“in a perfect world, you could fuck people without giving them a piece of your heart.” - neil gaiman
on and on
in the blue light of dawn, jungkook acknowledged this wasn’t quite a walk of shame and his subtle limp, rumpled clothes, and slightly flushed cheeks said otherwise, but his body thrummed with sleepy satisfaction that could only be amounted to a ten out of ten lay with shame undetected. the walk back from yoongi’s apartment never felt quite shameful as many well-known rom-com movies portrayed, or the lesser-known fuckbuddies of kim taehyung experienced daily. from this, jungkook felt like he was breaking down some sort of societal prejudice against one night stands.
except, this fell under many night stands . it hasn’t been very long since they started these spontaneous, almost weekly calls that beckoned one of them over to other’s apartment for sex. and that’s all it was - really. a situation that resulted in mutual benefits and unspeakable pleasure that jungkook couldn’t complain about - (“ jesus ,” jimin covered his ears, “stop reading your hentai porn and fucking shut up.”). it’s an agreement of sorts that resulted in these many nights stands (“just fucking call it was it is,” taehyung would say, “it’s fucking friends with benefits.”).
jungkook didn’t really have the bravery to call things like they were, but taehyung being all-knowing and wise understood the complications of the realm that was friends with benefits. and much to taehyung’s displeasure, jungkook decided not to understand it and avoided all dialogue that could result in him and yoongi to understanding what they were. (“because you can go fuck yourself, taehyung). so in the dawn of this new day, with his ruffled hair and inside-out boxers, he thought of the giant bed that now housed a sleeping and soft min yoongi - and he couldn’t care about what they were.
“i feel like,” namjoon said, placing jungkook’s green tea on the edge of his textbook. jungkook groaned and wearily picked his head off his textbook to stare blankly at his tutor. “you have become one with the library, jung book .”
jungkook barely comprehended namjoon was making a joke before seokjin barked out a laugh that sounded like he was waxing the desk. “that was so incredibly stupid i can’t believe i let you tutor our son.”
the younger groaned again in response, this time because his cheek and textbook had dried drool. “hyung,” he whined, “why did you let me sleep?” he blinked at seokjin who was stole a sip from his green tea.
he shrugged, attention completely on namjoon who was fumbling to get his own notes out for jungkook. dorks , jungkook thought hazily. “you needed the sleep,” jungkook wanted to bite back a response how it will be seokjin’s fault that he will fail calculus, but he felt himself more awake for this tutoring session.
this tutoring session only happened because jungkook had been complaining to taehyung after class about maths and seokjin happened to be standing there and practically forced jungkook to get tutoring from his phD comp sci candidate boyfriend, kim namjoon. and jungkook had blinked in surprised which somehow amounted to seokjin illegally adopting jungkook as his first and only child because he blinks cutely or something. taehyung is still a jealous bitch that jungkook got one of the hottest sunbaenims to be his sugar daddy/loving mother.
“namjoon, please tutor our son,” jungkook could barely muster a glare as seokjin placed the green tea back in his hands and nodded to namjoon. “he’s dying,” namjoon gave jungkook an incredulous look and jungkook shook his head at his stand-in eomma.
“i’m fine , hyung,” he directed a sneer to seokjin, “don’t you have a paper on the fucking soviet-french expressionism to write?”
seokjin scoffed and pushed his glasses up his nose, “ russian impressionism ,” jungkook stared blankly at the pretentious asshole he called his illegal guardian. “and i’m done, unlike you who slept for four hours on -” seokjin tilted his head to read jungkook’s textbook page, “ - on your jung book .”
“i really forget sometimes who’s the child and who’s the parent in this relationship.” namjoon sighed. jungkook was about to retort when namjoon stopped him. “hyung, you should go home and sleep, i’ll join you in a couple hours,” seokjin smiled and jungkook watched as namjoon seemed to fall in love again.
“ ‘kay,” he said once, glaring at jungkook once more before squeezing namjoon’s shoulder. “fuck you, jeon,”
“you first, mom ,” seokjin tripped grandly and people stared.
“god, you guys are gross,” namjoon bemoaned, head falling against the desk, effectively knocking down the green tea.
a couple of hours turned into four hours later when they both realized jungkook is hopeless and simultaneously brimming with untapped potential, there was no need to prolong this tutoring session until a month later when jungkook is failing again.
“so, after midterms,” namjoon started hesitantly, watching jungkook pack his bag which was already filled with loose papers of taehyung’s dick doodles. “my friend is throwing this party -” jungkook got caught up in thinking about post-midterms bliss where him, jimin, and taehyung will have a mario kart tournament followed by an overwatch twenty four hour power hour and then fall asleep to marvel movies and soju, he didn’t hear the rest of namjoon’s sentence.
“i’m sorry, what party?”
namjoon gave him a look, “my friend,” he repeated slowly, “a year older than me, but has one more year of university. him and his roommate are throwing this party or something, supposed to be epic. free alcohol - you should go.”
“mom will disapprove,” jungkook shrugged, “plus, seokjin thinks he’s allowed to hug me whenever i drink.”
“ hyung ,” namjoon scolded gently. “seokjin hyung .”
“seokjin,” jungkook agreed.
namjoon sighed, but went on, “i think it will be a good way for you to de-stress. i feel like you’re losing sight of who you are these days.”
“the fuck you even talking about?”
namjoon leaned forward, narrowly missing jungkook’s open bottle of fanta, “when you look in the mirror, do you see yourself or taehyung?”
jungkook fell off his chair.
“how’s yoongi?” jimin asked a considerable time after dawn. jimin usually stays over if jungkook is sharing yoongi’s bed for the night.
jungkook sniffed the air. “did you guys fuck on my bed?”
“maybe,” jimin replied with a dirty smile.
“so are you,”
“mmm,” jungkook nodded, sipping tea, “you can’t afford me, plebeian.”
“what year do you live in -” jimin scoffed before catching himself fighting with the overgrown five year old. “anyway, how’s yoongi.”
“probably still naked,” jungkook replied, “he doesn’t put pants on until the day requires it.”
jimin cringed, “i meant, did you both agree that this is a friends with benefits situation and there are some agreements and boundaries that need to be made?”
“nope,” jungkook replied cheerfully, “please refrain from saying anymore until my lawyer is present.”
jimin was about to say more when taehyung came into the kitchen. “did someone say presents? i want one.”
“no, be my lawyer,” jungkook said, kicking the chair out for taehyung and putting his tea down.
“ooh, gladly. can my dick be the gavel?”
“that’s a fucking judge, you shit stick,” jungkook deadpanned. “how the fuck are you in law school?”
“why the fuck am i still here?” jimin complained.
jungkook perked up at this, remembering his true reason for this legal interference. “yo tae, jimin thinks i need to tell yoongi what we are,”
“what we are..” taehyung repeated out loud, “whores?”
“each other’s side hoes?”
“ married? ”
“fuckface, we got that annulled,”
“ah, good times.” taehyung sat back, smile bright and dopey.
“are you both high right now?” jungkook looked at his best friends. jimin shrugged while taehyung nodded. the younger itched to leave this kitchen, but he needed the god of fwbs to tell him what to do.
“- just - are we friends with benefits?”
“god, i hope not. we’d be vanilla as fuck.” taehyung shook his head. jimin giggled.
“i meant me and yoongi, you fucking thumb.”
taehyung observed his thumb. “yes, one thousand percent yes, you are a thumb - i mean, friends with benefits.”
“we’re not even friends, though?”
jimin scoffed, “you know that he’s naked right now,”
“that’s ‘cause he sent me a dick pic ten minutes ago,”
“can i see?” taehyung asked,
jungkook ignored him, “i don’t know who min yoongi really is. he has a nice dick that fits in my ass. fifteen out of ten would let him sit on my face.”
“that counts as friends,” taehyung concluded after a pause.
“i’d let my friend sit on my face,” jimin agreed.
“wanna do that right now?” taehyung asked jimin.
“we’re friends, right?”
jungkook needed new friends.
“you actually want to go?” jungkook asked taehyung and jimin who were currently stripping quickly to put on tight jeans and sheer tops. “to the party, i mean,”
“bro,” taehyung said.
“ my precious dungsaeng,” jimin pinched jungkook’s cheek, jungkook tried to bite him.
“seokjin and namjoon only go to the best parties and they rarely ever invite us to anything that not tame. i mean if i have to be dragged to another wine and cheese event -” taehyung explained dramatically.
“you get drunk at the wine and cheese event and make it untame.” jungkook raised his eyebrows pointedly, “and how do you know this will be untame?”
“i did my research,” jimin smiled proudly.
“stop saying that as if you actually are smart,” jungkook said. “what did jaebum say?”
“one,” jimin said, “he told me to tell you that the thing between a guy’s legs is a dick and since you don’t have one, to go fuck yourself.”
“nice,” jungkook nodded, “did he offer his dick?”
jimin ignored him. “second, i told him the address and he said min yoongi and jung hoseok live there.” jimin said excitedly while taehyung gave out a loud whoop.
“am i missing something?”
“jung hoseok and min yoongi!” jimin repeated louder.
jungkook nodded solemnly, “do you think repeating those names in a louder decibel will actually mean something to me? why is your name not park jidiot?”
“why do you insist on making your existence unbearable?”
jungkook sneered at them.
“they’re like. the mongols of this university’s entertainment. they monopolize sin.” jimin whispered loudly.
taehyung tugged at the waistband of jungkook’s joggers, “you, jungkookie, with your cute doe eyes and stupidity in maths, got us invited to sin city .”
“we already went to las vegas remember? we got married.”
jimin groaned and taehyung winked. “this’ll be better than las vegas,”
“will i get laid,” jungkook squinted at his friends, “by someone taller than jimin?”
“do you have a dick between your legs?” taehyung glanced down. jimin also glanced down.
“most likely,” jungkook nodded.
“then most likely you should get laid by someone taller than jimin.”
“i’ve been here all night ,” jungkook sang, taking a swig from his cup. “i’ve been here all day..” he placed his hands on the boy in front of him, “and boy , you got me walking side to side.” he gyrated his hips sensually against the blonde stranger.
“wow,” the boy in front of him chuckled, “you really know how to come on strong,” after four shots, three smirnoffs, and a fuckton of hoseok-mixed jungle juice (whatever that meant), jungkook knew how to come on strong.
jungkook could see blonde hair and blue eyes in front of him, was this guy even korean? he leaned closer, letting go of his ariana grande falsetto, “why do you have blue eyes? are you european?”
“god, no, i’m korean as they come, kid,” the guy’s hips rolled upwards, jungkook choked. “what about you?”
“yeah, i could come.”
the guy laughed again and jungkook couldn’t really stand. the guy removed jungkook’s hands from his waist and took his cup from him, taking a hearty swig. “mmm, did you know someone wrote on your arm?”
“wha-” jungkook struggled to read his arm, but the stranger beat him to it.
“ ‘ hi, my name is jeon jungkook please return to me to loving mother, kim seokjin ’ boyfriend?”
this time jungkook laughed, been waiting all night , “he’s this tight-ass hyung that sees me as his son. gotta make mother proud. can i have more alcohol?”
the blonde raised his eyebrows at jungkook’s explanation, but complied with his request and pressed the rim of the cup to jungkook’s mouth, “just say when,” and tipped the cup back. jungkook gulped down, chugging the drink in one shot.
