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One Condition

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Rodney looked at the unopened invitation in his hand like it was some sort of medical equipment he'd never seen before and told to use on himself. He held his arm out, the paper between his index and middle finger, and squinted at it.

"So, basically," he began slowly, as if he were having trouble with the basic concept of the whole thing, "what you're saying is that the mysterious person you been seeing back on Earth for the last year is a guy-"

"You knew that already." John rolled his eyes. "I told you ages ago, at the same time I told you, Teyla, and Ronan I was in a relationship. We decided we couldn't keep it a secret from our teams."

"But you kept who he was a secret." McKay stressed. He crossed his arms, the envelope still in his hand. "It took months just to get you to admit he's a part of the Stargate project. What're you gonna do, keep the veil over him for the entire thing?"

"Neither of us is wearing a dress, Rodney. Just boring old dress blues at the altar."

McKay squinted again, this time at him. "Which one of you is the girl, anyhow?"

John was less shocked by the question then he should have been. This was Rodney No-Tact McKay, after all. "Do you really want to know?" He asked, smirking. "Because I'll tell you if you really want me to."

His friend actually looked thoughtful for a moment, and then made a face. "I think some things are better left unknown."

John leaned back against the wall. "Figured."

"Wait, alter? Isn't a little ironic to be getting married in a church, one of the most obnoxious groups against homosexuality?"

"His mom really wanted it. Besides, he's religious, too."

"Fine. Whatever. But who is he?"

"One thing first. The invitation comes with a condition."

Rodney frowned. "What? Don't tell me I have to hire a male stripper for the bachelor party. There are some things I won't do, even for Colonel John Sheppard."

He grinned. "Nah. Teyla's taken care of that. She's holding it on the Mainland before we go to Earth."

"Good." The Canadian nodded. "So, are you going to tell me who it is or are we to be surprised at the ceremony?"

"That's the condition. You have to promise not to throw a fit when I tell you and not to make any snide comments about it." John paused. "Well, no worse than usual."

"Why?" He asked sharply. "Who is it? It's not Jackson, is it? Oh God, it is, isn't it?" Rodney started pacing, getting worked into one of his crazy-person rants. "You're getting married to SGC's prise pseudoscience--"

"Rodney, calm down."

"I will not! I can't believe you-"

"McKay!" John shouted and, against all odds, he actually stopped speaking. "It's Cam." Rodney looked at him blankly. "Mitchell?"

"Cameron Mitchell? That lemon-wielding lunatic?" He demanded aghast.

"Well, it's better than Dr. Jackson, isn't it?"

"Not by much." McKay huffed.

"So... Do you promise?" Sheppard asked, crossing his arms. Rodney looked between him and the invitation that had gotten a little battered by that point. "Well?" He prompted.

"Fine."

"Good. It's next month, before the Government can change the laws again." He pushed himself off the wall and headed out. "Theoretically, that should be enough time to get a date. But this is you, so good luck."

"Hey!"