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That Pot Brownies Oneshot

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“I still can’t believe you’ve conformed to the American cliché of having a basketball net in your driveway,” Louis said before bouncing the ball back to Harry at the top of the makeshift foul line drawn in with pink sidewalk chalk.

 Harry gave his boyfriend a shrug in response, always one to go along with whatever teasing Louis laid on him. “I quite like it actually,” he said, dribbling the ball with the pads of his fingers. “It gives me something to do when ‘m just…thinking.”

 Louis burst out in a wild cackle, doubling over in amusement while Harry stood still, straight-faced in the midst of his boyfriend’s mockery. “Okay, Levonne, let’s see what you’ve got then,” Louis laughed before squatting down into his best defensive stance.

 “Erm, Louis, I think it’s Lebron,” Harry calmly responded as a smug grin curled at the edge of his lips. He laughed out loud at Louis’ instant huff and irritated glare and began dribbling again.

 To be honest, Harry wasn’t very good; He wasn’t good at any sport, except maybe golf. But, although Louis was the athlete of the relationship, Harry did have one thing over him.

 “Hey, that’s not fair,” Louis pouted in earnest as he jumped up for the ball that Harry was holding out of his reach, only to realize that every time he would jump for the ball, Harry would just raise it even higher. “You’re such a fucking twat, Harry,” Louis squeaked, glaring back at Harry and looking as tiny and spunky as ever. After crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes, he whispered “No blowjob for you,” and suddenly, things got serious.

 “Whoa whoa whoa,” Harry protested, setting the ball on the ground and lifting his arms to surrender. “Let’s be rational here,” he said softly while taking a step forward into Louis’ personal space and resting a large hand on his shoulder.

 Louis immediately smacked it away.

 “Hey, lads, let’s save that sort of thing for the bedroom, yeah?” they heard Zayn call from the end of Harry’s driveway, where he had just pulled up.

 Zayn always seemed to catch Louis and Harry at the most interesting times, like in the bathroom stall of their junior prom, or exploring some type of foot kink behind the nail salon, or now, arriving at Harry’s to find Louis in the midst of a fit of violence.

 “Zayn, I’m so glad you’re here,” Harry said in mock desperation as he walked towards his newly-arrived pal. “Louis here has been assaulting me all afternoon, and I was hoping a big, strong, tall man like you would come rescue me.” He proceeded by leaning onto Zayn’s shoulder and nuzzling his nose into his friend’s neck.

 “Erm…okay,” Zayn replied, hesitantly lifting his hand to pet Harry’s curls.

 Louis rolled his eyes. “Right… okay well, if you two are quite comfortable then,” he said, definitely not sounding childish in any way whatsoever. “I fancy myself a beer from the basement fridge.”

 With his eyes still murderously locked with Harry’s, Louis bent down to pick up the basketball. He turned towards the hoop, took a shot, and watched it fly over the fence and into the next yard over.

 “We’re gonna pretend that went in,” Louis said, maintaining his stern, angry tone. “Good day, lads.”

 Once Harry finished gushing to Zayn about how adorable Louis looked when he was angry, they both decided to follow Louis inside.

 With his parents away on their fourth (fifth?...tenth?) honeymoon, Harry had no intention of wasting the opportunity to have a little fun with his mates at home. In fact, he had spent all day cleaning up his grimy basement to make space for Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Niall, which wasn’t exactly a chore, considering tidying up was one of Harry’s most cherished pastimes. Whenever Louis’ mum threw a fit over mountains of rubbish accumulating in his room, Harry took it upon himself to sneak through his window and do the job for him. And in return, Louis would do different types of jobs for Harry.

 However, while Harry enjoyed all types of domestic activities, nothing ever compared to his love for baking.

 “Whatcha makin’, baby?” Louis cooed in a hot breath straight into Harry’s ear. He aligned his strong biceps with Harry’s as he embraced him from behind.

 Harry grinned, leaning back into his boyfriend and pressing a soft kiss to his nose before using one hand to crack an egg and empty it into the steel bowl.

 “Mmph,” Louis groaned, and Harry immediately barked out in laughter, always amused by Louis’ bizarre turn-ons.

