Chapter Text
Inhale, exhale. Pull out the heart, suck it back in.
A tired and true technique for calming down, allowing all one’s worries to be expelled in a single breath carried elsewhere, allowing for cooler minds to prevail. That’s the idea, anyway –is what a young girl thinks as she looks wistfully into the sky. Her eyes filled with a mature type of sadness –world weariness beyond her apparent years. The poor thing looks tired –both physically and mentally, and the dark end of an alley in the slums of the city doesn’t exactly encourage a change of attitude. In fact the only source of light in her squalid surroundings is a small but growing bonfire that she looks into with soulless eyes. The fire calms her, burns out the nerves so she’s numb. The need to burn crawls under her skin; an ugliness that itches like a rash, a feeling that slithers up into her throat –unsettling her so much that she wonders if she can burn her vocal cords out. Plus after it goes on long enough, and becomes bigger, spreads wider and seems to be taking a life of its own, she can take it in her hands and….
GIRL:
Before the suffering sets in….
She reaches her hand into the flame and from some distance away one can see it spark and billow into something dangerous before fading, fading, fading as one whose life is being choked out of them would.
Opening theme: As long as I am me….
Is it because I am me, that I know powerlessness and loneliness?
If I were someone else, would I still have experienced misfortune?
Would shooting stars in the sky and the moon in the skies look different from another’s point of view?
The dreams and wishes I’ve embraced hard enough to break –would they still be as meaningful?
The little things; my height complex, stubbornness, and how I wear my heart on my sleeve,
Are all a part of me. Light at times, heavy at others, but never more than I can shoulder.
I know I face forward only because I don’t want others to see these tears of frustration,
And I run forward --I’m too stubborn and prideful to give up, because until the end I will be me.
Tripping and falling along the way only means I have a new starting point to begin.
The soil I kick up as I run is the only time I’ll stop and smell the flowers.
As long as I am me, even if others snicker under their breath, I won’t stop, and won’t be stopped.
Episode 18: Outcast Origin.
Carydon is known for its verdant landscapes and beautiful countryside much like Bomber star, but where there is prosperity there are lives that take detours in differing ways which are reflected by –and sometimes a result of where they’re living. The poorer part of the metropolis is home to people that luck has given the cold shoulder to, sometimes due to no fault of their own, though more often than not, because the easy way appeals more often than the right way –even if the catastrophic effects are clear as day. Perhaps the only ones truly innocent in this town are the poor children born here –one in particular being a little girl who walks through the dirty streets with a familiarity that’s both saddening and impressive as the back alleys of this particular slum are known for their confusing nature –probably because it makes it that much easier to escape from the law, or more likely that the slapdash creation of this particular place was a result of foresight being an afterthought. Either way, the little girl squeezes through small spaces, her shoulder length purple hair dirty from her travels around the city. On her tiny frame are old overalls and dirty slippers. Although she doesn’t look particularly malnourished, she is a bit small for her apparent age. Though this serves her well for the purposes of navigating the confusing city –a ritual she has become more than comfortable with, though today when she arrives home there’s a bit of a surprise waiting for her. Before the small hovel that she lives in is an extravagant car that she hasn’t seen the likes of even in her wildest dreams. It seems to stretch out forever, and despite the color of the vehicle being a dark brown, it still shines brighter than anything in her tiny world. She stands on tip toe straining to get a look inside, and notes the shiny interior, and all the different buttons –oh how they intrigue her, oh how she’d like to get a closer look….
But that is…
A life not meant for her.
This knowledge comes crashing down her all at once, and she has to keep from openly crying there in the street. It’s not fair, but this is what she knows, so why be upset about it now? There’s nothing that can be done, or will be done so…she sighs and walks around the car, over the makeshift bridge that connects her home with the street and acts as a moat of sorts for the dirty water below, and slowly, sadly walks in to find the surprises don’t stop in the doorway. Inside her mother lounges on a couch with a pipe between two of her fingers, while across from her on a chair is an elderly gentleman with another younger man standing beside him. The older man’s expression is firm set but not without any softness, his beard greying and his eyes a sharp hazel like hers –a lot like hers. In fact the young man standing beside him sports hair a similar shade of purple as hers which is strange. Her mother is a young woman, with long black hair and hazel eyes, which had always been a source of confusion for her –why does she look so wildly different? Her mother sits up, her expression stern, and the little girl straightens up ready for her verbal lashing as per the usual –her mother really doesn’t like that she heads out alone, but if she didn’t have that time to purge the ugliness within her then who knows…it might drive her mad.
MOM:
How many times have I told you not to wander off without telling me?
The girl casts a forlorn look at her feet and shuffles them.
GIRL:
I’m sorry mother.
Her mom scowls and leans back comfortably.
MOM:
You say that, but you still do it. I have to wonder if you’re truly sorry at all.
The girl stiffens, unsure how to react to this. Normally she’d start yelling about how ungrateful she is, but she seems…reserved today? Could it have something to do with their visitors? On that note the older man holds up a hand as if to stop her mother from speaking, and upon standing walks over to her and in one reverent gesture takes off his hat and bows.
