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Welcome to the Boonies

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Xander cursed. “I can’t believe I’m lost in the woods, while everyone else is off having sex!” he groused. “Leave it to me to go looking for some privacy for a quiet, little pee, and get lost in the stupid woods.” He stomped noisily through the bushes, one hand always near the lucky stake hidden in his waistband, gripping his Super Soaker tightly with the other. No sense taking any chances.

There was a rush of movement behind him, and before he could even turn around, someone was at his back, an inhumanly strong arm across his chest.

“Well, aren’t you a pretty one?” a deceptively high-pitched woman’s voice asked.

Xander tried to break free of her grip, but she was too strong. No one who sounded like a 15 year old girl should be as strong as this woman was. There ought to be a law.

“Pretty?” he asked indignantly. “I am not pretty! I’m a manly-man with well-endowed man parts, who’s been known to be called a Viking in the sack! I am the opposite of pretty.”

Xander’s whole manly speech was interrupted when she spun him around and his shoe slid over the leaf-strewn ground. His foot flew up into the air, planting him on his ass at her feet, his Super Soaker flying out of his arms to land six feet away under a bush. His eyes widened as he took in the stunning woman before him. She had long brown legs, curvy hips, and breasts that would fit perfectly into the palms of his hands, and Xander couldn’t help but feel a jolt of arousal flush through him.

She grinned down at him, licking her lips, her eyes on the vein in his neck. “Oh, you look rather pretty from here.” Reaching down, her tight, cornrow braids swinging as she grabbed the front of his shirt, she hauled him to his feet with one hand.

Okay, so maybe the squeak he let out at that point had been kind of girlish, but he was still all man, and he’d prove it to her, just as soon as she let go of his shirt. He had the manliest running and fleeing skills in Sunnydale. He’d had tons of practice at that over the years. Along with the manly art of hiding behind a five-foot-four blond girl in a mini-skirt.

The vampire grabbed his groin with her free hand, her eyebrows rising as she felt him up. “Well-endowed is right!”

“Hey! That’s naughty touching.” His voice got higher, the tighter she squeezed. “No groping the bait!”

“Bait?” she asked.

“Bait,” Spike replied, right before she turned to dust.

Xander landed back on his ass, going down hard when the hand holding his shirt disappeared in a puff of ash.

“Where the hell were you?” Xander climbed to his feet, rubbing his butt. He cleared his throat, and lowered his speaking voice back to a more normal, pre-groping pitch. “She was fondling me!”

Spike took a deep breath, and Xander blushed when he realized that Spike could tell he’d been turned on by the vamp who’d felt him up. “Doesn’t seem like you were too upset, now were you?”

“Okay, so she was hot, for a vamp. I mean… for a female-type vamp-person. Hey, I have a stupid cock, you know that. I mean, I even got hard when Old Grabby was feeling me up, and I was not at all attracted to him.”

Spike crossed his arms and stared at Xander, a sour look on his face.

“It’s not like I was going to actually do anything with her, I was waiting – impatiently – for you to get here and stake her.”

A flash of images poured through his head as he thought of all the things he and Spike had done together, and another, larger burst of arousal flooded his body, his cock standing at attention inside his jeans. Spike’s body was a work of art, and he hated that he didn’t have the time to focus on it the way it deserved. Spike’s eyes followed Xander’s tongue as he licked his lips. Spike licked his own as he watched, and Xander moaned, remembering the marvelous feats Spike’s tongue had been capable of.

Spike cleared his throat, shaking his head as if to clear it. “We best be on our way. I dusted another vamp back there, while you were getting molested, but we still have a good half a dozen in the area, not to mention the Sualapet.”

Xander winced when Spike mentioned the sexual-energy-eating demon. He’d forgotten about it, yet again. “Oh. Right. We should do that, I guess...”

Spike took a step closer, frowning in reaction to the wince. “If you’re all right, that is. She threw you around a bit, didn’t she? Maybe I should ummm…check you over – for injuries – before we get back into it. I don’t want you in any pain…or anything…”

He walked around Xander, examining him from all sides. “Where does it hurt?” he asked as he pulled up Xander’s shirt, running his cool hands over Xander’s overheated skin.

“Ummm…” He hated to admit the truth. It wasn’t really very manly to admit your butt hurt.

