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You know, the Goalie, with the Sister

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Taylor Crosby is the sort of guy to bring his sister as his date to his own draft. And if that weren’t enough for endless chirping, he makes the mistake of admitting that it’s his sister he’s terrified of disappointing, not his dad.

"No, guys, you don’t understand. Her life motto is, like, if you’re not bleeding, you probably could have tried harder.”

Then they find out she’s an olympic athlete. She has a gold medal (though not in hockey). Her dad wasn’t as on the hockey wagon since she was never gonna be in the NHL — though of course she plays — but no, she’s a skier or maybe that sport where you ski and ski and shoot things and ski some more. Basically, something that makes the guys, when they find this out, a little bit scared of her themselves. Except then Malkin, star player, team captain, friendly guy but a joker, likes to drink obscenely expensive drinks and buy diamonds for his mother (living large, it’s a life goal) says slyly — he’d hit that. He could handle her. And it’s in good fun (so men often say), but it’s crossing a line. Baby-Tay (better than Tayby, alright, that didn’t last past training camp, thank god) throws down in the bar. Cue a minor, slightly confused deadspin article.

Until Sidney Crosby herself comes down from Canada to help her brother train. And she is every bit as hard line, bluntly eye-on-the prize (aaaaand a little awkwardly robotic) as Taylor promised. A force of fucking nature - who doesn’t catch social cues but can put a puck in the upper left nine times out of ten. They unearth an old Canadian news article about her — the crazy awesome Canadian female athlete, may or may not be Olympic quality in hockey and ski-ski-shoot-ski and regular-just-ski sports. Or some other combination that adds up to: ridiculous. Her skating when she’s on the ice taking shots at Baby T is top notch, and her rampant superstition combined with single-minded drive is frustrating and difficult to communicate with — unless you join in. Some of the guys call her a freight train, unattractive, unreachable, but Geno sees curls and curves and hockey.

Too bad a dumb comment in a bar means that Taylor Crosby is ready to throw down (and I mean, really throw down) if Geno talks to her any place except the ice and about anything that isn’t hockey. And Taylor is a goalie. He does not leave holes in his defense.

Shit, Geno thinks, this is going to take planning.