin, thin limbs, doe eyes. He looked more feminine than some of the girls in his class.

Waking from his stupor, Kaoru ran his hands across his front, feeling the curve of the padded bra underneath plush velvet. His fingers sunk into the thick fabric to fondle the padding. He wasn’t sure what a woman’s breasts actually felt like, but the matter underneath his hands felt natural, simply part of his body. He blushed when he caught himself groping and forced his hands to move on. He trailed them further south, dipping in for his flat stomach and nipped in waist. The slight curve continued, flaring out where the bodice of the dress met the full skirt. He twirled on one foot and the skirt billowed out around him. Touching again, he could feel the curve of his ass beneath the skirt, lifted to its full potential due to the heels. They worked wonders on his legs as well, giving a curve to his calf and slimming his legs further. Kaoru hadn’t thought of his body as particularly attractive before but dressed like this he felt positively sexy.

That was when the door opened.

Kaoru shrieked and, on instinct, stepped backwards, away from the door. There was a slight problem with this. This being Kaoru’s first time in stilettos, the unexpected step backwards caused him to lose his balance. Those pretty, long legs crumpled beneath his misaligned ankle sending him crashing to the floor like a young deer on ice, falling flat on his ass by the window. Akin to a deer, his eyes were wide and unblinking with the shock. His knees were drawn up to his chest, the skirt of his dress pooling around his hips. A flash of the ruffled panties was visible, and a strip of the opalescent skin of his thigh above his nylons.

For several moments, Hikaru stood completely still, filling the doorframe. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. What shocked him even more than seeing his little brother spread legged on the floor in stockings and a dress was his own reaction. He could feel the little amount of blood that wasn’t flooding his cheeks rushing southward, his jeans growing tighter, somewhere besides his heart pulsing. He was horrified with himself; this was his baby brother, yet he felt an overwhelming urge to drag him from the floor and into bed. It was only when he felt himself getting lightheaded that he remembered to breathe. He steeled himself and pushed away the inappropriate longings.

“Shit, Kaoru, are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Hikaru was suddenly at his twin’s side, cupping his face and stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. Kaoru stayed silent, worried how he would sound if he spoke, so gave a little shake of his head instead. With that reassurance, Hikaru slumped on the floor beside him and draped an arm across his baby brother’s shoulders.

“So, this is what you do when I’m away little brother?”

Kaoru squawked and gave a choked-out response. His cheeks flushed a deep red.

“First time actually.”

The silence in the room was suffocating and felt as though it lasted for hours. Both twins were lost in their thoughts, wondering how this one moment could change everything between them, and how the world saw them. Would it really hurt anyone if they just gave in and indulged themselves? While Kaoru was drowning in his panic, making quiet sobbing noises and leaning into his brother, Hikaru made his move. Screw it.

He ran a finger up Kaoru’s neck, feeling the jerk as Kaoru swallowed back a sob. He then gripped Kaoru’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, firmly holding it still. With his free hand, Hikaru wiped away his little brother’s tears as he had so many times before. He kissed a stray tear that was marring his twin’s chin.

 “Relax Kao, you look beautiful.”

Hikaru gave his brother a gentle kiss to the forehead once Kaoru finally stopped trembling. He stood up, half lifting Kaoru to his feet as he did. Kaoru’s legs flailed for a while until he found his footing, the heels causing him problem after problem when it came to balance. Hikaru guided him over to their bed, sitting him on its edge. He knelt in front of Kaoru and reverently kissed his ankles while he removed the patent black heels. Once thrown aside, Hikaru pressed his thumbs into the feminine arches of Kaoru’s feet, rubbing out knots that had barely had a chance to form.

“You never were going to be the pitcher, were you baby brother?”

Kaoru groaned and hid his ever-reddening face in his hands.

“Hikaru…”

Grasping the stocking-clad ankles, Hikaru firmly pulled Kaoru’s legs apart, causing his brother to yelp. He peppered kisses up and down his calves.

“Remember, good girls are seen and not heard, little sister. Keep those pretty lips shut. Fuck, you look so hot...”