“i don’t want you stop,” jungkook said, when the blonde pulled the cup away. blue eyes wide.
the guy threw the cup on the floor, eyes going dark before leaning up to jungkook’s ear, “so tell me, jungkook, will your mother-hyung be proud if you get laid tonight?”
“not tonight, i’m drunk.” and the room was spinning.
the blonde nodded, smiling gently. “tomorrow morning?” hungover jungkook will thank drunk jungkook later, probably. god, how much fucking tequila was in that drink?
jungkook glanced down at the stranger, he was barely taller than jimin what the fuck. “depends on who it is,” ride dick bicycle.
the stranger stuck out a hand, “min yoongi,”
jungkook passed out.
“you don’t need to drop me off at his apartment, it’s only a little embarrassing.” jungkook huffed from the backseat of seokjin’s car because seokjin refused to let anyone younger than namjoon sit in the front seat because of distracted driving or something.
“i was passing through,”
“you literally were not,” seokjin actually passed up the opportunity for namjoon’s dick to drop off jungkook off as yoongi’s house.
“well now i am,”
jungkook sighed and ran a hand through his hair. after texting yoongi last night about their newfound status of friends with benefits ( jungkook: so we’re like friends, right?
yoongi : sure
jungkook : and we fuck
yoongi : that’s what we’ve been doing? shit man, i thought we were just talking
jungkook : this makes us like friends that fuck, right?
yoongi: **with benefits idiot. friends with benefits
jungkook : cool man
yoongi : cool man) jungkook really thought he blew any chance of getting with yoongi after that, he showed taehyung the conversation who promptly fell off his bed from the sheer awkwardness of the entire conversation. (“i hope social darwinism kills you first for being socially inadequate,” said taehyung meanly.) except the older wanted jungkook at his apartment while he was at seokjin’s frosting cupcakes and jin never turned down an opportunity to embarrass jungkook, his only son, to the highest degree.
seokjin came to a gentle stop outside the apartment and started to cry loud and fake. “i can’t believe i’m dropping off my child at his first fuckbuddy’s apartment, why did you have to grow up?” seokjin unsubtly rolled down the window, jungkook wrestled him from the backseat to put it back up and unlock the doors because seokjin had child-proofed the backseat doors.
when that proved fruitless, jungkook shook jin’s seat in frustration.“why are you the way you are?” jungkook complained loudly. “can you be useful?”
jin stopped crying and gave jungkook a saran-wrapped plate of cupcakes that were buckled in at the front seat, “these are for hoseok, please make sure he receives these well.”
jungkook took the vanilla frosted cupcakes with chocolate peanut butter sprinkles. “why does he get to have a milk chocolate and i can’t?”
“i just want you to be healthy, kookie,”
“i want you to fuck off,”
“give him the cupcakes, at least.” seokjin gave a placating, but evil smile. he unlocked the doors.
“fuck no,” jungkook said, jumping out of the car and slamming the door. seokjin stuck his head out of the the window.
“thanks for the ride, eomma-hyung,”
“at least have food sex with the cupcakes, my darling demon-child,” jungkook’s eyes widened as he saw the door open right when seokjin said that.
his window-wipers could be heard as he drove off, except it wasn’t raining. jungkook wanted to die.
“did seokjin drop you off at my apartment?” yoongi asked, eyebrow raised as he took in the cupcakes and jungkook’s red face. “it’s like your mom dropping you at an orgy.”
“i don’t think - not quite - uh, the same thing.” jungkook mumbled, going shy around the older. demure jungkook was rare, his friends knew him as a piece of shit that deserved a punch in the face everytime he breathed, but yoongi saw a fuckable kid with beautiful eyes. it was astonishing, really.
yoongi eyed the cupcakes, “we could still have vanilla sex with these,” jungkook barely had time to react to the lame-ass joke before yoongi pulled him, all hands and lips.
jungkook borrowed more vanilla frosting from jin the next day.
morning sex while hungover was new. especially when jungkook fully thought he dreamed of the blonde stranger with blue eyes with an ambiguous ethnicity. in fact, when he woke up and promptly rolled of the bed onto a blonde glaring stranger, he really thought he was going to die an ethnically ambiguous death.
“ah, fuck,” the man groaned, jungkook really wanted to feel that voice around his dick. “i was just trying to do the right thing by letting you take the bed, why is the universe against me?”
before jungkook’s brain realized the man was speaking korean, he uttered a heavily accented hello .
“what the fuck, i told you i’m not european. i’m literally your hyung - get off -”
“oh, right,” jungkook eked out, rolling the fuck off of the grumpy korean stranger. “sorry.”
the guy rolled onto his back while jungkook struggled to stand. “thanks for the bed, i don’t really remember what happened last night. but i’m sorry.
he smirked before heaving himself off the ground and passing jungkook a glass of water from the bedside table along with a bottle of acetaminophen. “for you. your friends tucked you in and i did not want to be part of the process of putting you to sleep. in fact, i was told to leave the room.”
“why?” jungkook asked after gulping down the water and medicine.
“you kept wanting to have sex with me, proved to be very difficult putting a horny jungkook to bed.”
jungkook’s eyed widened in mortification. “oh, shit -”
“trust me, kid, you were just as forward at the party.” yoongi told him with a chuckle. if jungkook wasn’t grossly hungover, he would love to be grossly drunk right now to avoid this humiliation. fuck drunk jungkook. “your friends told me after how...promiscuous you get when drunk. i didn’t know how drunk you were when i asked you to have sex with me last night. i’m sorry.”
great job, jungkook, you got stupid drunk and couldn’t even get laid. “my friends,” he sighed, “thank you for putting up with them,”
“nah, i never met namjoon’s boyfriend, uh, who practically sang you to sleep. taehyung and jimin kissed your forehead so many times, i’m still not sure if you’re single.”
jungkook laughed at this, “trust me, i’m very single.”
their eyes met, brown against brown - silently reaching for what they really want from each other.
“i did promise you morning sex,” jungkook said lowly.
“you remember that?”
“my drunk self has a penchant for remembering great ideas,” jungkook smiled, head tilting. “but i mean, it is afternoon, so i guess it doesn’t apply -”
suddenly, yoongi was in front of him, brown eyes darker and lips so close . “i’d like it to apply to afternoon,” fuck sober jungkook, please .
“well,” jungkook nudged closer, lips already touching. “it’s morning somewhere,”
yoongi: happy four fucking months
jungkook : was that a joke
yoongi : it’s been four fucking months
jungkook : four motherfucking months
yoongi : what the fuck ur fucking jin?
jungkook : abort
jungkook : wait
jungkook : do u want me fucking other ppl
jungkook : cos i wont
jungkook : i mean whatever
jungkook: yeah whatvr
yoongi: uh do what u want kid lmao
yoongi: we dont gotta be exclusive fucks if u dont wanna
jungkook : kk
yoongi : aight
taehyung stared at the chat, “are you shitting me,”
jungkook didn’t say anything.
“did you seriously reply with kk ? in all my years have i taught you nothing?”
“you taught me how to be a piece of shit because you are a piece of shit -”
“there are so many things wrong with you,” taehyung said in a calmer voice. “why can’t you communicate like humans do?”
“you’re not even human, so i mean -”
“why would min yoongi want to be exclusive fuckbuddies with a subpar fuckface like you?”
“if i’m subpar, does that mean i’m not a complete fuckface?”
“no, you’re worse. you can’t even be proficient at being a fuckface,”
“fuck off, he didn’t even say no,”
“he didn’t jump at the opportunity either - i can’t believe this stemmed from him asking rhetorically if you’re fucking jin-hyung.”
“who’s fucking jin-hyung?” namjoon shot up from his desk, glasses askew. “- what?”
“in five parallel universes from here, jungkook and jin are fucking. go back to sleep, sexy nerdface,” taehyung assured softly and namjoon nodded, going back to his textbook pillow.
“anyways,” taehyung went back to glaring at jungkook, “why did he say happy four months? you’re not dating.”
jungkook shrugged, “it was funny?”
“mmm,” taehyung hummed, “i have a solution: fuck other people. fuck me, fuck jimin, just someone else.”
“what - why?”
“because you’re nearing that territory of no return, you know like when you’re swimming and everything is going, well, swimmingly , and you see a dark abyss if you go closer and you decide to tempt fate to see what would happen if you did go closer, but surprise, there’s a fucking current that sucks you in if you get too close - and if you get sucked in then you will die a horrific death at the bottom of the ocean. the end, nice knowing you. do you even know how to swim? also jimin want me in speedos when he gets back and i don’t own a pair so i thought -”
“do you ever stop?” jungkook said, checking his ears for blood. “just - what the fuck. how do i end up at the bottom of ocean? why did you just recite the finding nemo summary?”
“ feeling s, you doped up baboon, if you catch feelings in an fwb - you die. kicked to curb like the trash panda you are. and it’s an epic movie, dumbfuck.”
“i thought i die a tragic death at the bottom of the ocean?”
“there’s nothing tragic about that if it’s you. but a trash panda being kicked to the curb is a little sad. i give you that.”
jungkook sighed and wrung his fingers, “do you really think i’m -” his phone pinged and him and taehyung looked down,
yoongi : come over tn?
jungkook replied too fast,
jungkook ; what do i get in return
yoongi : you can stay the night
jungkook glanced up at taehyung who watched with judgemental eyes. “so you’re just going to keep swimming?”
yoongi : because you’re not gonna be able to even walk
jungkook : dont throw down challenges u cant pick up
yoongi : come over here and u can find out
jungkook : omw
“sorry, taeshit, gotta go,” jungkook said, collecting his books and giving namjoon a commiserating pat on the shoulder. taehyung sneered, “i’ll take that as a yes,”
jungkook never really takes time to appreciate yoongi as a conductor of art and masterpieces. aspiring producer, amazing. owner of hair that touched every part of the rainbow at one point, pulled each one of beautifully. but the way his lithe limbs and strong hands threw down jungkook across the bed or up against the wall or laid him out on the silk sheets, their sex was an aesthetic in and of itself.
“god, jungkook,” yoongi said against his lips, “what am i supposed to do with someone like you who wants someone like me?”
“fuck me ,” jungkook moaned, rolling his hips down against yoongi’s thigh.
“oh, i intend to,” yoongi bit jungkook’s collarbone gently and he squirmed beneath him. “ fuck , you’re sensitive,”
jungkook keened, back arching into yoongi as the older’s hands wandered down his body; his fingers fluttered and pressed against his skin, playing jungkook’s body like a finely tuned piano.
“anything you want, jungkookie, you have -”
“hyung ,” jungkook whined as yoongi’s hands pressed down on his hips, ridding the younger of his pants and boxers.
“breathe, jungkookie,” yoongi coaxed, voice vibrating between jungkook’s thighs. “i’ll take care of you.” and yoongi pressed his teeth and lips against the soft skin of jungkook’s inner thighs, coming up for air when jungkook squirmed and whined too much. he pressed bruises red against jungkook’s lips and black and blue bruises were no one could see. sometimes, sometimes , he wanted yoongi to mark him like he was his.