 The week before, Louis got a hard-on from watching Harry swiffer the kitchen floor (granted, there was Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” playing in the background), but they both supposed that Louis had some domestication kink or something along those lines.

 It reminded Harry of the way his grandmother spoke to his granddad. “Well you might get me in bed if you did the dishes. That’s a real sexy quality in a man,” she would say. It made Harry shudder, but the similarity was uncanny.

 Finally answering Louis’ question, Harry beamed down at his creation and said, “Oh, just my special brownies.”

 Louis’ eyebrows immediately raised in delight. “Special?” he responded, hoping to get an affirmation that he and Harry had the same idea of what “special” really meant.

 Harry chuckled while shrugging his shoulders. “Erm, yeah, I’d say so,” he said hesitantly, trying to remain modest. “I mean, they have chocolate chunks mixed into the batter, so…”

Louis’ expression dropped into a disappointed frown. He really wanted to get high tonight.

 “And I was gonna sprinkle the top of them with something special too…” Harry added, causing Louis’ eyes to light up once more.  “Powdered sugar!” 

Jesus.

 “I hate to break it to you, but your boyfriend’s a pastry.”

 Zayn always had a unique way of looking at things.

 “Is this one of those ‘you are what you eat’ type of philosophies?” Louis asked, reluctantly looking to play along with his friend’s odd reasoning.

 Zayn reached into his pocket to pull out a lighter before setting it to the cigarette in his other hand. He looked off into Harry’s backyard from where they stood on the porch, observing the neatly-kept garden and the multi-colored play-set, and shook his head slightly.

 “I’m just saying, bro,” he answered, pausing to take in a quick puff of his cigarette. “The boy is quite sheltered.”

 Zayn laughed to himself before extending his arm to offer Louis a smoke, only to be rejected by a quick wave of the hand.

 “Oh come on, it’s not like he hasn’t smoked with us before,” Louis retorted, desperately trying to rummage through his brain to find more excuses for his boyfriend’s innocent nature. “Besides, the kid’s only a freshman.”

 Good. Yes. Good job, Louis.

 Zayn snorted and started coughing up puffs of smoke as he tried to regain his breath and stifle his laughter. “Louis, he had one hit off a blunt and started crying,” he said, his voice doing that thing where it got completely falsetto because he was laughing and speaking at the same time. Louis wanted to hit him.

 “He’s only a freshman,” Louis repeated sternly before stomping towards the door.

 “Lou,” Zayn yelled after him, a mischievous grin playing over his face as he reached into his coat pocket. After watching Louis whirl around irritably to face him, he pulled out a plastic baggy and raised his eyebrows. “So do you wanna get high tonight, or not?”

 Louis eyed the contents of the bag – yup, that was weed, alright. While biting his lip and tapping his fingers on the denim fabric of his trousers, he looked back inside to find Harry’s brownie batter sitting unattended on the kitchen counter.

 “Gimme that,” Louis demanded urgently, and Zayn happily tossed his friend the baggy, a delighted chuckle escaping his lips.

 “Good lad, Tommo,” Zayn whispered, following Louis into the kitchen.

 The two of them stalked towards the kitchen counter, stepping lightly on the balls of their feet while meticulously looking behind every corner to avoid being caught by Harry.

 Right, Louis thought. Harry.

 Poor Harry, who took so much pride in whipping up special treats for his family and friends and always putting “a dash of love in every batch.” Sweet Harry, who would never so much as change the television channel without quadruple checking to make sure Louis was okay with it. Baby Harry, whose asthma barely allowed him to hold down one puff of a joint.

Louis was a terrible boyfriend.

 His heart suddenly clenched with guilt at the thought of spoiling his boyfriend’s pride and joy, but he eased his inner tension by assuring himself that he was only making it better. After all, by giving Harry access to the beauty of pot in a form that wouldn’t suffocate his lungs, Louis could now get properly high with his boyfriend… and Zayn could stop calling him a pastry.

 See, this is a great idea, Louis told himself as he leaned over Zayn’s shoulder, watching him gently open the Zip-lock bag. His eyes steadily focused on the bowl, Zayn began to tilt the bag so that its contents could sprinkle out into the batter, and wow, we’re really doing this, Louis thought. We’re all gonna get – …fucked.

