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20 More Questions--Bored

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TITLE: 20 More Questions
FANDOM: Sherlock BBC1
PAIRING: Sherlock/John
SUMMARY: Sherlock--and the author--are bored, bored, bored.
RATING: R, for language and suggestive, um, activities
DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Sir A.C. Doyle and BBC1. Though after this, they might not want them back.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sequel to “20 Questions”.  No betas were harmed in the making of this fic.


“I’m bored.”

“So why are you telling me?”

“Do something about it.”

“Like what?”

“Entertain me.”

“What am I, a performing monkey?”

“No, a performing monkey would do what it was told and entertain me.”

“You can be so childish when you want to be.”

“And you can be a horse’s arse.”

“I rest my case.”

“Seeing as you’re a doctor, I expected a bit of empathy with my plight. Your bedside manner is sorely lacking, John.”

“I don’t consider boredom an illness.”

“And what if I became so bleeding bored I was forced into doing something drastic, like going on a homicidal killing spree?”

“Then you’d need a barrister, not a doctor.”

“You’d be my first victim, you know.”

“Is there a reason to this row?”

“I wasn’t aware we needed a reason.”

“You’re just trying to provoke me. . .”

“I’m just trying to relieve this unrelenting, mind-numbing BOREDOM!”

“Read a book.”

“Read them all.”

“Watch telly.”

“You’re MUST be joking!”


“Out being restrung.”


“Oh, stop gloating.”

“Take out your frustrations on the wall again.”

“Outta bullets.”

“Sherlock. . .”

“Johhhhhhhhn. . .”

“Fine. Talk to the skull. Tell him your boyfriend is an utter prat because he won’t do anything about your unrelenting, mind-numbing BOREDOM.”

“We had a spat. He’s not talking to me.”

“Um. . .what?”

“I said something disparaging about his mother last week and he hasn’t spoken to me since.”

“. . .”

“Oh, do close you mouth, John, before a bug flies in there.”

“You are, without doubt, the most bizarre man I’ve ever met.”

“Most BORED, more like.”

“Well, you always have your experiments.”

“Not since I told Molly she had thick ankles and shouldn’t wear strappy heels, even if they are in style this season.”

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“But honest. Wait! I’ve got an idea!”

“Should I be frightened?”

“Possibly. Take off your clothes.”


“Clothes. Off. Now.”

“Why do you. . .what are you doing?!”


“I can get undressed on my own.”

“Not fast enough.”

“Be careful of the boxers. . .stop laughing!”

“Polka dots, John?”

“They were a gift from Harry. . .hey, stop tugging!”

“I need you naked for the experiment.”

“Experiment? I thought we were going to have a cuddle. . .”

“Maybe later.”

“What. . .what are you going to do to me?”

“Haven’t decided yet.”

“That’s it. I’m outta here.”

“No, this will be brill. I promise.”

“Ooookay. . .what do you want me to do?”

“Kneel on the floor--here’s a cushion--and lean forward onto the sofa.”

“Sherlock. . .I’m not sure. . .”

“God, John. . .you have no idea how hot you look right now.”

“Well, you could always take a picture. I’ll put it on my blog. Maybe it’ll get me a couple extra hits . . .YIKES!”

“Wanted to do this for so long. . .”

“What the. . .what the hell are you doing?”

“I should think it's obvious.”

“Is that your tongue?”

“Mmmm, mmmm.”

“I’m not sure a tongue belongs. . .oh, oh! That’s. . .that’s lovely.”

“Mmmmm, mmmm.”

“Oh God. . .that’s. . .that’s. . .so. . .good. . .”

“Mmmm, mmmm.”

“A bit to the left would be. . .”

“Like that?”

“And deeper. . .”

“Oh, yeah!”

“Oh God, right there! Right. . .oh. . .yes. . .oh. . .your hand. . .yes. . .faster. . .I. . .oh. . .guh. . . don’t. . .oh. . .stop. . .don’t. . . so. . .so. . .good. . .yes. . .I. . .I. . . ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

“Fucking brilliant!”

“That was. . .Christ, Sherlock. . .that was amazing!”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to sound so smug.”

“Why shouldn’t I? The experiment was a smashing success.”

“And what exactly WAS the experiment?”

“To see how long it would take to turn you into a babbling idiot. 2 minutes, 14 seconds. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.”

“Why do I put up with you?”

“Because while I’m frequently bored, I’m never boring.”

“That’s true.”

“And I can do that thing with my tongue.”

“Your genius truly knows no bounds.”

“Want me to teach you?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”