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Hold Me & Never Let Me Go

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“You’re so quiet.” Thomas murmurs. “James?”

James keeps his face slightly averted. He needs to maintain some sort of his dignity here, some desperate semblance of composure, but if he looks at Thomas, that will all be stripped away and leave him completely exposed.

Miranda had left, with a brief touch to James’s arm, a touch that had nearly left him undone with her understanding, understanding of a situation he himself doesn’t fully comprehend right now. Is it true? Is Thomas really standing here in a room alone with him after kissing him?

They had kissed

Thomas had kissed him. 

Right there, not three steps from where James is standing now. He can barely take his eyes from the spot on the carpet. His feet were there, and Thomas had moved to him, Thomas had touched him, so gently confident and James had lifted his mouth to be kissed and kiss Thomas in return.

If James were alone he would raise his fingers to his lips and touch them, seeking proof that Thomas’s lips had been there upon his mouth.

But he’s not alone.

Thomas is right there and James can hardly look at him.

“James.” Thomas presses. “Just look at me.”

He moved forward again, tilting James’s face upward to search his eyes.

It’s so like that first moment when Thomas kissed him, a moment that exists only a few minutes before this moment now. Thomas’s blue eyes fixed on his, Thomas wanting him.

Such a simple realization. Such a wondrous terrible realization to know the truth of that look in Thomas’s eyes. The truth that James had suspected and longed for, but never dared hope it was true, that it was reciprocated.

Yet here they are in a silent room together, with Thomas’s kiss burnished on his lips and James lost in reverie. He needs to be gone from here so he can go over every second in his mind; he never wants to depart because to leave would be to be apart from Thomas.

“James.” Thomas says his name again and James closes his eyes.

“Please.” Thomas whispers. “Tell me what you’re thinking, tell me what you want.”

“I want…” James wets his lips, striving desperately to speak. He must, even if Thomas doesn’t share his emotions, he must speak.

He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, gazing up at Thomas. “I want you to hold me and never let me go.”

“Oh, James.” Thomas reaches for him, drawing him close, crushing him to his chest. He holds James tightly, wrapped his arms. “James, I would hold you forever if I could.”

If he could.

Of course.

James closes his eyes once more as he buries his face against Thomas’s firm chest, breathing in the intimate scent of him. Of course they can’t stay like this forever. They will have to leave this room; this moment will have to end.

But for now, for this moment, he lets himself breathe it in. For this could very well be all they ever have between them, for he won’t let himself dare to dream beyond this small moment in time. This moment, however short, however stolen, is theirs and theirs alone.