Quinn stormed out the room, sighing loudly and sliding down onto the floor by the lockers with her head in her hands. What had she done?
She was surprised to see Kurt stood there, a sympathetic look on his face. “Kurt? Are you here to tell me how much of a bitch I’m being?”
The boy chuckled and held out his hand to help her up. “Come on, you don’t need to be on the floor, things aren’t so bad.” He led her into an empty classroom and gestured to a table which she pulled herself up onto.
“Why did you come after me?” She asked, flicking her hair over her shoulder.
“Because I know what’s going on. You don’t care about Finn but there is a reason you don’t want him singing with Rachel and the only way you can express that is by insulting her.” The stylish boy smiled sadly as he looked at the beautiful girl sat across from him.
“I-I don’t know what you mean.” She replied, feigning innocence as Kurt raised an eyebrow at her. What was she supposed to do? Blurt out the truth right then and there?
“Yes, you do. You’re hiding behind your relationship with Finn because you’re terrified of all the feelings that are running through you right now. I’ve been there. But it’s time to stop hiding Quinn, you’re only hurting yourself.” He said supportively, reaching out a hand towards her.
“What do you expect me to do? Come out? I hate to break it to you Kurt but nothing really changed when you came out because everyone already knew, it was obvious. What were you scared of? Your father who has always loved you and had your best interests at heart? I’m not you. I would fall so far. I could kiss Prom Queen goodbye. My mother isn’t like your dad, she was quite happy to let my father kick me out once, what’s stopping her from doing it herself this time? She’s always made her thoughts on homosexuality very clear. And heaven forbid what would happen if my father ever found out! I can’t, I – I just can’t!” Quinn jumped down from her seat on the table and her voice rose louder and louder until finally, she broke down, tears pouring out of her eyes.
Kurt didn’t quite know what to do. Quinn was always very cool and collected, he’d never seen her shout, let alone cry. But as she went crumbling to the floor, he jumped into action, catching her before she did some sort of damage. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.”
“I – I’m sorry.” She sobbed against him and he let her, knowing that this was God knows how many years of suppressed emotions flowing out of her. She was right. He’d assumed he’d known exactly what she was going through, but how could he? Yes, he’d hidden his sexuality but he was already at the bottom of the food chain at McKinley. It did nothing except add a few logs more to the fire. Then there were her parents. He couldn’t even imagine what it would have been like to be brought up by the Fabrays. Quinn was probably told every day that being gay was an abomination and a sin, knowing what she felt inside. She was right, he couldn’t imagine the repercussions of coming out for her.
“You know you’re right. I don’t know what coming out would do to your reputation or your home life but isn’t it the worst feeling ever? Lying to yourself every day about who you are?” He asked sadly, sighing as she clung even closer.
Quinn breathed in deeply and stepped back. She wiped her tears on her cardigan and then sat back down, leveling Kurt with a look. “Just after I moved here, I met Rachel and I thought she was amazing. I was thirteen and she did nothing but talk but she made me feel so welcome and she was so pretty. I was so excited that I went home and told my sister all about her. I told her that I got this funny feeling in my stomach when she looked at me and there were times that I wanted to kiss her. My sister slapped me so hard across the face that I flew across the room. She told my dad and he did the exact same thing. Then he promised that if he ever saw me even talking to her, he’d hurt her and her ‘abomination of parents’. That was the longest I ever spent in his office. The welts didn’t fade for three weeks.”
“You’re not scared for yourself, you’re scared for her,” Kurt said simply and Quinn sighed.
“Don’t think that I’m some sort of selfless person because I’m not. I’ve used Finn and Sam and I’m also petrified for myself. And for what? She hates me! I’ve made her life a living hell ever since my father told me that! How could she trust me, let alone love me?!”
“Quinn? I need to talk to you.” It was Mr. Schue stood in the doorway to the classroom, a strange look on his face. Miss Pillsbury was with him, looking concerned at the scene in front of her.
“Then talk Mr. Schue but Kurt’s not leaving.” Quinn sighed, looking at her teacher sincerely.
“Quinn.” He reprimanded and she sighed, trying not to let the tears spill over.
“God Mr. Schue! Can’t you leave her alone for two minutes?” Kurt spoke up, noticing the way Quinn was reacting to their teacher.
“Kurt, she was making demands and then she stormed out my lesson. That is not acceptable behavior.” The teacher said sternly, turning back to Quinn. The shouting seemed to tip her over once more and she began to cry again.
“Well done,” Kurt said sarcastically and wrapped an arm around the crying blonde.
“Kurt, don’t be impertinent.” Miss Pillsbury warned but she moved to sit on the other side of Quinn, trying to calm her. “What’s wrong Quinn?”
“I – I can’t say it.” She sighed, the tears falling heavily from her eyes.
“Why not? Is someone hurting you?” The guidance counselor asked, looking concerned.
“Just myself.” She sighed and tried to blink back the tears.
