"What the - " B.A. said, which wasn't the most promising way to start things off, but Murdock figured he'd take it, beggars not being able to be choosers, and all that.
"Hey, look who finally decided to up and show for the mission," said Face.
"Mission? Nobody said nothing about no mission." B.A. scowled at Murdock, who smiled back, all friendly and innocent-like. (Face'd told him not to smile, claiming it only made him look like a bit of a maniac. Face knew nothing, and also, Murdock knew that anything that only made him look like a bit of a maniac was an excellent cover-up of the sheer and simple fact that he was, in fact, one-hundred percent a maniac, and proud of it.) "And what's with the nudity, man. Put some clothes on!"
According to Face, it was absolutely critical to mission success that they were to both greet the newly awakened B.A. wearing nothing but a smile.
Murdock had very sensibly refused. Nobody's physical appearance had ever not been improved by a cap set at a rakish angle.
"Well, you know, my first idea was to have like a dancing pole right here, a bit of stripping, right, but then I figured, nah," Face said, explaining things very poorly, in Murdock's opinion.
"Like in that movie," he put in. "You know the one. With the pole. And the stripping. In a plane."
Face flashed him a look that, all right, bit of a tactical mishap there.
"All I'm saying is, this plane better not be flying right now." B.A. suspiciously stared at Face.
Face smiled like an angel. A very bad, very naughty angel with no clothes on. "Hey. You see Murdock's standing right there, right? Right? So if he's here, who'd you think would be flying this plane, huh?"
Murdock raised his hand.
Face ignored him. "Relax, dude. We're safe as houses in here. Just, you know, here to have some fun with our best bud. Some R&R in between all the fun. What do you say?"
"I say Bosco here's just a tiny bit overdressed for this here occasion," Murdock said.
"You know that if I find out you put me on a plane for no good reason, I'm gonna kill you fools, right?" B.A. said. "Now what was that about a mission? And where's Hannibal?"
"Those are some great questions," Face said. I mean, really great. So great, in fact, that I'm going to save them for later. For now, let's just focus on what's right here, right now, eh? Namely, one really hot dude and - "
"Two," Murdock put in. "There's two of us, Face. Or three, if you wanted to get technical. Four, if you count the plane. Although I think this one's a lady plane, so."
"Well, there's you and me and Bosco," Face said. "And, I mean, some of us have other skills than being insanely hot. Valuable, much valued skills, but still. Let's be honest here."
"Yeah," B.A. said. "Let's. One of you better answer me right now. Are we or are we not flying right now? 'cause I'm getting the really strong impression that we are."
"It's therapy!" Murdock said quickly, before Face could make an even bigger mess of things. Mission control, his arse. "For you, Bosco. To help with your unreasonable, wholly unfounded fear of flying."
"Sex therapy," Face said, as if adding that one word made everything better or something.
"Sex therapy," B.A. repeated slowly. "Is this a joke? This better be a joke."
"Do I ever joke about sex? Ever?" Face asked. "Well, okay, sometimes I joke about sex."
"Often," said Murdock. "I'm telling you, this guy knows more dirty jokes than, well, anyone else I know who tells dirty jokes."
"That's because you're crazy, fool, and you don't have any friends," B.A. said.
"That's hurtful." Murdock tried to look hurt. "It hurts my feelings when you say stuff like that, Bosco."
"Truth hurts. Deal with it." Face snapped his fingers. "Now, how about we get back on track here, eh?"
"Can't," Murdock said. "It's a plane, not a bloody train. No tracks, just the endless blue sky. Freedom. Like the birds, if birds were armed with a couple of rockets and guns and required you to put fuel in them before they'd be able to lift off."
"You seriously think letting me screw your brains out up here's going to put me in such a good mood that I'm just going to let this whole 'kidnapping me and putting me on a plane' thing slide?"
"Totally." Face beamed. A man addicted in equal parts to both sex and the sound of his own voice, if ever Murdock had met one. It was a mystery to him why anyone in his right mind would ever want to pursue a lasting relationship with someone like Face; it didn't take a genius to see that there was no chance of any sort of future there.
"We figured it was worth a shot," Murdock said. The voice of reason. It was a tough, restrictive role, but someone had to fill it. "No guts, no glory. No pain, no gain. No pin, no win."
Face sighed. "Look, you want me to say it was a stupid idea? Fine. It was a stupid idea. I'll just put my clothes back on and - "
"Wait," said B.A., eyes narrowing. Either he'd come prepared to shoot some fools, or he was actually sort of happy to see Face. Well, and Murdock, too, of course. Musn't underestimate the charm of a well-placed cap.
"I'm waiting," Face said.
"He's good at that," Murdock said. "Well, not really. You should feel flattered, Bosco. I tell him to wait, he usually just tells me to shut up and get on with it. Wait, no, I think that's what happens when it's the other way around. This is confusing. My point was - "
"The point is, we're both here for you, buddy," Face said. He was using his 'bedroom voice', which Murdock thought was a weird thing to call it, given that he'd never heard Face use it anywhere near an actual bedroom.
Granted, they weren't around bedrooms very often, but even so.
"You want us to wait, we'll wait," Face went on. "You want us to do something else, we'll do that. Whatever you want."
"Whatever I want, huh?" B.A. was smiling a little. Nodding, almost. The magic of Face at work.
"Whatever you want," Face repeated.
"How about ... " B.A.'s gaze flickered to Murdock, who tried another smile. An enigmatic one, this time, with a hint of promise. X-rated mysteries, lurking right behind the curtain.
"Go on. No shame, buddy. It's all good." Face upped the wattage of his own smile.
"You put this plane on the ground right now and we're never talking about this again, ever," B.A. said.
"Right, and put some clothes on."
"I'm very disappointed in you, buddy," Face said. "I mean, the chance of a lifetime."
"What chance? The chance that we all die in a fiery crash?" B.A. scowled. "You put this plane on the ground right now, or I swear I'm gonna beat your ass so bad you won't be able to walk straight for a week. A month!"
"All right, I sort of like where your head's at. I mean, a little bit kinkier than I had in mind, but hey." Face grinned. "Now how about you take all of that, and add it to also joining the Mile High club and getting over your fear of flying, all in one fell swoop. Pretty sweet, eh?"
"Sweet? I'll show you sweet."
Murdock raised his hand. This time, he didn't bother waiting to be ignored. "Question. How do you sweetly beat someone's ass?"
Face grinned. B.A. groaned.
"What? It's a serious question."
"I could have gotten myself a nice sweet gal back home. But no. I had to go and get involved with a pair of lunatics."
"Hey. That's one lunatic and one really hot dude. Although I'm still not entirely clear on who's what."
"Shut up and help me get these pants off."
"Aye aye, Captain."