"We journey now into the bowels of the indivisible hideout, where we find Danny Mexican Touchdown Vasquez, his unrequited love for Dickens the bread baby, so sad, and his secret fixation on Chris Kirkman.”
-Impossibear, Season 03, Episode 05
The day was coming to a close after Beth had convinced everyone to stay up long enough to watch her favorite childhood movie: Butter Lettuce Babies. Nostalgia was in the air as the team settled down to watch. Wallow sat in his usual chair, Danny on a small pillow in the floor with Cat Bug and Jelly Kid, while Chris sat on the sofa next to Beth. Impossibear found the event too boring to join in on, deciding to take a relaxing bath instead.
Wallow sat snug in a pastel yellow shade of pajamas. It was a footed onsie that had green and white polka-dots. Beth wore a dark green nightgown that had a simple pattern on it. It was velvet to the touch and long sleeved, with small ruffles around the bottom seams. On her feet, she wore plush slippers that were white and fluffy. Danny was wearing his go-to red hoodie and some black and gray plaid pajama pants. Soft, red socks covered both of his feet and his hair was messy to the point of resembling bedhead. Chris’s attire consisted of a pair of plaid pajama pants that were identical to Danny’s, aside from being blue. He also wore a light blue, short sleeved shirt that hung loosely around his form as well as a pair of simple, gray slippers.
The group chowed down on popcorn and other various snacks as they watched the movie. Without either of them noticing, Chris and Beth managed to inch closer and closer to each other as the movie progressed. A few times, they found themselves quoting their favorite childhood lines as they were being said. They laughed at each other as they did different voices for the characters they recited. Danny even found himself joining them occasionally. He turned to face them several times from his place in the floor, noticing how close they were getting to each other. Beth was eventually laying down on her side, resting her head on Chris’s thigh, near his knee.
The further along the movie got, the sleepier the team became. They began the movie at about 12:30am, so they were already tired to begin with. The group of friends managed to stay awake long enough to finish it sometime around 2:00am.
“Jeez, guys. What time is it anyway?” Danny asked as he got up to stretch. He swayed his body from one side to the other, ending his stretching by touching his toes. Afterwards, he patted Cat Bug on the head and picked up Jelly. The two had fallen asleep about halfway through, but no one had the heart to wake them.
To answer his question, Chris lazily pointed to a clock that was hanging from the wall. His eyes lingered shut a few seconds longer each time he blinked, and his movements were much slower than usual. Even so, he was able to peel himself from the spot on the couch he had slowly sunk into.
“I’m not sure I can stay up much longer, you guys. I think I’m gonna call it a night. See you in the morning.” Chris told them, wandering in the direction of his bedroom
“Aw, what? Chris, you can’t be goin’ to bed already. We haven’t even played that board game Wallow bought. Chris? Helloooo?” Danny tried to get his attention, but to no avail. Chris continued walking in a zombie-like way, paying no attention to what Danny was saying.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s too tired to even register what you’re trying to tell him, Danny. I’m gonna walk him to his room so he doesn’t hurt himself.” Beth stated with a giggle as she watched Chris attempt to make his way down the hall.
“Sure, but you’re coming back right? Wallow and I really wanna check out this game and it wouldn’t be very fun if it was just the two of us.” The idea of teasing Beth about ‘getting sidetrack with Chris’ on the way to his room was rather tempting, but he decided against it. If he made Beth upset, odds are she wouldn’t come back to play the game with them.
“Yeah, Beth. We can make bets and everything. Also, each player gets their own set of dice that alter their voice each time you roll them. I heard that there’s one that makes you sound like you inhaled helium. You’ve gotta play with us, it’ll be great!” Wallow said, accidentally yawning at the start of his sentence.
“Sorry, guys. As funny as that sounds, I’m gonna have to pass on this one. I’m pretty tired and it’s getting late. Besides, I wanna make sure we play with Chris too, so I can whoop all of your butts.” She winked when she finished speaking and wrapped her arm under Chris’s armpit and around his shoulder blades to keep him balanced. After that, she left Danny and Wallow by themselves,walking Chris to his room.
‘Are you kidding me?!’ Danny thought to himself. ‘I didn’t even mess with her, and she still said no! I knew I shouldn’t have let that opportunity slide...’
He sat on the couch with Jelly Kid resting in his lap. To get himself comfortable, he shifted a bit, eventually ending up in the same spot Chris had been sinking into. He lay on his back, facing the ceiling.
“Sorry, Danny. I guess we’ll have to check out that rad game another day. I’m down to hang out for a while longer though, if you’re not ready to go to bed yet.” Wallow offered, knowing that Danny was pretty disappointed.