MAN:
Hello there youngster. I know this must be terribly confusing for you, but I assure you that there is nothing to be afraid of.
The girl looks up at him, tall and imposing and then back at her mother.
MOM:
There’s no need to look at me, child. Speak directly to him –or are you trying to embarrass me by suggesting I raised you without manners?
The girl stiffens again and bows to the man in turn.
GIRL:
I—It’s a pleasure to meet you sir.
The man offers her a genuine smile and his hand which dwarfs hers –but the warmth of his touch fills her with emotions she’s not sure how to describe much less feel.
MAN:
This is sudden, but little one, would you like to come and live with me?
The girl blinks and gazes around the room at everyone present hoping that they’ll present her with the correct response to this sudden proposal.
MAN:
I apologize that it’s taken so long to find you, but I’m your father, little Lewisia, and I’ve come to take you home.
Hearing her name from this stranger tosses another Molotov cocktail into the already tempestuous turmoil that is her emotional state. How does he know her name, and wait…did he say father? She had given thought to her father from time to time, but as many of the children here are from single parent homes, she had rightfully thought it was a matter that didn’t require deeper thought, yet now right in front of her is…?
LEWISIA:
M—my father?
She turns to her mother.
LEWISIA:
Mommy, what does he mean?
Her mother sits up again and to her surprise is downcast for just a second before uttering yet another shocking admission…
MOM:
I’m not your mother, little one.
LEWISIA pauses, nary a breath escaping from her.
LADY:
Your real mother died after having you –these slums aren’t the most sanitary. I’m unable to have children so they stuck you with me –
She shakes her head and sighs.
LADY:
No, I should say I asked for you. There’s no point in acting tough about it now…I asked to have you stay here with me….and I was thinking that’s how things would be but…
She gazes at the man and takes a long puff of her pipe.
LADY:
This gent says you belong to him, and honestly even without a test to prove it, the resemblance is proof enough.
The man offers his hand to the little girl.
MAN:
I hadn’t the foggiest idea that your mother had given birth to you, little one, but the moment I found out, I rushed here to find you, and it’s true, you do take after your oldest brother here!
LEWISHA leans over to look at the young man who peers down at her and with a smile waves at her.
MAN:
Chuckling.
I suppose lineage isn’t the only thing that stands out in our family.
LEWISHA blinks and tilts her head not understanding the joke.
LADY:
I know you’re confused girl, but this is for the best. Your father can get you out of this awful place and you might be able to make something of yourself, but….
She looks away uncomfortably.
MAN:
But what?
She shakes her head and nods in LEWISHA’s direction.
LADY:
It’s nothing. I’ll get what she needs to move for you.
MAN:
Thank you….thank you for everything up until now.
The lady takes another drag of her pipe and nods at the man before disappearing into a back room, an awkward silence hanging in the air. LEWISHA regards the two men who have come to whisk her away into a new life, unsure how to feel about the matter. She should be happy right? The things she thought she’d never experience such as the car outside are now in her grasp now so it should be a dream come true, but all she feels now is a sense of emptiness and betrayal. The man had said he didn’t know about her, but had he bothered to try? Moreover no one had asked for her opinion in the matter –just because she’s a child doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t be heard! It’s all so infuriating that any sense of happiness she might have had given way to fury, but before she can burst the younger man strides over and firmly places his hand on her shoulder.
YOUNG MAN:
Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.
His gentle voice and soothing words combined with the warmth of his touch is exactly what LEWISA needed. Tears well up in her eyes and dash across her cheeks as she futily wipes them away. The young man smiles and pats her on the head.
YOUNG MAN:
It’s scary, I know, but it’ll be okay. I promise.
She finds herself nodding at this as the older man regards them.
MAN:
You two are hitting it off already it seems….that’s good.
YOUNG MAN:
She’s just scared, father. It’d be weird if she wasn’t, really…but I’m going to look out for our family like you taught me.
The man nods.
MAN:
I hope your other siblings take to her as well as you have.
LEWISIA perks up at this news –more siblings? She hadn’t considered that at all.
YOUNG MAN:
I’m sure they will!
He turns to her and nods happily.
YOUNG MAN:
They’re all really nice, trust me!
LEWISIA is apprehensive at first, but his infectious positivity allays her fears. It might be foolish of her, but she likes this boy quite a bit. His genuine smile is the sunshine she had often thought would never be a part of her life, a beacon of hope searing through the doldrums of apathy and depression that suffocate her. Perhaps it is because she had never experienced such feelings directed at her that she can trust him so easily? She’s unsure, but one thing is clear –she wants this more than anything. Her guardian returns with a pack full of her clothes –noticeably lacking in variety and quantity that she gives to the older man.
MAN:
This is everything I take it? Then we should make haste to return home so you can meet your other siblings Lewisia.
LEWISIA looks back at the woman who had taken care of her, unsure what to say. She smiles sadly and embraces the little girl.
WOMAN:
Good bye little one….I’m sorry I was so harsh but it was to protect you from the cruelties of the world we live in. Maybe not now, but someday I hope you can forgive me.
LEWISIA holds her tight, the tears returning.
