Chapter Text
Rhys had always been a huge fan of Handsome Jack. It was more than just a healthy respect for his boss at this point; this was borderline hero worship. That’s why, when the CEO called specifically to have Rhys employed under him as his personal assistant, Rhys was more than ecstatic. Handsome Jack had been taking applications for a PA position, Rhys of course had the best resume. He had worked overnight on the pages. Poor Vaughn stayed up with him all night to make it perfect. Handsome Jack probably agonised over who to choose until he came upon Rhys’ perfect application. Rhys could just imagine Handsome Jack’s eyes lighting up as he had finally found the ideal man for the job. Or, you know, Handsome Jack had thrown the papers in the air and picked the first one that he found. That sounded way more like his boss.
The past five months in his new position had been the best of Rhys’ life. Rhys was no longer doing much work of importance for the company--instead, he working right under Handsome Jack, basically as a secretary--but he still preferred it to his old programming job simply because it meant spending nearly all of his time around his idol. He had learned that it wasn’t all fun and games, though. Handsome Jack was a hassle to reign in to get work done. The man would let paperwork pile on his desk before shoving it off on Rhys. Handsome Jack also had a low firing rate, most likely because Handsome Jack preferred to kill whoever didn’t do their job. The possible death stressed Rhys out more than the boring paperwork that would take him a day to go through.
When he heard the CEO’s voice over the intercom ordering him to his office a few minutes ago, Rhys was both excited and nervous. It wasn’t strange for Handsome Jack to call for him, but it was usually only for something important and that worried him a bit. It often meant more work for Rhys when Handsome Jack changed their plans and as annoying as that was, it also made Rhys feel needed. He was necessary to the company, and to Handsome Jack.
So Rhys found himself there in front of Handsome Jack’s office door, a place not just anyone in the company was allowed. Rhys looked into a window at his reflection and made sure his clothing and hair looked okay and then took a deep breath.
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Handsome Jack’s PA, or should I say peice of ass?” Vasquez chuckled to himself, turning to the side a bit and not-so-subtly fist pumped to himself. “Good one, Vasquez.”
Rhys’ face dropped. Why now? He slowly turned and saw his mortal enemy: Hugo Vasquez. The man had been vying for the same position of executive before Rhys had gotten promoted to Handsome Jack’s PA. Vasquez had also sent in an application, but Handsome Jack obviously picked the better man. “Hello, Vasquez. What brings you to the important side of Hyperion?”
Vasquez scowled briefly before his cocky expression returned. “Oh Rhys, you poor thing. Handsome Jack called me here. It seems we have some business to attend too.” He walked forward and patted Rhys’ cheek. “Why don’t you fetch the important people some coffee?” Vasquez got closer to Rhys’ face. Rhys could smell the man’s cheap cologne more than before. “After all, it’s not like Jack will be needing your services for the evening.” Vasquez straightened up and started walking into Handsome Jack’s office.
Rhys stood still for a moment, the comment--while hurtful--was a normalcy from the others. Rhys’ face twisted as he took long strides after Vasquez to catch up. “As it happens, Assquez, Handsome Jack called me here, too.” Rhys repeated the condescending pat on the cheek. “Let me show you around, it’s your first time up here, right? I would hate for you to be caught in one of the traps in there.”
Rhys lead Vasquez into the office, a certain swagger in his walk, and knocked on Handsome Jack’s office door. The man hated when Rhys came in without knocking. Usually it was because Handsome Jack was slacking off and he hated being caught with his pants down, sometimes literally.
Luckily for the two inferiors, their boss had decided against rubbing one out and looked to be actually getting some real work done for once. He sat there, hunched over the mounds of paperwork on his desk--paperwork that would be soon passed off to his personal assistant--and appeared to be busy writing on a chart. Upon closer inspection, one would find that Handsome Jack was really just doodling weapons of ass destruction. The CEO looked up from his “work” as the two entered and discretely stuffed the chart under some other papers so his subordinates wouldn’t see. Not that he really cared if they saw.
Handsome Jack was the type of man that demanded respect without needing to say a word. His presence alone was enough to silence a room, despite his average height and stature. The mask of his own face that he wore constantly helped him to hide his emotions, though that wasn’t exactly difficult for Handsome Jack. He was basically the pinnacle of “conceal, don’t feel.” To an outsider, the mask would possibly be frightening or gross: a fleshy false face was something typically only seen on the psychos down on Pandora, not worn by the CEO of a megacorporation.
The man leaned back in his chair, propping his booted feet up on his desk and crossing his arms. It seemed like multiple minutes passed as he stared the two down, almost like he was waiting for one of them to say something. Just as Vasquez opened his mouth to speak, Handsome Jack interrupted him.