“Quick question. Is it just me, or does Beth always get her way? I mean, we all agreed to stay up and watch stupid Butter Lettuce Babies for like the millionth time, yet she won’t return the favor and play this game with us...” Danny frowned in frustration as he spoke, and hoped that Wallow wouldn't think he was being over dramatic.
“Well of course she always get her way, Danny. She’s the girl of the group, so it’s not like we can just overrule her all the time. Besides, Butter Lettuce Babies is one of those movies that gets better each time you watch it.” He didn’t want to completely side with Beth on this one, but it was true. Wallow wanted to keep things fair in the invisible hideout, so he didn’t think it was too much to ask to let Beth pick the movie more than a few times. Even if it meant they had to watch her childhood favorite more times than they preferred.
“Man, that’s wack. I wish we could all just hang out and do stuff that each of us wanted. Not to mention how much it would help if those two just got together already.” Danny didn’t mean to turn this conversation into a venting rant. It just sort of happened, and once it did he didn’t really feel like stopping. Wallow was someone he trusted to talk about his moop with, so this turned into a pretty good opportunity to let it out.
Wallow, on the other hand, noticed what Danny was starting to do and let out a small sigh. When he told Danny he would stay up with him, he didn’t mean so they could do this. He kind of just wanted to play cards or video games or something like that. Even though he knew where this was going, Wallow wasn’t one to complain. Instead, he did his best to offer his friend some counsel.
“Yeah, they’ve been dig’n on each other for a long time now. Maybe something’s just holding them back from telling each other how they feel. I bet they think the group will be all weird and awkward if they get together. Either way, I’m sure what’s meant to happen will.”
Danny lay a while longer and took in what Wallow told him. After that he gently set Jelly Kid on the small pillow in the floor. Almost immediately after he did so, Danny picked him back up, not wanting to leave him anywhere near Cat Bug. Even though he was asleep, he could always wake up and attack Jelly again. Instead, Danny carried the bread goblin to his sleeping pod and kissed him goodnight before returning to chat with Wallow some more.
‘I hate the looks they always give each other in front of us-well, in front of me, I guess. I mean, do they know how weird it is for me to see that? I like Beth too, but...I have to back off for Chris’s sake. If they just got together already, it would be so much easier for me to ignore these feelings. I wanna tell someone about all of this, but I don’t think it would end up benefiting anyone anyway...’
“...and that’s why I think it would be better for you if you just asked him about it. Uh, Danny? You still with me, bro?” Wallow had continued talking, slumped down in his cushy chair, eyes half open.
‘Aw, crap! Is Wallow seriously still talking? I thought he stopped which is why I took Jelly to his bed! Dammit...should I just tell him I wasn’t listening, or act like I heard it all? I’m pretty sure he knows I wasn’t listening, might as well just tell him.’
“Sorry, man. I thought you were done so I took Jelly to his bed. Didn’t you see me leave?” Danny asked, staring at the clock on the wall. He then made his way back to the same old couch hole he had previously planted himself in.
“Well, I was saying that you should probably talk to Chris about it.” Wallow explained for the second time, “I’m sure there’s a bigger reason behind it than we know right now. If you ask him about it, he’ll probably tell you.” Before Danny could retort, Wallow used this as an opportunity to change the subject and lighten the mood. “You never know, Danny. Maybe he’s just afraid to make the first move.” Wallow suggested, in a playful tone.
Danny looked over at Wallow and smirked, realizing what he was trying to do. He didn’t want to linger in the bad mood he managed to put himself in, so he played along.
“Yeah, I bet he doesn’t have a clue about what to do. He’s probably scared that they’ll move too fast or something. I mean, he’s always been a little slow when it comes to the ladies.” Danny didn’t mean anything by what he said, he just wanted to lighten the mood. He found himself blurting out the first things that came to mind, without even realizing that he was in the same boat as Chris. Neither one of them had any more experience than the other. It just made Danny feel better to get his mind off of himself.
“Think of what would happen if they actually got together, though. Image poor, little Chris trying to initiate something. He would probably be a stuttering mess. Couldn’t you see him attempting to be really suave. I feel like Beth wouldn’t be able to take him seriously, you know? It just doesn’t suit Chris’s personality to be that way. He’s too humble.” Wallow stated, sleepily.
When Danny thought about what Wallow said, the two of them made eye contact and immediately burst into laughter. Wallow was smacking his knee with his right hand, as not to upset or wake his left. Danny rolled onto his side and howled, holding his knees to his chest in a fit of laughter.
“Y-yeah, imagine him trying to dirty talk or something! He’d probably be all ’Beth...you have pretty hair and a cute smile’ Hahaha! Her reaction would be price-less!” Danny stuttered out, laughing as he spoke. He laughed so much that he actually threw up behind the couch.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m rooting for him. We’ll just have to see how it plays out.” Wallow said as their laughter began to die down. “I think I’m gonna hit the sack. See you in the morning, Danny.”