LEWISIA:
I’m sorry, Mother….
The woman is taken aback and waves away some tears of her own. They aren’t blood related, and perhaps things had not been as rosy as they would have liked, but the genuine feelings are there –which is really more than enough. The trio arrives at the car and the younger man opens the back allowing her in as the older of the two slides in behind the driver’s seat. The car starts and pulls away from the small house, the woman watching them go –LEWISIA doing the same until the one home she had known her whole life is out of sight. The younger man peers over at the girl and clears his throat, an obvious bid for her attention.
YOUNG MAN:
So, introductions…I’m Schreiter, your um…new older bro!
Silence.
SCHREITER:
…..Sorry, you’re probably still adjusting to this and everything. Maybe that was a little soon..
LEWISIA blinks and shakes her head.
LEWISIA:
Quietly.
It’s fine, I’m sorry…
SCHREITER waves this off.
SCHREITER:
No need to worry about it. I’ve gotta get used to having another little sister myself so we’ll do the best we can together!
MAN:
Schrieter, I know you’re attempting to bond with the girl, but don’t forget you are of royalty and your diction should reflect as such.
SCHREITER bows his head in apology.
SCHREITER:
My apologizes father.
He nods in acknowledgement and focuses on the road.
SCHREITER:
Whispering.
That’s our Dad, the king. He acts tough but he’s not so bad once you get to know him, so don’t worry.
LEWISIA nods slowly.
LEWISIA:
He said I have siblings? Like brothers and sisters?
SCHREITER:
Yup—er, Yes, another brother and two more sisters. You will meet them soon enough, but Clayton is your older brother –though he’s younger than me, Calandrine is older too, and little Lyallia is the youngest –still a baby.
LEWISIA:
Are they nice?
SCHREITER:
Of course! As if anyone in the royal family could be anything but gracious.
SCHREITER scoots over and puts his arm around her.
SCHREITER:
We’re happy to have you as a part of our family Lewisia. Don—er, you’d do well to never forget that, understand?
LEWISIA nods and manages to work up a smile of her own.
SCHREITER:
Ah, I knew it! That smile is the cutest thing, Lewisia!
She blushes and he pats her head gently.
SCHREITER:
Don’t be shy, smile as much as you want. Oh look! There’s your new home!
He lowers the window and looks out with LEWISIA following suit. Ahead of them is the capital of Carydon, New Lucia and further out on a hill is a golden castle –the kings palace. LEWISIA had read about it from time to time, but to think she would be able to see it up close –to live in it is beyond her wildest dreams. What could she expect t there –from her new siblings and new life? As if he can sense her anxiety, SCHREITER holds her close. She had been close to her mother, sure, but this feels different and not just because she hasn’t ever had siblings before now. There is something genuine about his actions, in his desire to see her happy that she hadn’t felt before In her life. Maybe it’s ill advised, but she’d like to give him all of her trust despite not yet knowing him more than an hour. She leans into his arm, finding a comfortable place in this situation at last.
***
The trio arrives at the castle where a group of well-dressed servants take their things –including LEWISIA’s bag of clothes, and greet the King and his son. The King speaks to them in regard to arranging LEWISIA’s quarters as SCHREITER takes her hand with a grin.
SCHREITER:
Come, I’ll give you a tour of the castle.
LEWISIA nods and follows him as he points out different areas in the castle, such as a long corridor leading to the servant’s quarters and a flower garden where flowers of different types –Anemone, Amaryllis and Tulips grow.
LEWISIA:
In awe.
There are so many of them…
SCHREITER:
Mother used to have quite the green thumb you see.
He puffs his chest out in pride.
SCHREITER:
And I used to help, so you could say this is my flower garden too!
LEWISIA “oohs” at this.
LEWISIA:
Will I meet your mom too?
SCHREITER suddenly stops in his tracks and he regards LEWISIA with a half smile.
SCHREITER:
Sadly, no. Our mother passed away, so it’s just us and father here.
LEWISIA simpers and looks down at her feet.
LEWISIA:
I’m sorry….
SCHREITER:
Aww, Lewisia, you don’t need to apologize for everything you didn’t know.
He covers his mouth and glances around for his father before sighing and straightening up.
SCHREITER:
I’m sure mother would have been overjoyed to have known you –you two are really similar.
LEWISIA:
R—really?
SCHREITER:
Yeah, you’re both very quiet and apologetic –but more importantly…
He turns to LEWISIA with a grin.
SCHREITER:
You don’t smile much but when you do its radiant –so please smile more often, okay?
LEWISIA feels her ears getting hot, as she nods slowly.
SCHREITER:
Good. Oh, we should meet the others now –though this place is so big it’s hard to tell where they might be….I guess we’ll try the kitchen. You’re probably hungry and they’re bound to end up there eventually since everyone’s gotta eat, so let’s go!
The two head to the dining area and true to SCHREITER’s words, along with more servants, a boy and girl sit across from one another at a long luxurious table, apparently awaiting their food when the two enter.
SCHREITER:
Oh! Clayton! Calandrine! There you are!