“Thanks for coming, kiddos,” he said, as if they really had a choice. Handsome Jack’s voice wasn’t how one would expect. It sounded like he was always about to say the best punchline of a joke, like he was always poking fun at something. “You two better be in for a treat, because I’ve got something juicy for you today.”
With that, Handsome Jack stood and made his way around to the front of his desk, leaning against it casually, as if he wasn’t the president of one of the largest companies in the universe. Though his exterior said “we’re old friends,” Rhys and Vasquez knew that their relationships to their boss was anything but.
“Come on, now, don’t be shy. Take a seat.” Handsome Jack motioned to two seats before him, both facing the desk. They normally weren’t there in the office, so they must’ve been placed there specifically for the meeting that day. Rhys and Vasquez took their seat quickly and turned their attention to Handsome Jack. “Now, let's get to business.” Handsome Jack clapped his hands together. “You two are going to work together and find me five billion dollars. I need it to fund a top secret project, but I don’t have the time to spare of the boring parts of it.” Handsome Jack waved his hand dismissively.
Rhys froze and turned his head stiffly in Vasquez’s direction. I have to work with him? He sent a pleading look in Handsome Jack’s direction but it went ignored. If anything, the smug look on his boss’s face got worse. “Do we have a time frame?” Rhys asked, swallowing thickly. He didn’t want to spend anymore time with Vasquez than necessary.
“Glad you asked, cupcake.” Jack pushed off of the desk and made his way back to his chair. “You have a week do get it done,” he said, relaxing back into his chair. “Now get the hell out, would ya?” He looked toward his computer, a clear dismissal.
The two made their way out the door. Once the door was closed, Rhys took a deep breath. Handsome Jack always knew just how to piss him off; his boss knew of his rivalry with the asshole, so why did he pair the two of them together?
“Don’t get in my way, it will be bad for your health,” Vasquez said, his voice condescending. Rhys just crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry, are you trying to be intimidating? If so, you need to work on your delivery.” Rhys started to walk away. He didn’t need to stand here talking with a dickhead if there was work to be done. Vasquez let him go, but Rhys knew that this wasn’t the last time he was going to hear from the asshole. It was going to be the longest week of his life.
Rhys was in Handsome Jack’s office again later that day. He was getting the place set up for a meeting that should be taking place soon. Rhys was burning with questions, but didn’t know how to ask Jack. He was standing in front of the desk when a glint of gold that wasn’t there before caught his eye. “What is that?” Rhys blurted out before he could stop himself. Handsome Jack’s head lifted up from his work and turned to Rhys.
“What is what? You have to be specific, kiddo, my office has a lot of cool shit in it,” Handsome Jack said, leaning back in his chair. Rhys felt a little strange, having his boss’ full attention on him. He swallowed and pointed to the…whatever on Jack’s desk.
“That thing. It wasn’t here earlier today.” Handsome Jack looked at Rhys in surprise before picking up the thing in question.
“Oh, this thing. It's a robot arm, Rhysie. You’d think that you of all people would know what those look like.” Handsome Jack waved the arm around in the air for a moment, a smirk firmly in place on his face.
“Okay, but why do you have it? Are you thinking about cutting off your arm too?” Handsome Jack barked out a laugh.
“No, no. Its part of something bigger. Don’t worry your pretty little head over it.” Rhys felt like there was a lot of things his boss wasn’t telling him, but he let it go. Did Handsome Jack think he was pretty? “Ah, and Rhysie. Remember what I told you about standing there? What if I accidentally pressed a button and you fell down my Jack Hole?” Rhys rolled his eyes again but walked around to his place behind Handsome Jack’s desk to take notes.
“Then you would have to train another PA. You just love doing that, don’t you?” Rhys commented sarcastically, thinking back to his first few weeks in his new position. Jack basically threw everything at him at once and threatened to airlock him every few minutes. Over time, Rhys learned things the hard way, but got better at his job. At this point he would like to think he was irreplaceable. He was the only PA Handsome Jack had kept for this long. Five months didn’t seem like that big of a deal, but being around Handsome Jack almost 24/7 seemed to decrease lifespans.
Handsome Jack gave Rhys a pointed look before returning to his work. He spoke to his assistant without taking his eyes off of the papers in front of him. “True, but who knows, it could be a good thing. It would get you out of my hair and maybe I would like my new assistant more. It could be someone less…” Handsome Jack turned to Rhys again and looked him up and down. “...you?” The CEO finished with a smirk to let Rhys know that he wasn’t too serious.
Rhys rolled his eyes at his boss. “The new guy can deal with all your paperwork, then.” Rhys organized the papers in front of him with a pout. He was used to Handsome Jack’s words, but that didn’t mean he was any less offended. He looked down at the meeting outline as a distraction for a moment. Gross, another strip club. “This guy is almost five minutes late.”