“Tell me,” Spike insisted. “I won’t have you hurting. Tell me where it hurts most.”

“My ass?”

Spike stopped examining his ribs, his eyes wide, and a little surprised. Then he leered at Xander, his eyebrows wiggling. “Can’t have that, now can we?”

He grabbed Xander by the arm, and hauled him over to the nearest tree. Before Xander knew what was happening, he was holding onto an oak tree, his pants down around his ankles with his ass sticking out, while Spike introduced him to the wonderful world of rimming. When Anya had suggested it, he’d declined either giving or receiving; it just hadn’t sounded…sanitary. But Spike hadn’t given him a choice, and Xander surrendered to the incredible sensations.

When Xander came, he saw stars.

Hunting down the vamps with plans for the teenagers in the Boonies was a breeze with Harris around. He’d point Harris in a direction, and slink off into the bushes to follow, and sure enough, within minutes, a vamp would target him. How the hell he’d survived twenty years on a Hellmouth Spike would never understand. But using him as bait worked well, and they’d taken out half the vamps in no time.

They‘d seen neither hide nor hair of the Sualapet, but that was fine with Spike. He’d rather get rid of the vamps that had planned to turn the Boondocks into an all-you-can-eat buffet, first. The Sualapet demon would be easy enough to spot, seeing as he should be the only tall, light-gray skinned demon with green, glowing eyes that they’d run into tonight. Fortunately, these woods weren’t so close packed with trees that the moon couldn’t be seen. It wasn’t perfect, but even Harris should be able to spot green, glowing eyes in this light.

The hard part was keeping focused on the job. He’d much rather be snogging with Xander than staking vamps, and killing demons with a penchant for sexual energy. Hell, he’d rather be fucking that fine arse, but he knew Harris. He’d never go home before the job was done. So they’d stay until they found it, kill the bastard, then hopefully, there’d still be enough Sualapet hormones in the boy’s system that he wouldn’t mind inviting old Spike home for the day. Spike knew he had talents. If he could get into Harris’ bed, he’d convince him to let Spike stay.

He spotted a new vamp trailing after Harris, and Spike followed along behind him. Show time!

Xander was pretty sure the vamp trailing him was the last one in the Boondocks – other than Spike, that is. Spike had been the Energizer Battery Bunny of vampires tonight. He’d taken out three of them at once at one point. He spotted one that was about to munch on a boy, but while Spike was fighting that one, three others had attacked him. Xander had gotten to use his lucky stake on one of those, bring his total for the night up to two. Which was not to be sneezed at – it was close to his all-time record.

He wasn’t sure why anyone would want to sneeze at his ability to screw up staking far more vamps than he actually dusted, but he needed to get his mind back on his job. It was too dangerous to not pay attention, even if you did have an extremely talented and enthusiastic vampire on your tail. He made a good bodyguard, too.

He wished the vamp would hurry up and make his play. Xander was tired of being a decoy, but it looked like this vamp was too busy being sneaky. Playing bait was nerve-wracking, but it had worked out better than Xander had expected. They’d cleared out at least a dozen vamps, and they hadn’t lost a single kid. Well, one guy and his girlfriend had needed to drive their friends to the hospital, but Spike said they would be fine, they were just a few pints low.

Tonight had been a real eye-opener for Xander. Spike had knocked his old prejudices for a loop, and Xander’d found himself enjoying their time together. And not just the sexy times, either, although those were pretty spectacular. When he wasn’t being an asshole, Spike could be funny as hell, and he laughed at Xander’s jokes, too, which was always of the good. Xander had to admit, not everyone got him, even when they thought they did. He hoped this thing with Spike wasn’t a onetime thing. He wasn’t sure exactly what this thing was, but he liked it, anyway.

There was a scuffling noise behind him, and he whirled around to find Spike and the vamp rolling across the ground. They wrestled for a while, one or the other taking control, but never long enough to give them a real advantage. Xander had his lucky stake in his hand, but he knew better than to get between two vampires. Well, he knew better now. He hadn’t known that earlier tonight.

