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Equinox of Penitance

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The apartment was dim despite the orange and golden beams that attempted to shine through the blackout curtains that hung over the front windows and Amanda didn't bother to turn on the lights. She wanted this cover of shadow to hide her face from Olivia's prying eyes.

“So what are you doing here?” Amanda repeated, pushing past the knot in her throat as she tossed her keys on the kitchen counter.

“I told you I wanted to talk.” Olivia said, hovering near the door for a moment as she eased it shut behind her.

“I'm not sure what there is to talk about.” Amanda's voice quavered and she covered it by yanking the refrigerator open. The yellowish light spread across her face and body as she bent to down to examine her stash of alcohol. She was already running low.

“I think there is.” Olivia objected, though her tone was soft.

Amanda snatched a beer from the fridge and turned to face her. She popped it open and took a swig before saying, “I think you sleeping with Tucker tells me all I need to know about how much you felt for me.”

“It wasn't like that.” Olivia insisted, pressing her eyes shut for a moment.

“Then what was it like?” Amanda asked. “Fucking the enemy and getting him wrapped around your finger? Was that your plan all along? Your insurance policy should I ever decide to rat you out?”

“No...that was never my intention.” She insisted, her tone wrought with sincerity.

Her brows furrowed, disbelief in her wide, dark eyes. She stepped forward, bringing her scent and her body heat a foot closer. Amanda took a halting step backwards, glaring up at her.

“I don't believe a word you say.” She whispered.

“You don't trust me.” Olivia returned in a hushed tone, “And I don't blame you.” She lowered her head, sadness tugging at her beautiful features as she murmured, “I know I've done this to you...To us..”

“If you felt so bad then why did you sleep with Tucker?” Amanda whispered, her tone nearly breaking.

“Because…” Olivia sighed and shook her head, “He offered me the company that I knew I could break off at any time.”

Amanda pursed her lips and nodded slowly, “So you used him. Just like you used me.”

Olivia grabbed her arms, suddenly, pulling her close.

“I'm so sorry, Amanda, you've got to believe that, even if you don't trust me.” Her voice was thick with tears, breaking with guilt.

“I told you sorry doesn't cut it.” Amanda whispered, although her heart ached to accept the bitter apology. Her soul begged her to release her anger if only to attempt to forgive her.

“Then what does?” Olivia asked, pressing closer.

Amanda stumbled back as the weight of Olivia's body pressured her back against the counter. She managed to set her beer down behind her with trembling fingers lest it slide from her weak grip and crash to the floor.

“I don't know.” She returned, breathlessly as Olivia trapped her.

If it had been any other day of the week, Amanda might have pushed her away and ordered her out of the apartment, but she wasn't sure she had the emotional strength to complete the task after her conversation with Tucker and Olivet.

“Take what you want from me.” Olivia groaned softly, her fingers digging into Amanda's arms, her breaths rushing quickly against Amanda's mouth. Her eyes were full of an anguish that was far too familiar to Amanda, painted over with glistening tears. Her heart moaned beneath the weight of this mural of heartache and yet she could not collapse.

“Please..” Olivia insisted, her voice rising. “I can't take this anymore. Be angry, hurt me, do something!”

She shook Amanda, the fires of desire licking up against the tears in her eyes. Even in the darkness, Amanda could see her expression clearly strained with anguish and longing and her own heart strained against the freshly stitched wounds upon it. Old scars throbbed and burned and her eyes filled up more quickly than she could fight against. God, how she wanted to crash them together, torpedo them into an oblivion of sexual abandon, if only to somehow erase all the heartache that come before. Maybe in an orgasmic abyss, she could forget and find the peace that had once filled her when she was in Olivia’s arms.

Olivia shook her again, her expression desperate and almost crazed and the motion finally uprooted from Amanda from the languishing immobility of her body.

She grabbed onto Olivia's arms and pushed her back with a low growl, punctuated with agonized tears. She slammed her back against the refrigerator, rattling the appliance with the force of it. Olivia's head tossed back and she gasped, a thick sound as a tear spilled down her cheek. She released Amanda's arms to splay herself out in a display of submission, her eyes begging Amanda from the dark depths of her blackened pupils. The length of her neck invited Amanda's mouth, forcing saliva to pool against the back of her throat even as she squeezed Olivia’s arms hard enough to bruise.

“You want me to hurt you?” Amanda demanded in a raspy, trembling whisper, giving her a rough shake.

“If that's what you want.” Olivia panted, her eyes half lidded in both pain and pleasure.

Amanda clenched her fingers around Olivia's arms, lowering her head to grind her teeth against every instinct to follow Olivia's dark offerings. Her jaw ached and her eyes burned as she panted against the tightness in her chest. Her mind whirred through agonized memories, flipping through the most painful that she could recall to find some reason to maim and bruise her although she knew she had followed this path once before and she had ended up creating the worst night of her life. She knew it wasn't wise to repeat this pattern, to take on the role of manipulator and user...and yet it was so enticing. It was so alluring to sink down into this pit of passion, where the consequences were far away and the satisfaction immediate.

