"What is on your finger?" Doug Judy asked Amy as he scrunched up his nose.
Amy proudly extended her arm towards him and wiggled her left hand. "An engagement ring."
"Are you sure about that?" Doug Judy asked, squinting, staring at the ring skeptically.
Jake elbowed him. "Hey, be nice. I only can afford so much."
"I can always hook you up with a little something nice, something a little more flashy. Badda bing, badda boom." He offered. "You didn't hear it from me, but I know a guy who'd be willing to sell some genuine diamonds for real cheap, man, real cheap, as long as you don't ask where he got 'em, if you know what I mean."
"No!" Amy and Jake both shouted and then looked at each other, startled.
"I'm just so sentimentally attached to this one already." Amy said, nodding as she explained. "Just. Really attached, yup."
Doug Judy shrugged. "Alright!" He chuckled. "In that case," He whistled. "Damn, that is some rock." He threw them an exaggerated wink.
"Is this for a case or something? You undercover? Are you pretending to be married to a distant spouse and that's why you have to indulge in fast cars - to soothe the ache your lover left in your heart? And my boy is your pretty arm candy that you're two timing with in the middle of your romantic woes? Is your undercover name something like Diana Terrinella? Huh, huh?" Doug Judy waggled his eyebrows in anticipation.
"No, I really - "
"Diana Terrinella, Diana Terrinella." Doug Judy began to sing. "While her spouse is gone, she got herself a new fella."
"Diana Terrinella, Diana Terrinella." Jake sang along as Doug Judy repeated the verse. "While her spouse is gone, she got herself a new fella."
"Diiaaaaana! Terrrrrinellllllaaaaa!" They sang in unison and broke out in laughter.
Amy stared at Jake, unimpressed.
"What?" He asked. "It was catchy. And singing is our thing. Doug Judy and I - we just take it away like a Disney movie. We're magical at duets."
"Clearly." She said dryly.
"Wait, don't tell me," Doug Judy stared at them for a moment with a grin. "Aw man, yeah, baby! You two are getting married! It is about damn time." He said emphatically. He chuckled, shaking his head in wonder. "We've talked about this forever, geez, and now it's happening. When's the date, damn, I gotta hook you up with my tux guy, but he's, kinda, is like a turtle more than a rabbit, ya know? Slow goes to the race finish line, and it's all good."
"You have a tux guy?" Jake asked in excited wonder.
"Hell yeah, I do." Doug Judy nodded. "Where do you think I get my freshest outfits from?"
"Man you're so cool." Jake whispered in reverent adoration.
"You know what would be sick though?" Doug Judy excitedly rubbed his hands together.
"Lay it on me, I wanna get ill." Jake said eagerly.
"Oh my gosh." Amy said, casually drowning in secondhand embarrassment.
"You. Your girl. Matching tuxes. Hell yeah or hell yeah, am I right?" Doug Judy proposed vivaciously.
He turned to face Amy and placed his hands on her shoulders somberly.
"Amy, we've got to return your dress." Jake said, face entirely serious.
"Jake." She said calmly.
"Amyyyyyy." He whined. "It'd be so coooooool."
"No!" She shrugged off his hands.
"Don't you want your wedding to be amazing?" Jake tried.
"First of all," Amy held her finger up. "It's our wedding."
Jake scoffed. "Okay but everyone knows that when a bride and a groom get married, literally everyone calls it the bride's wedding. Like, the bride gets dibs. The bride gets the tv show and the TM rights and the catchy slogan, and the groom just goes along for the ride."
His index fingers and his thumbs made a fingergun shape and he waggled them at her. "Boom. You're the bride, so it's your wedding."
"Our wedding." Amy insisted firmly. She paused and then said pointedly. "You asked Captain Holt to walk you down the aisle."
Jake crossed his arms with a half aborted shrug. "Yeah, so, and your point?"
Amy gave him a Look.
"Uhhh." Doug Judy shuffled his feet awkwardly.
"You and Gina have been working on the seating charts for three months and still aren't done."