“hands up, baby,” sometimes yoongi called jungkook ‘baby’ when he it was a special occasion. the first time jungkook went down on yoongi, the older gently carded his fingers through jungkook’s hair and called him baby like he was the only one in yoongi’s life.
jungkook lifted his hands, stretching his body out like an s curve. “you’re so beautiful, god ,” yoongi rid himself of his clothing and steadied himself on his forearms over jungkook. he felt himself let out a loud moan just from the sight of yoongi hovering and bracketing jungkook in. all smooth skin and lean muscles - and jungkook, all willing and pliant beneath yoongi. he wanted the older to ruin him.
yoongi leaned his forehead down on jungkook’s, breath harsh and warm. “happy four fucking months,”
jungkook rolled his hips up, seeking the friction - the heat . “- here’s to fucking more,”
what started out as a weekly fuck, quickly turning into a daily fuck, gradually (maybe suddenly) turned back to weekly and then bi-weekly. it wasn’t a big deal, not really. jungkook started working at a local bubble tea shop and classes were back in full swing, so logically, there wasn’t much time for fucking and booty calls, the absence of yoongi’s sexual requests went relatively unnoticed. well, by jungkook, because -
“do you have a brain between your ears or is it just dead air?” taehyung asked when he came home one friday and saw jungkook crying to your lie in april .
“what? don’t talk to me right now, i’m vulnerable.” jungkook grabbed for the tissue box, but taehyung kicked it away. jungkook reached out to grab taehyung’s pants to rub his face on the material.
“i thought we promised that we would never stay in on friday nights?” taehyung said, glancing around their apartment warily. “like, weekends are for late-nights that aren’t spent watching depressing anime.”
“it’s beautiful anime, you should aspire to be beautiful, too.” jungkook sniffed.
“kook, i mean like -”
“why can’t i have a friday to myself? just one fucking weekend, hmm? i don’t need to constantly socially active all the fucking time like you.”
taehyung put his hands up, “ok, ok, i didn’t mean it - shit, i meant, you used to have fucking weekends with yoongi -hyung. now you’re suddenly home and i just - did something happen?”
jungkook honestly didn’t see it like that; taehyung went to visit his family last weekend, so he didn’t know jungkook also spent the weekend in the apartment. last weekend was the first weekend he had spent at home with the occasional jimin on the other side of his headset playing league. he had texted yoongi that friday wondering if the older was up for some netflix and chill which never even involved netflix, but the occasional recording device -
yoongi texted back with a simple, busy . and jungkook, didn’t really feel anything. he felt wiped clean.
“i - yeah, everything’s okay. nothing happened. we chilled this week, kinda rushed - but, yeah. everything’s fine.” jungkook shrugged, he wasn’t really thinking about yoongi. or, he was trying not to think about the elder at all because it led down a dangerous road of obsessive thinking that jungkook did not feel like travelling.
taehyung raised an eyebrow, “okay,”
“we’re just fuckbuddies,”
there was a pause. “do you know that you’re just fuckbuddies?” taehyung asked cautiously.
jungkook met his stare head on, it was a loaded question, one that if jungkook dug deep - he would be able to answer with an answer that was closer to the truth than he liked. but - “of course - we mean nothing,”
they never really cuddled after sex. there was no legs tangling together, seeking warmth after three rounds of sex. nope. yoongi’s bed was big enough for each of them to have their own side and stay there to catch their breath. jungkook’s bed was just big enough for him to fit most of the time, so yoongi usually saw himself out if they did end up fucking at jungkook’s. so it was just that - sex and run.
conversations weren’t as nonexistent as cuddling; yoongi would ask questions about jungkook’s life here and there (q: what year of college a: second q: coffee or tea? a: tea) and yoongi would nod like he actually cared. sometimes jungkook would ask a question or two and nod before yoongi even finished his question, because he really didn’t care.
it was established from the first time, they were both solely in this for the sex.
but that didn’t stop yoongi from reaching out for jungkook’s wrist one night at two a.m., “you could stay, you know,” jungkook glanced up from where he was trying to understand the mechanisms of a belt.
“eh?” he grunted, “stay where?”
yoongi stared at him, “here, idiot, in this bed. unless you have someone else to get off.” jungkook flushed at that, vaguely wondering if yoongi had others.
“n-no,” jungkook spluttered, “but -”
yoongi turned over, back facing jungkook, “you don’t have to, kid, just - it’s late and you almost fell when you got out of bed just now. what kind of monster would i be to let you just walk home. if you fall and die, my dick will be sad.”
jungkook huffed out a laugh and gave up on his belt, letting the jeans fall to the floor. he stripped down to his boxers before collapsing next to yoongi. “okay,” he said, “i’ll stay.” there was a brief silence, as if they were both trying to understand the gravity of this situation. this wasn’t a big deal, nope. jungkook knew that taehyung’s rules for fuckbuddies was to never sleepover and this - well, this seemed a little against the rules.
yoongi cleared his throat before asking, “should you text your mom you’re not coming home tonight?” yoongi said wryly.
“jin-hyung’s probably contacted the police, there’s probably a search party for me right now. no point in telling him now.” jungkook explained, gazing that ceiling meaningfully.
“mmm,” yoongi agreed, “and taehyung?”
“he’ll learn to fuck himself, he’s a big boy,”jungkook turned to face yoongi’s back.
the older laughed, all breathless and nice. “were you guys actually fuckbuddies once?”
jungkook blinked, jarred by the sudden personal question, “uh, we fucked - maybe once? but that’s it. i was bored, he was hot. it’s was the start of a great love story, to be honest, too bad he had a small dick.”
yoongi hummed, not really engaged. jungkook bit the bullet, “what about you and hoseok?” he had met yoongi’s roommate a handful of times, usually when jungkook was buttoning his uniform top on the way out of their door. hoseok was waved politely at him and sometimes offer him a green-tea flavored snack before giving him some sweets for jin-hyung (because they were engaged in this bake-off that jungkook swore was going to end when they were too fat to move) and then politely kicking him out. jungkook knows he’s a dancer, mutuals with jimin’s mutuals, but that’s about it.
yoongi grunted, “nah, he’s straight, but thinks you’re hot,”
“yeah,” there really wasn’t much pillow talk between them, and jungkook was okay with that. taehyung said that deep pillow talk was a thing of nightmares and he needed to make sure the conversation toed the line of weather talk and american politics.
yoongi flipped over to face jungkook, the younger subtly readjusted himself so they weren’t so close. even in the darkness with the lampposts illuminating the bedroom, jungkook found himself drawn to yoongi’s beauty. all pretty angles and smooth skin. his eyes dropped to his unmarked collar bone and vaguely wondered for the first time- why couldn’t they. he swallowed uneasily.
“jungkook-ah,” yoongi said, uncharacteristically soft for someone who just fucked the younger three times - fast without any constraint. jungkook looked up, feeling a little off kilter as he met yoongi’s somewhat intense gaze. shit . he felt himself wanting to shift closer, to wrap his arms around the younger and pretend, for one fucking night, that maybe this was more than what they said it was - or didn’t say it was. they were nothing .
“be out by morning,” was all he said before turning on his other side, back facing jungkook once more.
“jungkook?” he looked up from his stool that he was perched on, where he was watching the dishwasher timer, and saw hoseok peaking over the counter at jungkook. “you work here?”
jungkook quickly scrambled to look like he was actually doing his job; he adjusted his forest green apron and smiled cutely at hoseok - because being fake was literally in the job description. “hi, can i take your order?”
hoseok blinked before realizing his purpose as a customer, “uh, just - milk tea, i guess?” jungkook punched in the order while hoseok grappled for his phone, “and uh, wait, yoongi wanted - “
“strawberry lemonade green tea, no bubbles,” jungkook muttered absentmindedly, punching the order in again.
hoseok lowered his phone back into his pocket, “yeah,” he said slowly, “thanks.” jungkook shrugged, not really understanding this interaction, but apparently it meant something. hoseok quickly paid and stood off to the side while jungkook made the drinks with adept ease.
“did, uh, something happened with you and yoongi-hyung? you’re never around anymore -” god, jungkook was getting so annoyed by that question.
“why don’t you ask him?” jungkook replied tonelessly, quickly dropping the cutesy act.
hoseok’s hands moved wildly as looked for the right words, “he’s - you’re - i don’t know , nothing seems wrong, you’re just not around.”
jungkook sighed, loathing that his brain had the same questions - questions he wasn’t even supposed to have because they were just friends that fucked. barely friends.
he gave hoseok his drinks, he put less tapioca balls in hoseok’s just as a subtle fuck you. “thanks,” hoseok nodded, idling. jungkook made a noise and looked to go back to his stool. but hoseok had more to say, “you know, five months is a long time to be fuckbuddies,”
“we’re still fucking,” jungkook said without shame, “just not in close proximity to you.” hoseok raised an eyebrow, “if you really wanted to join, you could have just asked, hoseok-ssi.”
the older’s mouth twisted into a slight sneer, “does everyone want to punch you when they talk to you?” jungkook raised a shoulder in a shrug. “depends how kinky they are,”
hoseok sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “seriously, man, you two gotta realize that shit isn’t healthy.”
“neither is one hundred grams of sugar but here you are,” jungkook jerked his chin at the drink, “when i need more advice on my sex life, i’ll make sure to come to you, hoseok-ssi.”
hoseok scoffed and took the drinks, “i’ll tell yoongi you said hi,”
“tell him to suck my dick,” jungkook called out as hoseok left, earning him wide stares from the other patrons.
yoongi: hoseok said you had a request for me?
jungkook’s phone vibrated just as he settled down for his fifth DotS rewatch, he almost jumped at the opportunity to answer it. fuck .
yoongi hadn’t text jungkook so casually in a long time, he almost missed the familiarity they used to have. and fuck, it’s only been two weeks since their conversations started lacking playfulness and casual language - he shouldn’t miss this, he has doesn’t have the right to miss it.
jungkook : depends if u follow thru on that request
yoongi: r u busy rn
jungkook paused, yoongi almost never asked if jungkook was busy, he usually just gave a time and knew that jungkook would be there. give and take, that’s all it was.
jungkook : eh, nah
yoongi : my place or yours?
he looked around his room, wondering if his iron man themed garments screamed lonely and gross. or if his and taehyung’s unfinished beer bottles strewn around the room told a story of sad drunk nights. he wondered if yoongi’s nights were the same. somehow he doubted it. and for some reason he needed to see it.
jungkook : yours?
yoongi : c u soon, baby
“why are we meeting here?” jungkook asked breathlessly, as he came into the small lamb skewer shop.
yoongi looked up from where he was grilling meat and smiled gently at the younger, “you need protein for stamina,” he explained.
jungkook snorted and took the seat across from him, glancing around the shop warily. of course, the true nature of their relationship was limited to their close group of friends and no one sitting in the nearest vicinity would care or find out except -
yoongi had a reputation. aside from being the university’s party mogul, min yoongi was infamous for his one night stands and casual fucks. it helped that the older looked like he gave no fucks, but that reputation was also upheld by always being alone. jungkook was sure the older’s friends were limited to his laptop and hoseok, so anyone else would being seen with yoongi would surely cause some sort of backlash - right? did yoongi even care? jungkook barely cared, he liked staying low and under the radar, but when taehyung fully informed him of yoongi’s purported behavior, jungkook reconsidered. did he really want to hang around the university’s resident fuckboy?
yoongi kicked him under the table, “stop thinking so hard,” he grumbled, placing some meat on jungkook’s plate. “you don’t need to look so scared. if you don’t want to become a rumor stop acting like you’re one.”
he tore his eyes away from the group of girls that were giggling in the corner and guiltily looked at yoongi, “you don’t care?”