Silently turning to their oldest brother, LEWISIA is surprised at how similar they look to her. The girl –CALANDRINE has her facial features, but with shoulder length red hair and cerulean eyes. Meanwhile the boy –CLAYTON differs from her in likeness, but shares her purple hair and hazel eyes. They are both dressed impeccably –Clayton in a vest and dress pants, and CALANDRINE a white dress. Although it is their brother who has their immediate attention, LEWISIA can’t help but feel like their eyes are on her. SCHREITER:
Guess what? We’ve got a new little sister!
He excitably steps aside from LEWISIA who had hidden behind him, and puts a hand on her shoulder.
SCHREITER:
Meet Lewisia!
If she had only imagined their attention on her before, it’s certainly on her now. She notes that SCHREITER –as nice as he is, has a tough time reading the mood.
CALANDRINE:
Boredly.
Brother, we had heard this morning from father’s servants about this.
SCHREITER blinks and rubs the back of his head sheepishly.
SCHREITER:
Really? Man and I had made an effort not to say anything so it’d be a surprise…
CLAYTON rises from the table and strides to LEWISIA, giving her a onceover. He rubs his chin and shakes his head disapprovingly.
CLAYTON:
I suppose I see the resemblance, but that’s about where it ends. You can smell the poverty on her.
SCHREITER frowns.
SCHREITER:
Clay, don’t be like that. She hasn’t had a chance to get cleaned up yet so of course….
SCHREITER stops mid-sentence and glances back at LEWISIA, recognition dawning on his face.
SCHREITER:
…I…I didn’t mean it like that….
CALANDRINE:
Amused.
No need to hold back on our account dear brother. By all means, do say what is on your mind.
LEWISIA rubs at her eyes as they glisten with tears.
SCHREITER bends down so he and LEWISIA are on eye level.
SCHREITER:
Sorry, I really am….I’m pretty bad at knowing what to say but it’s okay Lewisia, don’t cry. I’ll get someone to give you a bath and something warm to eat and you’ll feel much better.
He glares at his siblings who both look away.
SCHREITER:
We’ll have words later.
He takes LEWISIA’s hand and leads her away, the latter taking a last look at her new siblings and can tell immediately from the looks of disdain in their eyes that they have already deemed her unworthy –an outcast.
And to be fair, it is not untrue…
***
Although her siblings had been on her mind even after taking a bath and having a warm meal, LEWISIA’s apprehensions are all but gone when she sees she has her own room in the castle –and it’s furnished beyond her wildest dreams. Stuffed animals are arranged in a corner of her large bed, the room itself is painted a gentle and warm shade of red-yellow, and beside all of this is a bay window overlooking the garden SCHREITER had shown her. She peers inside the nearby closet and it is filled with an assortment of clothes seemingly tailored to her exact height. Near the closet is a desk with a chair just her size, and on the desk is a box with writing utensils within it along with a small notepad –probably for her to practice reading and writing, things of which she’s admittedly lacking in. This is a room that she would have never imagined to have seen much less called her own, yet here it is in all of its glory. LEWISIA is so absorbed by her surroundings that she jumps in the air when someone behind her clears their throat to get her attention.
KING:
I take it that you’re pleased with your room, little one?
LEWISIA nods before realizing he’s awaiting another response –she’d have to get used to this.
LEWISIA:
Y—Yes…um, Father.
The KING nods approvingly, striding over to his daughter and patting her on the head.
KING:
You’ve been through a great deal today –and you’ll need your rest. Lessons in etiquette and formal education begin bright and early tomorrow morning and you’ll want to be wide awake for them.
LEWISIA feels another nod coming up, a custom she’d have to quickly abandon.
LEWISIA:
Y—Yes father.
KING:
You’ve met your siblings I take it?
LEWISIA:
Yes, father.
KING:
They’re not quite as…gregarious as your eldest brother, but they’ll come around in time. It is important that we all try to establish a good rapport amongst each other in this initial period. After all, familial bonds are important. Your oldest brother may have a decidedly uncouth manner of expressing himself –no doubt picked up from his mother and surroundings but he is fiercely protective of his younger siblings and it seems he’s taken a shine to you.
LEWISIA looks down at her feet. She’s not sure if she should ask this question, but…
LEWISIA:
F-Father, I’m not sure I understand.
The KING regards her.
LEWISIA:
W—why did you bring me here, and why does big brother…um, Schreiter like me so much?
If the KING is taken aback by his words he doesn’t show it –rather he sweeps the girl up in an embrace and speaks to her softly.
KING:
It is as I said, my child. Family is most important –we lost someone important to us –my wife and their mother. Then we find out that you also share the same blood around the same time –it was like a blessing.
He pats her on the head and smiles.
KING:
I’m sorry you were left alone like that for so long, but we’ll make up for it.
LEWISIA:
Y—yes father.
Standing, he follows LEWISIA to the bed and tucks her in, turning off the lights as he leaves the room. LEWISIA is still unsure of her place in this new family –though at least for her father and older brother she wants to do her best.