 “Aaaaaay, laaaads!” Niall practically yodeled while barging in through the kitchen door.

 “God dammit, Niall,” Zayn hissed, abruptly retracting the bag and stuffing it back in his pocket. If Niall was an actual normal person who could detect any sense of hostility or urgency, he would have probably been giving Zayn a confused frown. But instead, he frolicked his way into the kitchen, with a much less hyper Liam Payne walking in behind him.

 Although Liam did not possess the overly-excited fratboy attitude Niall did when entering a room, he still looked genuinely pleased to be there. He gave Louis and Zayn and bright-eyed grin before adding an enthusiastic “Hi, boys,” and walking towards the kitchen bar stools to take a seat.

 “Well, hello there,” Harry cheered from where he now stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the hallway.

 Louis snuck a subtle glance down to Zayn’s pocket to make sure nothing green was poking out.

 “You boys are just in time,” Harry said, making his way over to the kitchen counter. “I was just about to put my special batch of brownies in the oven,” he finished, beaming down at the bowl that sat about two inches in front of Louis’ stomach.

 Niall let out a cackle. “Ah,” he said, his eyes narrowing and a smile gradually appearing on his face. “Special brownies. Right on, mate.”

 Niall’s expression didn’t sober up until he eyed Harry for a good five seconds before realizing that Harry had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, bless his little heart.

 Louis could barely look. Guilt seeped throughout his entire being as he tried to ignore Zayn, who was hardly making an effort to stifle his laughter.

 “Right,” Harry said to break the silence. “So babe, wanna toss that in the oven for me?” he suggested, throwing a slight nod towards Louis, who wasn’t quite breathing at the moment.

 Not at all sure how to decline Harry’s request in a logical manner, Louis just looked at Harry, down at the bowl, to Niall, to Liam, and then back to Harry, meeting all of their eyes nervously but avoiding Zayn’s intense, pot-thirsty stare in his peripheral vision.

 “Right, uhm,” Louis muttered hesitantly. “Actually, Harry, I really need to talk to you real quick.” Louis looked awkwardly at Liam and Niall and gave a subtle wink to Zayn before walking across the room and dragging Harry with him.

 Liam and Niall exchanged a look, a mix of confusion, amusement, and disgust. “Oh god,” Liam said, his gaze following Louis and Harry out the doorway. “Are they gonna…”

 “Probably,” Zayn answered nonchalantly while pouring the contents of the baggy into the bowl.

Detaching his stare from the doorway, Niall turned to see what Zayn was doing and instantly reacted like a kid laying eyes on an unoccupied swing at recess.

Nice, mate,” he giggled, nudging Zayn’s elbow as he mixed the batter together once more. “Harry know about this?”

 Zayn snickered, amused by his mischief and delighted by the drug use in his near future. “Why do you think Lou dragged him into the other room?”

 “Brilliant,” Liam chimed in. “He’s gonna go absolutely insane.”

Whether Liam meant that Harry’s insanity would derive from the rage and betrayal or from the weed itself, Zayn was sure that he would be thoroughly entertained either way, so he could care less.

 Right as Niall opened his mouth to add on, Louis and Harry shamelessly pranced back into the kitchen, sporting messy hair, unzipped trousers, and anything else that just screamed orgasm.

 “So boys,” Louis sang, a sleepy smile settled on his face. “How bout we pop those brownies in the oven, eh?”

 With an almost wicked grin, Zayn happily obliged to Louis’ request and poured the batter out into the rectangular pan before smoothing it out and placing it into the oven.

 “Looks like you two were trying to get something else in the oven if you know what -”

 Niall’s joke was interrupted by his own laughter, and he ended up doubling over onto the floor.

“Erm, anyway,” Louis said while tugging on Harry’s sleeve. “Harold, why don’t we move this little shindig down to the basement, perhaps?”

“Yep, shall we, lads?” Harry responded, gesturing towards the white painted door on the opposite side of the kitchen.

 Everybody shuffled towards the door, careful not to step on Niall, who was still shaking on the floor, and made their way down the carpeted stairs and into the basement.

