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Words of Little Wisdom

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Peter knows that he has to do this. He has put it off for so long. He knows it has to happen. His parents told him not to worry. He will survive. The pain will go away. But that is not his biggest fear.

The vehicle begins to slow and for Peter, everything slows down. Peter sees his life flash before his eyes as he exits the vehicle and enters the building. Today is the day.

Peter is getting his wisdom teeth out. And possibly revealing more than he wants to to his family.


Tony walks in, video camera in hand. Steve is also there, trying to tell Tony to knock it off, but secretly, he is kind of excited to watch Tony mess with his drugged son.

“He is all done,” the doctor informs Steve and Tony. “The surgery went well. He is healing remarkably well. He has already stopped bleeding, but I would recommend keeping some gauze handy because he might start to bleed again.” Steve nods his head in approval, glad that his son won’t be in too much pain. “Also, I thought I should inform you that we had to use a higher dosage of anesthesia for him. He didn’t seem affected at all by the typical dosage. So he may be out of it for awhile.”

Tony smiles and he and Steve follow the doctor to the room containing Peter. When he sees his dad's, his face lights up. “Iron Man! Captain ‘Merica! This man is my friend. Please do not arrest him!” Peter slowly starts to cry as he lazily points at the doctor. Tony’s grin widening as he continues to film Peter.

Steve gives a small smile. “Don’t worry Peter. We aren’t here to arrest him. We are here to take you home.”

Peter pulls his neck back and holds a hand to his chest making a quizzical face, “Who me? Thank you for your service, but I can get home myself.”

“How?” Tony asks in hopes of hearing a funny answer from his son.

“Web swinging. Duh.” Peter then continues going making pew pew noises. Tony starts cackling and the doctor looks back and forth between Peter and his parents.

Realizing what the doctor is thinking, Steve turns to him, “He isn’t really Spiderman. There just good friends.” The doctor nods, but doesn’t look convinced.

“I AM SPIDERMAN” Peter suddenly yells, finally stopping making noises. Tony laughs even harder as Peter makes a signal in an attempt to shoot webs, but nothing happens. He gets very frustrated and continues, more forcefully, to push on his wrist with his middle and ring finger.

“Time to go Peter. We have to get you in a wheelchair and into a car.”

“Pops, why can’t you carry me to the car?”

“Yeah Steve. Why can’t you carry him? You’re strong and all. Carry him!”

At that point, Tony and Peter erupted into a chant of “Carry him! Carry him!” And that is how Steve ended up carrying Peter to the car bridal style. Tony pretended to be paparazzi while Peter struck ridiculous model poses in Steve’s arms adorn in a hoodie, sweatpants, slippers, and an ice pack around his entire face. Steve couldn’t help but smile at his husband and sons antics.


On the car ride home, Tony continued to videotape Peter while Steve drove. Peter kept telling his parents that he was Spiderman as they drove. Tony kept telling him that he wasn’t which only made Peter more determined to prove he was. It wasn’t until Peter tried to get out of a moving car to show his dad he could “swing home” that Steve told Tony to knock it off and just agree with Peter until they got home.

When they arrived back at Avengers Tower, Peter refused to get out of the car unless Steve carried him again. Steve carried him to the elevator because it was easier to give in than to make Peter cry again. Once they reached their floor, Steve lay Peter down in a recliner.

“JARVIS, make sure you are recording Peter! I don’t want to miss a moment,” Tony shouted as he ran to gather the Avengers so they could all laugh at Peter’s misery. Steve, being a more gentle parent, left to get Peter a bowl of ice cream.

“Peter, I got a variety of ice cream so you don’t get bored of any. I got you plain vanilla right now, but you can … Peter?”

As Steve went into the family room to give Peter some ice cream, he saw the chair he had left his son in was empty.

“Peter, where are you?” Steve looked around the room and didn’t see his son, but he did see something interesting, an open air vent.

“JARVIS, where is Peter?”

“It appears he is in the vent.”

“Please inform Tony.”

“Yes Captain Rogers.”

“Thank you, JARVIS.”


“Sir, Captain Rogers would like me to inform you that Peter has crawled into the vents.”

“Ha, look like Clint’s got a vent buddy! Thanks J.”

Tony wasn’t too worried about Peter being in the vents, but he decided to tell Clint that Peter was home.

“Hey Clint, I got a job for you!”

“Ugh, Tony. I’m not stealing Thor’s poptarts for you again. I think we almost died.”

“No, I need you to go in the vents. According to J, Peter snuck into the vents. I don’t have any cameras in the vents because you claimed that was an invasion of your privacy. He just got his wisdom teeth out and he’s on a lot of drugs and he thinks he’s Spiderman. I need you to go film him.”

Clint just nodded excitedly and went on a hunt for his nephew.


“Hello little spider. How are you today?”

Clint found Peter laying on his belly in the vents. Resting on his elbows with his chin in his hands. It appeared he was talking to thin air, but Clint guessed there was a spider in front of him.