***
The next morning is as busy as her father the King had said. She is roused at the first rays of sunrise, bathed, dressed and fed in rapid fashion along with her sister CALANDRINE, who doesn’t speak to her the entire time. LEWISIA doesn’t particularly mind as she’s not sure what she’d discuss with her older sister, but she does want to find some common ground. A private tutor is brought for both girls, and as she thought, LEWISIA struggles to read and write. Though it’s here that she feels like she has an “in” to speak to her sister, so she waits till after the lesson is over and shyly approaches CALANDRINE.
LEWISIA:
Calandrine? Um…
LEWISIA fidgets, not sure how to make her inquiry as her sister sizes her up.
CALANDRINE:
What? What is it? Spit it out already.
LEWISIA:
I’m not so good at reading so, um, I was wondering if you’d help me.
CALANDRINE scrutinizes her.
LEWISIA:
I—If you want of course….
CALANDRINE:
And why on earth would I do that? Father pays for our tutelage from the best in the country. If you require additional assistance, why not ask the tutor?
A knife pierces LEWISIA’s heart –and as it twists she can feel that ugliness within her rising.
CALANDRINE rests a hand on her shoulder, her nose high in the air.
CALANDRINE:
Around here it’s every person for themselves. If you can’t make it on your own, then you’d best go back to wherever you came from. Schreiter and father might have a soft spot for you, but I can’t afford that luxury.
LEWISIA’s features are clouded by sadness and confusion. What does she mean?
CALANDRINE:
Besides, you’re at an age where you should know these things. Why would Father bring you here otherwise?
LEWISIA herself can’t answer this question –he had said “for family” but what if that was entirely for his sake and not for hers?
What if…?
What if she had been better off in her old life?
LEWISIA is still puzzling over this possible epiphany later as she looks for SCHREITER to ask. It’s then that she almost literally runs into CLAYTON who is on his way back from the front yard –a ball under his arm bounces away when he narrowly avoids his half-sister.
CLAYTON:
What are you doing?! Watch where you’re going!
LEWISIA immediately waves her hands and apologizes.
LEWISIA:
I’m sorry! Ah…
She goes after the ball and tries to pick it up but it evades her grasp due to her nervousness. CLAYTON sighs and touches his forehead in exasperation at the scene unfolding before him.
CLAYTON:
Just forget it, okay? I really don’t know why Father even brought you here.
There they are again –those words that simultaneously stressed and confirmed what lie deep in her subconscious.
LEWISIA:
I’m sorry….I was just looking for Schreiter…
CLAYTON:
Oh? Well you’re going to have a rather tough time seeing him now –heck, at all in the immediate future.
LEWISIA blinks and turns back, staring at her brother over her shoulder. CLAYTON blinks twice, genuinely confused until he realizes…
CLAYTON:
Neither he nor father told you? Oh, how interesting.
He says the last word with a smirk making his enjoyment of her confusion evident he then walks past her, retrieves the ball and without turning back continues the conversation.
CLAYTON:
A king cannot rule forever –hence the need for a prince. Schreiter is the oldest of us all, so that’s his position at the moment –should father no longer be fit to take the crown, it’ll be his turn. Father is convinced that day is coming soon so he’s putting Schreiter through all kinds of training. Why up until yesterday I hadn’t seen him in weeks.
LEWISIA:
T—training….?
CLAYTON:
I wouldn’t expect him to be of much service to you. In fact we’re all quite busy –so for all intents and purposes you’re on your own. I do apologize on Father’s behalf for bringing you here just to sweep you aside, but that’s how it goes.
LEWISIA’s throat dries as CLAYTON spins the ball on his finger in an amazing display of dexterity, sauntering away as he does –the ugliness within her rising again and clamoring to be let out, each butterfly in her stomach being a cry for attention. Still, LEWISIA is able to push it down and retreat to her room where she clutches a pillow and lies on her side motionlessly for what feels like hours until a knock on her door rouses her, the sudden-but-not-really-setting sun startling her as much as the intrusion.
LEWISIA:
C—come in….
The door swings open slowly as SCREITER leans in and with a goofy smile and affect greets LEWISIA.
SCHREITER:
Heeeey there Lewwiiisia! What’cha dooooin~?
LEWISIA wants to deny the smile coming to her, but can’t. He makes her happy –genuinely so, but then CLAYTON’s words come back to her and she can feel her heart collapse under the weight.
SCHREITER:
So Lewisia, wanna go play hooky for a bit?
LEWISIA:
Hooky?
SCHREITER gasps in exaggerated(?) shock.
SCHREITER:
You don’t know? It’s hanging out somewhere fun when you’re not supposed to!
LEWISIA tilts her head and bites a fingernail.
LEWISIA:
Why?
SCHREITER:
‘Cause it’s more fun obviously. C’mon, I think you’ll like it!
Before LEWISIA can react, SCHREITER has lifted her upon his back and she’s instinctively holding onto his broad shoulders as he heads out of the room, and then the castle to a nearby hill overlooking the city down below. He tilts his head so LEWISIA can see the view of the city illuminated by night lights and despite herself gasps in surprise.
SCHREITER:
Nice huh? It’s a little dim tonight but on some nights when they have festivals it can get to be really amazing!