“What’s going on?” Another voice added and Mr. Schue whirled around to see Finn stood in the doorway.
“Finn, go away,” Kurt said, not unkindly but stern enough.
“No, wait,” Quinn said, looking up from her tears.
“Are you crying?” Finn asked, confused. Quinn never cried, it was difficult to elicit any kind of emotion out of her most of the time, except indifference.
“Can we have a minute?” She asked, looking at the other people in the room.
“Quinn, I still need to…” Mr. Schue started but Miss Pillsbury shepherded him out of the room.
“What’s going on with you?” Finn asked, standing awkwardly where he was.
“I haven’t been fair to you.” She started, breathing deeply when she realized what she was planning on doing.
“What do you mean?” He asked and sat down when he realized she wasn’t angry at him.
“I’ve used you and it’s not fair. Finn, I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t tell you why just yet but I promise it’s a good reason. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through, honestly.” She said sincerely and she saw the confusion cross his face.
“But wait, you were just shouting about how your relationship comes first.” He said, his eyebrows furrowing.
“I know but I’ve been lying to myself about something and I need to stop. That starts with this relationship, I’m not in it for the right reasons and I hope you understand that I really don’t want to hurt you.” She sighed, looking at him with such sincerity that he nodded.
“Okay, well thanks for being honest I guess. If I can do anything to help…” He trailed off, still looking very confused.
“Thank you, Finn, I really appreciate it.” She kissed his cheek and he smiled before walking out, the confusion not having left his face.
“Quinn, what on earth is going on?” Mr. Schue asked, re-entering the room once he saw Finn leave.
“I’m not going to live a lie anymore Mr. Schue. That’s what’s happening. I’m sorry for being rude to you and causing a scene. Of course, Nationals is completely your decision.” She nodded and smiled at Miss Pillsbury.
“Quinn, there’s obviously something else going on here.” The guidance counselor sighed, looking at her reproachfully.
“There is Miss Pillsbury, but if you don’t mind, I’ll talk to you when I’m ready. Thank you for the offer though.” The blonde smiled and Kurt rubbed her arm happily, realizing what was happening. She knew what she needed to do and he was going to be there for her, no matter what she needed.
“Okay Quinn, please do though. When you’re ready.” The redhead smiled and allowed the students to slip past her.
Kurt walked with Quinn to her locker as she grabbed her backpack and her car keys, getting ready to leave for the day.
“I’m here if you need anything, okay? Don’t hesitate to call.” He smiled and she grinned, pulling him into a hug.
“Thank you so much, Kurt, for making me see. I think I’m going to talk to my mom tonight.” She gulped and he smiled sadly.
“Call me if you need anything okay? What to say, what to wear, a place to stay, anything. I mean it.” He kissed her cheek and sent her on her way, glad that she was accepting who she was.
::: ::: ::: :::
“Hi honey, how was school?” Judy Fabray smiled as she heard the door shut after her daughter.
“Hi Mom, it was alright. I need to talk you later if you’re not too busy.” The teenager smiled falsely, kissing her mother’s cheek.
“Alright honey, we can talk after dinner.” She smiled and Quinn nodded, heading up the stairs to her room.
“So what was it that was so important?” Judy asked after she cleared the plates away and returned to the table where her daughter was sat.
“There’s something you need to know. Do you remember when we first moved here?” Quinn started, deciding to open with the same story she told Kurt earlier that day.
“Yes, of course, we were all glad for the fresh start,” Judy commented, smiling at her daughter. Quinn especially had needed the fresh start after all that bullying.
“Well do you remember when I first met Rachel?” She continued, breathing deeply.
“Rachel who honey?” The mother asked, frowning.
“Don’t play dumb Mom, I’m not Dad, I’m not going to fall for that,” Quinn said sternly, fixing her mother with a look.
“Oh of course I remember, it was the first time your father hit you in the face!”
“Mom, it was the first time I admitted who I am.” A burst of confidence swept through Quinn and although she was terrified, she realized how important it was that she did this.
“What do you mean Quinnie?” Judy asked, genuinely confused this time.
“Mom, I like girls. In the way that I’m supposed to like boys. And I know that you see it as a sin but I don’t think it is. This is me admitting who I am and asking you to accept that about me. God made me the way I am and he loves us all.”
Judy was silent. Her Quinnie, gay? It couldn’t be. Quinn had been pregnant, she had boyfriends.
“I – I…” She tried to speak but no words came to her.
“Mom? Please say something.” Quinn begged, imploring herself not to cry. She was going to be strong.
But Judy just sat there, staring into the space in front of her as if it were impossible for her to process what it was that had just happened.
“I understand, call me when you’re ready to talk.” The teenager sighed and stood up, rushing up the stairs. She’d already packed essentials for the next few days, believing this would happen. She picked up those bags now and rushed out the door, slamming it behind her. It wasn’t until she reached her car that she allowed herself to cry, bending over the steering wheel.