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Thrown for a Lup

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Kravitz paused outside the door to Taako’s apartment and made some last minute adjustments to his outfit. This was their first date since the calamity, and he wanted to make sure it was perfect. It's been a few months since then, but there was so much to clean up in the Astral Plane that this is the first time he had time off. Taako was understanding, and Kravitz was sure he had lots to settle in his own life in the past few months.

Kravitz took a deep, rather unnecessary breath and knocked on the door. A beat, two, and just when Kravitz began to second guess himself, the door opened.

Taako was there, looking gorgeous as ever, hair up in a bun, and wearing a croptop and flirty skirt. “Oh, hello,” he said, and Kravitz couldn't help himself, he was too excited. He leaned down and kissed him, chaste, if lingering. He was half expecting Taako to introduce tongue and passion into it, but when he pulled back Taako's eyes were wide and the tips of his ears were pink, which was, quite frankly, adorable. Then he grinned, and there was something about it that immediately made Kravitz wary.

“Come on in,” Taako said, throwing his arm wide, and now that Kravitz was paying attention, something about his voice sounded… off.


“Mmhmm?” the elf hummed, tilting his head.

“Are you alright?”

“Perfectly fine, my dude,” Taako said with a winning smile.

“... Your voice sounds… different,” Kravitz said, a note of suspicion tinting his voice.

Taako was caught off guard, eyes going wide. “Oh, umm… I have a bit of a cold,” he said, weakly coughing into the crook of his elbow. “Nothing to worry about.”

Kravitz didn't believe it for a second, but it wasn't terribly out of the ordinary for Taako to be cagey about seemingly innocuous things, so he dropped it.

“So, pumpkin,” Taako said, running a finger along one of his lapels, “I think we should get married.”

Kravitz almost choked on air. “E-excuse me?”

Kravitz's confusion only seemed to spur Taako on further. “Yes, and I want to have all your skeletal babies -”

Kravitz was about to voice his multiple concerns with that plan when a voice cut them both off. “LUP!!” Kravitz stepped back as a second Taako screamed and practically bodyslammed the one in front of him. The first was able to wiggle out of the other's grip and shrieked in laughter as they ran around the room. “LUP, YOU MOTHERFUCKER, GET BACK HERE!” The first elf vaulted over the couch, the other close behind. “I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” the second screamed as they ran out of the room and down the hallway. The other gave no answer, and instead only laughed harder as they rounded the corner and out of sight. There was the sound of a slamming door, and then someone pounding against it. The laughing elf stopped to reply, “THIS IS REVENGE FOR DOING THE SAME THING TO BARRY HALF A DOZEN TIMES!”

A moment later, Taako came back in the room and rested his head on Kravitz's shoulder. At least, he was pretty sure this was the right elf; this one wore their hair in a long braid down their back (now disheveled) and a very nice red dress (now scuffed, with the slit along their leg ripped even higher).

“Taako?” Kravitz ventured.

“Yep, it's me, bubbela,” the other replied and looked him in the eyes, and there was none of the discomfort in Kravitz's gut when he looked at him, that slight wrongness he felt before.

“Who the fuck was that?”

Taako chuckled once, hollowly. “My twin sister, Lup.” He searched Kravitz's face for a second before adding, “You've met her before, my dude.”

Several things clicked for Kravitz at once. “Alright, well, in my defense: one, we were very busy last time; two, at the time she was a lich; and three, you said 'this is my sister’, not 'this is my identical fucking twin’,” Kravitz said, exasperated.

“Yeah, and she just came out of an umbrella a few minutes before. A lot of details went unsaid,” Taako mumbled, resting his forehead against Kravitz's shoulder again. “And we're even more identical now that we used some of my hair to grow her a body.”

Kravitz grimaced. He knew the exceptions that were made for the liches Lup Taaco and Barry Bluejeans, but he still preferred not to discuss the necromantic details of it.

Kravitz was about to change the subject and complement Taako on his outfit when Taako cut him off. “So what did she say, I have to know,” he said, leaning back to look at his face. “And what did you say to her?”

“Well,” Kravitz started, scratching the back of his neck and looking away, “she opened the door, and I might've, well… I might've kissed her -” Taako groaned and put his face in his hands. “- because I was so happy to see… well, the person I thought was you.” Taako didn't move his hands but Kravitz did see a small smile at that.

Taako snapped his head up and squinted at him. “Wait, was there tongue involved?”

Kravitz's eyes widened and he put his hands up. “No, there wasn't, I swear.”

Taako looked relieved at that. “Good, at least I don't have to worry about my sister's germs when we make out later.”

Kravitz was going to point out how childish that sounded, but thought better of it. Taako waved his hand in a “go on” motion. “Anything else?”

“Well… her reaction to that made me suspicious, but I dropped it,” Kravitz said, averting his eyes. “Then she asked about marriage and something about ‘skeletal babies’ -”

Taako's entire face turned crimson, and he faced the direction of the hallway and bellowed, “I’M GONNA MURDER YOU, FOR GOOD THIS TIME!!” There was no reaction, except a quiet giggling, quiet enough that Kravitz wasn't sure if he actually heard it.

“Your sister is certainly… interesting,” Kravitz offered, rather diplomatically. Taako just rolled his eyes.

“Gods, Krav,” Taako sighed, returning his forehead to its place on Kravitz's shoulder, “I am so sorry you had to deal with her.”

“Its nothing, Taako, really,” Kravitz murmured, gently moving Taako's head back to lock eyes with him, “I'm just happy to see you again.” He leaned in and kissed his (actual) boyfriend. And almost immediately, yup, there was the tongue he expected before.

After a moment there was a noise in front of him, behind Taako, and Kravitz opened his eyes to see Lup, one hand on the doorknob of the front door. When she realized she was caught, she turned to face him, eyes opening a bit wider, and she held a finger to her lips. Kravitz gave only a hint of a shrug in return, closed his eyes, and went back to kissing his boyfriend. Whatever she was doing, it wasn't his problem.

However, when Taako heard the door slam shut, he pulled away and called, “Lup?” Upon hearing no answer, he turned back to Kravitz. “She just left, didn't she.” Kravitz nodded.

Taako sighed. “Well, it's not like I want to go out looking like this anyway,” he said, gesturing vaguely at his current state. “She's probably off to find Barry. And really, giving us the apartment to ourselves is the least she could do.

“So, handsome,” Taako continued, giving his best bedroom eyes and slipping his arms around Kravitz's neck, “how do you feel about a change of plans?”

Kravitz grinned. “I think I would like that, very much.”