The parking in the Boonies wasn’t the same as it was on the other side of the woods. There was no clearing like in Lover’s Lane, the ground was uneven, and the cars were parked much closer to the bushes and trees. Spike had gone after a vamp who was crawling on his hands and knees, trying to stay below the level of the window, so the kids in the car wouldn’t see him. The two started fighting, and Xander had tried to help, climbing over the rough ground to distract the vamp. But he’d only gotten in the way, and Spike had been forced to split his attention between Xander and the vampire he was fighting. The vamp had come close to staking him. Spike had been furious, and they’d had a fight about it afterwards, but it hadn’t lasted long, and the make-up sex had been fantastic.

Xander had to wonder about the condition of his cock. It didn’t hurt, or anything, but he’d been using and abusing it all night. He hoped he hadn’t damaged it or anything. He usually didn’t have a problem with staying power, or recovery time – once or twice, and occasionally even three times over the course of a day. But he’d lost count of how many times he’d come tonight, and although that might be natural for a vampire, he was human, and even a teenaged human needed a break at some point. But every single time he’d watched Spike fight tonight he’d gotten horny, just from watching.


Xander realized with a start that he’d lost track of the fight. Spike was kneeling astride the other vamp, and punching him in the face, but he seemed to have lost his stake somewhere along the line. Xander threw his lucky stake to him, and he snatched it out of the air and drove it down into sneaky vamp’s chest. Sneaky vamp went poof, and Xander tackled Spike.

They went rolling across the grass, laughing and pulling at each other’s clothes, just as turned on as they had been the first time they’d had sex. Spike ended up above him, and he sucked on Xander’s neck as his hips ground down into Xander’s. Maybe the Sualapet had special recuperative healing powers that went along with the sexy hormones, because Xander had never been this turned on in his life, and he never wanted it to end.

Spike pulled out his last cigarette, and lit it, blowing smoke up into the night air. “Only a few hours before dawn. The Sualapet is obviously still in the neighborhood, despite our rather noisy antics tonight, so he must not be easily spooked. If we don’t find him in the next half hour, we’ll have to head back to town, and try again tomorrow.”

Lying on the ground next to Spike, Xander stretched out and crossed his legs at the ankles, tucking his crossed arms behind his head for a pillow. “Sounds like a plan to me. There’s not a lot of chance that we’ll have another dozen or so vamps invading tomorrow night. Maybe we can bring your car right up into the Boonies, and use it as a base of sorts. Meet up there if we get separated, and maybe keep some snacks handy, in case we need an energy boost in the middle of the night.”

“Fuck in the backseat,” Spike added casually.

Nodding his agreement, Xander added, “Which would make a change from fucking in the grass, on a big rock, up against a tree, and in one memorable and never to be repeated incident, up in a tree…”

“Right. It’ll be tough, but we’ll just keep coming back until it’s dead.”

“Or we’ll keep coming until we’re dead,” Xander offered, thinking of Giles’ dire warnings about sex under the influence of a Sualapet.

“But what a way to go, right? ‘Bereft of life, it rests in peace…’” Spike quoted.

“What’s that?”

“Monty Python, you dunce. You’ve never heard of the parrot sketch? ‘This is an ex-parrot!’”

“Is that like that scene with that rooster, Foghorn Leghorn, and the dog he always plays jokes on? And at the end he gets dragged away by the dog who’s humming that dead people song.”

“Dead people song? What the bleeding hell are you talking about? You mean a requiem?”

“No, you know. The one they always play on TV when somebody dies.” Xander started to sing in a very low, and very bad voice. “Dum dum de dum, dum de dum dum dum dah dum…”

Spike rolled his eyes. “That’s Frédéric Chopin’s Marche Funèbre, you infidel. The Funeral March.”

“Frederic Sho-who?”

“Never mind, idiot. Never mind.” Tucking his fag into the corner of his mouth, Spike stood up, and held out a hand for Xander. “Now come on, you need to play bait one last time, then we can go home, and fuck on a real bed.”

“Good idea. My cock may still be raring to go, but my ass is kinda sore.”

It was getting late. Xander thought he could see the faintest lightening of the sky that marked the beginning of day, and he worried about Spike. They still had to walk all the way back to Spike’s car before day broke, and then get Spike into the apartment. His curtains were heavy enough to keep the sun out once they made it home, but they needed to call it a night.

He liked the idea that they could come back tomorrow to try again. He intended to take every opportunity to spend time with Spike, before it was too late. Xander was really going to miss him when this was over, but he had a feeling they wouldn’t last once the Sualapet’s hormone wasn’t affecting them anymore.