LEWISIA is taken by the lights and colors of the city below –and the sense of power she gets from watching it on high. She had never felt like this before –in control of everything around her….this is something she could get used to.
SCHREITER:
Someday I’d like to make it so that everyone from the commoners to royalty could get together to exchange ideas and just enjoy each other’s company. When I’m King I’m sure to make it happen.
LEWISIA remembers CLAYTON’s words.
LEWISIA:
So it’s true? I won’t be able to see you anymore?
SCHREITER’s eyes flicker with something sad, remote, but he takes a measured breath.
SCHREITER:
Lewisia, there’s a lot of work that has to be done before I can be King and F—Dad is getting me ready for it. While I know it isn’t the best case scenario, and I wish I could be there for you more I want you to understand….
He looks up into her eyes.
SCHREITER:
No matter what you aren’t alone, okay?
LEWISIA blinks away sentiment from her eyes and nods slowly, understandingly-yet-not. Can’t he see that he’s the one who makes her happy? To take that away from her when she hadn’t yet begun to understand it is cruel.
SCHREITER:
Oh! Um, this might sound rude but…I was thinking you need a nickname. I just can’t picture you being a “Lewisia”.
LEWISIA blinks and tilts her head.
LEWISIA:
Nickname?
SCHREITER:
Yeah, something short and cute –kind of like you.
He laughs at his own joke as LEWISIA thinks.
LEWISIA:
Wh—what about, um…”Rei”?
SCHREITER frowns and looks up at his sister who’s face is turning beet red.
SCHREITER:
It’s cute, but where did you get it from?
LEWISIA beams.
LEWISIA:
From someone I really like.
SCHREITER:
Huuuh? Aren’t you too young to have someone like that?
LEWISIA holds her face and blushes.
SCHREITER:
Oh now you have to tell me. C’mon Rei, or I’ll pull you down from there and teach you why I’m known as the tickle-fu master!
REI refuses to speak, and as promised he pulls her down and gives her a tickling that she’ll never forget. Although she laughs, it’s to keep from the sad realization that the one person who had guilelessly opened his heart to hers would be beyond her reach, leaving a gap for the ugliness within her to roost and grow.
***
A few years go by and the more things changed the more they stayed the same. CLAYTON and CALANDRINE had remained stand-offish, but REI had become proficient in her studies to not need their help. REI still doesn’t know of her place among the family, but she at least had settled into her own routine between lessons and time with her brother. Over time she had become accustomed to their manner of speaking to an extent that impressed her father –the King and confounded SCHREITER. Though the biggest change had been the King’s health –which was more delicate than he let on in public getting worse and therefore accelerating the track his eldest son would take to replacing him. Still, SCHREITER took every and any moment he could to spend time with his sister, but it was like a drug to her –the more she took the more she needed. SCHREITER did the best he could, he really did but the ugliness within her demanded more and more until she couldn’t take its hoarse, ragged whispering in her ears. REI would make sure she was far away enough that no one would see her –and then she’d do it –she’d start a fire. They were little ones –she wasn’t foolhardy enough to do more than that, and she’d always put them out before they could get out of control. Soon this too was part of her routine –and she was able to mostly keep it contained to after lessons but before she’d spend time with SCHREITER. She had thought of telling him about it from time to time, but she knows…or a least surmises that he wouldn’t react well to it. Honestly she couldn’t care less if her brother, sister, or even the King reacted badly to her habit of purging the ugliness, but if SCHREITER were to find out the ugliness would grow enough to rend her in two starting from her heart. Yes, as long as she had him and a place to burn off that excess ugliness that is all she needs.
It is a day no more exceptional than any other when REI –now a teenager walks the familiar halls of the castle looking forward to her time with her brother. She can’t put her finger on what it is, but she had felt exceptionally good this morning –so much so that CALANDRINE and CLAYTON’s continued efforts to ignore her hadn’t even registered. Why, she didn’t even feel the need to “purge the ugliness” today, though she had –just in case for her sake. REI first stops in LYALLIA’s room, she’s now a young child of maybe four or five –not quite school age yet, but old enough to talk and get around on her own. REI is fond of her too, perhaps because she isn’t yet old enough to take sides in the sibling separation between her and the others. LYALLIA is also quiet like her so they’re kindred spirits of a sort. REI peeks into her room and the little girl is playing with a doll house, but stops what she’s doing when her elder sister enters.
LYALLIA:
Good afternoon Lewisia.
REI’s mouth twitches, but she manages a smile. Whether LYALLIA just was forgetful or had no intention of learning her name isn’t clear, so she tries to be patient, but admittedly this was getting more difficult with each interaction.
REI:
It’s “Rei” dear. I prefer to be called that, so if I may humbly request you remember it…
LYALLIA regards her for a moment and nods.
LYALLIA:
Okay, Rei.
REI:
You say that each time and yet….
LYALLIA blinks and tilts her head, her eyes fixed in a seemingly permanent sleepy gaze that --while cute always leaves REI at a loss as to whether she really understands.
REI:
No matter, how are you fairing, oh little sister of mine?
LYALLIA shrugs and faces her sister.