“Yeah, me too. We should probably clean up before we go, though.” Danny stood as he spoke and picked up Cat Bug, placing him on the half of the couch that didn’t have the sink hole.
“You’re right. I almost forgot about the mess we made.” Wallow retorted, putting the remote on a side table next to the sofa. Together, the pair tidied up all of the chip crumbs and popcorn pieces scattered about. They put the old movie back in its case and placed all of the pillows in their respective spots on the couch.
When they finished, the two friends wished each other goodnight and headed to their rooms. Danny trailed off to the elevator and selected the floor his room was on. He hummed while he waited for the elevator to ding, signifying that he made it to his floor.
‘I hope that Chris won’t be mad if he finds out that Wallow and I were talking about him. I mean, you never know, we could be wrong about the guy. Maybe he’s got secret lady-seducing powers that we just didn’t notice because we’re dudes. Eh, I doubt it. Phht...Chris? Good at seduction? Nah. I’m probably better at it than him and I play the banjo with my feet. That’s gotta be saying something, right?’
Danny was so lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed that the doors to the elevator had been open for quite some time. When he took notice, it was too late and the doors closed, returning him to the floor he previously came from.
“Aw, rats. Come on, stupid elevator.” He muttered to himself while pressing the button to his floor for the second time in the last five minutes.
‘Now that I think about it...Beth’s not the only one who’s been crush’n on Chris...Plum has too...WAIT...What if he IS a lady-killer?? No way! Not Chris! Aw, man...I guess I suck more than I thought I did-’
Before Danny could get lost in thoughts of self-hatred, he heard the elevator ding again. The doors opened and he stepped out, walking in the direction of his room. When he got there, he took off his hoodie, revealing a white shirt that had the words “Up Yours” on it in bold, black letters. His room was cluttered with old projects he lost inspiration for, as well as ramen cups, soda cans, and old chip bags.
He practically threw himself into the bed before him, wrapping himself into a blanket-burrito. Determined to beat Beth at Wallow’s board game tomorrow, he snuggled down and shut his eyes, hoping to get a good nights sleep. As dead set on getting his eight hours as Danny was, his thoughts kept him up longer than he intended. For some reason, he couldn’t let go of what Wallow had said to him earlier. It kept ringing in his mind like a catchy jingle for a cereal commercial.
“Think of what would happen if they actually got together, though. Image poor, little Chris trying to initiate something. He would probably be a stuttering mess.”
“It just doesn’t suit Chris’s personality to be that way. He’s too humble.”
Vasquez turned on his other side, faced the wall and took a short breath of air through his mouth. He sighed to let it out and tried to focus on sleeping. Danny began to think more deeply about the entire situation he and Wallow had briefly discussed. He didn’t mean for his thoughts to drift in that direction, but the gears in his head turned as he tried to imagine Chris attempting to initiate something intimate.
‘Wallow made a pretty good point. I mean, Chris is kinda the “nice guy” of our group. That’s probably why he always gets friend-zoned. I mean, they say that nice guys finish last. Not that I wish anything bad on Chris. I hope everything works out with him and Beth...I just can’t see him initiating anything…wait, why am I even thinking about this? I should be going to sleep...'
The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to think about it. It was driving him crazy not to know whether what he and Wallow said about Chris was true or not. It was easy to imagine Chris becoming a stuttering mess, but it was just as easy to imagine Beth or Plum liking that about him. The brown haired boy couldn’t decide if Chris would flake when it came down to it, or take control of the situation and seduce the girls. It came easy to Chris because he was a trust-worthy, social butterfly. Girls found him sweet, enjoying his humble nature. Danny kept himself up for a solid hour imagining either scenario, unable to decide which one was more likely.
Suddenly, a brilliant idea hit him. At least, it was brilliant in his opinion.
“Hahaha! I know what I’ll do, I’ve finally got this figured out! I’ll just be a good friend all the way up until he’s with a girl and wants to make like 60 babies. Then I’ll ask him how it went the next day! I’m such a genius.” He declared to himself. Satisfied with his plan, he unraveled from his burrito and repositioned himself for about the tenth time that night. He placed a hand under his pillow and lay down on his side.
‘Wait a minute.....if I do that, it’ll take forever...I got it! I’ll just make a Holo John illusion when the rest of the team is out and test it for real! Well, it won’t really be for real, but it’ll still be humble, little Chris. It might as well be real. I’ll just tell everyone I’m sick from eating too many sweets and put this idea in motion while they’re out on some mission.’
That was the plan. Tomorrow, he was putting Holo John Chris to the test.