“Spike, we need to go home, now. It’s getting late.”

Xander turned around in a circle, watching the foliage for a hint of where Spike was hiding. “Spike?” He didn’t shout. Spike should be close enough to hear him when he spoke at a normal volume. He’d promised Xander all night that he’d be able to hear him, and he’d come running as soon as Xander said his name. But he wasn’t there – he wasn’t anywhere. There wasn’t a single noise, not a single twitch of a leaf. The quiet was eerie, and a shiver worked its way up his spine.

“Spike? Where are you?”

“Right here,” Spike whispered from behind him.

Xander spun as he shouted, and dropped his Super Soaker. He would have gone down in a tangle of limbs if Spike’s strong arms hadn’t caught him and held him tight. He laughed at Xander, who smacked him on the chest.

“You asshole! You scared the pee out of me!”

Spike stepped back, his expressive blue eyes wide with shock. “No, not that!”

Xander smacked him again. “Oh, very funny, you ass.”

“You spend an inordinate amount of time talking about my arse, Harris. Is there something you want to tell me? Would you like to kiss it?”

Xander frowned at him, half-seriously, half-playful, and pulled away, crossing his arms. “No, but after that stunt, you should probably kiss mine.”

Spike’s eyes lit up, and his lecherous grin made it hard for Xander to keep his frown going, but he tried, anyway.

“Been there, done that, mate. But I’d love another chance, so bare it and I will.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Xander stared at Spike thoughtfully. Spike was being very careful of Xander’s ass, insisting that they wait until they could find some lube before they actually had sex. He understood the reasoning – it would definitely spoil the mood if Xander even whispered ouch, and the chip fired in the middle of sex. But maybe, if he was well lubed with spit it wouldn’t hurt. It definitely was worth a try.

Over the course of the night, the button on Xander’s pants had gone the way of his underwear - lost in the line of duty. So he grabbed the zipper, and pulled – carefully, of course - as he turned his back. With his jeans around his ankles, he pointed his bare ass at Spike, who fell to his knees with a moan.

“Mmmmm. You have a lovely arse, Xander.”

He bit one cheek, and Xander shuddered as arousal rushed through him. He thanked the Sualapet as Spike went right to work, his tongue skimming up and down Xander’s crack. He should have taken off his jeans; he needed more room to spread his legs.

His cock had hardened as soon as Spike told him to bare his ass, and he stroked it, enjoying the ripples of pleasure that shot through him. Not that he needed much in the way of stimulation; he’d been half-hard all night. He pushed back against Spike’s strong tongue, and it slipped even farther inside him, fucking him rhythmically.


He looked up, his brow creased into a frown. He could have sworn that someone said his name, but Spike’s tongue was a little busy right now, so he must have been imagining it. Spike caressed his balls, and he moaned, dropping his head down far enough to see that Spike had undone his own buttons, and was stroking his cock with the hand that wasn’t kneading Xander’s balls.

“I’m sure I heard his voice…”

Spike jerked his head back so quickly that Xander lost his balance, and almost tumbled to the ground. Spike caught him around the waist at the last second, and pulled him into a standing position before bending over and pulling up both their jeans at the same time. Xander grabbed his, forced his still hard cock inside, and zipped up in panic. It was awkward, but with Buffy in the neighborhood, he had a feeling he’d calm down pretty quickly.

Not that he wasn’t attracted to Buffy, but he wasn’t ready to share Spike with anyone, no matter how much of a crush he’d had on her in high school. Spike spun him round, and checked his clothes, and he pulled his grungy t-shirt down as far as it would go in the front. No sense advertising anything. They still hadn’t seen her, yet, but that had definitely been Buffy they’d heard talking. He’d know that voice anywhere.

“You all right, Xander?” Spike murmured.

He nodded, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m not ready for her to know, yet…” That sounded awful. He didn’t want to hide Spike like a dirty little secret. He just needed a little time to deal with all this before he told them, and he’d much rather face them on his own terms.

Spike smiled. “Not a problem, pet. I’m not interested in meeting her stake up close and personal-like, myself.”

That brought all his thoughts to a halt. He hadn’t thought of that. “You really think she’d…”

“Wouldn’t she?” Spike asked bitterly.

Xander realized that he really expected Buffy to stake him over something like this.

“The nasty old vampire seducing her innocent young friend?”

