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That Dog!

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Nori was convinced that the creature was some small variation of a Warg. Well, if Wargs had more wrinkles, a pair of bulging eyes and a squashed face. Unlike a Warg though, it sat perfectly still, tilting its head to one side toward Nori.  Nori stared back, unsure and stiff at the…thing before him.


He glanced at Fili, seeing the look of expectation on his husband’s face. After a brief pause, Nori finally spoke;

“What is that and what is it doing in our room?”

Fili sighed. “She’s a dog. I got her from Dale. She’s ours now!”

Nori still looked incredulously at him. “Ours? Why?”

“Well, why not?” Fili replied, scratching the back of his neck. “I’ve always wanted one and this was the only kind available around.” He then smiled shyly at Nori. “Besides, I wanted to surprise you.”

Nori’s gut twisted a little. It was true that they had little time to spend together for presents and dates and such, so he supposed it was nice Fili thought of him too. Still, Nori wrinkled his nose. “You do realise that we live in a mountain? A dog has no place here.”

“I can take her outside every day!”

“No way! That’s far too vulnerable to assassins.”

“I’ll take you with me then.”

“I am not going outside the mountain just to walk a dog!”

Fili huffed, then picked up the pup and held it up to Nori’s face. “Come on, how could you say no to a little face like this?”

Nori simply glared at it. The bulging eyes seemed to unfocus more and its tongue stuck out a little. It then made a small grunting noise as if it disapproved of Nori as much as he did of it.

“Very easily, I’d say,” Nori replied, flatly.

Fili look so sad and disappointed that Nori almost took that comment back. Almost.

Fili then sniffed and tucked the little puppy under his arm. “Well, she’s here to stay and you’re going to have to get used to her!” With that, he turned towards the door.

“Hey, I didn’t ask for a dog!” Nori called out. “If you wanted a dog, I could have easily got a collar and some rope!”

He didn’t get a reply. Instead all he heard was, “Who’s a good girl? You are, yes you are! Don’t listen to Mr. Grumpy Dwarf, we don’t need him!” in an obnoxious baby voice he hoped he would never hear from his husband again.

Nori glared at the threshold, making a silent oath that if that thing gets in bed with them...well, probably best not to think about consequences just yet.


“Go on! Go on, get the bone Narla!”

No matter how much Fili pushed and growled and ordered and begged and bribed the pup, Narla refused to move, still with that same spaced out look on her face. Nori sat opposite them, bored and flipping the bone from hand to hand. “Wow, so impressive. You’ll have her attacking elves in no time, love.”

Fili shot him an unfriendly look. “Can you please be a bit more serious about this? She needs to be trained at an early age; otherwise she’ll never bite that elf prince’s poncey face off!”

Nori smirked at that, admiring how high Fili was aiming at least.

“Now, try throwing it again.”

“Oh yes, because that worked so well the first twenty times.”

“Just do it!”

Rolling his eyes, Nori lazily lobbed the bone across the room, expecting no reaction. To his amazement, however, Narla’s eyes focused and her head turned sharply towards the bone.

There was a long pause in which Nori and Fili tensed and stared expectedly at the pup. This was the best reaction they had all day.

It was ultimately ruined when Narla grunted dismissively, licked her nose and flopped on her side, snoozing instantly.

Nori clicked his tongue throughout the silence that followed, in which Fili balled his hands into fists and ground his teeth in frustration. Nori got up and dusted himself off. “I’m off to get a meat pie in the market. You want one?”

Fili didn’t reply at first, but then he sagged. “Yeah, alright.”


Nori climbed into bed, slipping under the covers and pressing himself against his golden little husband. Fili stirred as Nori wrapped his arms around his torso and kissed his neck.

“Well, hello gorgeous,” he purred, stroking through Fili’s lush hair. “What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in my bed?”

“You mean my bed,” Fili said, his voice rough from sleep. “I was the one who paid for it.”

Nori chuckled as Fili rolled over to kiss Nori properly. He pressed himself closer, enjoying Fili’s hands smoothing his naked torso and chest hair and his tongue lazily exploring his mouth.

“Where have you been that had you out so late?” Fili asked between kisses, getting more fully awake.

“Mmmm, just some loose errands. Couple of merchants to watch over, some paper work here and there-”

He gasped when Fili found a sensitive spot on his neck to suck on then whined when teeth pressed on the flesh. “Ah, don’t really want to talk about it- l-long day- oh- just really need to be taken care of now, please?”

Fili hummed approvingly. “And so you shall, my sweet pet.”

They rolled over so Nori lay on his back with Fili on top, Nori keening and aching into Fili achingly slow touches. In absolutely no mood to go slow tonight, Nori made a move to lock his legs around Fili’s waist, hoping to take things faster, to bring them closer, ready to beg Mahal, please just take me!

Instead, his leg bumped against a lump lying toward the end of the bed and then there was a thump and a startled yelp.

At once, Nori threw Fili aside and rolled out of bed, knives flashing and landing in a crouching position.

“Nori!” he heard Fili shout. “What’s in Durin’s name was that about?!”

Nori ignored him, knowing where their intruder was and pointing where to aim his knife.

Then Fili lit a candle and it was enough light for Nori to see he was pointing his knife at Narla scratching her ears, shaking herself and grunting at the foot of the bed.

Nori lowered his weapon, glaring when Narla jumped back on the bed. “What’s she doing here?” he snarled, not liking the way Narla snuggled up to Fili and Fili stroking her. “That’s my spot!”

Fili gave him a guilty smile. “She cries at night in the other room and your away most nights anyway. I didn’t think it would do any harm. By the way, where were you hiding those knives?”

“I don’t believe you!” Nori groaned, waving off the last question. “You spoil that mutt anymore, it’ll have you wrapped around it’s little finger!”

“I do not spoil her!” Fili snapped defensively. “I just want to get some sleep is all.”

Nori could not believe what he was hearing. “Have you gone mad? That dog has softened you up too much! The Fili I knew wouldn’t put up with this bullshit!”

“I have not softened up either! Nori, she’s still just a pup! She’ll just have to stay in here until-”

“No! Get that dog out now!”


“I am not sleeping with that dog!”


“No! No, no, no, no, no!”


When Nori woke to the feel of furred lips and ticklish licks at his moustache, he honestly thought, just for a hopeful second, that Fili wanted to apologise in the best way he knew.

To say he was disappointed was an understatement, as the entire kingdom found out.