Amanda dragged her hands down Olivia's arms, her fingers trembling. She reached her wrists and clenched her fingers around the soft flesh in an iron bracelet of her fists.

Olivia breathed out slowly, the sound quivering against Amanda's ears. Her own exhales rattled through her chest, stray tears dripping down her cheeks as the well of emotion began to grow cold as she drew near the gaping oracle of temptation.

She leaned forward, her mouth brushing against Olivia's neck. She was soft, smelling oh so sweet, and her pulse was racing beneath the thin veneer of flesh. She latched her mouth suddenly to the undulating length of skin, pressing in close to her as she dragged Olivia's arms above her head with a rough yank

Olivia's moaned, squirming against her as her mouth sucked down hard on her tender flesh.

“Oh, god, Amanda!” She cried out brokenly, her chest rising and falling sharply.

At her agonized pants, Amanda pressed harder against her, bringing her teeth to bear on Olivia's vulnerable carotid. She shoved her knee between Olivia's legs to bring their bodies flush as she dragged her teeth across Olivia's tender flesh.

“Aahhh….” Olivia cried out, her voice wavering as Amanda's teeth exacerbated her sense of pleasure.

Amanda could almost feel the shivers raking across her body and her own groin clenched in response.

Blind passion drove through her, tunnelling her vision down to this single moment and the visceral reactions that she could illicit. She wanted Olivia crying out, pleading and writhing beneath her. She wanted those wide, tear-filled brown eyes gazing up at her, begging for mercy as if she was the only one who could give it to her. She wanted every single agonized vocalization to salve the broken pieces of her heart and to soothe the rage that never seemed to stop burning through her.

She sucked her mouth off of Olivia's neck and dragged her hands down the soft undersides of her arms until she reached her breasts. She gathered the full, pliable flesh in her palms, extracting another loud moan from Olivia, as she roughly fondled her.

Olivia’s face was turned away from her, her cheeks shining with tears, her lips trembling as she gripped the sides of the refrigerator, taking every single painful caress up on her weakened body. It no longer enraged Amanda that she wouldn’t fight. She didn’t have the strength to struggle and strive for dominance. She only wanted to take what she needed, to rip it from Olivia’s trembling hands.

She had her hand inside of Olivia’s chest, her fingers clenched hard around her heart and when she retreated, she planned to tear that pumping, vital organ straight from her; for Olivia’s fingerprints were still etched on what was left of hers.

When she spread her hands up Olivia's chest, she curled her fingers around the lapels of Olivia's shirt. She gave a quick, hard pull and the shirt's button caved beneath the pressure, popping off one by one. The tearing of the material giving way beneath her trembling fists pushed satisfaction through her raging blood and she gave a second yank, ripping the shirt tails from Olivia’s slacks and pushing the material over her shoulders.

Olivia gasped as the shirt parted from her chest, leaving her breasts heaving beneath the thin barrier of her bra.

Amanda grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the fridge, whispering in a low, gravelly tone, “Turn around.”

Olivia's wide eyes blinked quickly, her mouth parted in shock from the onslaught of rough touches and kisses. A mixture of dried tears and mascara decorated her cheeks her lower lids and a inflamed bruise was beginning to form on her neck from Amanda’s mouth. The disheveled sight of her injected Amanda’s blood stream with a dark form of arousal that was even deeper than what she’d experienced on the beach over a week ago, but this time she wouldn’t run away.

Amanda shoved her in the direction of the refrigerator and Olivia complied, her fingers spreading against the smooth surface as she fell into position. She was panting, soft waves of hair falling over her face, hiding her visage from view.

Amanda pressed up behind her and slid her hand around her side to the cool metal of her belt buckle. She began to pull it open, forcefully, jarring Olivia's hips in the process.

“You know, when I left that hotel in New Jersey, I thought I might actually be able to get over you.” She hissed in her ear, “But now I realize… I should’ve never let you up off that bed. I should’ve beat your ass raw until you couldn’t even walk.”

She ripped the the belt from the loops, clenching her fingers about the smooth leather, and letting the sensation infuse a heady rush of adrenaline.

A cry filtered from Olivia’s lips as her body swayed with Amanda’s rough disrobing, but she didn’t turn or cower away. She didn’t fight and she didn’t even beg.

Breathing heavily, her chest burning, Amanda slid her hand around Olivia’s hip again and unbuttoned her pants. She jabbed her thumb beneath the waistband of the slacks as well as her panties and dragged them down in one sharp motion.

