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You would think that with the wild world all around and nothing but nothing as far as the eye can see a hobbit could get a bit of time alone, but you'd be wrong. Sound carries dreadful far out here, and Gandalf, he gets his knickers twisted if you visit a bush that's distant enough to muffle a proper fart, let alone other, less necessary noises.

'Course he's really old, so maybe he doesn't get boners anymore, and he's forgotten that some kinds of necessary are different than others. But I'll have to do something soon.

I'm starting to chafe.