He frowned. “Innocent? Who me?”

“Xander! There you are. We’ve been looking for you all over.” Willow’s voice sounded over-bright and wrong, somehow. Like he wasn’t used to hearing it anymore.

There it went. All he’d needed was Willow’s voice, and his inconvenient hard-on disappeared in a moment. That was a relief.

He turned around, and there they were. A little worse for the wear, it looked like the three of them had had a rough night. Buffy had some kind of green goop on the leg of her slacks, and her shirt looked funny, although he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. Tara’s hair was a mess, and she kept running her fingers through it, as if she couldn’t get it to lay right. Willow has a dark smudge of something on her right cheek, and the hem of her skirt was ripped out. It looked like it was unraveling behind her as she walked. And none of them would look him in the eye.

“Xander, you look like hell.”

“I do?” He cleared his throat and tried again, aiming for a less panicky sounding voice. “What do you mean, Buffy?”

“Well, your hair has leaves and bits of grass in it, and there’s something white all over your jeans.”

“Your shirt’s all dirty, too,” Willow said.

“You look exhausted,” Tara added.

Xander’s mind was blank. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say. So they all stood there, their eyes flicking around without looking directly at anyone’s face.

“Yeah, well, you try cleaning out a couple dozen vamps in one night, Slayer. He’s got a right to look a bit of a mess.”

Spike walked up, closer to the three of them, and he got the idea Spike was trying to draw attention away from Xander. He fiddled in his pockets, but came up with an empty pack of cigarettes. He crushed the pack in disgust, and dropped it on the ground.

“Litter!” Willow chirped, pointing to the offending object.

Spike rolled his eyes, and ignored the package, so Xander grabbed it and put it in his pocket. He envied Spike. For a man who’d had his tongue up Xander’s ass just a few minutes ago, he looked remarkably unruffled. He stood there, playing with his lighter, a bored look on his face, and not one hair out of place.

“Getting late. I gotta get inside before I fry.”

As Spike strode past them, Xander grabbed the Super Soakers, and took the opportunity to follow, hoping to get a bit of distance between him and the girls. He was having trouble dealing with the fact that it was no longer just him and Spike out here in the woods. And he seemed to have lost his ability to small talk. Or talk at all, for that matter.

Spike came to the rescue, again. “What’s wrong with your shirt, Slayer? Inside out, isn’t it?”

Xander turned around to stare. That was odd. He was fairly certain it hadn’t been like that earlier when they were at Giles’ apartment.

“It is?” Buffy looked down, and back up again, her eyes wide. “Oh. That’s odd.” She cleared her throat. “I hadn’t noticed.”

She opened her mouth, but nothing else came out, so she closed it again, looking over at Willow with a panicked expression. Willow eeped, and looked at Tara, who looked back, her eyes wide.

Xander was getting the idea that he and Spike weren’t the only ones with secrets, tonight.

Finally Tara jumped in, changing the subject. “You ran into a couple dozen vuh-vampires tonight, Spike?”

“Yeah, well, not all at once. We took ‘em out, one and two at a time for the most part, but yeah, there were a bloody mess of vamps out here tonight.”

Spike turned back in the direction of the car, and Xander took out after him. Willow and Tara followed, with Buffy bringing up the rear. Like ducklings in a row.

“Did you say we?” Buffy was finally back on track.

Xander found his voice. He wasn’t a complete waste of space. He could dust a vamp – if someone held it still for him. “I helped,” he said indignantly. “Well, I dusted two. But that’s not bad for one night’s work, right?”

Spike slowed down so he and Xander could walk next to each other. “Three. You dusted three.”

“I really don’t think we can count that third one, Spike. You held him still for me.” There were a few giggles from behind him. “I’m satisfied with my two.” He looked back at the girls, who’d fallen a bit behind. “I used my lucky stake.”

Spike snorted, and Xander was thankful that it was still dark enough to hide his blush. “Yeah, I used your lucky stake a few times, myself.”

Xander found himself choking on air, and Spike pounded on his back hard enough to push him forward a step or two. He took a deep, shaky breath. “Thanks, Spike.”

“But we never found the Sualapet, Slayer. Looks like we’ll have to come back again tomorrow.”

“Oh. Um... No. He’s dead. He was hanging out in the attic of the Alpha Delta house. It took some time and effort, but we managed to put him away.”

