It's not that anything had really changed. Actually if Namjoon thought about it, nothing had changed at all. 'It's all in your head' he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. Hobi's voice still played in this head, "So what if it's all in your head? That doesn't make it any less important."
He had told Namjoon that once when he decided to talk about his feeling. See, Namjoon was alright talking about his feelings with the others. But when it came to act on it, he couldn't. He would rather suffer in silence than to involve other people in his problems. By others he meant Jin.
It was a recent development that he noticed, that he felt Jin was being more and more distant as the days went by. Instead of laughing aloud, he would suppress it and maybe smile a bit. And honestly it felt like Jin would be abnormally mean to him at times. Namjoon was used to the usual savageness of Bangtan but everyone knew not to cross the line. Normally, Namjoon would be worried about Jin, however Namjoon saw the way he acted around the others, and Jin was his normal bright and snarky self. So he figured that he was the problem, that was the obvious answer. But why?
He tried asking Jin in more than one occasion if everything was alright, and Jin would always plaster this fake smile and say everything is alright and proceed to change the topic. Now, Namjoon wasn't the sort of guy who was really good at getting people to open up to him. Hobi was usually much better than him at that. And also Jimin.
Namjoon figured Jimin probably would have known what is going on with Jin, seeing how close they had gotten recently. He tried asking him about it, and Jimin just smiled and said he doesn't know anything. With anyone else at this point he would be ready to fight, however Jimin was too cute to fight with. If he smiled Namjoon melted.
He thought maybe the best thing is to give it time. It's not it this was really affecting their work, because as the cameras went on Jin would become his usually self, and even if he didn't Namjoon doubted anyone would really notice a change. It was an extremely subtle change, but it effected him. Probably cause it was Jin. Anything to do with Jin always made him feel more than normal. Jin seemed like a super nova in his life.
"Namjoon?" Jin asked, breaking him from his thoughts. "What do you want for dinner?"
"Uh- anything." Namjoon replied.
"Okay, so we are ordering from that nice seafood place."
"I don't like seafood." Namjoon grumbled.
"Well, you shouldn't have said 'anything' then." Jin replied.
Namjoon sighed. There was no winning any argument with Jin. And Namjoon wasn't going to Jungkook this situation. It might not be the best time to be a smart ass. I rather Jin be distant from me, than hate me. Not that Jin hated Kookie, far from it- but Namjoon didn't have anywhere close to Kookie's charm.
"I guess you are right," Namjoon agreed.
"Yeah, I know." He nodded. "I'm always right."
So for dinner they all ate together, as they usually did. Teahyung was talking animatedly about something that happened at the bighit building today, and everyone else laughed and were just enjoying themselves. Everyone except Kim Namjoon. He just ate his food, and occasionally smiled at whoever made eyecontact with him. They were all to caught up to notice anything wrong with Namjoon. Well, all of them except Jimin.
Jimin always noticed. He really was an angel child. Apart from the fact that he isn't willing to tell him to is going on with their Jin-hyung.
"Joon-hyung?" Jimin whispered. "What's wrong?"
"Wrong?" Namjoon asked feigning innocence. "What's wrong? Nothing is wrong. Everyone is happy and together."
"But you aren't happy." Jimin stated.
"Who says I'm not?" Namjoon replied, trying to keep up his façade, but he never was a really good actor, or a good liar.
"Lying is a sin." Jimin says way too seriously. "Besides what have you got to hide from us? We literally know everything about you. Including all the weird porn you are into."
"It's not that weird," Namjoon argued. "If it was too weird it wouldn't exist."
"Are you telling me that you are into crazier shit than what you watch?" Jimin asked, actually surprised. "I didn't think that was possible."
"I didn't say anything, besides that how do you know what porn I'm into?"
"You save it on the computer which we all share, hyung." Jimin rolled his eyes. "But Yoongi-hyung is the one that showed it to me, said it would be great blackmail material. Although I disagreed with him, I think you don't care if people know how messed up you are."
"I guess you are right," Namjoon said scratching the back of his neck smiling. Jimin, the angel child was able to make him smile for real. It was nice.
"You know it's rude to whisper at the table," Jin told the two of them.
"I'm sorry," Jimin smiled. "I just figured talking about his porn stash isn't appropriate table talk."
"Oh," Jin said. "Yeah, you are right. I wouldn't want to know about that."
"What bullshit," Yoongi muttered. "We all know how much you are dying for that perverted dick."
