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Social Grooming

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"Ow! Remus, that hurts!"

"Don't be such a baby, Sirius."

"Well it does."

"Sit. Be a good dog."

"Shut up, asshole."

"Look, it's not my fault you went wandering into the woods during tick season last time you animagusized yourself."

"I couldn't help it. There was this rabbit..."

"Sit still, damn it! Do you want Lyme disease?"

"Nobody names a disease after a fruit. You made that up."

"No I didn't. It's painful and incurable. Much like your sense of humor."

"Ha very ha."

"Merlin, you've got a lot of hair -- why couldn't your animagus form be a chihuahua? This would be so much easier if you could turn into something that was bald and weighed six ounces."

"But I'd have such a tiny little --"

"Oh stop. Ok, your back's done. Roll over."

"I love it when you say that."

"Yes, well, time enough for that when we've gotten these little suckers off you."

"I know what I'd like to have sucking on me..."

"Sirius -- wait --"

"I can't. I can't wait any longer."