Kaoru’s legs didn’t fight against his grasp, staying limp within his grip, so Hikaru continued his ministrations. He reached up and slowly rolled down the stockings, making sure to drag his nails along the sensitive skin of Kaoru’s thighs, teasing with fleeting touches as he worked them down before throwing them aside. He reached up higher to kiss at his twin’s inner thighs, trailing up from his knee. The younger whimpered loudly and grabbed tightly onto Hikaru’s shoulders, causing the elder to bite sharply at the fleshy thigh in warning. Kaoru’s hands retreated, knotting themselves in his own hair as his brother’s head disappeared underneath his skirt.

“Hikaru!”

“Quiet Kaoru or you’ll be getting more than a warning next time.”

Hikaru sucked a dark bruise into the juncture where Kaoru’s sinfully long legs finally met his crotch. The skin was hot and salty, the pulse racing and strong beneath his tongue. The suction was so tight that Hikaru’s lips tingled, and for Kaoru the sensation walked a delicious line between pain and pleasure. He bit his lip in a failed attempt to stop the high-pitched moan that the feeling drew from him. He continued to gasp and whimper until Hikaru re-emerged from underneath his skirt, a dark expression across his face.

“That’s enough.”

Hikaru tugged the black panties down and forced open Kaoru’s jaw so that he could stuff them into his mouth. The ruffles added a lot of volume, meaning that they filled Kaoru’s mouth, tickling his throat and coating his tongue with the musky, salty taste of pre-cum. Hikaru hesitated for a moment, reading his brother’s mood, before slapping his little brother across the face, leaving a perfect impression of his hand upon his cheek. He watched for Kaoru’s reaction, who gave him a subtle nod in support.

“Are you finally going to fucking behave yourself?”

Kaoru whimpered and gave a meek nod, hiding his face away in his hands while his brother continued his task.

The dress was next to go, impatiently ripped off and discarded on the floor by the bed. However beautiful the dress was, nothing mattered more than the sight in front of him. Kaoru looked utterly debauched. Saliva was dripping past the makeshift gag and running down his chin. He wore only the bra, his cock red and smearing fluids over his lower stomach, all the more visible as his legs were still spread wide apart, showing the black hickey resting in the crease between leg and groin.

Hikaru smirked to himself.

“It’s so late already. You should be in bed by now.”

With that, Hikaru threw aside the bra and pulled a soft t-shirt over his brother’s head. Kaoru’s jaw had fallen open, allowing Hikaru to remove the drenched underwear and add them to the pile.

“But-“

Hikaru hushed his brother’s whining and wrapped his arms around the slim waist, hauling him into bed. He stripped to his underwear and climbed in bed besides his little brother, who was utterly desperate. Kaoru whimpered and ground his ass into Hikaru’s crotch, enjoying the feeling of damp fabric and hard flesh against his hole. The young twin made to grab at himself, to relieve the building pressure, but Hikaru grabbed his wrists in one hand and halted his hips with the other.

“None of that, love. You’re too sweet for that.”

It took half an hour for Kaoru to stop whining and fighting his twin’s grasp. By the time he was limp, he was yawning, and his eyes were almost shut.

“How come you’re home early?”

“The first party was so boring. I couldn’t take another day of those people, so I walked out.”

Hikaru ran his fingers through Kaoru’s sweat-drenched hair. He felt a swell of protectiveness for his baby brother. It had always been obvious that Hikaru was the more dominant of the twins; he instigated their games and bossed Kaoru around. When Hikaru wasn’t there, Kaoru was a quiet, well behaved child. Seeing Kaoru like he had, pale and slim and beautiful, it made him look fragile, confirming his feelings. Hikaru wanted to hide him away, keep him secret from the outside world. They would only ruin him. Sweet Kaoru, unaware of his body’s actions or its effect on others. If Hikaru let the world see him, he would be corrupted. While he combed out his brother’s hair with his fingertips, Hikaru swore that he would never let anyone else see Kaoru like this.

Hikaru stayed awake that night, keeping watch over his little brother who slept in his arms.