"Shut up, Yoongi." "Just no, hyung." Jin and Namjoon said in unison.
It had become a thing in their household to tease eachother with the other members. It had become a weird sort of normal for them. And Jin and Namjoon, who were labeled the parents by the ARMY had also become their labels at home. Namjoon would usually argue that making him a parent is a terrible idea because in the house he was usually in charge of breaking things in the house. He figured the rest would have agreed, if it wasn't for Taehyung who once shouted at him saying, ''As long as you don't break our hearts you can always be our dad!"
Namjoon couldn't really argue after that. Being called dad by Tae may or may not have completely melted his heart. Just the fact that he saw him anything close to a father figure made him too happy to say anything except promising he would never break their hearts.
Now he isn't quite sure he kept his promise. He probably broke Jin's heart in some way, otherwise he would have no reason to be so distant. If only he could figure out what. He could try asking Jin, but he assumed Jin would want him to figure it out himself. That's how it works, right? He wasn't quite sure. Usually they would be pretty blunt about their feelings, or they just knew eachother too well by now to figure it out. So why was this so hard.
"I think today is the parent's day to clean the dishes, right?" Jungkook enquired.
"Yeah, it definitely is." Taehyung agreed.
"And this has nothing to do with the Overwatch update?" Hobi asked to two kids.
"Nooooo." they both got up and left before anyone could say anything.
"I agree with the maknaes," Yoongi said. "Let Namjin clean up"
"Are you really using our ship name to refer to us?" Jin asked.
"Lesser syllables and you get what I mean," Yoongi retorted. "So I don't see the problem."
"Besides, SOPE didn't the washing up yesterday." Jimin added. "So today the parents should do it."
"That's only because you are the number 1 Namjin shipper ever." Hobi teased.
"Guys, come on." Namjoon interfered thinking that Jin might be feeling quite uncomfortable about it. "We'll clean up."
"Let's go," Jin said getting up and picking up the dishes. Namjoon followed suit. He washed up in silence, until Namjoon couldn't take it anymore.
"Hyung," he asked. "Did I do something wrong? Cause I've tried thinking about what I might have done wrong to piss you off and I came up with nothing substantial. The closest thing I got was when I broke the zipper of your toiletries bag a few weeks back, but I did replace it with something pretty close."
"You replaced it with a Ryan pouch, identical to the one you have. Do you know how many times I've opened your thinking it's mine?"
"Okay, I'll get you another one." Namjoon said. "Maybe a pink one? In fact, just a few days ago I saw a pink Ryan pouch online. I wanted to get it for myself, but I guess if it is a problem for you, I'll get it for you."
"Kim Namjoon, who would you chose between me and Ryan?"
"You, obviously." Namjoon replied in a heartbeat. "I'd choose Bangtan over anything."
"I know you would choose Bangtan over anything, but what about me." Jin asked. "Like not Jin form BTS, , but just Kim Seokjin. 26 year old Kim Seokjin."
"I'd always choose you, hyung." Namjoon replied as though it was the most matter of fact statement to ever be spoken.
"Okay, good." Jin said. The rest of the washing proceeded in silence, Jin left Namjoon to do the drying up saying he was too tried and wanted to sleep.
Namjoon realised he didn't get anything out from Jin. Just that he would buy him a pouch and Jin might hate Ryan just a little bit, which honestly at this point would be a real problem because Ryan had somehow become a part of BTS almost as much as the other members.
Maybe Jin actually hated Ryan and in turn hated him because of his love for the maneless lion. Maybe Namjoon majorly fucked up by telling Jin he would buy him a Ryan pouch. Jin would never be that childish. Sure, he had a collection of figurines in his room. But all those things don't mean anything. He could be the most mature when necessary. So, that definitely got scraped out.
The next morning he went and told Yoongi his problem. First Yoongi laughed at him for a while before
"Namjoon-ah, listen." Yoongi said. "No one thinks of Ryan the same way you do, and moreover Jin may be dumb at times but he doesn't hate your Ryan."
"Then what is the problem?"
"How would I know?" Yoongi shrugged. "It's not my relationship."
Namjoon sighed. Yoongi was right, this was between Jin and him. He should probably just be honest and straight forward with Jin. They were both adults, and if anything happened they are adults and would sort it out like that.
"I'm going to go talk to Jin-hyung?"
"He went out to get food with the maknaes." Yoongi answered the question in Namjoon's mind.
