I loved the way his hands would graze my shoulder as he drew small shapes and words over them. I loved how his hair would fall in clumps in front of his eyes after his pre-bed shower and his minty breath. I fell in love with him all over again as he whispers how much he cares about me into my ear and places a small kiss there.
Sure I loved the boy when the sun was up, but I especially loved him when the sun went down. When the boy's energy was all used up and the fake smiles and 'I love yous' were locked away with the fiery star. He became a whole new person with the moon, my person, the boy that loved me and only me. Not the Louis Tomlinson that the fans knew, but the Louis Tomlinson that I fell in love with.
"Hazza, why can't I love you all the time?" Louis whispers, dragging his finger along my tattoo of the swallows. My heart swells at the almost childlike boy in front of me. I wanted to protect him from all the shit that he been through, but I knew that it was impossible. The only thing I could do was hold him under the blankets in our bed and remind him that he is loved.
"We can, you just can't show it. We know that we love each other and that should be what matters. I know it's hard to pretend like we hate each other all the time, but one day we'll be free, okay? I'll promise you that, one day we will get to hold hands like you and Danielle do." I whisper, wanting to make sure that it was kept between the two of us.
He sighs softly and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. The only time I could be close to him was now and in a way it felt more personal like this. Not being able to see or speak to each other all day made me look forward to our time together now. Neither of us got bored of our love because during the daylight hours we never spoke, leaving us to spend this intimate time together at night where we could be our true selves.
"Tell me about your day," I murmur against Louis' skin. My lips were presses against his collarbone, breathing him in. It was like we were one person, our bodies tangled so closely together not even management could pull us apart. The sun could though; the sun would always pull us apart.
"Besides having to see Brianna and walk Oli's child around it was fine. I hate it so much, Harry, having people telling me how cute he looks and how much he looks like me. He's not even related to me. I look at him and remember that he is one of the roadblocks put in place to keep this from being a thing," Louis explains. I could feel his lip trembling against the top of my forehead. I look up at him, his eyes were red and he had tears in his beautiful eyes.
"There will always be roadblocks put in place, Louis, but this will always be a thing. One day that child will be out of our lives forever and I promise I will be here for you when the sun sets," I remind him, pressing one last kiss to his cheeks before letting myself drift off to sleep in his arms.
Louis whispers the following morning, "Do we have to leave?" The sun was peeking through our window overlooking a private property. We were still tangled together, neither of us wanting to leave. Leaving meant pretending, it meant covering ourselves with something that we were not. Leaving the bed would mean us coating ourselves in lies until this evening.
"I have to fly to Jamaica today, babe, so unfortunately we do. But in a few days we will be together again," I say, as I slowly unwrap myself from Louis' waist and pull the blankets down from around me.
"Why can't I just come with you?" Louis complains, holding onto my wrist so I couldn't stand up. I turn around, placing a kiss on his wrist and prying it from him so I could change. I step into my closet, my eyes glance across the hangers of our clothes. I could easily tell where my clothes ended and Louis' began. I walk to Louis' sweaters and pull out a grey one. I pull the cloth to my nose and smell it. My knees almost go weak as my boyfriend's scent washes over me. I grab a pair of skinny jeans while I'm there.
"Because you have stuff to do, aren't you meeting up with Liam today," I ask. I pull the jeans up my legs and the sweater over my head. Louis crawls out of bed and wobbles towards me. I watch as his eyes glance towards the sweater. He doesn't complain about me stealing his sweater, but he doesn't normally. We loved sharing clothes, although a majority of what I had was too big for him.
"Yea, but I would rather be with you," He grumbles, kissing my nose as I pull a beanie over my tangled hair. I groan, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling his body towards me. I hated Clingy-Morning Louis. Don't get me wrong, Morning Louis was a lovely Louis, but it made me regret leaving the house and I knew that I couldn't stay here all day. However, Morning Louis always made the idea tempting.
"I would too, but duty calls," I sigh. I take his hands in mine and spin him around. He sighs loudly, not wanting me to leave. I wish I could climb back in bed and miss the plane ride and just be with Louis, but that time was gone. I make my way down our hallway, trying to hold in a smile as I hear Louis trailing after me.
"Fine, leave me then," He says sadly. I try not to be tempted by him. I can still remember the time I was and got yelled out by our management team. They were impressed with us that day and warned for it never to happen again. I glance over my black duffel bag, going over in my head what I needed to have. I had gotten most of the packing done yesterday before Louis got home.
"Only for a few days, and then we'll be together later this week. I'll text you when I get there?" I pick my bags up and give Louis one last look. Knowing I wouldn't be able to see him for a few days. Management made sure we never leaved or entered somewhere at the same time. Typically, I would leave a few days earlier and then Louis would join me. So, I wouldn't see him for the next two days until he joins me in Jamaica.
"Sure, I love you okay?" His voice cracks as he says love, and I knew Louis well enough to know he was about to start crying. I had to leave before that happened, because I would miss my plane for sure if Louis started crying. That was one of the things that I just couldn't handle, my sweet boy's tears.
"I love you too, even when the sun is up," I remind him. I open the door and shut it quickly, that way I didn't have to see him crying. I knew he would have to spend another day pretending to be someone he's not for people that are supposed to love him no matter what. Thinking about that made me want to turn around, but I don't.
Inside I was breaking too, but I pulled out a pair of sunglasses and pushed them up my nose, making sure nobody saw the stray tear that fell down my cheek.