“if people want to judge because they think they know us, that’s their problem. if you think you have done something worth judging, then that’s you’re problem. and if you really think you’re doing something wrong, i suggest you leave.”
jungkook blinked, letting yoongi’s low drawl wash over him. did he think casual mindblowing sex was wrong? hell no. and maybe it wasn’t about right or wrong in society, but right or wrong when it came to them. they both wanted no strings attached, that was good enough for them. if jungkook wanted anything more, it would be wrong. it would be something others would point at him and say he wanted more from min yoongi because min yoongi never gave more. this was enough. this was enough . “are you paying?”
“fucking brat -”
“i’m not going to deny free food, hyung,”
yoongi kicked him again, before clinking their plastic cups of water together. “eat,” and then gave jungkook a look that one hundred percent meant and then i’m eating you out next .
“thanks for the free bubble tea earlier,” yoongi said, casually running a hand down his stomach. jungkook tried not to follow the movement as he tried to sluggishly find his clothes. yoongi had sucked him off earlier, but brought him to the edge so many times, jungkook was sure he was crying by the end. and maybe his vulnerability had shown just enough if yoongi’s sweet kiss and a “you’re amazing, baby” at the end was anything to go by.
jungkook just shrugged and continued looking for his clothes.
“i didn’t know you worked there,” yoongi went on, still mostly naked with boxers hanging low on his hips.
“it pays,” jungkook answered, locating his boxers. or maybe they’re were yoongi’s?
yoongi hummed in agreement. “how sad is jin-hyung that you’re growing up?”
“not too sad, he came in on my first day and took a picture of me in my uniform. the picture is hanging on their fucking fridge.” jungkook grumbled, throwing on clothes at this point.
“do you think if him and namjoon have sex in the kitchen, jin stops to look at the picture?”
“i’m pretty sure namjoon gets off to jin-hyung’s maternal instincts. it’s gross.” yoongi laughed once and sat up slightly, looking wry. since jungkook walked in, it seemed like the older wanted to say something to jungkook - and jungkook, well, he knew what was coming.
jungkook moved to grab his phone and run out of there before yoongi could say anything, but - “jungkook-ah,” yoongi started softly, “um, i just wanted to clarify our - ah,” he gestured between the both of them. jungkook swallowed and nodded. “we’re not mutually exclusive fuckbuddies, you can fuck other people, you know that, right?” and no matter how hard jungkook tried to unsee the dark marks on yoongi’s collarbones. marks made by other people - people that weren’t jungkook, he couldn’t. he couldn’t deny that he stayed in yoongi’s periphery while he had eyes for others.
“i know that,” jungkook replied, voice steady. “don’t worry, hyung, i’m not going to spring a confession on you anytime soon.”
yoongi frowned, “uh, good i guess. anyways, i’m not looking for a relationship - plus, you’re young - i mean a really great fuck, but - we wouldn’t work out, so -”
jungkook felt his chest tighten painfully, “what the fuck? what does this have to do with anything?”
“i’m just making sure you know how i feel -”
“i know how you feel, you make it loud and clear,”
“are you sure? because some days it feels like you want more and i can’t give you that, so if you -”
“i know, you’re only capable of getting me off and i’m only capable of getting you off. it’s good, great.” jungkook bit out acerbically.
“that’s not what i meant - i mean, relationship -”
“well, we’re not fucking in one are we? so it doesn’t even matter,”
yoongi squinted at jungkook, “you do want more,” he stated.
“again, it doesn’t matter -”
“of course it matters, why are you here if i can’t provide something you want? you’re better off being with someone you can,” you’re better off without me .
jungkook felt so many words clog his throat, his heart, his brain. he suddenly realized that taehyung had been prodding him this past week for a reason. he wanted him to understand his own feelings toward yoongi before they manifested in an ugly, frustrated way. before this happened.
“because you’re giving me something and that’s more than nothing which is what you would give me if i ever asked for anything more. so this is good enough - this is fucking good enough, yoongi,” maybe it was a confession, maybe it jungkook realizing that he liked yoongi and he wanted so much more. more that the older was never going to give him.
yoongi’s eyes turned sad before looking away and sighing, “we can’t -”
“i know -”
jungkook wanted to ask the older to try, he wanted to get on his knees and beg yoongi to try - but yoongi seemed to have made his decision long ago. “it’s better like this.”
and in the cold dawn, standing feet apart - jungkook by the door and yoongi, resigned on his bed - they were better like this, drowning in their own silence.
what are you supposed to do when someone breaks up with you? there were guidelines for that, of course. endless advice from endless amount of people who went through similar situations and circumstances, offering their support and jokes in a constant stream of experience . breaking up with someone didn’t always mean heartbreak . because breaking up implies there was something concrete and real to break - not this .
yoongi broke the intangibility of them into something that almost never existed. and jungkook was almost convinced they never existed except hoseok never failed to make weekly stops to the bubble tea shop, asking for yoongi’s request in boba like a good friend - jungkook never failed to constantly give yoongi a little less tea. hoseok never left a tip.
either way, jungkook could convince himself that his body didn’t crave yoongi’s touch and his heart didn’t crave yoongi’s smiles. the path of moving on was littered with work in progress signs that were going to be torn down with temptation and bad decisions soon enough, anyways.
“you know, i understand why you would avoid seokjin and namjoon, but at least talk to me and taehyung,” jimin said one friday where he was sick of jungkook cursing at him through the headset and came over for the live-action cursing.
“we are talking,” jungkook replied easily, “fucking cover me,”
“without the cursing please, i’m still older than you,” jimin sniffed, belatedly following jungkook’s directions - albeit badly.
“you little shit ,” jungkook hissed, violently smashing the controller, “why can’t you do anything right -”
jimin sighed and purposely ended the game resulting in more colorful swearing until jimin plaintively reached over for his glass of water and splashed the remaining content in jungkook’s face. “you need to fucking chill,”
jungkook sneered, going to the kitchen for a towel. “this isn’t my fault,”
“if you dealt with your emotions for once -” jimin scoffed, following his dongsaeng, “you would be able to handle this better.”
jungkook grunted, and towel-whipped jimin’s ass. “nice,” he nodded, before rummaging through the cabinets for vodka.
“we’re only trying to look out for you - friends with benefits aren’t easy and since -”
“and since you are taehyung are long-term fuckbuddies who don’t know when enough is enough to be fucking boyfriends, you have experience, i get it.” jungkook drolled, finding the clear bottle of grey goose.
jimin narrowed his eyes, “taehyung and i -”
“are a different breed of stupid fuckboys, i get it, really. fucking friends you have obvious feelings for is a great idea, i see it now. consider my eyes opened.” jungkook turned to jimin with wide eyes for effect.
“do you think - i mean of course you don’t - that taehyung and i haven’t tried a relationship? seriously get your head out of your ass and realize the whole world isn’t out to get you.”
jungkook stopped pouring vodka in his iron man mug and looked a jimin, “you guys tried?”
“yes, you stunted bunny, we’ve tried . and neither of us were in a place for a relationship,”
jungkook felt his chest tighten at this, he took a sip of the vodka to try and hide his mouth. jimin sighed, “i didn’t tell you that to hurt you, but there’s nothing wrong with you, jungkookie, you just happened to fall for the wrong guys.”
jungkook kept sipping because he hadn’t thought about his and taehyung’s brief... relationship that was even less real than his and yoongi’s. their friendship had innocent beginnings, of course, becoming flat mates through shady housing sites and fast friends as soon as he moved in. jungkook, eighteen at the time, barely brushed lips with a girl in high school and taehyung was more than willing to teach jungkook what a good, sexual time really meant.
taehyung had sucked jungkook off in the back of a movie theater during the avengers movie and jungkook had fallen hard under the pretense that sexual acts meant love and care. something taehyung was not well-versed in. he kept quiet about it, of course, becoming closer friends with the older along the way. but jungkook’s one-sided feelings bubbled over into a shouting argument when taehyung had jimin home for the first time.
since then, jimin had stuck around and taehyung had been making sure that jungkook expressed himself more. jimin stuck around long enough to fit in with his and taehyung’s nonsense and learn jungkook’s penchant for aiming at vulnerabilities to keep everyone away from him. jungkook learned to never take jimin and taehyung’s relationship seriously because taehyung didn’t even take jungkook seriously so how could he take someone who thought it would be a good idea to go to vegas on a drunken night to get married and then get it annulled three days later for shits and giggles - and the memories, jimin added .
except, jimin and taehyung tried a real relationship - something jungkook never got.
“i’ve moved on, small shit,” jungkook bit out, alcohol burning. “i don’t care what you and taehyung do,”
jimin tugged at his hair, “i know this . it doesn’t change the fact that you get emotionally attached and then implode when it all gets too much. taehyung had been trying to make you realize your own feelings for yoongi since you laid eyes on him, goddammit, but you refuse to take our advice seriously -”
“how can i when he fucks someone new each night and looks like a stoned duck?”
jimin glared at him, “you need to cut taehyung some slack,”
“and you need to stop sucking his dick thinking he’s gonna suck yours,”
“why can’t you ever stop being an asshole for five fucking seconds?”
“because in that time yoongi has already found another fuckbuddy and i will be staying here, with a sad piece of shit like yourself,” jungkook bit out. “how long are you gonna wait for taehyung, jimin? it’s been two years and you still can’t see past your own emotions to know taehyung’s just using you -”
“fuck you, jungkook, you know taehyung’s not like that,” jimin stepped forward, “and you really need to deal with your own problems -”
“oh, really? or are you just using my problems to get away from your own?” jungkook stepped closer, after chugging his vodka, feeling all heady and wrong. he grabbed jimin by the hips, “we could easily use each other, jiminie. taehyung readily offered you to fuck to get over yoongi. you could pretend i’m taehyung and i’ll pretend you’re yoongi and -” jimin shoved him away. “you’re fucked up,”
jungkook scowled, “who made me like this?”
“you can’t pin it on taehyung for your emotional inadequacy, you asshole,” jimin shook his head and swallowed. he turned around walking towards the door, “you need to fucking accept that there are people who genuinely want the best for you and taehyung only wants your happiness.”
“he would be here if he did,” jungkook yelled, “where has he been since yoongi broke up with me?”
jimin laughed meanly, “broke up with you? jungkook, there was nothing to break up, you said it yourself - you mean nothing to each other.”
“taehyung already did, bitch ,” jimin said before letting the door slam.
seokjin set down jungkook’s hot chocolate in front of him, “i told you namjoon’s son was a bastard,” jungkook gave him a look because goddammit he refused to accept that seokjin only tolerates taehyung on the conditional fact that he’s namjoon’s illegitimate son.
“why do i put up with your bullshit?” jungkook mumbled, taking a sip. “anyways, neither him or jimin are talking to me until i get my shit together.”
seokjin sighed and took a seat across from him, “you said some pretty harsh things, and i understand what happened with yoongi was rough, but they don’t deserve any of that.”
“jimin just can’t handle the truth,” jin made a pouty face at the mention of his adopted puppy.