LYALLIA:
Fine I ‘uppose. It gets quite boring here since I’m not old enough for lessons yet. Cally comes to play sometimes, but I feel like that might be out of obligation.
REI is amused at how perceptive she is despite her age…or maybe it’s just that CALANDRINE doesn’t hide her contempt for things that don’t interest her. Either way she feels like it’s a win when LYALLIA somewhat feels the same way she does.
REI:
I see. If you want I can come by and teach you what I learn.
LYALLIA’s sleepy eyes twinkle at this.
LYALLIA:
You promise, Lewisia?
REI hangs her head, sighing.
REI:
Yes, I do, but only if you remember my name.
LYALLIA puts a finger in her mouth.
LYALLIA:
But your name is “Lewisia”. If you ask me, it’s “Rei” that’s not your name.
REI starts to argue with this, but realizes she’s not wrong per se –so she’s been soundly defeated.
LYALLIA:
Oh, if you’re looking for Schelly, he’s talking to Father and some old man.
REI:
Schreiter and Father are having a meeting with someone? Hm, how strange –normally he’ll tell me this beforehand…maybe it was an emergency meeting of some kind? In any case, thank you for letting me know.
LYALLIA nods and returns to her dollhouse.
LYALLIA:
From what Father and Schelly were talking about, he might have to go soon.
REI pauses at this.
REI:
Go?
LYALLIA:
I was listenin’ through the door for a bit ‘cause no one really notices me, but it was hard to follow so I got bored. I think Father wants Schelly to go traveling for a bit.
REI can feel the first tinges of panic rising in her gullet. SCHREIDER, leaving? That can’t be so…!
REI:
A—are they still in this meeting?
LYALLIA nods and REI stands up heading out the door. She has to confirm this herself –it can’t be so! SCHREITER wouldn’t leave her here to deal with this –with life on her own…would he? She races around the corridors of the castle, only realizing too late that she hadn’t asked little LYALLIA where the meeting was taking place, but that is rendered moot when she steps around a corner, sees SCHREITER, CLAYTON, the King, and another man exiting a room. She steps back and presses her body against the wall –remaining hidden and absolutely silent, the voices of the men floating over her as if they too haven’t noticed her presence, but then the one phrase she fears the most finds and strikes her in the soul.
SCHREITER:
So I’ll be going in your stead then, Father?
REI’s lips tremble and her thoughts jumble –he is going, and leaving her…
KING:
Yes, this is a valuable learning experience Schreiter. Clayton is here to mind me and his sisters, so you needn’t worry.
CLAYTON:
Indeed. You’ll be taking on more of Father’s responsibilities after all.
SCHREITER:
It’s true, I just didn’t expect to be going so soon…
SCHREITER sounds nervous, flighty –not surprising as its one thing to talk the talk but now he’d have to walk the walk….a shame that the walk would be away from the one who needs him most.
KING:
I’m sorry you had to come to see me in such a state Bagular, but I appreciate you coming to visit. I’m going to kick this, mark my words.
Another unfamiliar voice answers –the last man in this conversation.
BAGULAR:
It’s nothing. When I heard you had taken ill I had to drop everything on Bomber Star and come out here immediately. Glad to see you’ve still got that fight in you, old friend.
REI slides down the wall and to her knees, unable to shout due to her awareness of where she is, but distraught –so much so that she cannot move.
SCHREITER:
Ah, I should find Rei and let her know I’m leaving….
CLAYTON:
No need, I’ll let her know for you.
SCHREITER sounds unsure about this.
SCHREITER:
I think I should Clayton….you have a way with words, sure, but I want to be the one to tell her that I’m leaving.
“Leaving”. Those words sting her again –and again, a constant barrage of tragedy upon a heart laid bare –his voice the holster on the gun of woe. Could she go on without him? Should she? What should she do?
The ugliness returns this time fully unchecked –it needs to be let out or it will rip her apart as it flees. She can feel it rising up her throat, its claws tearing at her esophagus in a mad bid to take this moment of weakness to subdue her. REI stands and holding her chest runs from that place needing to purge it immediately. She’s barely able to make it off the castle grounds before the matches she keeps with her seem to levitate into her hands somehow ready to serve their singular purpose –to die so she can purge. Unable to get to her normal spot away from town in fear she might hastily purge herself, REI settles for behind her quarters. She strikes a match against the rough edge of the packaging and watches as it billows into life –a life that she can control, make sense of and then end with all the fairness of a void where emotion goes to die. Ever prepared, she has paper ready to burn and sets it aflame watching the cinders rise into the air, her mind racing as she thinks of SCHREITER leaving her behind. If he was going to just leave why bring her here in the first place? She had constantly asked that question from the day she had come to now and never could come to an answer that satisfied her –so she buried herself in her oldest brother’s kindness hoping to hide from the real world and her real problems. So then…then….
Are her problems in fact her own?
She makes a sound, not quite a sob, not quite a yell as she lunges at the flame and with a satisfying sizzle puts it out with her bare hands, choking the life she had so cruelly brought into this world. Maybe she thought of this life as her own –one she was too scared to end despite how much she couldn’t find reason in continuing it. Maybe….this stand in of control is a façade fabricated to channel her innate desires to…
VOICE:
….Girl, what did you just do?