“Hey Pete. How was your surgery?”

“I think they stole my web shooters! I can’t shoot webs. See?” Peter then started to try shooting webs but nothing was happening.

“Wow Pete. I didn’t know you were Spiderman.”

“No one believes me! Do you believe me? Elliot believes me.”

“Who’s Elliot?”
“This is Elliot!” Pete held out his hands and Clint saw a small spider in his hands.

“Very nice. How did you and Elliot meet?”

“Well I found him, but I’m going to take him outside now. Follow me!”

Clint started to follow Peter, but was stunned when he saw how Peter was crawling away. On the vent ceiling. His hand and feet gliding along easily, ignoring the laws of gravity.

Then it dawned on Clint.

“Holy shit.”


Too shocked to follow Peter immediately, he wasn’t sure where Peter went so he took the vent to Peter’s room. When he dropped down, he saw the window in his room open. He stuck his head out and saw Peter.

“Peter get back inside!”


“I’ll give you ice cream!”

“Catch me.”

At that Peter crawled up about another twenty feet and stuck his tongue out. Clint pulled out his phone and dialed Natasha.


“Hey Nat. Um could you help me get Pete before Tony and Steve yell at me?”

“I would love to see you get in trouble, but if Peter is in danger, I’ll help. So what did you do?”

“Are you in your room?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Just, um, please open your window and get Pete.”

“Clint, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Just look out your window and you’ll see.”

Natasha groaned, but did as she was told. She opened the curtains and froze. There was Peter just stuck to the window like it was no big deal. Not having time to process what this meant, Natasha opened the window right next the Peter and forcefully pulled him in.

“Peter what the hell are you-”

“ICE CREAM!” Peter interrupted Nat and stumbled towards the kitchen.

Natasha picked up her phone and spoke to Clint, “What just happened? How did I not know about this. Did you just inject him with something. Is this why Tony and Steve are going to get mad at you?” Natasha kept asking questions, and eventually Clint just sighed.

“I think our nephew is Spiderman.”


Clint and Natasha jogged into the kitchen looking for Peter. They didn’t find him there, but moved into the family room where they could hear conversations. They found Tony trying to make Peter say stupid stuff. Steve, Bruce, and Thor were sitting around watching Tony and his antics, making sure things didn’t get too out of hand.

“Clint, make sure you send me the video from the vents. I want to make a movie to embarrass Peter at his wedding. Actually, I don’t think I’m patient enough for that. Maybe I will throw him a huge birthday party and show it there. Honestly, I am going to show this at any event. It is great.”

“Tony,” Steve gave Tony a warning glance, “he’s going to be embarrassed enough as it is.”

“Ok, ok, but Clint did you get a good video from the vents?”

“Um, I guess so?”

“I saved Elliot! He’s a spider.” Peter shouted out proud of his heroics.

“Wow, Pete. Saving spiders from air vents. That’s the closest you’ll ever get to being Spiderman,” Tony said which made Peter cry.

“I am Spiderman!”

“Sorry, Pete. I took that to far. I love you my little spider hero.”
“Yay!” Peter waved his hands around excitedly.

“Hey, Peter. How did you get into the air vents?” Steve asked taking a glance at the ceiling.

“By being Spiderman!” Peter yelled. He got up and went over to the wall, much to the confusion of four of the adults in the room. They watched him quizzically, their eyes widening when he started to crawl vertically up the wall. He then went up to the ceiling and hung upside down in front of his family.

“Man of spiders. I am honored to be your uncle.”

“Oh dear god”

“Holy shit. My son is Spiderman. What the fuck? Spiderman has been around for nearly a year. Oh fuck. Shit.”

Steve continued to stare at his son, too much in shock to correct his husbands language.

“I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. We just found out about Spiderman’s identity when I had to pull Peter off the window,” Natasha informed the rest of the Avengers.

“No. Fucking no, no, no, no, no no.” Tony yelled to himself while staring straight ahead.

“Tony,” Steve tried to calm his husband, “we can handle this. If there is any family that is prepared to handle a superpowered kid, it’s us. I may not like that my son’s been risking his life, but we can handle it. Together.”

Tony, eyes wide, turned towards Steve.

“It’s not the superpowers,” Tony mumbled, “It’s Spiderman’s boyfriend.”

Steve looked at him for a moment, but his eyes widened in realization.

As if on cue, someone got off the elevator clad in a red uniform.

“I brought ice cream for Petey Pie!”


“No, chocolate. I don’t think they make shit ice cream, but who knows. Maybe it’s some new health craze. I bet Spidey makes some great shit with his fine ass. I’d buy it.”

“Shit. Our son is dating Deadpool.”
“Oh I guess you learned Spidey’s identity. He was scared that would happen. Deadpool is dating Spiderman. That’s me. Deadpool aka Wade Winston Wilson aka Your Future Son-in-Law.”