“and you can’t handle the truth that yoongi doesn’t owe you anything,” seokjin said softly, “jimin needs to realize his truths on his own, as do you,” rationally, jungkook knew this. hell, he even agreed that he could be a big boy about yoongi and find himself another fuck-friend and all will be good and he would still have his two best friends talking to him. but moving on from yoongi seemed a lot harder than moving on from taehyung.
jungkook drank his hot chocolate broodily. seokjin sighed again, “hoseok baked these for you, by the way,” jin passed over a pan of brownie cake that had sorry written in pink icing. jungkook frowned at it, “does it have weed in them?”
seokjin sighed and placed the pan away from jungkook, “everyone is trying, jungkook,” why did everyone want to insist that this atmospheric sadness was jungkook’s fault? that all these conversations wrought with tensions and unspoken words were all because of jungkook? why did everyone feel like if he changed his ways everything will become magically better?
he knew he should have followed taehyung’s advice and actually reflected on his and yoongi’s meaningless relationship and his own feelings towards the older before jungkook was too deep. he knew where he fucked up - he fucked up when he fell for taehyung when he confused sex for deeper, intimate care. but, goddammit, something about yoongi had him second-guessing if sex really just meant sex.
“everyone is trying to be better,” seokjin amended softly, “i’m not saying what either you or yoongi did was right or wrong, i’m saying you need to be better for yourself.” jungkook slowly lowered his forehead to the edge of the table in a dramatic fashion. seokjin was right of course, after his screaming match with jimin, taehyung had told jungkook brusquely that jimin wanted to stop their fuckbuddy relationship and then proceeded to throw his dirty underwear at jungkook. it was the most taehyung had interacted with him all week. so jimin took some of jungkook’s words to heart and this was their way of being better - for each other hopefully.
and maybe this cake was hoseok trying to tell jungkook that if his roommate can’t be better for jungkook, then he is going to damn well try. but jungkook wasn’t interested in brownies that didn’t get him high as a kite.
“i know that,” jungkook sighed, “i just wish - i wish i could be better at not wanting what i can’t have.” seokjin let out a tiny gasp when jungkook didn’t reply with his usual level of snark. jungkook was also surprised and was about to jump up and blurt out a stupid irrelevant meme when he heard namjoon shuffle in at this and he really didn’t want to look up to see his parents having their telepathic conversation. he didn’t want to see a happy couple.
namjoon cleared his throat, “well, the best revenge, or uh, remedy for that is simply being the person that someone else wants but can’t have,” jungkook looked up at this, face red and confused. seokjin frowned at his pseudo-husband. namjoon continued, “you’re still young, jungkookie, if someone wants you - make them earn it.”
“joon -” seokjin warned, moving to cover jungkook’s ears, but the younger already had a smile growing on his face. “look, i really think these things can be dealt with in a healthy way that doesn’t require you undergoing drastic personality changes.”
jungkook yawned dramatically, “healthy is boring. normal is boring. and i don’t need your blessing for this,” he stood up. namjoon looked sheepish. “i’m going to be better and make everyone regret -”
“- by everyone you mean taehyung and yoongi -”
“he means just yoongi, taehyung was fake love,”
jungkook stood to cover both their mouths, looking into the metaphorical camera that was actually the wall where seokjin hung jungkook’s family (dick) drawing (pics) “and make everyone wish they were good enough for me.”
look at me now
“why do you try so hard?” taehyung asked from the doorway, sniffing in distaste at jungkook’s outfit. “you don’t need to make a point each time you go out, you know.”
jungkook ignored him and continued to touch up his face, for the most part their triad dynamic had stayed the same after jungkook sincerely apologized for his words. he doesn’t know what fully happened between taehyung and jimin, and when he’s drunk enough to ask jimin, he gets a lecture on love and timing . so his sober self has no interest in knowing.
“so i can make someone else hard,” jungkook replied after a considerable pause when he was sure taehyung had decided to go fuck himself. “i don’t do this to make a point anymore, i just do it.”
taehyung hummed in dubious agreement and took a quick picture of jungkook. “i’m sending your ass to jimin, he’s going to die when he realizes your ass and thighs are bigger,”
“who’s ass is more fuckable?” jungkook called out as taehyung retreated down the hallway.
“his, you moronic excuse for a human,” taehyung shouted back. it’s his senior year and jungkook couldn’t have been happier when taehyung and jimin had not only forgiven him and his dick words, but supported him through his journey of becoming a better person for the wrong reasons.
“so you want to become this cold and hot fuckboy so yoongi-hyung will one day see you and think, ‘damn i should have tied down that ass and put a ring on it when i had the chance?’” jimin had asked cautiously.
jungkook nodded, “it’s not really a fuck you at yoongi, i’m just tired - tired of not even being good enough for myself.”
taehyung considered this for a moment, “what happened between me and you and what happened between you and yoongi are different - you know that, right?”
under other circumstances jungkook would have snapped at taehyung for being a patronizing shit, but he understood the older’s concern. “i know, i realize that now. but this is for myself, too. i need to grow up.”
jimin smiled prettily, “did jin-hyung cry?”
“he has a photo album that’s filled with stock photos of aesthetic korean babies from google and he just pulled that out and started reminiscing. i had to fucking sit there for four hours while he made up memories of me tying my shoes together and dropping milk down my shirt.” jungkook deadpanned while taehyung frowned in discomfort.
“ anyways ,” taehyung said, “if you really think this is going to help...” he glanced at jimin, who looked sheepish, but smiled encouragingly. “then we’ll help you in any way we can,”
jungkook grinned and clapped once, jimin jumped - looking downright terrified all of a sudden. “right, well, taehyung - do you think you can take me shopping?” if taehyung’s gucci sandals and early 2000s graphic tee was anything to go by, jungkook knew he needed to spend start spending money on clothes that weren’t white t-shirt and sweatpants.
“oh, friend , i thought you would never ask,” taehyung said, bringing his thumb to jungkook’s chin. “we’re going to make you better .”
and even though it’s only been two years since they had that conversation, jimin and taehyung swear they created a monster and namjoon and seokjin mourn their bunny son with wide eyes and skinny body everyday. because jimin had made jungkook accompany him on gym dates that were first called we gymmin but then became jimin . and taehyung and jungkook had spent their friday nights in stores replacing each item in jungkook’s wardrobe.
“have you seen my armani jacket?”jungkook called out.
“if you wear an armani jacket to a house party, i will seriously burn your gucci underwear while you wear them, which will burn your face off because liquid eyeliner is flammable when wet, you ballsack.” taehyung came into the room again, holding a black leather jacket. “ballsack,” he said again, throwing the jacket at him. “you don’t deserve these clothes.”
jungkook shrugged and put the jacket on, checking himself in the mirror once more. “do you even have a dick in those pants?” taehyung kept talking. although, the point of these pants wasn’t for really jungkook’s dick but his thighs. jungkook looked at himself in the mirror, “what do you think?”
“priceless, babe,” taehyung drolled, “you look untouchable.”
jungkook knew this, him and tae had spent too much of their meager savings on clothes they both did not need this past year and then spent the rest of shitty makeup they happened to wear well enough to pass off as bougie. in this, he looked fuckable .
“i thought you were going to be supportive,” jungkook said, walking past tae and towards the door. “you sure you don’t want to come?”
“said no one ever,” taehyung mumbled, before following jungkook. “i’ve been supportive, it just seems...fruitless.” jungkook sighed because they each had different goals for being better people. taehyung agreed with jungkook’s method of looking irresistible to touch, but he didn’t leave his partners blue-balled and fucked up without ever laying a finger. taehyung craved his one night stands as much as he craved things he couldn’t have. like jimin.
“i’m not looking for a one night stand,” jungkook considered for a moment, “i mean, he has to be hot.”
“amen, bro,” taehyung threw up finger guns. jungkook snorted before looking at taehyung one more time, “jimin’s coming,” he said quietly, “it could be fun with the three of us?”
taehyung waved him off, “good, he needs to have fun - both of you do. i’m tired having fun for three people, i need my beauty rest - ugly people don’t understand.” which wasn’t even true, because if taehyung wasn’t cramming for his exams he was sleeping and if he wasn’t do either of those things he was eating. eating ass, of course, but still. and jimin and taehyung were still best friends, a weird best friendship that started from frequent fucking. jungkook never judged, but the closeness the two had when together made jungkook think if he hadn’t said anything a year ago, would the two be in a real relationship now? he shook his head, no time to live the past.
“take care of jiminie,” taehyung said, ruffling jungkook’s hair maliciously. “and try not come to home tonight, you fake shit,”
they never really got their closure, yoongi and jungkook. yoongi returned some ambiguous monochrome clothing to jungkook and jungkook deleted yoongi’s phone number. namjoon gave him a self-published guide to moving on and jungkook made taehyung read the back cover except taehyung didn’t know how to read the korean language, so jimin learned how to read just for jungkook.
“in this fascinating, self-help guide by kim fucking namjoon,” he read, “jungkook will learn the art of moving on by first deleting all contact information and then becoming a monk in the himalayas,”
“what’s actually in the book?” taehyung inquired because he was bored. “aw, shit, he put jin’s dick pics,”
“how can you tell that’s hyung’s?” jungkook moaned in disgust. taehyung looked up, all dazed and unseeing. “us kims have intimate knowledge of each other,”
jimin smacked him and threw the book in the trash, “just move the fuck on from yoongi and do your squats, small ass,”
so jungkook had deleted yoongi’s number as mechanically as he did he squats. and yoongi had quickly dropped away from his life, mostly leaving hoseok as jimin’s semi-permanent dance buddy and jungkook’s occasional friend when his four friends were busy.
the closest thing they got to closure was yoongi’s words when jungkook came to pick up his stuff, “i guess i’m sorry things had to be like this,” he mumbled, all shy and hesistant. jungkook’s heart stuttered because he would rather of have that instead of this . “i guess it’s weird that a fuckbuddy is giving you advice on how to move on, but - if you think about it logically it doesn’t make sense why someone like you would fall for someone like me, especially not in this universe. i’m not ready for someone like you, jungkookie,” god, his heart hurt . “but i hope, in a different universe or different world, or whatever, i don’t hesitate when it comes to you.” jungkook thought he saw yoongi’s insecurities breaking through at this - maybe jungkook was too good for yoongi and he should take that as a good thing and find someone better.
but what if this was the best?
and somehow this felt like a break up even though they were nothing - nothing about them was tangible to be broken. jungkook wanted to shout and cry why yoongi was hesitating now when it came to them? why wasn’t he ready now? and what the fuck was this bullshit on the universe and love?
when jungkook asked hoseok about it on a drunken night the older looked at jungkook confusedly, “you actually got a formal good-bye from him?” jungkook didn’t say anything. “well, shit, man.” hoseok leaned back, eyes glossy. “ how good was your dick game?”
so maybe it boiled down to this: attraction, proximity, sexuality, environment. they were young and living in the moment was practically encoded in their genes. fun was important not messy emotions and uncertainty. it boiled down to this: sex equaled gratification and relationships equaled painful complicated emotions.
it boiled down to this: nights worth of fucking that jungkook will never regret in any universe.
since the party mongols are no longer students, but professional subjects to capitalism, jungkook, jimin, and taehyung settled for second best - park jaebum. his party comprised of western-koreans meet eastern koreans and there was so much english being thrown around that jungkook was sure his english was two percent better after each of his parties.
jimin rubbed his hand on jungkook’s shoulder, “hyung,” he hissed, “people are going to think we’re a couple,” jimin glared at him, but moved his hand to the small of jungkook’s back which wasn’t much better.