Namjoon decided to wait in Mon Studio until he heard them come back, but as he entered he saw Jin sitting on his couch.
"Hey, Namjoon." Jin smiled. "I got you food. It's not seafood, don't worry."
"Thanks," Namjoon sat down next to him. "I was going to wait for you to return. I wanted to talk to you."
"Me too." Jin said. "I need to talk to you."
"You first." Namjoon said, opening the food Jin bought. "Is it something to do with the track you were working on? Or something else..."
"Um, yeah it's not work related." Jin said. "Actually, it's my own problem I shouldn't have come here. I'll deal with it on my own."
"Hyung," Namjoon said holding his hand when he tried to get up. "Hobi once told me, just because it's all in your head doesn't mean it doesn't matter. And if it's affecting you too much, I guess talking about it would be the best, right?"
"I hate that that makes sense," Jin said sitting down. "Okay, listen. Whatever I'm going to tell you, I'm only telling you because I can't handle it on my own anymore and Jiminie keeps telling me if I do nothing about it it will get worse. This is going to change nothing okay?"
"You're scaring me, hyung." Namjoon said.
"Namjoon, I like you."
"I like you too." Namjoon replied without missing a beat.
"No, you idiot. I like you." Jin said. "Like more than like even."
"Oh." Namjoon said. This is one of the few times he was actually rendered speechless.
"I'm sorry," Jin started. "I shouldn't-"
Wait, why are you sorry?" Namjoon asked. "I mean you are the one who is way out of my league."
"Also why did you distance yourself then?" Namjoon asked.
"Because I couldn't." Jin said. "I mean you are so you. Like perfectly imperfect, being around you just makes me sadder that I can't have you."
Namjoon didn't have any words. He just sat there, looking at Jin, blinking more than required.
"Namjoon, listen." he begged. "It's hard enough to know you'll reject me but it is harder to actually hear that, okay?"
"Please don't make it harder than it is suppose to be."
"I'll just leave."
"Jin, dammit listen!" Namjoon shouted. Namjoon never raised his voice. This was an occurence no one in Bangtan had ever seen before. Not even Yoongi. "I like you too."
"I don't know if it is entirely like," Namjoon continued. "I mean initially I had thought it was admiration. I mean, before we even debuted, you worked so hard. I had pegged you for just a guy looking for a chance to get famous but then you completely shattered that image of you I had. Later, when the maknaes came and you took care of us. I'm very sure we would have died back then if it weren't for you, hyung. But then life got better and we didn't have to lean on you as much but for some reason I still wanted to. That's when I realised that this is definitely not just admiration. I just like being around you. And maybe, I just really like it when we are alone together. And together together. Or clubbed together. I mean I have found myself more than once going on through namjin tags and giggling to my self over the creepily accurate things the ARMY writes about us, and then I find some weird smut and that crosses the line."
"Not that smut with you is a problem or anything," Namjoon continued. "Actually smut with you sounds pretty god damn amazing. But that's not the point."
"Namjoon. Shut up." Jin said and proceeded to kiss him. He could feel Namjoon smile, and he too couldn't help himself.
"Yeah, so as I was saying." Namjoon said finally taking a breath. "I like you, Jin."
"I called it!" The two heard Jimin scream from outside Mon Studio. "Ha, you loser. This is what happens when you underestimate my OTP."
"Were they betting on us?" Namjoon questioned.
"Knowing them, obviously." Jin smiled.
A week had passed since the confession in Namjoon's studio. Jin and Namjoon were in his bed cuddling, or rather trying too.
"Don't you think it's creepy having all these Ryans stare at us?" Jin asked.
"Um, no. He is too cute to be creepy."
"Listen, if you want to cuddle I demand you get rid of the Ryans."
"Wait, what?" Namjoon sounded extremely distressed.
"You told me you would chose me over Ryan." Jin stated. "So it's either me in your room or your insane Ryan shrine."
"Jin-hyung, are you jealous of Ryan?" Namjoon teased.
"Me? Jealous?" Jin exclaimed. "No way! I'm not jealous of a maneless lion. Besides I'm better looking."
"That you are," Namjoon agreed, kissing his cheek. "You are definitely the best looking."
"Is this your way of distracting me from the issue at hand?" Jin asked.
"Is it working?" he cheekily replied.
"I think you are try some more just to make sure." Jin answered. To which Namjoon attacked Jin with kisses.