Subject: Sorry Jeanette :(
John Watson (email@example.com)
Dec 17th (8 days ago)
I’m sorry, Jeanette, more than I can express
For my actions which clearly have caused you distress
I can see it was wrong to run off and leave you
With the bill for the champagne and fondue for two
Even though I forgot that it was your birthday
It’s uncalled for, at best, to claim I must be gay!
Is it wrong to have hoped you might just understand?
Sherlock’s brilliant—fantastic!—but only a friend!
I can’t help how astoundingly clever his mind;
How it lights up the room as he’s solving a crime!
It’s a privilege to help him; can’t anyone see?
How lucky I am that he asks help from me!
Of course I would rather spend more time with you!
(Except if a case has a major breakthrough
He’s got no fear of danger, it’s part of his charm.
That’s why he needs me to protect him from harm!)
And that time that you keep bringing up to complain
(If you’re really quite sure I was moaning his name)
I was only concerned he’d gone off on his own
And I might, while distracted, miss hearing my phone!
Of course when I found I’d been right about that
I’d no time for a shower or cuddle or chat!
If I’d not been so worried, of course I’d have stayed!
It’s not fair to say home’s where I should have got laid!
I know that you’re hurt; I’ll admit to my share
But I tell you, you really have nothing to fear
It’s a misunderstanding, I’ll prove it to you:
I think that I love you. I’m sure that I do!
Right down to the depths of my soul’s pure bedrock
My darling! My dearest! My only! Jeanette!
I promise I’ll work on my skill in romance
But I beg you: please, let me have one final chance?
Subject: Re: Sorry Jeanette :(
Jeanette Perkins <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Dec 24th (1 day ago)
Your grovelling needs a lot of work, John. Not to mention that my year threes can find better rhymes for my name. But all right, fine. I will be at your Christmas party. But if you ditch me again for Sherlock Holmes, it’s over. This is your last chance. THE VERY LAST!