“don’t you have that gut feeling?” jimin whispered-yelled in his ear, “like we don’t belong here?” jungkook heard ‘belong here’ and nodded at jimin.
jimin looked impatient at the grinding the bodies around him and jerked his head to the exit. jungkook sighed and shook his head. jimin looked ridiculously fuckable in his red lips and silver hair, parted to reveal his forehead, that if taehyung wasn’t going to fuck him, then jungkook would except he wasn’t jiminsexual. he tugged at his hyung’s hand, “we’ll stay for a bit, i promise. kiss someone, shotgun a beer - i don’t know. i just gotta make a point and it would be a downright shame if you went home without putting this look to work, hyung.” jungkook said, his lips right up against jimin’s ear.
jimin sneered before pushing jungkook slightly away. he grinned before pressing up against the older once and stepping away. “be careful, jungkookie,” jimin said once before getting caught up in the throng of multi geographical beings.
jungkook took a breath before facing the party with eyes that seokjin claimed were his bettroom eyes . (“get it?” he laughed like a fucking baby otter, “because you’re trying to a better person but also those eyes are bedroom eyes, you know?” jungkook wielded the childproof scissors at jin menacingly.)
it worked like this: jungkook walked through a party, dancing and grinding here and there before he remembered he was above such behavior (he wasn’t really) and found himself in one of the empty rooms with with a guy who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. and jungkook would be ready to sleep with almost anyone - because really anyone would do, except it just felt wrong. much like taehyung had said jungkook didn’t deserve the clothes he was wearing, no one really deserved him in these clothes. and ripping them off would be a damn shame.
but really, jungkook wasn’t ready for the physical intimacy with just anyone - no matter how long it’s been. and maybe today, he would be.
after dancing a little and working up a slight sweat, (a slight glistening of skin made anyone luminous, preached kim taehyung) he started to retreat to the kitchen in search of park’s famous jungle juice. he was terribly sober and started to feel terribly wrong being at this party - a party that taehyung said was happening but declined to join, a party that jimin felt uncomfortable being at, a party that hoseok laughed at when jungkook mentioned it, a party that no one wanted to be around for because -
jungkook turned his head ninety degrees to stare right back at dark, slanted eyes. he was fucking played. he felt a jolt of adrenaline go through him and he didn’t want to admit that he had been played in the best of ways. yoongi wore a similar dark outfit that looked more professional and high standard, bitch than jungkook’s armani and burberry. and fuck if jungkook didn’t want to drag down yoongi’s turtleneck with his teeth just to see if he was taken.
and maybe the crowd was nudging jungkook closer, closer to something he spent so much time convincing himself he didn’t want anymore. or maybe yoongi was walking closer, walking with that careless, confident stride that used to make jungkook feel inadequate. now, in his thigh-hugging pants and smooth leather jacket, with his pouty red lips and bettroom eyes - they were equals.
and with yoongi’s dark, wide eyes and wet lips, jungkook knew he was trying to hold back. hold back from grabbing jungkook and claiming him as his like he used to. yoongi didn’t know what to do with himself and jungkook has been waiting for this reaction.
“jeon,” yoongi greeted, voice deeper than the fucking bass.
“yoongi,” jungkook acknowledged, getting caught in those eyes - no longer blonde and blue, but black and so fucking dark that jungkook forgot he could breathe now. he could breathe the same air with yoongi - the one between their lips.
“we shouldn’t do this,” yoongi mumbled, still maintaining eye contact. and they really really shouldn’t, there were so many things unsaid, so many explanations and questions to be asked, but -
recklessness was encoded in their genes and maybe maybe it was written in the stars for them to feel good -
with each other, because -
fucking finally , jungkook thought as their lips met.
jimin : ur gonna kill me when u wake up
jimin : hope u had fun tho
jimin : u deserve this bro
taehyung : *points at own crotch* dont 4get who daddy iz
seokjin : ur pleasure comes first!!!1111
hoseok : uh, shit man
namjoon : make sure you’re home on time, it might rain with one hundred percent chance of yoongi dick
jungkook really doesn’t remember all the hazy details of yoongi practically hauling jungkook’s ass to his car. nor does he remember yoongi hauling jungkook’s ass, up his stairs and inside the older’s apartment. he does remember yoongi’s touch on jungkook’s thigh the whole way home and the harsh pushes and growls as yoongi tried to wrestle jungkook out of his tight ass clothes. he remembers the way yoongi practically worshipped his thighs before fucking them, claiming that those pants were made for jungkook’s thighs. he remember the way jungkook rode yoongi slowly, both of them wanting this to last. he remembers yoongi on top of him, trying to break back into jungkook’s heart because, god , maybe he did belong there.
the next morning did seem different from those mornings two years ago, but this wasn’t the way this was supposed to go. he groaned at the messages on his phone, mentally berating himself at their flimsy plan. he should have seen it coming - because although he has been better for himself, he missed the one person who started all of this, the one person who he was not allowed to miss.
“it’s too fuckin’ early,” he heard yoongi grumble, “what the fuck.”
jungkook blinked, turning to face yoongi. he was supposed to be past this; he needed to be past this. “i need to go,”
yoongi opened his eyes to squint at him, “seriously?”
“did i fucking stutter?”
there was a silence, an intense stare off of both of them trying to reconcile these last two years, but - “wow, what have you become in this last year?”
jungkook sighed, and moved to find his clothes before yoongi’s bare skin made him take drastic measures. like eating him out. or something.
“can we at least talk about this?” yoongi asked.
jungkook had learned a lot on his hyungs during the year. he rarely went to hoseok for comfort, but sometimes he didn’t need the sheltered affection and encouragement from his other friends and needed honesty. hoseok was good with that and told jungkook that indifference was the opposite of love, and unfeeling was somewhat addicting, but if it meant he’d be unbreakable, well -
“it was a good fuck, that’s all i needed,”
“are you telling that in these past two years you’ve become this callous asshole? that’s laughable,”
“why?” jungkook faced him, anger clawing his throat. “because i’m you ?” it was far from the truth, but yoongi was the callous asshole first, so.
“that’s not what -” yoongi sat up, sheets pooling around his waist as he tugged his hair to search for the right words. “you know i never saw you as a good fuck, right? it was so much more than that and - “
“and - now ? did you like ask all my friends to encourage me to come to the party just so you could make your move and restart this -”
yoongi scoffed, “you really think - i had no idea that you would be here tonight. jaebum and i work together, he invited me, that’s it. i didn’t intend for any of this to happen, but if you want to play suffering victim of meddling friends, then.” yoongi shrugged, his face going blank.
jungkook sighed, his resolve to keep up this fight quickly crumbling, “i’m supposed to be over this,” he really meant over you , but he was in denial.
yoongi’s eyes softened, “i know. me, too,” jungkook looked at him, all considering. because yoongi wasn’t allowed to say that - he ended things with jungkook, not the other way around. and how could yoongi really have gone through the same emotional and physical upheaval as jungkook?
but, god, jungkook desperately wanted to believe him.
“if you want something, jungkook...” yoongi started, you just have to ask . taehyung told him this several times when jungkook chose to keep he wants quiet because he was afraid of burdening anyone with his real feelings. he knows so many things could have been avoided if he just told taehyung what he really wanted, if he just told yoongi he was better than this - they were better than this.
“i want to be friends,” he said quietly, “you and me, without the benefits. just - friends because we don’t know anything about each other and i don’t think we’re in a position for a relationship, if you’re even ready for that.”
yoongi laughed a little before clearing his throat, “i think we both did some growing up in those two years, didn’t we?”
jungkook raised a shoulder, “i’d like to think so,” he didn’t say no at a relationship. he didn’t say no at wanting a relationship. fuckfuckfuck.
he smiled, all wide and gummy and, god, did jungkook ever move on? yoongi glanced at the clock, “can we start this whole friends thing at noon? you’re still mostly naked and i’m very naked and well -”
jungkook laughed and moved to capture yoongi’s smile with his lips. “insatiable,”
“only for you, baby,” yoongi said murmured quietly, hand curling on jungkook’s jaw and drawing him in like he never left.
“yo, fucktards,” jungkook called out when he entered the apartment the next morning, “what the fuck is wrong with you two?”
both their heads popped out from behind the couch, looking a little flushed and breathless. jungkook made a face, “what are you doing?”
taehyung lifted a jenga block, “playing jenga, wanna join?”
“no, i need to murder you,”
“i’m busy today,” taehyung told him.
“jimin?” jungkook looked at his other best friend, “what will your last words be?”
“at least i apologized,” jimin defended, “i told them all it was a bad idea,”
“hoseok seemed to be the most apologetic, the rest of you can go to hell,”
“so nice of you to invite us to your home, babe,” taehyung smiled, “how’s yoongi?” jungkook blinked away the feeling of deja vu.
“he’s...we’re..why would you do that?”
taehyung and jimin exchanged a look, “it was somewhat an intervention,” taehyung explained slowly, “you know we’re fully supportive of your moving on efforts, but if what hoseok is saying about yoongi being almost as miserable as you -”
“he never says those things,” jungkook interrupted, “what are you saying?”
“you know the appendages on the side of your head are not for decoration,” jimin remarked, “hoseok has mentioned yoongi a lot in this past year.”
“yeah, he said he was fine ,” jungkook glared.
taehyung rolled his eyes, “we’re all fine , jungkook, but we’re not happy.” sometimes jungkook really thought taehyung wasn’t talking about the same thing.
jimin glanced at taehyung, all fond and concerned that it made jungkook want . he looked away. “that doesn’t mean we’re still good for each other, that doesn’t mean yesterday should have happened.”
“no,” jimin agreed softly, “but it doesn’t mean you should be better for yourself if you’re still going to be sad.”
“yoongi and i -” jungkook rubbed his face, “we’re going to do this right by being friends first and what if that doesn’t work?”
“then you’ll still have four friends and hoseok hyung,” taehyung said cheekily, “and we’ll find you better dick.” taehyung leaned closer to jimin to whisper loudly, “speaking of dicks, can you even see jungkook’s in those pants?”
jimin giggled. suddenly, jungkook was slightly glad he had another friend in his life. he needed more than just these two excuses for humans, his psuedo-parents, and fuckseok. “i’m going to stab you both with jenga blocks, you stupid fucks,” jungkook threatened mildly.
taehyung sneered, “you don’t deserve friends, dickshit,”
stay a little
nothing really changed except for added presence of yoongi and the more frequent and stable presence of hoseok. maybe jungkook spent his friday nights order greasy take out food and playing overwatch at yoongi’s apartment while the older passed out on the sofa from the long work week. maybe yoongi stopped by jungkook’s bubble tea shop where he was parttime manager now and ordered bubble for the both of them even though jungkook could easily make it himself for free. maybe hoseok, jimin, and taehyung became unforgivable children when together that would make jungkook and yoongi sneak off to an empty bar, drink a little and laugh a lot. maybe seokjin hosted dinners that resulted in food fights because they really were damn rebellious teenagers at heart and yoongi would always tug jungkook under the table for safety.
nothing really changed, they were a little happier, a little less broken and bending to be someone they’re not. well, jungkook was still trying his gotta be better kick.
jimin tugged the choker around jungkook’s neck, tsking softly. “i thought, i thought you were doing better.”
