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So Many Things

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i. Scully starts the list the first time she feels the baby kick. It takes her by surprise, the slight flutter, and her heart aches to share it with Mulder. Instead she grabs the nearest notepad and writes The baby’s first kick in cursive writing at the top, followed by the date.

ii. Soon the list becomes a practical necessity, helping Scully to keep track of all the things Mulder will need to know if-when-he returns.

Apartment: post dated cheques sent to landlord, one of the fish died, potential carpet cleaning on the 18th.

Work: audit requested for 1999 tax year, three sets of files sent to storage, if we’re ever in Boston let’s avoid public transit.

She decides not to tell him about the Jesus slug.

iii. The list grows larger and larger the longer that Mulder is gone and soon Scully has to staple on another piece of paper. A month in, she adds another note under the work heading: Doggett isn’t so bad. 

iv. The night after his burial Scully stands in his kitchen, with a pen, a lighter, and the list in her hand. She tilts her head skywards, silent tears welling, and whispers "There are so many things I wanted to tell you" to the unseen stars, before adding one more item to the bottom of the list. She burns the list in the sink, watching the fire devour the ink and she prays that maybe, just maybe, the words will finally reach him this way.  

v. I hope you knew I loved you.