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When did I start to care?

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When did I start to care?

Karen is something special.

I admire her enthusiasm and compassion. You can't be mad at her. I admit I was a bit skeptic when she showed me the song but like everything else with her, it was quite different. She has an aura which draws people in and I admit she has captured me too.

I wish and I hope she doesn't see me as quite as the arrogant ass I was in the beginning. She is Marilyn to me. It would be embarrassing to voice my experience in the studio, where she sang to me and only to me as Marilyn. Of course it was all in my head. My mind truly sees her as Marilyn.

"I get a few beers."

Her voice brings me back to reality and I watch when she goes to the kitchen. I hope she hasn't brought me here for nothing. Although I can't complain too much. It's always fun to watch her. That's all I ever do, watch her.

She comes back with four beers and I sit up straighter and I think that she will turn around and give me one of the beers. I see her go straight ahead and sit down with the boys at the piano. I don't like being ignored. Especially when she was the one who brought me here.

I feel a bit of tension there between her and mister "awesome songwriter". I do a sigh noise inside my head. Hopefully this won't end in another heartbreak. She deserves the best. If I would allow myself to feel, I would admit that I feel a bit jealous. Fortunately that's not me nor my style to feel things.

Finally she remembers my beer. It feels a bit like I'm the one man audience when I sit here all by myself on the sofa. No, I don't feel lonely. I don't do feelings.

I think Ivy was right. I have replaced her with Karen. I see Karen as my Marilyn. But when did I start to care about Karen? When did her happiness and impression of me become so important?