Work Header

BANG! Oops.

Chapter Text

The 221B household for the uninitiated:

Rosie Watson sometimes calls Sherlock mummy. Everyone awwws at this, including Sherlock. Same thing happens when she calls him papa. By the age of two she is also addressing him as Holmes. John Watson is of course daddy. And no matter how Sherlock tries—he's rather possessive of his endearment for his husband—Rosie still calls her daddy darling on occasion.

The consulting detective used to carry mini-Watson about in a papoose on his back until that time he wore her on his front, facing out. As he talked with her about a case, she looked left at a very critical moment. “Yes!" shouted her papa, "It was hiding in plain sight. Oh Rosie, you see and observe!"

Is it any wonder, then, that "thee and ubserb!" were some of Rosie's first words? (Though the reason the child has Sherlock’s youthful lisp is still unknown to science.) Rosie's first actual words, after dada and papa were "Game!" and "Bang!" the latter after which she cackles like the insane.

Speaking of speaking, recently Rosie muttered "Bugger!" after dropping her sippy cup. John and Sherlock glared accusingly at one another, but it was Mrs Hudson who laughed faintly and said unconvincingly, "Oh where do they pick up these things?"

By the by, Sherlock is very scientific about testing baby foods before they give them to Rosie. John thinks this is a lovely idea. John does not realize the bloody half of it.

For it is only after he's off to work that Sherlock dresses Rosie in goggles and enormous latex gloves. Sometimes he stuffs fluorescent foam plugs into Watson's ears. It's then he does horrific things to Rosie's Farley's, terrible things to her rusks, and the less said about what happens to the Cow & Gate the better.

That many of these experiments lead to the child kicking her feet gleeful and shouting "Bang!" and then "Oops!" as Sherlock deftly manages another smoking ruin is to be expected.

When John comes home it's a matter of moments before Rosie is saying "Papa went BANG! Oops!" and the game is up, every. fucking. time. Still, Sherlock always gives her a wink after John's done yelling, whispering "Clearly they should never be mixed in the same container Watson," as the child beams.

John is convinced that if he doesn't tear his hair out before he's fifty it'll be a fucking miracle. In the meantime it's not possible for him to love two people more.

Winklepicker, a_secret_scribbler, 221b_hound, and myself were discussing what might make us gleefully tune into series five of Sherlock. Here you have chapter one of the result. P.S. Farley's and Cow & Gate are baby food brands, and you'd teeth on a rusk.