Ah, Harry’s basement. It was the epitome of the grimy, raggedy lifestyle of any dirty, filthy high school student, with its soda-stained rug and its chewed-on sofa. In other words, it was everything Harry was not.

 When he and Harry first started dating, the severe juxtaposition of his boyfriend and his basement always gave Louis an off vibe, but as their relationship progressed, Louis began to view the basement in a completely different way. For example, to Louis, the couch wasn’t just some old dog chew toy. Instead, it was the place upon which Louis gave Harry his first blowjob. The concrete-floored bathroom next to the fridge was not just a hotel for rats, but it was also where Zayn hid the six-pack the first time they got Harry drunk and almost got caught.

 Clearly, the basement had never been a place to be proper, so why start now? It served as a breeding ground for all of Harry’s great firsts, so why not add getting high as a kite to the list? The only difference was that Harry had known he was getting drunk and (hopefully) that he was getting a blowjob, but it was nothing to worry about. This was going to happen eventually, Louis kept telling himself.

 “So, Harry Styles. How’s it feel to be dating Louis Tomlinson, the recently named captain of the school’s footie team?” Liam said in his best news anchor voice, while plopping down next to Harry on the sofa and curling a muscular arm around him.

 With a light shade of pink appearing on his cheeks, Harry let out a small nervous chuckle before turning to Louis, who was seated on his other side.

 Harry liked all of Louis’ friends, but he knew Zayn the best, because they had Drawing class together (Harry took it for an easy A, but Zayn pretty much taught the class himself).

Liam, on the other hand, landed more towards the ‘jock’ side of the spectrum of Louis’ friendships, leaving him and Harry with very little in common, which made interacting with him just a tad more difficult.

 “Erm, it’s great,” Harry finally responded, making it come out more like a question rather than an answer. “Actually kind of weird, because I keep thinking the captain of the football team’s significant other should be some skinny little blonde girl with an ass, but…” Harry trailed off, shrugging his shoulders and looking down into his lap.

 “Well, you are quite skinny,” Zayn said. He sat down in the dirt-tinted chair next to Louis’ end of the couch. “And ‘m pretty sure Lou’s got enough ass for the both of you,” he added, smirking in Louis’ direction.

 “Eat your heart out, Malik,” Louis retorted with a seductive wink and a purr.

 Harry immediately slid his hand from his side to Louis’ thigh, rubbing it slightly, causing Louis to spin his head around and look at him.

 “Sorry, babe,” he chuckled, letting his much smaller hand fall on top of Harry’s huge one. “And for the record, I’d much rather have you than some bimbo…and Zayn. Zayn smells.”

 Louis and Harry’s laughter was interrupted by Zayn’s scoffing. “I do not smell,” he retorted. “Liam, do I smell?” he asked, waving a questioning hand at the boy across from him.

Liam raised a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “I uhm – I actually think you smell amaz -”

 “Theeee brownies are readaaaay.”

 Oh right. Niall.

 “Yes,” Zayn hissed, greedily rubbing his hands together like a fly laying eyes on a forgotten crumb. Louis couldn’t fight the devious smirk teasing at his lips as he snatched two brownies off the top of the plate, passing one of them to his best friend.

Niall frolicked over to the couch with a goofy smile and jumped over the back of it, nearly kicking Harry in the face, only to land head first with his trainers pointed towards the ceiling. “Those brownies,” he said, looking up at Harry with slightly pink-tinted eyes. “Are amazing.” Niall rotated his torso clumsily until he was sitting upright, squeezed between Harry and Liam.

 Biting into his own brownie, Louis couldn’t hold back a small fit of giggles. “How many have you had already, mate?” he questioned, stealing a quick, mischievous glance back at Zayn.

 Niall raised his shoulders towards his ears before letting them drop with a dramatic huff. “I dunno. Four?”

 After letting out a cackle, Louis scanned the room, eager to take in everybody’s reaction to what was going on.

 Zayn, of course, seemed thoroughly entertained. He held his head in his hand, which was resting on the armrest, his expression a dazzling picture of amusement. As he took more and more brownies, this devious grin slowly morphed into a relaxed look of contentment, periodically interrupted by bursts of laughter, either at Niall’s expense or for no reason at all.  

