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Jinyoung is stubborn. Jinyoung is decisive (at least he likes to think so), and if he doesn’t want to accept the way his heart drops to the bottom of his stomach every time Jaebum smiles, he most definitely won’t. He just won't, and that's it, end of discussion. He accepted his love for guys - so what, big deal, he’s got cock too, and if he wants another one in his bed, that’s not a problem. But it’s more about Jaebum. And about smiles specifically. About Jaebumie-hyung. JB-hyung. Who he spends every day with, who pushes Jinyoung every day, calls him. Well, and gives him smiles too.

He doesn’t smile today, though, this rehearsal sucks, damn it.

Jinyoung is very stubborn, but he knows the reasons he doesn’t want to accept this thing. Jaebum’s heart will never drop to the bottom of his stomach because of the way Jinyoung smiles back. And sometimes this knowledge seems enough for him to stop smiling altogether.

He will probably regret this later, maybe not, but he probably will. He will be alone and left to bite his pillow from this single memory - doesn’t matter if it’s good (if it can be considered good) or totally bad (who knows, maybe what seems like a misfortune now, will turn out to be quite the opposite). He is probably right, definitely right, and Jinyoung still thinks he is being decisive.

"You touched yourself," he says sitting down on Jaebum’s bed. "You, there, you watched me and touched yourself."

Jaebum seems to want to tell him to shut up, but he wasn't killing himself every day by not only dancing, singing and, God forbid, acting, but also by his own battle with his temper only to blow the fuse during a moment like this.

"You watched me," repeats Jinyoung, "I saw you, hyung, you watched me, you watched me, I saw you did."

It happened for a couple of seconds, okay, maybe a minute or so, maybe even less because Jinyoung most definitely didn’t have time to watch him back for so long. He can fall however much he wants and wherever he wants, but he definitely doesn’t have time to stare at Jaebum every quasi-free second. Jinyoung stares too much as it is. It happened so quickly, Jaebum looked at him (you-know-where) and he opened his mouth, licked his lips, and his hand quickly dropped to his groin. No one saw anything, he probably didn’t realise it himself. But Jinyoung had time to see the movement and the touch, and he continues to repeat it right to Jaebum’s face.

"I saw your ass," whispers Jaebum suddenly, and his voice grows bolder. "Have you seen it? In this skirt, I don’t know, and tights, or what has it been, some stockings, I don’t know. Have you seen yourself?"

"Which one do you like more?" Jinyoung moves closer and runs his hand along Jaebum’s hip. He twitches. Pity, it doesn’t mean his heart dropped. "Mm?"

"Jinyoung-ah," Jaebum jerks his leg a bit, but doesn’t try to move the hand, doesn’t try to do anything. "Neither."

"Well," Jinyoung presses in closely and looks right in his eyes under blonde fringe, "tights or stockings? Which one is more… sexy?"

It sounds so strange said out aloud. Jaebum breathes out and shuts his eyes. For a second Jinyoung thinks that this way he tries to distance both of them from what Jinyoung wants and from what for Jaebum is only a strange word “sexy”. From Jinyoung’s heart dropping and Jaebum’s knowing that it does.

Better it be only him, let him let him let him, he’ll figure it out for himself later.

"Stockings," says Jaebum. He’s hard, and his hand is moving on its own accord like it did today at that memorable moment. Jinyoung is the first to unbutton Jaebum’s jeans, he is the first to touch him, and Jaebum just helplessly squeezes his hand and allows him.

It’s very strange to realise he just put his hand on somebody else’s cock for a bit, just through the boxers, haven’t even felt the skin. And still, he feels so much. Jinyoung is stubborn, he can refuse to accept his feelings as much as he wants, but he realises he does it. He realises it now, he knows that’s it’s not just lust and nothing else. For Jaebum - yes, but not for him.

Jerking Jaebum off is easier in reality than in the way he dreamt many many times in his lonely room. Well, he supposes, why should it be different from doing it to himself? Jaebum breathes heavily from his every touch. He has his mouth open, the same way as earlier, his eyes are foggy - which probably means that he feels good.

Jinyoung can’t help himself and moves to claim a kiss to his lips. Just one time, he promises himself. He can do it once. Jaebum doesn’t push him away, but doesn’t respond too much, rather allows Jinyoung kiss him any way he wants. Slowly, deeply, clumsily sucking on his lip and touching his tongue with his own. For Jinyoung this kiss seems to take longer than all the days they spent in preparation for debut. And it still is not enough.

His own boxers will probably tear apart soon from how hard he is just from the thought that he has been jerking his JB-hyung off. And that hyung likes it too, yes, that’s also important.

"You too," Jaebum says brokenly, looking at Jinyoung’s fly. Yeah, it’s pretty obvious, he is not the one to tell who looks where and touches what. Jinyoung is stubborn and already totally desperate. He lets Jaebum go and hears an irritated sigh (he really wants to continue, he does), unbuttons himself and tries to make a joke out of everything when the head of his cock bluntly touches Jaebum’s. He probably shouldn’t let them touch so closely. Jaebum is shocked as if by electricity, he reacts so violently, but it’s worth it. Even if Jinyoung is the only one with his heart here.

Jinyoung saddles him, squeezing Jaebum’s legs with his tights, and deliberately shuts his eyes not to look him in the eye. Instead, he kisses him again, their cocks rub together, and this time it’s as if Jaebum leads in this kiss. Jinyoung thinks that because of this the kiss turns out sharper, more greedy. Just because Jaebum is the way he is, and because for him this is all about need. He bites Jinyoung in the jaw and promptly shirks away - but then hastily takes both of their cocks together and jerks them both off at the same time.

Jinyoung presses his head into Jaebum’s shoulder, rubs his nose on his ear a bit and, it seems, also kisses him there. That’s actually not good because it’s too intimate and gentle, but Jaebum jerks him off with his own hands, and it makes Jinyoung want to groan softly. To groan in Jaebum’s shoulder, and he can’t help but do exactly that. Then Jaebum pushes his free hand under Jinyoung’s ass (right, that's where it all began) and painfully squeezes his buttock. Jinyoung comes in the palm of his hand, probably making a mess of Jaebum's shirt and jeans, they’re lucky if not the bed too. Through his own orgasm, he faintly feels Jaebum finally tensing and coming too. Now you wouldn’t make out who soiled whom in the end.

He still can’t guess if he’s going to regret it or not, but he probably was right about being lucky. What seems like a misfortune now, will appear as something else later.

"Fuck," Jaebum mumbles from up close, "fuck, Jinyoung-ah, what have we, why, fuck, Jinyoungie, that’s us, that’s."

"Everything is okay," Jinyoung answers, his voice a little broken and still sounding somewhere from Jaebum’s shoulder. "Honestly, it is. Sometimes. It can be."

And that’s true - fuck, it happens, every trainee has a story like this, and it probably won’t affect anything. They are really not the first ones. It’s just the first time for them both (and certainly the last one), but all in all, it’s okay.

It will be okay. Not now though.