Work Header

Wedding Plan Mode Activate!

Work Text:

"Thank you everyone for attending this very serious occasion," Holster says while wearing a tiny top hat.

Ransom is also wearing a tiny top hat. "We want you to know how important it is to us that you all want to help us with the wedding planning."

"I'm just glad to finally know you two are together," says Dex.

"Right?" Nurse agrees. They fist bump.

"I still can't believe you didn't know," Ransom says. "We shared the bottom bunk. Like. All the time."

"Which means literally nothing on this team," Nurse replies, pointing to Chowder, who was practically a puddle as Whiskey and Tango petted his hair.

"Come on," Ransom says. "We were obvious."

"So obvious." Holster looks at Shitty. "Back me up here, Shits."

"Ha! No. Are you serious? You two were such a weird energy of homoerotic sports expectation and bros and actual softness. I refused to ever guess."

"Bits?" Holster asks, looking a little lost. "You knew, right? The man who found his one true love on the team?"

"Excuse you," Lardo says.

"On the team," Ransom says. "You, our beloved former manager, are so far beyond us, we would never consider you a teammate. It would be an insult to your greatness."

Lardo smirks. "Good save."

"Yes. We don't die tonight," Holster says. He and Ransom high five.

"Speaking of managers, Ford, our current manager who is currently in class, has already informed us she is in charge of scheduling and not to be questioned. I look forward to her precise handling of the rehearsal dinner," Ransom says.

The front door of the Haus opens, and Jack walks in. "Sorry I'm late," he says as he presses a kiss to the top of Bitty's head. "There was a traffic accident."

"Bro," Holster says, hope lighting up his face. "You knew about me and Rans before we announced or engagement, right?"

Jack looks confused. "Yes? I mean, you weren't subtle."

"Are you joking," Dex hisses.

"Honey, no," Bitty says.

Shitty just laughs as Jack shrugs and sits next to Bitty.

"Anyway!" Ransom says, tapping a key on his computer so a spreadsheet projects on the far wall. "Let's get down to business. I have you assigned by category--"

"Holy shit, I'm the flower bro!" Shitty yelps. "I have always wanted to be the flower bro!"

"And you're walking down the aisle with Lards, who will be our best person because Holtzy and I couldn't decide who got to ask her."

"Awww," Lardo says. "Can I wear a suit? Like, with tails?"

"Dude. Yes." Holster says. "Let's elegant this fucker."

"I would also like a suit with tails," Shitty says. "And a flower crown."

"Totally," Ransom agrees. He navigates to a different tab in the spreadsheet and types 'flower crown' into a list of supplies. "Anyone know the going rate of a flower crown?" Everyone shakes their heads, so he color codes the box red.

"Bits, our baking god, you will, of course, handle food," Holster tells him.

"I've got a partial list started. I need to know what allergies I'm dealing with, and if you need anything kosher for your grandparents."

"Yes on kosher. I'll get a list on the rest."

"Nurse, you're doing a reading, natch," Ransom says, clicking down the list. "And Dex, we'll need a chuppah."

"I've been looking at designs. We can keep it simple or go big. I'm sketching a few ideas," Dex says.

"Ooh, let me see!" Chowder makes grabby hands for the notebook in front of Dex. "I can help build if you want."

"Sure," Dex says as he passes down the notebook.

"Chowder, Whiskey, Tango, you're our back-up bros slash ushers. Should anyone on this list need support, you jump in and help out. Also, sorry the wedding isn't fancy enough to really put you to work."

"Can I wear a super fancy tux, too?" Tango asks.

"I just appreciate being included," Whiskey says.

"I'm so happy for you guys!" Chowder says. "It's so cool you're getting married!"

"What about me?" Jack asks. "I'm not even on the list."

"Oh, Jack, Jackie. Jack-o, don't you worry. You're our celebrity guest. You just show up with that booty, and impress all the regular people," Holster says.

"Also, we have you as Bitty's first-string back up in the kitchen," Ransom adds. "I mean, come on. We all know you're gonna be right by him anyway."

Bitty blushes but looks pleased. "They're not wrong," he says to Jack.

"No, they're not," Jack agrees.

"We are never gonna be as cute as them," Ransom says to Holster.

"It's cool, bro. We're as cute as us."