“ i am doing better,” jungkook reminded, leaning forward to place the colored contacts in his eyes.
“then why are we doing this?”
“you don’t have to come; we’re graduating in two months, i understand if house parties are a bit...out of our scene now.”
“that’s not it,” jimin said, letting go of the choker and fixing jungkook with a look. “just - i don’t know. taehyung’s stopped sleeping around, yoongi’s in your life as a good friend, i would think we don’t need this life anymore.” this life of partying and finding someone to promise you a good night with them was hard to shake off completely. if taehyung didn’t admit to jungkook one drunken night how he’s stupidly in love with jimin, jungkook would not taking his abrupt decline to parties and sleeping around so easily.
“and what about yoongi-hyung?” jimin asked quietly, “you guys are doing better as friends, i don’t see why you need to -”
“we’re fine,” jungkook interrupted, giving jimin a look. “like. we’re friends, great friends. it’s great.”
“but?” jimin prompted,
“that’s just it - we’re just friends. i want more from him and i thought i was going to get more, but what if this is it? what if in this universe we’re just meant to stay friends?” jimin looked away at this, a light flush coating his cheeks as jungkook processed what he just said. of course, jimin and taehyung were the pinnacle of wanting more from each other than just friendship, but the two have this carefully formulated and deep extensive friendship that jungkook forgets that they were once fuckbuddies and still recovering from that part of their lives.
so here they were, two idiots wanting more from two other idiots that had no idea how to give them more without destroying themselves in the process.
jungkook sighed, “i don’t even know what i’m waiting for at this point, and the uncertainty of that makes me want to - still be better .”
“but when will you be better for yourself?”
and jungkook didn’t want to respond with when i’m good enough for yoongi but maybe jimin already knew.
“ fuckin ’ why did you and jimin have to turn your phones off?” jungkook heard a growling voice enter his room. ever since taehyung decided that he needed to seriously study tm for his law exams, leaving jimin and jungkook to become flatmates, jungkook stopped locking the door because taehyung had a penchant for midnight epiphanies after a good fuck and soon required jungkook to always lock his door. but now, jimin and him respected each other’s privacies, but didn’t realize that no one else did.
“come on , jimin,” he heard yoongi say to the body next to him. wait - why was there a body next to him? wait , jimin would never get into a bed with him.
“hyung -” jungkook sat up suddenly to warn yoongi of the potential mass murderer he might have brought back home, but -
“what the fuck?” yoongi jolted back once he saw the stranger was not jimin. “who the fuck are you?”
jungkook winced and glanced at the stranger trying to recall his name. he had dark hair and full lips, looked slightly older than jungkook was used to, but still good taste.
the guy groaned and looked at jungkook, “what’s happening?”
yoongi looked at jungkook, “who is he? i swear to god, if you brought back a murderer -”
“uh, what’s your name?” jungkook asked the guy.
“jung kiseok,” he yawned.
“jung kiseok,” jungkook repeated at yoongi. yoongi glared. “uh, did we have sex?”
kiseok shook his head, “our clothes are still on, man,” jungkook blinked, realizing yes, they’re clothes were still on but jung kiseok was shirtless and small bruises dotting his collarbones. jungkook absentmindedly rubbed his collarbones through his thin t-shirt, feeling the raised skin along his collar and near his jugular.
“right, uh,” jung kiseok said, “boyfriend?” he pointed at yoongi. jungkook shook his head quickly. yoongi crossed his arms. “okay, well, i should probably go,” he muttered, running his hand down jungkook’s hair once before smiling softly. “had a good time last night,” jungkook’s eyes wandered to his, not wanting to get up in yoongi’s dark eyes.
“mmhm, me, too. see you around, kiseok-ssi,” kiseok quickly found his t-shirt and put it on, ducking out quickly.
“had a good time last night,” yoongi mocked with a laugh, “you really pick them well, don’t you?”
jungkook scoffed, lying back down not wanting to deal with this. “i picked you, didn’t i?”
“yeah,” yoongi allowed, “amazing who you do when drunk,”
jungkook was about to retort when the stupid twins stumbled in, jimin was half draped over taehyung. “found him, your honor-hyung,” taehyung declared, smiling.
“ah, jungkookie, please never let hyung drink that much again,” jimin pleaded, eyes mostly closed. or open. taehyung nudged his nose into jimin’s cheek, jungkook glanced away.
“yeah,” yoongi said, lifting both their phones, displaying their lockscreens of drunk selcas. jungkook vaguely remembered dropping his phone by the door when he came in last night. jimin probably followed in suit. “why did you turn both your phones off? you promised seokjin-hyung that you would text when you got home and you -”
“ ‘cause we’re fucking adults, yoongi,” jungkook groaned, “i don’t need anyone checking up on me.” yoongi scowled in distaste. “brat,” none of this was particularly true, but jimin and jungkook had both noticed halfway through the party that they both kept checking their phones to see any updates from either taehyung or yoongi, respectively. it was then jungkook decided to turn their phones off and get shwasted.
“who was the guy you picked up, anyways,” taehyung asked casually. “and why didn’t you bring home anyone, jiminie? can’t let jungkookie have all the fun,”
jimin raised his hand in large effort to pinch the bridge of his nose, “i think he suggested a threesome, but jungkook had fell asleep near his crotch before that happened and i was too drunk to deal with that shit.”
“oh my god,” jungkook heard yoongi mumble.
“tae, can we go back to bed please? i don’t want to stand anymore.” jungkook frowned, fucking baby traitor . before they got too drunk, they devised a plan that meant spending less time with taehyung and yoongi to try and become less pathetic, but one hangover and willing taehyung meant jimin had no resolve.
“of course, jiminie,” taehyung said, leading jimin out. he turned to face jungkook as jimin walked back to his bedroom, “oh and next time you decide to cut certain people out from your life because you can’t handle your own shit, don’t drag jimin down the same brain-dead train as you, jungshit,” he hissed in a low voice.
“shut up, trashhyung,”
taehyung sneered once, “figure your own emotions out,” and then he left leaving yoongi and jungkook. he groaned again and put his arm over his eyes, wanting everyone just to leave. he heard yoongi sigh and move onto the bed, almost crowding jungkook. almost admitting defeat.
“there’s that whole side of the bed, hyung,” jungkook mumbled.
“kisuck slept there,” yoongi explained and jungkook conceded switching places with yoongi, so he could lie on top of the elder. yoongi moved his hand to card through jungkook’s hair. “you know if something’s bothering you, you can talk me,”
jungkook shook his head. maybe taehyung was right - maybe he really did need to figure out and deal with his own emotions towards yoongi. but for now, he wanted his headache to go away and lay with yoongi for a really long time.
“i know,” jungkook said against his neck, pretending for one moment this wasn’t platonic and this wasn’t temporary and he didn’t have someone else’s marks on him. he didn’t want to forget yoongi right now. “i need to figure my shit out,” he repeated taehyung’s words.
he felt yoongi’s hand trail down his back, coaxing him to fall asleep. jungkook wondered if he knew the extent of his feelings, if reciprocated or if being friends was just another way to lead jungkook on like the fucking puppy he was. “sleep,” yoongi whispered, “figure it out later.”
maybe he did want to forget.
sometimes jungkook couldn’t believe one of his best friends was his ex-fuckbuddy. and his stepmom was his ex-fuckbuddy’s former roommate. and seokjin still had passive-aggressive family dinners that were just about namjoon’s new theory on the purpose of life and who’s thighs were bigger: jungkook’s or jimin’s.
as part of being an adult in this current century, nothing was ever truly figured out as it was usually ignored. swept under the metaphorical rug until someone decided to be an asshole and clean under the rug. taehyung, jimin, and jungkook usually took turns cleaning under the rug until one of them was close to unconsciousness or tears.
it was no one’s fault that jimin was scared of just another relationship that was based on physical affection. it was no one’s fault that taehyung didn’t know how to be a good boyfriend and constantly beat himself up because he couldn’t focus on a relationship when he was constantly studying for exams. he could never on focus on jimin longer than his own dick size. and it was no one’s fault that jungkook masochist and rather bask in yoongi’s friendship and fleeting touches while the older dated others, but always came back to jungkook - the resident puppy. it was no one’s fault that taehyung thought he was doing the right thing by letting jungkook attach himself to him and let him go like the stray he was.
of course, they blamed each other. of course they blamed each other for not dealing with their own problems and becoming broken at the hands of each other.
jungkook had told himself that he would figure himself out after graduation, and then when he saw yoongi in his dark blue blazer and white shirt with dark jeans begrudgingly thrusting jungkook red roses that he knows seokjin had bought, jungkook couldn’t find the words to shove at him. so jungkook told himself that he’ll figure his shit out when he got a job, but then yoongi showed up after jungkook’s miserable first day with black bean noodles and taro bubble tea that jungkook mostly wanted to cry.
so here he is, six months into his job, pretending to be an adult when he goes out to drinks with fake-ass coworkers every friday and paying rent with jimin. the fascade clearly crumbled whenever hoseok or jin took a break from their respective jobs to nurse a drunk jungkook who tried to forget yoongi again .
namjoon set down a glass of water in front of him, “drink,” he demanded.
“is it tequila?” jungkook asked, all wide eyes. he heard hoseok snort from next to him.
“how do you and jin do this every time?” namjoon sighed. jin was at his pretentious korean art gala pretending to be a socialite, so namjoon was stuck taking care jungkook, but this time was worse than usual, so he called hoseok for backup.
“we take turns,” hoseok replied, patting jungkook’s thigh. “you need to drink water, you overgrown child.”
“adult,” jungkook corrected with his middle finger, “i demand to be treated like an adult,”
“i swear i’m going to get the fucking sippy cup, if you don’t -” namjoon started to threaten lamely before jungkook’s phone started to vibrate on the table.
“ah,” hoseok said, looking over, “it’s yoongi-hyung, do you want me to -” jungkook interrupted him by throwing the phone at the wall, watching the glass clatter. “i’ll just go fuck myself, then,” hoseok finished.
namjoon inhaled quietly, “what happened?”
“am i waiting around for nothing?” jungkook asked, “am i just going to keep waiting until yoongi wakes up and remembers that i’m here, waiting to love him with all that i have?” he wanted another beer.
hoseok tried to ask again, “what happened?”
“ he ,” jungkook tried, fingers curling around air. “nothing. i went over after work today because we haven’t hung out in a couple of weeks and he just - started asking all these questions about my life and how i was doing, and did everything right - and nothing even happened, i just felt like he was my older brother and i couldn’t handle that. i just felt so silly being friends with someone i love who treats me as a younger brother who he used to fuck.”
namjoon scrunched his nose at the image while jungkook drank the glass of water in one go. “that wasn’t fucking tequila, you lied.” jungkook needed something to distract himself that he was throwing around love more and more when it came to yoongi these days and it wasn’t said carelessly. it was him fucking trying to express himself to the wrong people.
