“Peter. Oh. My. God. Look, look, look, look, look!” Going to the mall with Wade was never boring. Come to think of it, going anywhere with Wade was never boring. Let’s just shorten it to ‘Wade was never boring’. Spidey had the day free from collage and Wade would always throw whatever he was doing out the window any chance he got to hang with his Pete-pie. Sometimes literally. (“Defenestration is a time honored-tradition. Even Shakespeare did it.”) They had, for once, been at loss as to what to do with the afternoon, so they both decided to just bum around the mall until the glow-in-the-dark mini golf place nearby opened. As could be assumed by him making a strong push for the glowing mini golf excursion in the first place, Wade Wilson was one easily distracted and enticed by brightly colored objects. It had been a continual trend that they would walk by something in a window and the heartless brutal mercenary would point at it excitedly so Peter would have to notice it as well. He had been to this mall hundreds of times, but Peter couldn't deny that he looked at the same pair of pink sparkly sneakers with new eyes if Wade was the one pointing him towards it.
He stopped sipping his Icee as he turned to look at his friend pointing enthusiastically at the display at the Disney store. “Wassit? They finally get those toy katanas you’ve been lobbying for?” Wade's eyes twinkled beneath his hoodie.
“Better. Softer. Fluffier. Cuter.” Peter tried to think about the million things that could fit that description.
“Me?” He gave a sarcastic smile before the merc turned around and showed what he was looking at in the window.
“Yeah!” Wade proudly used his arms to motion towards his find.
Peter nearly choked on his neon straw. “Wha-?” He looked closer and Wade seemed to be pointing at some stuffed animal that vaguely had the coloring of his Spider-Man suit, but was the shape of a roll of cookie dough and about as big as a regular pillow. When Spider-Man masks and t-shirts had first shown up he had been a bit embarrassed about it, but didn't think there was any harm in it, but then as he got bigger and started working with S.H.I.E.L.D., they told him that they would be taking over his merchandising rights. He got a check every month and he figured it was just for action figures and Halloween costumes, but he could now see Fury had branched out. He knew it was most likely someone in a different department who decided what exactly got his trademark, but it was funny to imagine the stoic man surrounded by plush toys, deep in deliberation.
Wade noticed his shock and clapped his hands. “See? It's almost as adorable as the real thing.”
Peter tilted his head slightly. “That thing’s enormous and why is it shaped like a rolling pin?” The mercenary bounced on the balls of his feet. “Oh, they’re tsum tsums!” He began to walk into the Disney store and picked up a Mickey one off of the display they had.
The spider picked up a Donald Duck one. Its eyes looked dead. “Some somes?”
Wade nodded. “Yah, it's like one of those simplified design tricks that you can slot a bunch of different characters into, but still have look like they belong together and make a lot of money. Real popular with collectors. Like Funko Pops or… those knock-off Funko Pops.”
Peter looked at the toy skeptically. “I guess it's cute, but why does it look like it went through a sausage maker?”
The mercenary started getting busy putting the little cylinders of cuteness on top of one another in a pyramid. “For easy stackability.” He wiggled his hairless eyebrows at the far reaching lewd joke.
The hero's eyes narrowed. “So, exactly how many warehouses full of these things do you have?”
Deadpool shrugged and continued to arrange the fluffy pills. “Oh, I kept them all in one safe house in particular, but then it burned down and not one survived.” He let out a mock sniffle. “So now I’m going to rebuild my collection and keep them separated.” He stepped away to admire his work. “But, I want to order them online so I can get them all at once.” Peter hadn't realized he was so infatuated by these things. Wade walked over to the large stack of Spider-Man plush cylinders by the window and picked one out. “Except for this one.” He shoved it next to his face so that both him and the plush were looking adoringly at the hero. “This one's special.”
“You gonna put it in your Spider-Man shrine closet?” Peter took another sip from his Icee while rolling his eyes.
He clenched the stuffed spider tighter. “For your information, no, that's only for memorabilia that's too fragile to be on public display.”
Peter broke in. “It's not a museum Wade, there is no public display.”
He carried on as if he hadn't heard. “This deserves a special spot on my bed.” Peter raised an eyebrow. Wade covered the eyes of the plush. “For innocent CUDDLING, Peter. I cannot believe you.” Spider-Man started laughing and Deadpool situated the plush snuggly under one of his arms. “Let's look around more, I wonder if they have any of my stuff.” Peter was dragged by his arm into the back shelves of the small outlet.