"One wrong move, and the whole thing goes up in smoke." Jake said sagely, staring off into the distance for a moment.
"You did a bro-posal when you asked Boyle to be your best man!" Amy exclaimed. "You got down on one knee! Boyle cried!"
"Boyle cries all the time. He has a lot of emotions!" Jake retorted easily.
"He's sensitive." Doug Judy agreed, nodding.
Jake gestured triumphantly towards his boyfriend. "See?" He crowed.
"You've been asking Terry the best shape to fold the napkins!" Amy continued, undeterred.
"I don't ever use cloth napkins - I don't even use napkin napkins! I use paper towels! It's research, Amy!" Jake paused. "And that reminds me, actually, I really need your opinion on whether you think an origami swan is overkill and bordering tacky - or if it's amazing and fancy and makes everyone else's wedding napkins feel inadequate in comparison to our superior coolness."
"Ooh, okay, I'd have to see them." She thought about it. "But I'm not folding every napkin into a swan, that's so much work."
"You're right." Jake frowned and then his face lit up. "We can just ask Terry to do it!"
"We can't ask 'just Terry to do it.'" Amy said.
"Why not? Terry loves us?" Jake vehemently rebutted.
"It's true, that man is full of love." Doug Judy nodded. "His armpits literally sweat love."
"Ah but that's where you're wrong." Jake chuckled. "Terry never breaks a sweat."
"Damn, you right." Doug Judy laughed.
"Well they call me Damn I Am." Jake said and then frowned. "That admittedly sounded cooler in my head."
"Maybe try singing it." Doug Judy suggested. Jake gasped.
"You know me so well." Jake nodded.
"Damn, I am. Damn, I am." Jake sung.
"Damn, I am!" Doug Judy chimed in alongside with Jake.
"Damn, I am! D- d- damn! I am!"
"Man that was great, and we should definitely record that and then set that as our ringtones for each other." Jake said.
"Oh man, no way. I'm never changing my ringtone for you." Doug Judy laughed. "You remember when we did karaoke? Not the time with my neighbor and not that weird time where Jimmy said he'd show but he never did, and somehow we ended up at at a retirement party. Now that was a weird crowd..." He trailed off, shaking his head as he reminisced. "Yeah, not that time. But the time after that time."
"Nooooo." Jake scoffed. "Pffffttt, I sure don't ever remember that, and you said you wouldn't bring that up in front of my friends." He discretely pointed to Amy, as if she hadn't been there for the entire conversation.
"Really?" She mouthed at him, throwing her arms halfway up in the air incredulously "Really?"
Doug Judy waved a hand. "She's not your friend. She's your wife. I mean. She's gonna be your wife."
Doug Judy's hand went into his jacket pocket and he pulled out his phone.
"Check it out!"
"Noooo." Jake groaned.
"My boy doing Wonderwall is my ringer for my cousin Paul because one time when we were kids, I dared him to lick a wall right? And he did! Wild!"
"Wild. And disgusting." Amy agreed and moved closer to look.
"I've got my boy doing Milkshake as my ringtone for the burger joint down the road. They deliver, and they call back all the time to confirm what I ordered or whatever."
"Kill me." Jake said, looking up at the sky.
"What's Jake's ringtone for himself?" Amy asked in fascination.
Doug Judy laughed. "It's a Jake Peralta original. He just sings my name over and over again and then says at the end 'hunky babe hunk.'"
"Dear God." Jake said in horror.
Amy looked both endeared and amused.
"So!" Jake clapped his hands. "What - what were we - right! The napkins. Cloth ones. Fancy pants like brand name toothpaste or classy like bargain brand toothpaste that works really well actually and tastes like apricots. Which is weird, when you hear it outloud, but I totally dig it. Or do we go with minimal effort like just skipping toothpaste entirely and chewing three different pieces of assorted mint gum?"
"Wow." Doug Judy said, leaning back and staring in judgment. "That's nasty. Brush your teeth. I kiss that mouth."
