Word Count: 48,883
Author’s note (or part of it anyway): I hope this isn't too dark for most people. I think that the origins of the Winter Soldier are woefully underrepresented in Stucky fanfiction, and I also think it's not a pretty origin. There's a lot of bad that goes into making someone like Bucky into the Winter Soldier, and I wanted to unravel it.
That being said, this will actually have a pretty happy ending.
Author’s tags: Torture, attempted suicide, Dissociative Identity Disorder, mental illness written by someone without a psych degree, Stucky, Eventually, Brief heterosexual interlude, Original characters who aren’t wholly original, Playing loose with historical events, Events of CATWS, Practically canon-compliant, Negative self-image of mental illness
Chyetirye is part 1 of the Ipseity series
Chapter 1 length: 51:09
Audiobook (full) length: 4:09:23
Around 30 minutes in the volume gets a bit louder, but I couldn’t figure out how to adjust the beginning, so I’m sorry about that. It shouldn’t be an overwhelmingly loud change.
I had a big internal struggle over how to vocalize “???” I ended up going with “question mark question mark question mark,” but there is a version of reality where I just say a frantic “nyyeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh???” instead
Once the asset started having dialogue, I deeply regretted my decision about how to voice him. It’s so hard to carry on a conversation switching between my vocal fry and the voice I’m using for everything else. xD I’m planning to stick with it, though. (If you have opinions about this, please feel free to let me know!)
I’m so sorry for my Russian… Also for how tinny the song is.
The original text features binary, but reading it out loud is really really repetitive and annoying, so I’ve opted to only include a little bit of it. The original text says:
“WINTER SOLDIER PROJECT FILES
RUN CODE 010000110111010101110100001000000110111101100110011001100010000001101111011011100110010100100000011010000110010101100001011001000010110000100000011000010110111001100100001000000111010001110111011011110010000001101101011011110111001001100101001000000111001101101000011000010110110001101100001000000111010001100001011010110110010100100000011010010111010001110011001000000111000001101100011000010110001101100101
YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO ACCESS THIS REPORT.”
I started recording this while I was still getting over a cold, so if it sounds a little different than usual, that’s why. I don’t think it’s too far off, but let me know if it bothers you.
I just want to make it known: Pierce is awful and I hate him (he's not even necessarily Bucky's worst handler, but just the way he so clearly -enjoys- treating Bucky like a plaything/possession).
There’s so much dramatic irony in this chapter and it hurts.
Brace yourselves for a lot of Bucky hating himself and having internalized shame about his personalities. My inner monologue for this chapter is basically just “noooo Bucky, it’s okay baby :(“