“so you’re mad at yoongi for doing what you asked a year ago?” hoseok inquired softly. “he’s just following your wishes, jungkook,”
“why are you always on his side?” jungkook grumbled, “you all are, it’s like yoongi can do no wrong because he’s just being friends with me which - i know is what i want, but i just needed time to figure my shit out, but now he’s dating people and i’m still here, shit figured out - but he’s moved on. and i haven’t.” maybe everyone was starting to move on and jungkook was still suffering at trying to be better for someone who didn’t even care that he was better.
“remember,” namjoon sat down to him, “how we discussed that you should be better, and be good enough that no one thinks they can touch you because you’re too good? did you become better for yourself or yoongi?”
“i thought,” jungkook struggled, “i thought it was for myself,” but he knew, after jay’s party that it all had been for yoongi’s reaction. for yoongi to regret. for yoongi to want jungkook again.
“being better,” hoseok explained, “also means giving yourself a chance to go after what you want. you can’t keep shying away from this because it’s overwhelming or you don’t want to ruin this friendship you have now.”
“plus,” namjoon said, “what if he doesn’t even know how you feel? you both are terrible at ordering shit off menus and rather keep silent when the waiter gets the order wrong, so it’s no surprise that both of you rather keep silent on this.”
“i just want this pain to go away,” jungkook whined, bringing his knees to his chest, “i just want to be happy. i want us to be happy.”
hoseok looked like he was about to say something when his phone started ringing, “hi, hyung - yeah, he’s here - uh, yeah. you don’t have to come - no, i don’t think, oh ok. he hung up when i confirmed you were here and now he’s on his way. sorry, kookie,” hoseok apologized. “or maybe i’m not sorry, because this has been going on for way too long and you need give yourself a break.” namjoon agreed softly.
jungkook looked at his hyungs with wide eyes, “the pain, hyungs, he makes me hurt,”
hoseok rested his forehead on jungkook’s temple and namjoon rubbed his back, “god, seokjin is really going to be pissed that he missed you crying,”
“so are you going to explain to me why you have a broken phone and are drunk in my backseat?” yoongi asked once they pulled up to yoongi’s apartment. jungkook vaguely wondered why they weren’t at his and jimin’s place, but namjoon allowed jungkook five shots of bourbon behind hoseok’s back, so he wasn’t in the right place to think.
“no, you’re not my brother. or either of my moms.” jungkook shot back petulantly.
“okay,” yoongi conceded, “are you going to tell me why you ran out of my apartment like i was trying to murder you?”
“you don’t have evidence that you weren’t,”
“jin-hyung made me childproof my home, idiot,” yoongi shot him a look in the review mirror. “look, if you’re pissed at me, i think i deserve to know why. i can read you well enough, but not when you pull this shit,”
“this shit, huh? like i’m a fucking child who goes around doing stupid shit like getting drunk in the backseat of his ex-fuckbuddy/turned best friend’s car?”
“honestly, you could have done stupider things. but calling me your best friend when jimin and taehyung aren’t around is probably one of the smarter things you have done.”
yoongi turned around, his dark eyes finding jungkook’s. yoongi’s hair was a light brown now, he looked so sweet all the time and jungkook sometimes couldn’t handle it. “okay, what the fuck. i’m trying to meet you halfway here, but you insist on acting like this overgrown child then i should just leave you on this corner and have you find your way back home.”
“do you even care if you leave me behind?” jungkook asked.
“what are you -”
“do you care that you were able to fuck me and move on? that you were able to become friends with me so easily and still just date other people, knowing i’ll always be here?”
“do you care that i’ve been waiting here, hyung? waiting for you to realize that i’m on this fruitless march of pretending that i’m not yours, but - but -” jungkook pulled at his hair. “there’s no fucking point.”
“did you ever think, that i’m trying to move on from you?” yoongi hung head, almost ashamed. “that i’ve been doing my best trying to respect your wishes and being a good friend, a good hyung. all the while trying to genuinely date other people because no one could be hung up on an ex-fuckbuddy for this long, right?” yoongi laughed bitterly. “i don’t deserve to love someone like you, jeon jungkook,”
jungkook leaned his head on the passenger seat in front of him. what am i supposed to do when someone like you wants someone like me? let me choose you, hyung - let me love you. “stop running, hyung, and come back to me. just let me - let me meet you halfway, or something, god.” jungkook must have been crying now, because he knows yoongi’s feelings are reciprocated, but both of them are struggling to reach out. it begs the question, will they ever reach out?
“oh, baby,” yoongi’s hand fell to jungkook’s hair and his nose to jungkook’s cheek. “loving you was never that easy.”
and don’t let go
“did you know yoongi-hyung asked me if we were dating before he slept with you park’s party?” jimin asked, throwing his legs over taehyung’s lap. they both watched as jungkook got ready to go out, this time donning a white turtleneck and dark windbreaker - a stark contrast from the dark, expensive clothing still tucked away in his closet.
“you’re going to make me throw up,” said jungkook, running his hands through his hair once.
“well actually,” taehyung corrected, a hand going up to curl under jimin’s jaw. “yoongi had texted hoseok to ask if you two were dating who then screenshotted the conversation to me and jimin and never replied because we were busy making memes,”
“i guess that is meme material,” jungkook allowed, “jimin’s not allowed near my dick, though.”
“your what?” jimin blinked, “stop talking about made up things, jungkookie,” jungkook rolled his eyes because forgot he enjoyed having five year olds as best friends.
they went quiet as they watching jungkook struggle to get his pants over his thighs. taehyung hummed appreciatively before rubbing his up and down jimin’s thighs. “honestly, kook, if you ever want to join for a threesome, i’m more than happy to be doubly choked.”
jungkook looked at his hands, “can i choke you with these?” taehyung raised his law textbook he was supposed to be memorizing threateningly. “are you sure this is a good idea?”
he sighed, “didn’t we have this conversation like two months ago when i asked if you and jimin were a good idea?”
“you’re so fake, you were just asking that because you didn’t want to give your blessing so easily.” jimin huffed, “you literally ran to your mom’s house to cry about it later,”
“seokjin-hyung was still salty he never got to see my cry, so it was okay,” jungkook shrugged, tugging his turtleneck. him and yoongi were going on a double date with namjoon and seokjin, it was all casual and seokjin will probably end up giving the kid’s menu to jungkook so he could color more ugly drawings for their fridge. this was yoongi and jungkook - trying .
after yoongi admitted his feelings for jungkook in the car, they both somewhat agreed that going straight into a relationship would not be the right thing to do. yoongi did tell jungkook that he would stop seeing other people and take jungkook out on proper dates. jungkook didn’t really understand why they had to keep fighting against what they wanted, but - he didn’t hate the idea of small, intimate dates with yoongi. and if they ended in naps and endless cuddles, who was jungkook to deny that?
“anyways, we’re taking things slowly,”
“you’ve been taking it slowly for like four months and then before that when you guys were ‘friends’,” taehyung pointed out. “this is slower than the u.s. justice system,”
“he wants to do this right,” jungkook said, checking his reflection for the last time. “if it was up to me, we’d be married by now,”
“what?” all three of them spun around to find yoongi standing at the doorway, with wide eyes. and oh, my god - jungkook wanted to die.
“oh my fuck,” taehyung covered his mouth. jimin looked genuinely horrified.
“ah, hyung -”
“the door - i, key, i heard voices here - i thought, uh, hm.” yoongi stuttered, jungkook wondered why he ever found the elder cool when he was a socially awkward grandpa. “marriage?”
luckily, jungkook was still in his socially awkward teenager stage, “i’m late for my date, can we discuss this later?”
“dumbass,” he heard taehyung mutter.
yoongi looked uncomfortable, he took a breath, “well, actually, jungkook,” he stuttered out, stepping into the room. “i really didn’t want to do this here, but -”
“you’re going to propose?” jimin screamed, all high pitched, “seokjin is not even here for his son’s engagement, holy fuck,”
yoongi shot him a dark look that promised pain before moving forward and resting his hand on jungkook’s nape, stroking the skin softly. “i wish we didn’t have the twin menaces here, but you know i wanted you to be my boyfriend since day one and, baby, that hasn’t changed.”
jungkook didn’t really know words.
“i’m sorry for these past shit years where you thought you weren’t good enough or thought you were waiting for a lost cause. and i’m sorry i caused that pain, so fucking sorry,”
“hyung -” jungkook whispered,
“i don’t think i’m quite yet ready for marriage,” yoongi laughed nervously, while taehyung muttered good under his breath. “but i’ve been ready for you, for us. all yours, baby,”
jungkook would be lying if he hadn’t thought about this moment since the day he met yoongi. because even though they didn’t mean under societally right circumstances, even though they didn’t become friends under acceptable ways, and even though they didn’t fall in love in a normal way - jungkook always thought that how could someone like him be with someone like yoongi?
and for years, he thought that maybe yoongi is the best he’s ever going to get because no one seemed interested, but - everyone else wasn’t yoongi.
and jungkook would be lying if he didn’t wish him and yoongi would be something after taehyung finally kissed jimin - all sincere and genuine right in front of their friend group. jungkook would be lying if he said he didn’t wish for a love based on genuine respect and familiarity that jimin and taehyung cultivated from the same roots as yoongi and jungkook.
jungkook would be lying if he said he didn’t want that. and more.
because in the end, they all want something they can’t have, but will die trying to get.
“i - yeah, okay,” jungkook said in a strained voice, face all red. yoongi smiled widely, his eyes disappearing as he kissed jungkook softly, gently. “yours,” jungkook whispered once yoongi pulled away, his hand finding purchase on the small of yoongi’s back.
“yours,” yoongi whispered back, leaning in again -
“is this what jungkook looks like each time yoongi does something cute to him?” jimin asked, looking disgusted. “who is this jungkook?”
“he looks so soft ,” taehyung cooed, fumbling for his phone to take a picture and send it to seokjin and hoseok. “your moms are going to freak .”
“at least we know who tops,” jimin said.
“is manslaughter still illegal, taehyung?” yoongi asked politely.
taehyung replied by pointing at his crotch.
“namjoon asked why aren’t you guys married?” jimin said, reading texts. “by ‘you guys’ he means me and kookie, right? we’re dating, too,”
“homicide?” yoongi inquired, still looking at jungkook.
“ objection - relevance, hyung,”
“shut up, jesus fucking - ” jungkook glanced away from yoongi to growl at taehyung.
taehyung was about to retort, but yoongi tugged on jungkook’s hand. “i still have a date planned with you - not seokjin’s bastardized kids.”
“puppy,” jimin corrected with a smile, “i’m the puppy.”
taehyung raised his eyebrows, “and i will ride you happily, babe,”
“i’m too young,” jungkook complained, walking out with yoongi’s hand in his. “hyung, save me,”
yoongi laughed, his laughter filling up the hallways and spaces in jungkook’s heart. he pulled jungkook closer as they walked outside, early spring catching in their lungs and blooming into something so delicate and new. steady and familiar.
“i hope you know that i really did mean what i said in there and i am sorry for -” jungkook kissed yoongi because he could and because they got here . because they were lost boys fighting for nothing and now - now they were something -
they were together. “you came back, hyung, that’s all that matters.” yoongi pressed a kiss to jungkook’s jaw. “i’m here to stay,” he whispered, his palm flattening on jungkook’s chest under his collarbone. so am i , jungkook thought, his heart speaking in words that only stuttered out yoon-gi, yoon-gi, yoon-gi .
(and maybe so did his dick)
seokjin called for a search party when they never showed up.