REI blinks away tears that had formed in her eyes and turns around to see the old man from earlier standing behind her. He might have spied her actions from his vantage point in the hallway and thinking them strange followed her. It wouldn’t be strange for him to leave after checking on the King’s situation after all. Stammering to keep her emotions in check REI tries to answer…
REI:
I…I….I, I was just…..
Then realizing this could get back to her family –especially SCHREITER, REI’s stomach collapses and she vomits. The old man is courteous enough to look away and offer a handkerchief after she is through, his expression unreadable.
BAGULAR:
You have the powers of an eraser, huh?
REI looks up at him her eyes bloodshot and lungs still screaming red hot curses, leaving her unable to respond.
BAGULAR:
Though this is amazing –I’ve never seen an eraser with the ability like yours….normally their abilities are limited to erasing that which is made with the bomb elements, but yours is stronger somehow. You’re able to nullify matter’s existence entirely.
REI isn’t sure but….there’s something about this old man…his expression is still unreadable, but his eyes flicker with something….unnerving. Excitement, perhaps? She’s not sure, but what bothers her most is…she’s not entirely sure she dislikes the attention. BAGULAR too is having his own thoughts on this chance encounter….
BAGULAR:
Thinking.
To think that he’d give birth to an ability like this….erasers are rare enough, but one who has power to this extent…? It’s unfathomable, but yet….
His eyes narrow.
BAGULAR:
Thinking.
No, I mustn’t get ahead of myself. There is a process to these things –all it takes is one wrong move to lose everything.
He regards REI’s eyes.
BAGULAR:
Thinking.
I’ve seen those eyes before. This girl is well on her way to becoming a psychopath –one who will either kill others or herself if left alone. Setting fires like this is all the proof I need –but for a gift like hers to go to waste like this –especially when I can put it to such great use is a shame.
He digs in his pants pocket and produces a business card which he hands to REI.
BAGULAR:
Take it girl. I don’t know of your situation here, but for whatever reason it’s clearly not ideal. I can’t force you to come with me, but your ability is rarity among rarities –and I know how to put it to use. If you’re interested, that’s my address on Bomber star. Come there and I will be waiting.
REI takes the card and looks it over questioningly.
BAGULAR:
If I may offer a piece of advice to you –self-reliance is the most important gift one can give themselves. This world is not one that looks kindly on those who do not need it’s help to survive, which is why one who is exceptional like you….and myself find nothing but barriers in our way. I know what it is like, and can help you if you want it.
BAGULAR turns to leave.
BAGULAR:
Of course, you must want it first.
BAGULAR turns and leaves REI alone with his words and her thoughts –a calamitous combination that had been all but intentional.
SCHREITER has packed his things and bids his father and siblings farewell –but REI is absent. He starts to ask where she might be, but even he can’t pretend to not notice how much differently they –especially CALANDRINE and CLAYTON treat their sister. His father had said he’d send someone out to look for her, but that doesn’t do anything for the almost deafening amount of self-doubt blasting in his cranium. Maybe he should have noticed it sooner that REI had become overly dependent on him, maybe to an unhealthy degree. Maybe he could have talked to her more about it….there were plenty of maybes and before now plenty of time, but now…
SCHREITER:
I’m going now, everyone.
CALANDRINE:
Take care dear brother. Do remember to bring us something.
LYLLIA:
Preferably something tasty.
KING:
You’re representing the royal family, my son. Remember that.
SCHREITER:
Understood. Clayton, take care of our sisters, okay?
CLAYTON nods, but his eyes state the unsaid intention –he will take care of the two here, and not that other one.
SCHREITER leaves the castle wanting to throw everything aside and look for REI but knowing he can’t –and cursing his position as soon-to-be-king for contradictory giving him power that he cannot use. Meanwhile REI too is packed and waiting at a spaceport, her eyes on the card she received from BAGULAR. As someone who hadn’t left her hometown much less home planet ever in her life, she’s filled with nervousness, but beyond that is resolve. She’s not so sure if she’s exceptional as BAGULAR had put it, but she wouldn’t find out anything staying here where she’s not welcome anyway.
REI:
I’m sorry Schreiter….but…
P.A:
Last call for express trip to Bomber star!
REI:
I just wasn’t cut out for that life.
She sniffles and head bowed walks toward the space ship headed to Bomber Star –a place where her fate would be irreparably changed in ways no one could yet have fathomed.
Ending Song: Passionate Orbit
Say, did you know, that heart beating in your chest…
Is a gift from the depths of this wide universe?
When we are born our guardian star breathes a silent prayer to the galaxy,
And in the break between dusk and morn, dyed silver-black hues it ends up in our hands.
As we experience our lives and are touched by the gentle but rusted hands of time,
Colors born from daily life drip from this gift from the galaxy yearning to be shared –to take orbit.
So when the time comes and your little universe yearns to orbit another’s –don’t be frightened.
Just clasp your hands together, and let those feelings bubble to the surface and become a star.
For each time two hearts intertwine and orbit one another,
A little more of the universe is filled with color.