 Liam, on the other hand, had not been eating as much as Niall or Zayn, but his eyes had relaxed and he lounged back in his chair with his legs sprawled out in front of him. He was ready to enjoy the show that had just begun.

 Finally, Louis’ gaze landed on his boyfriend, who – bless his dear heart – had no idea what was going on around him. His expression could have only been read as pleased, probably with how much everyone seemed to have been enjoying his brownies. It was only when he took his first bite that his delighted grin faltered a bit.

 Louis gulped down a guilt-filled lump before throwing Harry an innocent smile. Harry shrugged in response, brushing off any questionable feelings he had and enjoying his tasty creation.

 With the room still silent besides subtle chewing and lip-smacking, Zayn got up from his chair and walked towards the dusty stereo in the opposite corner of the basement.  Louis couldn’t help but look on with shaky hands, because well… Zayn’s music taste tended to change with different occasions, and Louis feared that whatever song he was going to put on might end up being a dead giveaway. Louis knew Zayn’s pot playlist all too well.

 “Is this… is this an instrumental jazz cover of No Diggity?” Liam asked, speaking at a lazy pace and tilting his head thoughtfully.

Zayn responded by giving Liam a squinty-eyed grin, letting his tongue slip out between his teeth.Liam nodded his head appreciatively before turning to Niall, who was cackling into Harry’s shoulder – or maybe he was sobbing; Louis couldn’t really tell. All he knew was that Harry looked incredibly concerned, which was probably the most heartbreakingly adorable thing Louis had ever witnessed.

 “Is he okay?” Harry whispered to Louis with furrowed eyebrows.

 Louis couldn’t help but pucker his lips into a pout, because damn Harry was fucking adorable, and … his shirt was changing color like a chameleon! “Harry, tell your shirt to make up its damn mind,” Louis cried out between bursts of laughter. He reached out to claw at the fabric covering Harry’s chest, while Harry looked back at him as if he was on … drugs. “Oh,” Louis continued. “It’s still white, duh.”

 Louis looked down at the plate of brownies and realized that most of them were gone. He then vaguely recalled eating most of them.

 “Louis, I feel sort of weird.”

 Whoop, there it is.

 Louis’ demeanor sobered up slightly in response to Harry’s declaration. If he wasn’t completely stoned, he would have been terrified of Harry’s reaction to the whole thing, but now, with all his muscles practically floating in the dusty air, he was just excited to finally be experiencing this with his boyfriend.

 “You didn’t put anything in my Pepsi, did you?” Harry added, looking around nervously and shaking his head as if to regain focus in his eyes. Louis couldn’t take it anymore.

He eyed Zayn from across the room, except Zayn had his eyes shamelessly locked on Liam. Louis figured that Zayn didn’t even have enough sense to know that he was drooling – seriously, a literal glob of saliva was trickling down his chin.

 “Zayn,” Louis snapped, and soon, Zayn was slowly turning towards him with a subtle, closed-mouthed grin. “Harry’s starting to feel something,” he cheered as if their son had just made the first string football team. Zayn joined in with a woo and a fist pump, followed by Niall and Liam, who were both clapping in amusement.

 Eventually, everyone gravitated towards Harry. Zayn had crawled up onto the armrest of the couch next to Louis, and Liam had shoved himself between the opposite armrest and Niall, leaving Harry in the middle of everything, much a like a rare species in a cramped zoo exhibit.

 ‘W-haaat is going on?” Harry slurred, looking around him at all of the boys before letting his gaze finally fall on Louis, who was giving him one of those mischievous, I-can-get-away-with-anything grins with his hand daintily placed over his mouth. Harry kept looking at Louis, but as time went on with no response, his eyes began to lazily droop until they were nearly halfway covered by his eyelids.

 “Baby?” Louis cooed, his smile unfaltering as he reached out to tuck a stray curl behind Harry’s ear. “Baby, how do you feel?”

 Harry hummed thoughtfully. He let his head fall to his shoulder as Louis squeezed his bicep. "I feel ... like I want to knit something," he said, closing his eyes and smiling once he processed his own words.

