Chapter 1: Rome and Tej
“I’m not answering the phone again…Better yet, I’m blocking all y’all, cuz this is straight up crazy!”
“No one forced you to come, Rome.”
“Don’t try to flip the script on me, Tej. Not today, bruh. Letty said we were going to the park. A park! So I’m thinking cool, picnic time and not get ready to fight for my life time. Not prepare yourself to go into a goddamn time machine time.”
“You never asked what type of park we were going to, so, yeah, your fault, Four Square Head.”
“Keep laughin’, Mighty Mouse. You’re lucky there’s a giant glass bubble separating me from you, otherwise I’ll come over there and pop you out of it like a five year old with a piñata.”
“This is my unimpressed face, Rome. Completely unimpressed, because I know you’re not leaving your little bubble while I’m definitely getting out of mine to join the others. Can’t let Hobbs get all of the selfies riding a triceratops.”
“Triceratops—try out runnin’ those big damn teeth when the gate falls down cuz you know it will. I came to cover Brian’s spot since he’s running round here being Superdad on the weekends and Mr. Mom from nine to five, but nope: this is how y’all do me? I was getting suped up for some barbecue, rescuing some kittens from trees, maybe some Frisbees from trees, and meetin’ some honeys near some trees. But what’da I get instead? Nothing but a trip to the goddamn Land of the Lost.”
“Chill it with the dramatics, Rome. I’m gonna save you from your own stupidity and colossal embarrassment, or just ending up as a kick ball for an apatosaurus or brachiosaurus with a short temper. And if your voice gets any higher, I’m pretty sure only dogs and the pteraodons will understand you.”
“Tej, laugh it up now cuz I’m gonna be the only one still standing , since I’m not dumb enough to---What the hell is Brian doin’? Brian? Brian! BRIAN?! Oh, now you wanna act like you don’t hear me too? Okay, if that spikey-headed dinosaur—Lord—bites your hand off, I’m not gonna be the one to teach you how to clap one-handed.”
“That dinosaur is a vegetarian, so I don’t think it will bite him, but…okay, it just sneezed on him and that was disgusting. Yep, absolutely disgusting….Aw, man, look at Giselle and Han with those little ones! You know I could actually see Giselle as a dinosaur person instead of a cat or dog person. ”
“Why is Dom over there inspecting that other one like he’s trying to figure out if he can trade the Charger in for a new whip with scales and big claws? How is this happening? Tej, go get Hobbs. I can’t watch him feed another goat to the T-Rex. What did Lamb Chop do to deserve this?”
“Like Dom would ever trade the Charger for any reason, Rome. Like, be serious, bruh. Everyone but you is taking advantage of this once in sixty-five million years opportunity.”
“I can appreciate that opportunity from here, Tej. Here means far away from the teeth, dino snot, and that man-sized pile of shit that no one but me seems to be bothered by. Like, how is no one talkin’ about it? I think I can smell it through the glass.”
“We’re just putting the experience into perspective—taking the good with the bad--”
“If you finish that sentence with cuz those are the Facts of Life, then I will get out of this giant mouse wheel to slap the taste outta ya mouth.”
“I’d like to see you try, Fearsome Five-Head. All that proposed action would require walking around Letty and Giselle and their new cold-blooded bffs. Be careful, those raptors might smell chicken when you come by.”
“Y’all got me out here jumping outta planes in cars, snatching vaults, running away from tanks and submarines crawling up my ass. Like, what the hell, Tej. How the hell did I end up being the sane one in this family?”
“You really want me to answer that one, Rome. Seriously, I’m tryin’ to be kind to the loud and shut-in.”
“… yeah, hit me.”
“You’ve got the head for it.”
Chapter 2: Rome, part two
Rome has more feelings about this experience.
Rome wasn’t picking up the phone again. Nope, everyone in this family was blocked. On top of that, everyone involved in hog-tying him into a giant hamster ball was off his gift list. “I hope it bites you in the ass!” He yelled with no one but himself to listen since everyone else was out frolicking with dinosaurs.
Tej would admit that Rome was right, perhaps in another three minutes if that duck billed dino finally let loose.
When Rome got the call and heard something about dinosaurs, he instantly thought it was the theme of Jack’s birthday party, or even Tej’s bachelor party since his bruh was one hundred and ten percent pure nerd.
But Rome got this instead: a ticket to the Land The Time Forgot.
Brian had four new friends with scales. Rome rolled his eyes; ain’t nobody jealous of that.
Dom’s over there staring soulfully into the eyes of Big Girl with the bigger teeth, acting like a stare down will kept him from becoming an appetizer through sheer force of will. Maybe it’s the Eternity by Calvin Klein or the Corona that gave him courage. Rome didn’t know and didn't care to guess.
Seriously, next time he wasn't picking up the phone.