Trafalgar Law is a damn liar.
It's only nights like this that he admits to himself what he tries to deny any other time.
It's 7:00 am, and he's the only one awake—minus Jean Bart who should be awake, but is instead dozing at the control panel with a blanket tugged up to his thick neck. It's fine though, because the crew's residential night owl is awake from another nightmare, bordering on three days without sleep—minus an occasional half-hour nap if he's lucky—and fixing himself a pot of coffee.
The low rumble of the coffee brewing and hum of the Polar Tang's engine are the most distinct sound in Law's pierced ears. If he strains to hear, he can make out the various snores of his crew mates, and a tired—yet fond—smirk crosses his features. He should be envious of how his crew can sleep peacefully, but is more glad than anything that they can. Most nights, he's found himself up with Jean Bart who shared his predicament, and occasionally, another crew mate altogether.
Law sighs, leaning against the counter and closing his heavy, stinging eyes.
Even though the nightmares of Corazón have declined by a small percentage, nightmares of that place where his world first fell apart are recurring. Nearly every night and day, when those few minutes or hours of sleep come, it's hardly ever peaceful.
Truthfully, how he sleeps can be compared to the roll of a die. Some nights are horrible, while others, he can't bare to look at himself in the mirror.
Most nights, Law feels the lifeless bodies of fellow Flevance civilians lying beside him and on top of him with the foul smell of death and decay as they're transported out of the White City. It's not as horrific as the nights when the lifeless bodies grab him with flaky skin and dead eyes, asking him why he gets to live and not them. Sometimes, instead of being transported out of the city, a Government soldier sees him move in the pile of dead bodies and yanks him out, ignoring his cries and pleas before lodging a bullet between his eyes.
But the worst nights?
He dreams of when his Mother, Father, and Lami are still alive. He'll be either walking with Lami through that final festival before everything was destroyed. She'll tug on his arm and point at a nearby stand where they're having a game where you toss the rings, and she looks at him with her large brown eyes, calling "Brother!" and telling him to win a stupid looking teddy bear in a dress for her. He remembers how he said next time and said that Mother and Father would be worried if they didn't get home soon. It was a lie. He wanted to go home and study. He could have won it for her, but he didn't—
Law exhales, opening his eyes and staring into nothingness.
Other times, it's just memories of how daily life was in the past. He'll be studying while Father points out tips and meanings before patting his head and giving him a smile, while Lami called for him to play and Mother would lay a hand on her head and tell her that he was busy, and that they should go get ice cream later.
He's not sure which one hurts the most.
It's the same with Corazón.
Some nights, Law's that small, helpless child, beating against the chest and hoping that Corazón would live, that he didn't just kill the last person in the world who loved him. While others are simple memories of Corazón attempting to cook and instead tripping and lighting himself on fire in the process. Or of going through another town while people pointed and whispered with the calming pressure of Corazón's hand on his head.
It's not those that has Law staring into nothingness, wanting to lock his door and never leave his room and covering every reflective surface. No. The worst are the days when the dreams are possibilities.
Sometimes, it's of him and his family in another town or city—because memories of Flevance ruin all hopes of the city he was born in to be anything other than misery, death, and the day part of him died—where Lami's either still a small child or young woman, living her life while Mother and Father either appear the same—as close as he can remember them—or as an older couple still helping people. Others, it's of him and Corazón in another town, living in a small house while Corazón still cooks and sets himself on fire, where Doflamingo left them alone or was turned into the Government. Even more bizarre, sometimes he dreams that Mother, Father, and Lami somehow managed to escape, and Corazón rescued him before he became this twisted and ugly person. In that particular dream, they all move to the same town, and he lives with Mother, Father, and Lami while he or Corazón visit each other every day.
But in the end, those are just dreams, memories, and stupid hopes that won't and haven't happened.
So why, after experiencing these dreams that are horrifying and heartbreaking, is this newest dream the reason he can't sleep?
Law pours himself a cup of coffee that Tony-ya and most of his crew would disparage of, and walks back to the mess known as his Captain's Chamber. There he sits and idly thumbs through a half-read medical book. However, his attention wavers to the small, clear-shot gifted to him by Nami-ya for two pearl necklaces, several rubies, sapphires, garnets, amethysts, and belli. For the price of her captain, she said.
Straw Hat's grinning and waving, and his mouth is open, as if he's calling for someone.
Law smirks, his face heating up. it's happened too much to deny to himself what the warmth on his face and flutter in his stomach means.
In his dream, he and Straw Hat were sitting next to each other, Straw Hat grinning while he smirked. The setting was familiar. It was in Straw Hat's aquarium room, sitting next to the tank where he recalled seeing various fish swimming by. Straw Hat, for once, wasn't pointing at what fish he wanted to eat. Instead, Straw Hat grinned and told him that he loved him. He flushed, watching Straw Hat laugh, before asking if Straw Hat wanted to be diced into fish food. Straw Hat snickered, denied the claim with a "Traffy's stupid!" and kissed him. It hasn't happened yet, but... it could. And that's the scary thing.
That's the reason he's up at 7:00 am with a cup of coffee and picture of his ally. If Law weren't so sure that Straw Hat would be angry at him, he might have shown the Cat Burglar what being dissected and left at the bottom of the ocean felt like.
Still, Law thinks, turning the photo around where Nami-ya's scribbled a little note, the picture was worth it, and maybe even the... possibilities.
Sorry Tra-guy! When he found out that this picture was for you, he could hardly sit still long enough to take the shot!—Nami ;D