 Louis had to laugh at how slow Harry was moving. His boyfriend already spoke like a snail with aspergers, but now, when his judgement wasn't strong enough to care about the way he presented himself, he sounded more like a tortoise who smoked three packs daily and had weighted teeth.

 The rest of the boys shared Louis' level of amusement, chiming in with a chorus of things like 'Oh, lemme get you your needles, H' and 'Ooh, knit yourself a cock sock, Harreh!'

 "It's no problem, babe," Louis whispered to Harry amidst the rumble of nonsense comments from the other boys. "Niall can get your yarn and needles for you, and you can knit whatever you want, baby." he cooed, trying his best to stifle a cackle that buzzed in his throat.

 After receiving a ridiculous 'D' shaped smile and eager nod from Harry, Louis waved a finger at Niall, who soon stumbled out of his seat to fetch the supplies.

 Soon, he returned with a pink ball of yarn attached to what looked like the beginning of a scarf hanging off one of the two needles.

"I think I can transform mum's scarf into a cozy for Little Harry," he crackled pensively. "Though he might be a bit too big..." he finished, a smirk gradually appearing on his face.

 "Is he, Louis?" Zayn said, nudging Louis' knee with his foot before Louis swatted it away indignantly.

"Fuck off," Louis huffed with his arms crossed over his stomach. "And yes, actually," he retorted. "Not so Little Harry is quite huge and ... and nice, and -"

 Louis cut himself off. He just gave his boyfriend's penis a personality.

"Little Harry will thank you later," Harry purred under his breath before nibbling at Louis' ear, which earned a round of howls and whistles from the others. Appreciative of the response, Harry let out a howl and clapped his hands together above his lap.

 With his eyebrows raised to form two perfect rainbows (rainbrows?) on his forehead, Louis swiftly rolled over onto Harry's lap so that their crotches were firmly pressed together. "How 'bout - mmm - how 'bout you do that thing now, huh?" he said in between choppy breaths.

 The three other boys looked around at each other, exchanging a mixture of shocked and pleased looks as Louis began slowly rocking his hips down onto his boyfriend's.

 The song changed to Nicotine and Gravy by Beck, and Louis started peppering kisses along Harry's jaw. Zayn bobbed his head to the computerized tones coming from the speakers, Liam stared at Louis and Harry with a slightly open mouth, and Niall was focused on the remaining brownies ("I'm just so fucking hungry... ya know?").

 "Louis, oh my god," Harry said, stiffening up in his position on the couch. He averted his eyes from Louis' lips and sat up a bit. "You hate me, don't you?"

 "W-hat," Louis giggled, squeezing Harry's bicep. "I don't hate you, love."

 Harry was biting down on his bottom lip with his eyebrows furrowed. He looked around the room with shifty eyes before he turned to Zayn, who had cleared his throat.

 "It's the weed," Zayn said matter-of-factly. "Makes you paranoid the first time, remember Lou?" He nodded at Louis, who was already laughing. "You nearly ran upstairs to call your mum our first time."

 A bit dazed, Harry turned to scowl at Zayn. "Your first time?" he practically growled. "You two had...sex?" he hissed, whispering the word 'sex' as if he was an eight year old in church.

 Everyone but Harry erupted into a fit of laughter, and soon, after Louis had cleared the confusion, Harry began laughing as well... and kept laughing... and laughing, until Louis took it upon himself to shove their lips together.

 "Awww, yes," Niall cheered, pumping his fist as if the Sheep just scored on a game-deciding penalty shot. "More tongue, more tongue," he chanted while slapping his thighs like an excited little kid.

 "Erm, Niall," Zayn slurred, his demeanor only sobering up a hint. "I thought you were straight."

 Niall shrugged dramatically. "Look at them," he said with an arm extended towards the ball of tongues and limbs on the couch.

 "Nah, bro, I feel you," Liam chimed in. His pupils were dilated and highlighted by the redness around them. He raised his eyebrows as if part of him couldn't believe what he was saying. "Like, I guess guys are fit sometimes, eh?"

 Zayn choked on his brownie, and Louis grinned into Harry's mouth, fully aware that all of Zayn Malik's dreams had just come true.