"You've never complained before!" Jake sassed easily.
"Ugh." Amy scrunched her nose in disgust. "Jake, seriously though." She shook her head. She stared at him for a long moment. He grinned back, unrepentant. "Anyways, I think that it's just way too much work for Terry to do the swan napkins." Amy said as she shook her head again, bringing them all back to the earlier discussion.
"Pfft. He can handle it. What's a little swans between friends?"
"It's four hundred and fifteen. " She informed him. "They only sold them in higher increments and not fifteens, so we have like eleven extra." She focused back on topic. "But! It's more than a few swans."
Jake groaned. "Ughh, I guess that means no fancy swans?"
"I mean we could..." Amy slowly started to say, "....always...make... Yeah, you know what - that means no fancy swans."
"Mm." Jake sighed. "Well, I'll let Terry know that swans just swan-dived off the list of contenders. Swan-dived? Swan-dove? Anyways, thanks for your i-n-p-u- actually, I don't know why I'm spelling input."
"Jake." Amy smiled softly. "It's our wedding. And we help each other make decisions for our wedding because it's important to both of us."
Jake groaned. "Fine, fine. If you wanna go ahead and share your wedding, then I guess it is our wedding." He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, a smile creeping on to his face.
"Well, I'm glad that that's over because I've never been that quiet in my life." Doug Judy confessed. "Phew, I felt restricted you know? Didn't wanna say too much because whoo boy, it'd be awkward to put your foot in it like 'Here's my advice for the wedding I ain't even going to."
"You're not coming?" Amy asked, disappointed.
"Uh." Doug Judy blinked. "Does this mean that I'm invited?"
Amy frowned. "What do you - wait."
She turned to Jake.
"You seriously didn't invite your own boyfriend to our wedding?" Amy asked, eyebrows rising.
"I wasn't sure if he'd go!" Jake protested defensively, cheeks heating up in mortification.
"Of course I will!" Doug Judy interjected and placed his hand over his heart, looking shocked and appalled that Jake could have ever thought otherwise.
Jake shifted. "I didn't really know the etiquette for this, okay?
"For inviting people to a wedding?" Amy asked. "You take an invitation, you put it in one of the nice envelopes, and you give it to the person you're inviting. Usually by mail but not always. I mean." She shrugged. "It can't be that unusual to personally hand deliver them to all of your coworkers, family, and friends." She looked down at her feet muttering, "It wasn't that weird, really. I don't know why everyone said it was so weird. It wasn't weird."
"No." Jake said. "Like - this." He gestured to Amy and Doug Judy. "I just thought - I dunno. That it'd be... that my boyfriend wouldn't want to watch me go get married to my girlfriend."
"Fiancé." Amy and Doug Judy corrected Jake simultaneously.
"I'm still not used to that." Jake said, grinning goofily.
"Anyways," Jake continued, after shaking his head to focus. "I just - didn't want to make either of you feel uncomfortable."
"Jake." Amy said softly. "That's sweet, but you're a butthead."
"What?" Jake asked, blinking, as Doug Judy guffawed.
"You can't just assume you know how your boyfriend or how your fiancé feels! Communicate! We took a class!"
"We did." Doug Judy nodded. "My grandma got me a frame to hang the diploma and everything."
"The communication class didn't hand out diplomas." Amy pointed out, slightly confused.
"Yeah I know! Total ripoff. So I made one." He said, as if that would have been an obvious thing to do.
"So." Jake stared at his two significant others. "Instead of just assuming, I should have... talked to you guys?"
"Yes." Amy said firmly.
"That sounds like a lot of effort, no wonder I didn't do it." Jake groaned theatrically. "That was a joke; I like talking to you guys." He admitted after half a moment's pause.
Amy rolled her eyes, smiling.
Doug scoffed playfully, grinning. "We know you can't get enough of us."
Jake looked down at his hands as he shoved them into his pants pockets, trying to hide his blossoming smile. "Yeah," He agreed warmly. "I really can't."