“I know, and if he doesn’t get here right now, he is going to get a gun to his face.” Handsome Jack let out a sigh and propped his legs up on his desk again.
“You should at least airlock them, less mess,” Rhys said in a bored tone. He had a stack of papers on his desk and a lunch plan with Vaughn and Yvette to get to. His friends didn’t usually mind if he was late; Well, Yvette definitely did, but Rhys didn’t get much time for his friends now that he was on call for Handsome Jack, who was surprisingly needy for a guy who kills people.
“Also less fun,” the CEO mused with a small smirk. Handsome Jack never seemed too concerned with killing off his employees. There was no way he would get in trouble for it--who would even think to cross Handsome Jack?--and there was always a swarm of chumps that would run in to replace the people that were killed. There was basically an unending source of idiots in the universe.
Just as Rhys was about to reply, the door slammed open. A fat man with a silly moustache stormed in, right up to the front of Handsome Jack’s desk. Rhys recognized him as the head of the outreach department, Mr. Maverick: a man in charge of business partnerships and new corporation investments. Despite his power, this man still required Handsome Jack’s approval on all future business ventures.
Unfortunately for Maverick, Rhy could already see the disgust in his boss’ face. He could easily tell that Handsome Jack was annoyed with the man in front of them, possibly because he was late or because of the way he entered or maybe Handsome Jack had a temper that day. Whatever the reason, Rhys could clearly see a vein in the CEO’s temple popping and his clenched jaw, even from his position beside him. He hoped for Mr. Maverick’s sake that the man recognized these signs and apologized quickly. Maybe it would save some of Handsome Jack’s wrath.
“Sir,” the man began, at least intelligent enough to not call Handsome Jack by anything else. “I’ve come to present a new business proposal to you. All of us think that it’ll be a great investment, with a gross annual profit of up to $857,750, give or take. We believe--”
Handsome Jack held up his hand to silence Maverick, who immediately complied. The CEO moved his legs off of his desk and leaned forward to put his elbows on his desk. “What is this business? Hurry up and spit it out.”
“Of course, sir. It’s a new Pandoran strip club. If we purchased it from the current owner, I could see us beginning to turn a profit within four to five months, even quicker if you agree to be the face of the business.” Maverick spoke so confidently, like he was too stupid to see how annoyed Handsome Jack was with him. “Everybody would pay big money if they think there may be a chance of seeing Jack at a strip cl--”
“Oh, no. No no no. You are not insinuating what I think you are,” Handsome Jack said sternly, leaning back in his chair and wagging his finger a bit.
“Wha--? Sir?”
“I don’t like you, Mr. Maverick,” their boss said simply like it was just a normal conversation. Rhys could instantly see the color drain from the aforementioned Maverick’s face. He was sure Handsome Jack saw it, too, and was taking some kind of sick pleasure from seeing how terrified he was making a grown-ass man. “Do you really think that I--Handsome Jack--would sink low enough to have my face plastered all over a scummy Pandoran strip club? You propose this once every few months, and my answer has not changed.”
“Sir, if you would just consider-- This is a wonderful opportunity!”
“You’re really starting to piss me off, Maverick!” Handsome Jack’s voice was stern and annoyed, like he was speaking through clenched teeth, and only raised slightly in volume. He rarely actually shouted, since he didn’t really need to to strike fear into people’s hearts. It was almost more scary when the man was calm. At least when he’s angry, you can see that you’re fucked.
“Jack--”
That was the last straw. Handsome Jack was irritated and Maverick continuing to beg was just pissing him off more. Without any warning, Jack slammed his fist against the armrest of his chair, pressing a hidden button that sent Maverick falling down a chute in front of the desk. A horrific scream echoed from the hole, followed by even worse noises that would make any normal person sick. Handsome Jack, however, looked unfazed as he removed his fist from the button to shut the trap doors.
Rhys sighed. Though the sound of death was common, Rhys still had a hard time of getting the noises out of his head after. He preferred the airlock because he couldn't hear them after the doors shut. Rhys shook his head to get rid of the more unpleasant thoughts. “Should we continue on with the meeting then?”
“Go, leave,” Handsome Jack interrupted. He didn’t sound quite as angry anymore, at least not at his assistant. Instead, he actually sounded...slightly happy? The same cheerful tone was in his voice every time the man killed somebody. He leaned back to relax in his chair, propping his feet back up onto his desk.
Rhys sighed but got up and fixed his notes. He needed to get back to work anyways; if he fell behind he wouldn’t be able to make it to game night with Vaughn. “If you don’t need me, Sir, I will be going back to work.” Handsome Jack just waved Rhys off not bothering to look up. Rhys grabbed his things and made it halfway out of the room before his boss started talking again.
“Oh, and Rhysie?” Handsome Jack called out. “Call the janitors. They’ll need to be cleaning my Jack Hole.”