 If Louis wasn't so preoccupied with trying to tie his and Harry's tongues in a bow (his baked mind really thought it was possible), he would have made some snide comment about how Zayn and Liam should occupy the guest room on the second floor. But now that he thought twice about it, he had another idea.

 "Hey, Harry, you wanna go up to the guest room on the second floor?"

 ...

 "Louis, your head is floating away," Harry cried, launching his hand in the air and slapping Louis square in the face with the back of his hand. "Oh... I got it," he giggled.

 "Yes," Louis answered, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Yes, you did, love."

 The two of them were lying in the perfectly made bed in the guest room, which had not been used since Harry's grandmother visited two months ago. Despite his practically incoherent condition, Harry still scolded Louis every time he shifted his weight to cause a single wrinkle in the duvet.

 "We'll just remake the bed when we're done, babe," Louis huffed. He pressed his hands down onto Harry's shoulders, leaving no space between his back and the mattress. "Right now, I just want you..." He spread his legs so that their crotches were pressed harder against each other. "And your Blues Clues Boxers down at your ankles."

"Wait, how did you know I was -"

 "You have a week set of Blues Clues underwear, and today is Friday, which means it's Paprika day...Paprika is your favorite, Harry. You would never skip Paprika day."

 Harry blinked once before letting his mouth fall into a sinful O. (It has once been rumored that Harry was caught jacking off to Blue's Clues at the age of nine.)

"Make love to me, Louis," he purred before tugging at the hem of Louis' t-shirt. "Make love to me like the boat's about to ... fall, and- and you're poor, and I'm a rose, and our hearts will go on, and- You jump I jump, right?"

 It wasn't exactly Harry's most eloquent moments of romance, but Louis appreciated the attempt.

 "You're so baked," Louis said, beaming down at his sputtering boyfriend and stroking his hair. "But that was probably the most romantic thing I have ever heard."

 Louis leaned in to press a soft kiss to Harry's plump lips, except he somehow ended up with his face slammed into the covers. After he lifted himself up and eventually regained some focus, Louis' lips finally found Harry's.

 "Mmm, Harry?" he grumbled against his boyfriend's lips as he pressed down onto his crotch once more.

 "Yeah, Lou?"

 Between the smacking of lips and hitching of breaths, Louis managed to find his voice. "You know you're a virgin, right? Haven’t really made love to you ever, " he said, causing Harry to freeze underneath him.

 "Oh yeah," he responded, eyeing the ceiling with a quirked eyebrow. "So let's change that, yeah?"

 After watching Harry fruitlessly attempt to do the wave with his eyebrows for over thirty seconds, Louis protested. "No no, baby, we're both high," he reasoned, ignoring the immediate pout from the boy beneath him.

 He may have been completely stoned, but Louis Tomlinson never forgot how to behave like a gentleman.

 "Plus, you've probably got gas from the brownies, and I really don't wanna deal with that when I'm fucking you."

 A true prince, that Louis Tomlinson.

 "Hmm, I suppose I could live with a simple blowjob," Harry said consideringly. "And maybe some hand stuff," he added while making all sorts of bizarre, ineffable gestures with the hand that wasn’t cupping Louis’ ass.

 And with an eager nod and a childlike grin, Louis began to unbuckle Harry's trousers, leaving him in his shirt and (as expected) his Paprika boxers. He found himself moaning and chuckling at the same time after noticing the blue paw print distorted by the bulge of Harry's cock.

 "Don't worry. I'll fold these nicely for you," Louis cooed, although, by the time things got more heated, the boxers ended up flung in a ball over the lamp shade.

 Eventually, Louis got Harry completely naked, while he himself lied on top of him in nothing but his boxers (His boxers were just black... Harry was the quirky one in the relationship).

 "Do you think you'll taste brownies when you suck me off?" Harry asked through heavy breathing.

 Louis, who was now squeezing his hand around Harry's shaft, looked up at him with an incredulous look of confusion. "Did you stick your dick in the batter, or...?"

 Following a ten second moment of silence, Harry shook his head violently and dramatically slapped his hand against his forehead. "Stupid."