Olivia panted in a choked sound, her fingers curling tighter around the door of the fridge.

Amanda took a step back as Olivia’s pants pooled to the ground, her eyes raking over her naked lower half. Faded bruising marked her buttocks and thighs, reminding Amanda that it had only been mere days since the last time she’d held the belt in her hand with the intention of punishment, but she was hardly fazed. There would be no pity or mercy here, only raw, unbridled desires that she couldn’t and wouldn’t contain.

Amanda slid her hand into Olivia's hair, gripping thick locks tightly at the base of her skull. Her hips pressed against Olivia's warm, naked flesh, incurring a tremble of desire in her groin.

“Don't you wanna beg me?” She whispered, huskily, in Olivia's ear.

Olivia shook her head, slowly, “No…”

“Why not?” Amanda insisted, clenching her teeth.

“Because…” Olivia released a quivering breath, “You told me you were making decisions for yourself from now on. Not for me.”

Olivia's rebuttal hacked at Amanda's ego. She hadn't expected Olivia to use her own words against her, and truth be told, that proclamation seemed very distant, as if she'd spoken them on another plane of existence.

“Whatever you do, I want you to do it for yourself.” Olivia whispered, her tone cracking beneath emotion.

“You're saying that after you barged in here and threw yourself at me?” Amanda demanded, shaking her by her hair. “You want me to do what I want as long as it involves you. That's the truth, isn't it?”

“Maybe it is.” Olivia groaned, “I want you so much… It's burning inside of me.”

Her plaintive, impassioned words pushed Amanda an inch closer to the edge and she could feel her breaths coming quickly, her ears buzzing with white noise.

She pulled Olivia away from the refrigerator suddenly and yanked her around to the counter. She shoved her across it and Olivia's flailing arms swiped over cups and clutter, creating chaotic noise like background music to this dark and dangerous scene.

She could hear Olivia panting, moans plaguing each breath, and she shoved her face down against the cold, smooth surface. With her fist in Olivia's hair, she stood over her prostrate body and raised the belt in her other hand.

Her blood pumped heavily through her veins, her vision prickling with black dots at the headrush and her entire groin surged with sharp arousal. Her hands trembled uncontrollably, her saliva catching in her throat at the realization of what she was about to do again.

“Do it…” Olivia's voice came muffled and strangled, but wrought with pained desire.

Her body squirmed against the counter, presenting herself a willing participant in their twisted game.

If they could ever be more than just this fucked up passion play, Amanda would have a hard time believing it. And for right now, she didn't have to even imagine anything different.

She released a low growl, lunging forward with the belt dangling from her clenched, shaking fist. The strap of leather whipped through the air, curling down at lightning speed across Olivia's arched buttocks.

She bucked beneath Amanda's hand, her head tossing back, her back arching at the first lash. An agonized cry cut across Amanda's senses and she sucked in a breath at the sight of a red rising on Olivia's flesh.

She hardly hesitated to repeat the action as heat bled through her entire body, this wretched desire blazing across her like a wildfire. There would be no containing nor dousing this cruel devotion to destruction - no, not until she was spent and finished.

She lashed the belt again, driving every bit of anger and desire that she could muster into the devastating act.

“You're just gonna take it?” She demanded through heavy breaths, her heart aching beneath the bitter acid of anger seething through her.

“Y-yes…” Olivia cried, arching against the counter, her knees trembling as Amanda slammed the belt down once more.

Amanda growled out a low noise as she repeated the motion again, causing the leather to fall harder and faster across Olivia's arching, twisting body.

She could see the patches of raw redness blooming across her flesh, layered on top of old wounds, but it just wasn't enough.

“You didn't have to sleep with Tucker.” She hissed, twisting her fingers hard in Olivia's hair. “You didn't have to fuck someone else!”

The belt whipped through the air, cracking down sharply and Olivia stumbled, her body dragging down. Amanda could hear her beginning to sob but this time there would be no recompense for the penitent. There would be no mercy for these tears; no regret from the broken hearted.

She struck her, over and over, even as Olivia's knees gave way beneath her. The beltings multiplied until Amanda’s ability to count them on her fingers was lost to a dozen more.

She didn't stop until her muscles screamed her and her chest was so tight that she could barely suck in a breath around the galloping of her heart.

When she released her hair, Olivia sank to the ground completely, her shoulders shuddering as she uttered soft cries upon Amanda's ears. She leaned against the cabinet, her hair falling over her face, hiding her from Amanda's burning gaze.

Amanda tossed the belt to the ground and leaned on the counter, panting heavily. Tears that had gathered in her eyes spilt over silently as she pressed her eyes shut.

Silence stretched between them with Olivia's soft sniffles and cries drifting through the half lit apartment like a requiem for their shattered hearts; and holding on to the last of her bitter vengeance, Amanda didn't dare to listen.