Spike came to a dead halt, and Xander was glad to stop with him. He wasn’t sure if his legs were going to hold him up if he didn’t. What the hell was she talking about?

“You’re sure of that, Slayer?”

The girls kept walking, passing them as they stood there, staring at each other.

“Oh yeah, it was him, all right. Glowy green eyes, gray skin, a house full of college students having sex on every available surface. Yeah, that was definitely the Swallow Pet.”

“But that means…” Xander whispered. He stopped, unsure of what that meant.

Spike grabbed his arm, pulling him close. “That means it was us, Xander. That whole time, everything we did. It was us all along.”

Xander’s mind was spinning. There’d been no lust monster; nothing had made them have sex over and over again. They’d done it because they’d felt free to do what they wanted, knowing they could blame it on the Sualapet. What they both wanted. Xander’s grin was so broad that it hurt his face.

“You wanted me, all along!” It wasn’t a question.

“Told you I did. You didn’t believe me?”

“Well, you lie. A lot.”

“Oi!” Spike said, like he was offended. “Well, maybe I do,” he admitted grudgingly. “But I wasn’t lying then. Now come on, it’s getting late, and I’d rather not burst into flame before I get the chance to nail you to that mattress of yours.”

“C’mon, guys, keep up!” Buffy shouted at them, walking backwards through the trees until they started moving again.

“We need to stop at the store on the way home,” Xander said. “We need lube. One of those big pump bottles of lube.”

“And smokes,” Spike added. “And chocolate syrup, and whipped cream.”

“Okay. I’ll have to get ice cream, too, I don’t have any.”

“Nah. Who needs ice cream? You got a sweet tooth a mile long. I’ll pour it on, and you can lick it off. That work for you?”

“Oooh.” The imagery was captivating. He almost went down over a rock on the path when his eyes closed of their own accord. Spike’s strong hand caught his arm, and kept him from falling.

“Easy, mate. Let’s keep that thought for when we get home, right?”

“Right. Home, bed, pounding through the mattress.” Xander’s grin was back. This was turning out to be one of his best nights ever.

“Hey Spike. Did you get the idea that the girls were hiding something from us?”

“You mean the fact that they were all fucking like bunnies over at the Alpha Delta house? Yeah, I got that.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” He tapped his nose with one finger. “Their scents were all over each other.”

“All three of them? At the same time?” Xander stumbled again as that image overloaded his already shaky mind. “I think my brain just froze.”

Spike laughed as he caught Xander’s elbow. “Fortunately, it’s now Saturday, so you’ll have all day to recover from your shock.”

“Good thing, ‘cause that was one powerful picture you just destroyed my brain with. And since Buffy already killed the thing, we won’t have to come out again tomorrow night and try and hunt down the Sualapet.”

Spike was suddenly right in front of Xander, his eyes narrowed as he poked at Xander’s chest. “You knew how to pronounce its demon name all along, didn’t you? Why the bloody hell did you aggravate me all night long calling it a ‘Swallow Pet?’”

Xander tried to hide his grin, he really did, but it was just too difficult to maintain. “Because you’re so much fun to aggravate, Spike. I love it when you roll your eyes at me. It makes me laugh every time.”

“You just wait,” Spike growled. “When we get back, I’m gonna spank your arse raw.”

Like that was going to stop Xander. He and Anya had played all kind of games together, and he’d discovered he didn’t mind a good spanking from time to time.

“Is that a promise?” Xander asked eagerly.

Spike’s eyes went wide with surprise. Obviously he’d just shocked the vamp. Score one for the human. Spike took a step closer, a sultry smile on his face. “Oh, yeah, pet. That’s definitely a promise.”

Xander licked his lips. “Good.” Then he took off running after Buffy. “See you at the car!” he called over his shoulder.

“Oi!” Spike shouted after him.

If he stayed there, they’d end up kissing, which would lead to other things, and with Buffy, Willow, and Tara close by, that was a recipe for disaster. So maybe it was best for him and Spike to keep their distance until they got home. He knew Spike could have caught him without much effort, but he didn’t even try, so he was probably thinking the same thing.

It didn’t stop him from shouting after Xander in mock anger, throwing Britishisms at him the whole time. “You get back here, you knob-head! Bloody wanker… You just wait!”

Oh yeah, Xander was looking forward to it.