 "Anyway," Louis chirped. "Would you wanna fuck my mouth or you uh - wanna sit tight and..." Louis trailed off, but if he recalls correctly, he may have finished by mumbling something along the lines of 'and let Daddy take care of you.'

 "Hmmm," Harry hummed, his lips curling up as if he made up his mind already. "Take care of your baby boy... daddy," he croaked with a wink and a licking of the lips, and that was all Louis needed before he was folded over between Harry's legs.

 He cupped Harry's balls as he lowered his mouth just around the head. Instead of letting out what would normally be a throaty moan, Harry gave a soft giggle (weed makes every situation more amusing). He stroked the top of Louis' head, scratching lightly at his scalp before lightly tugging at the brown tufts of hair that stuck up towards the back.

 "Mmm," Louis moaned after sliding his lips down the shaft. His condition made him much less ashamed of how much sucking cock turned him on. In fact, he could feel himself getting progressively harder the deeper he took Harry into his mouth.

By the time Louis had developed a steady rhythm, sliding up and down Harry’s now sleek cock, he noticed Harry's forehead begin to glisten. Louis' small hands brushed upwards against Harry's pale thigh and began to rub circles over his hip bone. He applied pressure when Harry started to buck up into his mouth.

 "Patient, babe," he whispered after pulling off for a breath. "Wait for me, alright?"

 Harry responded with a choked whine before tugging on Louis' hair even harder, bringing his head all the way up to his lips. He greeted his boyfriend with a sloppy kiss. With their eyes closed and hot mouths pressed firmly against each other, everything became dizzy. Louis wondered if Harry was seeing the same bizarre images that were dancing around in his brain: the dancing robots, the multicolored clouds, the - was that Hello Kitty?

"Mmm," Harry moaned once more while smiling into the kiss. "Made me so close," he purred. With his lips still gliding over Louis' and his tongue still inside his mouth, Harry slipped a hand down between their hips.

 Louis shut his eyes even harder, letting the sensation of Harry's hand around his cock sink in. "Yeah, mmm good," he murmured with a strand of saliva between the two of them.

 Harry took that as permission to pump even faster, which was pretty difficult on account of all his muscles feeling like a blob of jelly. He persevered though, maintaining a steady rhythm until Louis was leaking onto his knuckles.

 "Almost, almost," Louis hissed into Harry's jaw. He collapsed slightly into his shoulder, and Harry winced at the sudden pressure of Louis' hip brushing up against his throbbing dick. He had to bite his lip to prevent crying out from the rush of pleasure that was teasing at the tip of his cock, knowing that the rest of the boys would harass them to the death if they were too loud.

 Once he felt Louis wrap his hand around the base of his leaking cock, Harry practically lost it. He tried distracting himself by biting at Louis' earlobe but ultimately couldn't stop himself from cumming.

 "Yes, Harry," Louis moaned as he let the white liquid drip all over his hand. He thrusted his hips down into Harry's hand, desperate for a release of his own.

 "Oh, fuckfuckfuck," Louis whined while reaching his own climax.

They kept their hands all over each other, pumping and rubbing and scratching and grabbing, until they both came down from their high - or at least one of their highs.

 "I really think we made a baby that time," Harry panted after Louis had rolled over onto his back next to him.

 Louis turned his gaze from the ceiling to the lanky, limp-boned boy next to him. "Harry..."

 Before he could finish his thought, Louis was interrupted by a screeching noise on the other side of the door.

"And caaaan you feel

the loooove toniiiight-"

"Niall, shut the fuck up!" Louis snapped, throwing a pillow at the door for extra effect.

...

 Louis and Harry spent the rest of the night all cuddled up in the guest room, with the occasional banging on the door and toneless melody from the rest of the boys. Although the ruckus was indeed a pain in the ass, it all blended together with the weed to create a slightly discordant harmony buzzing in the background, and Louis and Harry came to tolerate it quite well.

Overall, the night was a success. Harry got to experience being stoned for the first time, and Louis even got to orgasm as a result. He should probably thank Zayn, after all, for being so damn eager to force drugs on his boyfriend. He should also rub in his face how well Harry had handled it. He may have been a pastry, but at least now he was a baked one.

Ba dum.. tsssss (The end.)