He was skeptical. “I don't know, Wade. You might be a little to… X-Rated for this place.”
Wade bent down and looked all around the shelves. “Actually, with some creative editing they got it down to an R-rating.”
Peter didn't know what he was talking about, but ignored it and instead kept on with his point. “You’d probably have better luck at Spencers or Hot Topic.”
Deadpool acted like he couldn't hear him and continued searching and dragging Peter along with him by the elbow. They turned a corner and they both stopped for a moment. “Ah, there they are!” Wade rushed forward while his partner just followed with a small ‘huh’ of being proved wrong. It was indeed a whole section of wall dedicated to different Deadpool merchandise. It was dwarfed by the other Avengers merch, but it will still something. The man himself was enraptured by all the mugs and action figures (“I can drink out of my torso!”) while Peter skirted around the side. He was looking at some of the posters which had some admittedly good artwork before he spied what was underneath the art.
“Hey Wade look.” Wade hummed questioningly and turned around to find himself face to face with himself. The thing was adorable.
The mercenary let out a ‘squee’ and grabbed the plush. “I’m ADOWABLE!” He looked between both of the plushies in his hand. “...Hey Petey, look.” He pushed the face of the plush together. “Mweh mweh.” This caused Peter to snort. He didn't always snort when he laughed but it usually meant something he found really funny had caught him off guard. Wade loved making him do it. He looked back and forth between the two plushies. “Hmm… I love my love bug but I also love myself.”
Spider-Man grabbed the Deadpool plushie back, petting it subconsciously. “1) spiders aren't bugs, 2) you literally will not shut up about how much you hate yourself.”
Wade pouted and pet his own plush. “God Peter, you can't just call me out like that.” He picked at the plastic eye of the spider plush. “‘Sides, I’ve been getting better with that.”
Peter's eyes softened. “Yeah, you really have. Good job with that.”
Wade held the plush toy above his head. “Praise from the purest being on the earth? I must celebrate!” Wade ran off towards the checkout counter and Peter followed, rolling his eyes even as he blushed slightly. With JJJ’s rantings all day it was sometimes nice to hear the opposite, even if he felt Wade was probably very biased. He slowly followed Wade who was tapping his foot impatiently as the employee searched for the tag on the bulbous stuffed log. Peter sat the Deadpool counterpart he was still carrying on the counter. Wade looked at the plush and then back at him. “You're really getting it?”
Peter shrugged as he started to get out his wallet. “Eh, why not, I need something to prop myself up on while I’m reading in bed anyway.”
Deadpool's eyes sparkled in awe. “Really? Does that mean I can say I’ve been in your bed?”
They were interrupted by the bored looking cashier. “If you're a member of S.H.I.E.L.D. you get a 10% discount on any superhero merchandise.”
The webslinger looked dumbfounded, but Wade was already slapping his card down onto the counter. “You can't pass up savings, Peter, you're a starving college student.”
Peter slowly go out his own S.H.I.E.L.D. card that identified him as a lower level employee (which he felt like some days, if he was honest) and held it for the cashier to see. “I'm not that starving…”
They both walked out of the store with their plushes under their arms, Peter shook his styrofoam cup before finally throwing it out. Peter tried to find an even remotely comfortable way to carry the large plush log. “Ready to go golfing?”
Wade turned around and started walking backwards with the Spider-Man plush on his head. “Yeah, let's go!”
Peter shoved the log down the back of his sweatshirt. “Maybe let's stop at the car first to drop these off?”
Wade pouted. “Aw, I wanted to show plush Petie how good I was at golfing.”
The real Spider-Man rolled his eyes and started guiding Wade towards the nearest exit. “You can show real Petie how good you are, but after we put these guys in the car.”
Deadpool squished the plush into his face. “You're no fun, Peter.”
Peter started hitting his friend with his own plush toy. “Yah, I'm just a great big stick in the mud. That's why I go mini golfing and buy plush dolls of my best friend.”
Wade gave an overdramatic sniff. “Best friends.”
The toys hits softened considerable. “Wade, we've been over this.”
The merc smiled largely. “I know, I just like hearing you say it. Race you to the car!”
Peter was able to use his faster reflexes to grab Wade by his shirt and stagger him, giving himself a head start.
Wade was flabbergasted as he chased after. “Cheater! The spectacular Cheater-Man!”
They both ran huffing and laughing out of the large glass doors into the parking lot with their plush toys gripped tightly.