I don't really dream any more.
When I fall asleep, I see flashes of memories. Bits and pieces from my life before this happened.
Growing up Catholic, time spent outrunning it, time spent crawling back into it because it was comforting and familiar as I adjusted to a solitary life.
Nothing changes. It should be comforting.
But it's not. It's nothing to me.
Except one day that rings clear as a church bell.
It was raining, and I'd run out of gas on the way to get filled up after a business trip. I thought it was divine providence that I was halted only a block west of my home church.
Shivering from the chill - and abject embarrassment - I opened the door to see if I might find a familiar face. Father Murphy preferably, or any of the clergy would do. I didn't do very well with new people. It was always a jarring experience.
"Are you lost, child?"
I spun at the sound of a new voice, and was struck dumb by a stunning pair of glacial eyes.
If I hadn't lost my grip on the empty gas can, I would have stared forever. "O-oh! Oh no, I'm s-sorry about this, I didn't mean to-"
"Calm down, it's alright. I didn't mean to startle you, miss. You seemed like you needed help." I couldn't help but marvel at how soothing that voice was, like sinking into a warm blanket on a winter's day. The gas can was nestled back in my awkward hands.
I looked away, still embarrassed. "Thank you. I'm stranded a block from here. Out of gas...and I j-just got back into town."
After a beat, "Stay right there. I'm sure we've got some in the five-gallon in the basement. Let me take yours and get it refilled."
Relief filled my chest. I still couldn't look up, but nodded my thanks just the same.
A few minutes later, my little gallon can was full and I was headed for the door. The rain had let up, at least. "Thank you, Father...erm..."
"Finn. Call me Father Finn."
I felt a blush in my cheeks at that. "Nice to meet you, Father Finn. You're new?"
"Just started here yesterday. You attend here?"
"Yes. Wednesdays and Sundays."
"Ah, very nice! I'm delivering my first message here Wednesday. Hope to see you then."
I nodded. "Certainly, Father. See you then."
That was the first time I'd raced home solely to masturbate.
That was the day I decided on you.
You shouldn't have.
We had fun together. Don't tell me you regret it. Oh wait...
Already did, love. Want another go?
No, I want you out of my head.
Can't do that.
Alright, fine. I won't. You amuse me. I'm looking forward to seeing you out of your mind.
The next time you see me, I'll be coming for your head.
I know. Which, you'd have to be out of your mind to do. And it'll be such a pleasure to end you...and that useless fuck of an angel you're with. Oh, and just for the sake of disclosure, while you're hunting me, there's a price on your head too. All of my demons are looking for you.
....Then it's lucky I have nothing to lose.